Article Jokes

Following is our collection of journalist humor and item one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Article puns for adults, dirty essay jokes or clean editor gags for kids.

There is an abundance of paragraph jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 57 funniest jokes on article. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any publication witze you can hear about article.

The Best jokes about Article

Sex after Surgery

A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"

A verb, a preposition, an article, and a noun

Walk into a bar

I read an article saying that you might be an alcoholic if you drink everyday

Thank god I only drink every night

The CIA, FBI, and the KGB are tasked with finding a rabbit in a forest...

The CIA show up after a few days and release a 6000 word article on the fact that rabbits don't exist.

The FBI show up with a dead rabbit and say in a press release "The rabbit had it coming."

The KGB show up with a bruised and beaten bear. The bear is forced to make a statement "I am a rabbit, my father was a rabbit, and my mother is a rabbit. My whole family are rabbits!" the bear disappears shortly after...

I saw a Buzzfeed article about the top 10 ways to execute someone.

Number 3 will shock you.


I just read that article about Robot Sex Workers, and all I could think was, "Man, automation really is taking over all the jobs...

Even your mom's.

I saw a clickbait article: "Watch Eminem attack Trump like no President has ever been attacked."

I mean... Kennedy was shot in the head... But ok.

I was reading in the paper...

And I saw this article about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
I thought to myself, "How could anyone stoop so low?"

I just read a long article about Japanese sword fighters.

If you want, I can samurais it for you.

I read an article that said it's good for your eyesight to look at something distant occasionally during computer use.

So I put a picture of my dad next to the monitor.

An Irishman's First Drink With His Son

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back to the time I took my son out for his first drink.
Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.
I got him a Guinness Stout. He didn't like it - so I drank it.
Then I got him an Old Style. He didn't like it either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey . . .
I could hardly push his stroller back home.


My first drink with my son

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first drink.
Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.
I got him a Miller Genuine. He didn't like it – so I drank it.
Then I got him a Fosters, he didn't like it either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey,
I could hardly push the stroller back home.

A Brazilian people killed.

One day a man is sitting next to a blond woman who is reading the newspaper.

She is visibly upset while reading a particular article. He can't help but look over and see what she's reading. He sees the headline
"Suicide bombers kill two Brazilian men on bus".

He understands why she is upset now, so he strikes up a conversation with her.

She confesses "I have seen these before, but this is getting crazy. I mean, two Brazilian men killed? How many is in a Brazilian again?"

I just read an article in the news that Kim Jong Un reads more than 1,000 books a year...

I guess that's why they call him the Supreme Reader.

Three social media news article writers walk into a bar

You won't believe what happens next.

The executioner asked, "Any last words?"

The criminal replied, "I just want one more clickbait article".
Executioner: "What happens next will shock you"

I'd make a joke about Article 13, but...

*This post has been removed under breach of the EU Copyright Legislation.*

Value of a season ticket!

A woman was reading a newspaper one morning and said A her husband,

'Look at this, dear. There's an article here about a man who traded his wife for a season ticket to Arsenal. You wouldn't do a thing like that,-would you?'

'Of course I wouldn't!' replied her husband. 'The season's almost over!'

A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor take a journey together...

They have to camp overnight, and so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says "How stupid is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me.


I saw this joke on the Wikipedia article for "joke." It's interesting how, even though this joke is from the third or fourth century, it's still humorous today.


A reporter is doing an article on the russian rural life-style...

...and she ends up in a small village.

The first person she interviews is an old man.

Reporter: Can you tell me anything interesting about your village?

Old man: Well there was this one time when a dog from a neighbouring village got lost in our woods... so we found it and took turns having sex with it.

The reporter now slightly scared replies: I'm afraid that's not something I can very well use, maybe something more...cheerful?

The old man replies: Very well, back in the day this very attractive woman from a neighbouring village got lost in our woods... so we found her and took turns having sex with her.

The reporter now visibly disturbed replies: That's not going to work either... maybe something sad that happened then.

The old man replies: Well there was this one time when I got lost in the neighbouring forrest...

A husband read an article to his wife

about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men!"

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

I took my daughter out for her first drink...

While reading an article about fathers and sons drinking together, I remembered the time I took my daughter out for her first drink.
Off we went to our local bar only two blocks from the house.
I got her a Guinness. She didn't like it, so I drank it.
Then I got her a Killian's she didn't like that either, so I drank it.
Finally, I thought she might like some Harp Lager? She didn't. I drank it.
I thought maybe she'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope!
In desperation, I had her try that 25 year old Glenfiddich. The bar's finest scotch. She wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it!
By the time I realized she just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push her stroller back home!!!
~
~
*[

Anyone read the article about how masturbation will make you go blind?

I'm going to need one of you to read it to me.

What is a chromosome's favorite article of clothing?

a pair of genes.

A football team loses its star player Dante Dicks due to an injury...

The next day, the paper reads "Team will play without Dicks."

Outraged, the team manager demands that the newspaper change the title and resubmit their article.

The next day, the headline reads "Team to play with Dicks out."

I once read an article about how a midget got pickpocketed...

How could anyone stoop so low

I've been to the year 3000...

Nothing much has changed but Article 50 still hasn't been triggered.

Check out this article:

The

I wanted to learn about amputees on Wikipedia

But I didn't learn much, because the article was a stub.

Scientists have discovered the best way to cure laziness.

Unfortunately nobody has bothered to read the article.

If I had a vaccine for every bullshit news article that's been spread about by stay at home moms on Facebook

I would have autism.

I read a Buzzfeed article called "The Top 10 Things You Didn't Know About Explosive Diarrhea"....

number 2 surprised me.

Poor kid

Was reading the news this morning and saw an article about a kid in Denver born without any eye lids.

The doctor decided that since the parents were having him circumcised, the foreskin could be made into eye lids for the kid.

The surgery actually turned out really well, kids just a little cockeyed.

I was reading an article that said alligators aren't mating this summer

Scientists blamed it on reptile dysfunction

A man and a and his wife are having breakfast

As the wife is reading the newspaper, she comes across a strange article.
It says here that they've found a 12,000 year old skeleton frozen in a glacier, and evidently it's a woman. Now how do you think they knew it was a woman?

The husband replies with:
Well it's simple.

How is it so simple?

It's mouth was still open.

How did the editor fix the writer's article about appreciation for a certain valuable mineral?

So a journalist visits a small town...

So a journalist visits a rural town, she is trying to find something interesting to write about and finally spots an old man sitting outside his house. She decides to walk up to this man and ask, "hello there Sir, I am interested in writing an article on this town, could you tell me something good that happened to you and something bad?".

The old man agrees. "Well, a good thing was when my mate's wife went missing, so we rounded up a group of us and went out lookin'. When we found her we all took turns having our way with her."

The reporter was quite shocked. "So what was the bad moment then?"

The old man looks her in the eye and replies, "well there was the time when I went missing"

Did you hear about the car mechanic who was in a brief relationship and then left?

There was an article in the newspaper.
MECHANIC NUTS AND BOLTS

Found a news article saying that millions of people die annually from doing yoga.

I think that's a stretch.

I read an article on the hibernation of animals.

It's winter resting.

Best thing about article 13...

No more TikTok.

Did you guys read the article in the paper about what's been happening at the local supermarket?...

Well, in order to cut costs a week or so ago they bought about ten shiny new robots to go around and collect the shopping carts and trash the customers leave behind in the parking lots, basically replacing some of the jobs human employees get paid to do. The article goes on to talk about how, after a few days, the supermarket owner noticed a lot car accidents occuring in the parking lot which he finally learned was caused by glare from the robots. To solve this issue he decided to paint all of the robots black. The next morning none of the robots showed up for work.

Two girlfriends meet each other on the street.

Two girlfriends meet each other on the street.


A: How is your married life?

B: For the last couple of weeks my husband has been helping me a lot around the house: watching kids, cooking, groceries, cleaning, doing laundry…


A: How did you convince him to do that?

B: He read an article in one magazine that if a woman is less tired at the end of the day, then she is much more active in bed.


A: And, did it help him?

B: I don't know yet. He falls asleep as soon as he hits bed.. =/

I can't wait to read the BuzzFeed article on "20 Things You Will Love about Stranger Things"

Eleven will blow your mind!!!

How many Forbes writers does it take to make a good, solid tech article?

You're in for a nasty surprise -
No one knows yet. But we're keeping count.

I hear its great for your skin!

A woman is reading through a magazine. She comes across an article that says "if you take a bath in milk it gives you softer more supple skin." She decides it is a good idea so she leaves a note on her door for the milkman to leave her 25 gallons of milk. The milkman shows up and says "ma'am you sure its not 2.5 gallons?" She says "no 25 is right". The milkman said " may I asked what your going to do with 25 gallons of milk?" She replied " I am going to take a bath in it." The milkman then said " ok, do you want that pasteurize?". She said" no just get it up to my nipples I can splash it on my face from there."

A redneck couple, both bona fide rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband 'fixed'.

The doctor started the procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision.

The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

I wrote an article about "The top 10 worst places to stick a fork"...

The 5th one will shock you!

Which article of clothing is the most ghetto?

A Hoodie.

What is a pornstar's favorite article of clothing?

A jack it

The Sweet Spot On A Woman's Body

My friend at work was telling me about an article he read over the weekend. Apparently there's a spot on a woman's body, that if you hit it just right it will make their legs turn to jelly.

It's called the chin

"Fake News, inevitably, will be the end of us all!"

- Napoleon Bonaparte after Buzzfeed posted an article titled "10 Shortest Dynasties (Literally)"

I read an article about how bad drinking alcohol is.

So I stopped reading.

I read an article about how smoking is bad for your health and I decided...

That's it.

I'm no longer reading

An Irishman and Donald Trump are reading an article about brain transplants

It says you can get you can a brain transplant from a Irish man for €5000 cheaper than an american.

Trump says "This proves that America is the greatest country ever and Americans are the smartest people ever"

"No it doesnt" says the Irishman "It just means an Americans Brain hasnt been used as much"

What article of clothing is round and rubbery?

Attire.

So I Submitted an Article to the School Newspaper

The article was written on the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide. The article ended up being brought to the attention of the administrators. After about a month, the administration closed down the school due to "chemical risks." When the school reopened, it was disconnected from all water lines.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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