Artis Jokes

Following is our collection of guests humor and soviet one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Artis puns for adults, dirty celebrate jokes or clean bed gags for kids.

There is an abundance of wife jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 45 funniest jokes on artis. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any win witze you can hear about artis.

The Best jokes about Artis

The Artist

I just saw a group of people who were watching an artist sketch all of them in his book. The man was good too, he really knew how to draw a crowd.

An artist has a 6 year old child who also likes to draw

His child drew a horse.

The artist asked, "You drew the horse wrongly."

The child replied, "How did I draw it wrongly?"

The artist said, "Why does the horse have wings?"

The child replied, "Why can't it have wings?"

The artist said, "It isn't a horse if it has wings."

The child replied, "Then why did you call it a horse?"

ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting.

CRITIC: It's worthless.


ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway.

The Artist

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display. "Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news
is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"The gentleman was your doctor."

The Artist

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings which were on display.
''I have good news and bad news'' the owner replied.
''The good news is that a gentleman enquired if your paintings will increase in value after your death. When I told them they would, he bought all the 15 paintings hanging here!''
''That's wonderful!'' the artist exclaimed, ''What's the bad news?''
''The bad news is that the guy was your doctor''


An artist lives next to a Marsh.

Twice a week, he goes out and collects the clam shells in the marsh to use in his art. One day, he visits a fellow artist and the two compare their works as usual. Suddenly, a gang of bandits breaks into the house to steal art, but before anyone else could react the first artist launches a furious flurry of kicks and punches that quickly incapacitates all the robbers.
"Incredible!" Goes his friend, "I never realised you were so well trained in combat!"
"Well you should," the first artist replied, "considering you already know I am a marsh shell artist."

An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...

to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'.
Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust
The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky
One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?'
To which the artist replied, 'Lenin's in Poland'

As an artist, it doesn't matter if Im naughty or nice for Christmas.

Either way, Im getting charcoal.

When an artist covers another artist's song, it's flattering. When a comedian tells another comedian's joke, it's

Carlos Mencia

An artist, architect, and engineer are at a bar...

...talking about having a wife vs. a mistress.
The artist declares that he prefers a mistress because he finds them more spontaneous and exciting.
The architect says, "no, I much prefer a wife because I enjoy building that foundation with one woman and love the security that comes with marriage."
The engineer says, "I prefer to have both and to spend equal time between the two of them... eventually, they both get used to you not being around and you can sneak off and get some work done."

What did the artist say to get his vehicle moving

Van Gogh


An Artist, an Architect, and an Engineer...

...are discussing whether it is better to have a wife or a mistress.

The architect says, "A wife, of course. A good marriage is the foundation of a happy life."

The artist says, "No, a mistress. She will add intrigue and excitement to your life."

They turn to the engineer to ask his opinion. The engineer says, "I have both. The wife thinks I'm with the mistress. The mistress thinks I'm with the wife. And I can go down to the plant and get some work done."

An Artist Gets Mugged...

He goes to the police and draws them a picture.

The policeman says "That's a good picture, we could nail the guy with that."

"I dunno.." Says the rookie besides him. "It seems a bit sketchy."

An artist gets some good and bad news.

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

"I have some good news and some bad news," the owner replied. The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death." "When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"


"The guy is your doctor !"

The artist Pitbull is my biggest inspiration.

never has someone made so much money with such little talent.

Why does the artist never win?

Because he can only draw.

Artists cover their mistakes with paint, chefs cover their mistakes with sauce. How do doctors cover their mistakes?

With dirt.

An artist, a baker and an engineer are in line to be beheaded...

The artist goes first. They put his head in the guillotine and release the mechanism. It stops 3 inches short! The king decides that he'll be merciful and releases him! He's ecstatic!

The baker is next. They put his head in the guillotine and release it. This time it stops 2 inches short. The king also decides he'll be merciful and releases him.

Lastly, the engineer. They put his head in the guillotine and release it. It stops a hair from his head. The engineer screams "I SEE THE PROBLEM!"

Why are artist bad at Uno?

Because they Draw a lot


What did the artist say when his car got stolen?

Where did my Van Gogh?

An artist takes his work to a gallery for the first time.

A well-known art critic happens to be there and spots the painting. He walks over to the young artist.

"Excuse me, would you like my opinion of your painting?"

"Sure," replied the artist.

"Frankly, it's completely worthless."

"I know, but tell it to me anyway."

An artist found a way to draw a two-sided figure, but the International Geometry Summit immediately began to furiously contest the new shape...

I say, let bi-gons be bi-gons

The artist named Feat has a monopoly on the music industry and should be tracked down.

Every time I see a song, Feat is always on it. This is too suspicious, and must mean he has a monopoly on the recording industry. Maybe he has parents with connections, maybe he is holding someone hostage, or maybe it is something much worse. What is apparent though, is that he is definitely breaking the law somehow, and must face his crimes. #DeathToFeat

Why do artists die early in life?

Too many strokes.

Why did the artist go to jail?

He was sketchy.

I don't know what it is about artists

but I feel like I'm drawn to them.

I want to become an artist

I heard there's a lot of monet in that business

What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait?

2B or not 2B?

Why are artists the only guys who can sleep with comedians?

Because drawing is the only way to make a comic strip.

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland."

When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. A voice calls out, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."

Why do artists smell so bad?

They're too busy drawing their bath to ever actually get in it.

The artist jumped from a bridge, carrying all of his favorite paints and pastels.

At least he passed with flying colors.

Why couldn't the artist get a driver's license?

He gave off a good Impression, but couldn't make a Van Gogh.

Where do artists go to truly become great?

The obituaries

An artist was found dead in his home

The details are a bit sketchy.

What do an artist and a runner have in common?

They both have masterPACEs

What do artists say to each other before they duel?

avant garde!

Artist: "I always show my paintings to large rocks because I need their opinion."

Everyone knows that "Beauty is in the eye of the boulder."

How does an artist donate to charity

They draw blood.

An artist, an engineer, and a civil planner are arguing about God's occupation by observing the human body.

The artist says, "God is an artist. You only need to see the beautiful shapes of our muscles, the rich colors of our skin, the textures of our hair to see that."

The engineer says, "God is a engineer. You only need to see the wonders of the human body and its ability to grow and rebuild itself, the perfect mechanisms of its joints, its balance and speed and grace to see that."

The civil planner gives them the finger and says, "God is an accountant! That sumbitch cut the cost of materials in half by running a waste disposal plant through a pristine recreational area!"

Why was the artist afraid he might go to jail?

Because he'd been framed!

An artist is alone and wants to be pleasured (NSFW)

Masturclayshon

I'd consider myself an artistic fetishist

I go hard in the paint.

Why do so many artists in Boston identify as autistic?

Why was the artist fired?

Because he was too...draw-matic

^^^^^^^^killmepls

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes