Artificial Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Artificial puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Artificial

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brunette?

Artificial intelligence

*

What do you call immigrants to Sweden?

Artificial Swedeners

You are what you think you are

Her: What do you do?

Me: Global prosthetics distribution.

Her: So you're an artificial limb salesman?



Me: I prefer 'international arms dealer'.

A man who pretends to be rich in order to attract pretty, young women is not a "Sugar Daddy".

He's an artificial sweetner.

What do you call it when a blonde woman puts on a wig?

Artificial Intelligence.


What do you call a person who lives in Sweden but isn't native?

An artificial swedener

Badum tss.

What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair black?

Artificial intelligence.

An amputee found a cheap artificial arm for sale on Amazon...

It was secondhand.

Why are artificial intelligences in movies always female?

Because they're never wrong

Hey girl, are you a large concrete structure forming an artificial lake?

...because dam.

Farmer tries to breed pigs

A farmer bought some breeding pigs, but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet.

The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, Doc, but how will I know when the pigs are pregnant?"

"Easy. When they lie down and wallow in the mud." The farmer hung up and came to the conclusion that artificial insemination must mean that he has to impregnate those pigs himself.

So he loaded them onto his truck, drove them out into the woods, had sex with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and then went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs.

Since they were all still standing around, he concluded that his first attempt didn't take, so he loaded them into the truck again, drove them into the woods, had sex with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed. The next morning he woke up and checked the pigs. They are still just standing around.

"Once more," he told himself, and loaded them onto the truck, drove them into the woods, had sex with each of them, brought them back to the farm, and went to bed.

The next morning, he can't even lift himself off the bed. He asked his wife to see if the pigs are wallowing in the mud yet.

"Nope," she said. "They're all in the back of the truck and one of them is honking the horn!"


"I bet you 20 bucks I can bite my eye."

An old man is sitting quietly at a bar drinking whisky. After an hour of steady drinking, he leans over and says to the young man next to him, "I bet you 20 bucks I can bite my eye."
Obviously this is impossible, and seeing an opportunity to take an easy 20 off a drunk, the young man says, "Okay. You're on."
The old man, whips his artificial eye out and bites it.
The young man sighs at being so easily fooled and hands over $20.
The old man finishes another drink and then leans over again and say, "I bet you 100 bucks I can bite the other eye."
Now the young man knows the man can see him and doesn't have two artificial eyes. So again he says. "You're on."
The old man then whips off his dentures and bites the other eye.

Scientists predict human-level artificial intelligence by 2030...

...maybe sooner if the bar keeps dropping.

I've bought my wife an artificial leg for Christmas

It's not her main present, more of a stocking filler.

Artificial Intelligence is really taking over our jobs, man.

Just today, I asked Siri to change the tv channel, and it ended up calling my mother.


Siri has now replaced my partially deaf grandma.

A guy is walking along and sees a farmer out in the field with a pig.

The pig has an artificial leg.

The guy walks up to the farmer and says "Wow, I've never seen a pig with an artificial leg before."

The farmer points to a house across the road and says "See that house? That's my house. We had a fire about a month ago. That pig came in and rescued me, went back in and rescued my wife, and then went back in and rescued my two daughters."

The guy says, "Wow, that's amazing. So he burned his leg and had to get a fake one?"

The farmer said, "No. But you don't eat a pig like that all at one time."

What do you call a movie about artificial orange juice?

Pulp Fiction

What does artificial light consist of?

Fauxtons

Why are artificial eyes made from glass?

They gotta be see-through


A real Picasso painting declared a forgery by a fake authenticator...

...is art officially artificial according to an artificial art official.

I artificially inseminated a cow this morning! It's true!

No bull!

What is a programmer's favorite artificial meat flavoring?

A boolean cube

Eve eating the apple marked..

.. the first time when Artificial Intelligence got out of its creator's control.

Who would steal an artificial leg?

I'm stumped.

A young man at his wit's end called the Suicide Hotline for help. Unfortunately he was greeted by an automated voice message after waiting for several rings.

"Hello," spoke an artificial sounding voice on the other line "we regret to inform you that the Suicide Hotline is no longer in service. If you do require assistance with your suicide please use the emergency number 911 and an officer will be out to assist you shortly."

What do you call people migrating to Sweden?

Artificial Swedeners.

Why will an artificial prosthesis always cost so much?

Because they'll always cost an arm and a leg.

Blonde Jokes

What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?

artificial intelligence

What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair red?

Selling her soul for intelligence

What do you call a dumb A.I.?

Artificial Imbecile.

Artificial Intelligence

An Annapolis computer science major was given an artificial intelligence assignment for one of his classes. He ended up creating a program where you could have a conversation with your computer based on your IQ level.

To test his program he entered 80 and had a conversation with his Soap Operas. He entered 100 and talked about politics. He entered 150 and talked about nuclear physics.

Just to see what would happen he entered a -50 and the computer bumped and belched and sparked and smoked for a good 10 minutes. When it finally settled down it displayed "On Brave Old Army Team....."

I like my women like I like my sliced meat...

Artificial with a bit if fat around the edges.

What do you call the process of a robot clearing its artificial nose?

An olfactory reset.

What do you call it when you put fish somewhere they didn't naturally exist?

Artificial insalmonation.

The double meaning of Christmas!

I bought a new 6 foot, artificial, LED Christmas tree yesterday.

The sales assistant asked " Are you putting this up yourself sir?"

"No, it's going in the living room as usual" I replied.

My wife is like a delicious strawberry popsicle.

Cold on the inside and 90% artificial.

Humans vs Robots

A company working on artificial inteleigence created three robots. To test them, the company announced a competition of various tasks between the 3 robots and 3 humans. Lo and behold, the robots won in every category so far, but there still was one; hunting.

In this task, the competitors had to capture a rabbit which would be released into the woods. It was a best 2 out of 3, so whichever team caught it the fastest twice was the winner.

The rabbits were set free, and the robots found it in minutes. A hour later the humans also arrived with the rabbit.

Then the rabbits were released again, the humans ran off to find it, but the robots just stood there, because robots can't recaptcha.

How it is called when a blonde dyes her hair as brunette?

Artificial intelligence

Did you see that the actress Kristen Stewart just coauthored a paper on artificial intelligence?

And it is still a better love story than Twilight.

I like my women like I like my Artificial Intelligence:

Cold and lifeless.

How do we know when Artificial Intelligence has become self-aware?

It starts to think its bot is too big.

Why are dicks like Diamonds?

Massive oversupply with artificial market restrictions in place. Everyone who has one thinks they are unique, and if one is in your hand you're expected to mention its size,

and fake ones are often just as good

Why do some blondes dye their hair?

To gain themselves some artificial intelligence.

I know someone who faked his degree in botany.

He wrote his thesis on artificial Christmas trees.

How Do You Create Artificial Intelligence?

Dye a blonde's hair.

My mom is a coke addict...

It's seriously tearing her apart, all the caffeine and artificial sweetner. It has to stop.

The pig farmer

The pig farmer is having trouble with his pigs not breeding so he visits the vet. The vet suggests he try artificial insemination, and that if successful, the pigs will roll in the mud. Being a simple pig farmer, he thinks "artificial insemination" means "do it himself."

To save his embarrassment and to give himself and the pigs some privacy, he loads them into the back of his pickup and takes them to the woods to do the deed.

The next day he wakes up and the pigs are, unfortunately, not in the mud. Back into the pickup and out to the woods for a second day...

The next morning he wakes up and the pigs are still not rolling in the mud. The farmer loads them into the pickup again and takes them out to the woods.

The next morning the farmer is too tired and sore to get out of bed so he asks his wife if the pigs are rolling in the mud. She responds, "They aren't rolling in the mud, but they're piled into the back of the truck and one of them is honking the horn."

All US prison wardens got together and brainstormed to put a stop to prison rapes.

They finally decided on a high tech solution- an anti-slip soap bar with an internal combustion engine equipped with state of the art artificial engine that would fly the soap back to the prisoner's hand even if it somehow falls down.


The Russian wardens too found a solution- shower gel.

What do you call a Mexican with an artificial foot?

His name is Miguel and he's really a very nice man, actually. Never lets his disability hold him back.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes