The Best 59 Article Jokes

A Brazilian people killed.

One day a man is sitting next to a blond woman who is reading the newspaper.

She is visibly upset while reading a particular article. He can't help but look over and see what she's reading. He sees the headline
"Suicide bombers kill two Brazilian men on bus".

He understands why she is upset now, so he strikes up a conversation with her.

She confesses "I have seen these before, but this is getting crazy. I mean, two Brazilian men killed? How many is in a Brazilian again?"

Check out this article:

The

Poor kid

Was reading the news this morning and saw an article about a kid in Denver born without any eye lids.

The doctor decided that since the parents were having him circumcised, the foreskin could be made into eye lids for the kid.

The surgery actually turned out really well, kids just a little cockeyed.

My first drink with my son

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first drink.
Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.
I got him a Miller Genuine. He didn't like it – so I drank it.
Then I got him a Fosters, he didn't like it either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey,
I could hardly push the stroller back home.

I wanted to learn about amputees on Wikipedia

But I didn't learn much, because the article was a stub.

Three social media news article writers walk into a bar

You won't believe what happens next.

The Sweet Spot On A Woman's Body

My friend at work was telling me about an article he read over the weekend. Apparently there's a spot on a woman's body, that if you hit it just right it will make their legs turn to jelly.

It's called the chin

Which article of clothing is the most ghetto?

A Hoodie.

Sex after Surgery

A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"

An Irishman's First Drink With His Son

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back to the time I took my son out for his first drink.
Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.
I got him a Guinness Stout. He didn't like it - so I drank it.
Then I got him an Old Style. He didn't like it either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey . . .
I could hardly push his stroller back home.

The CIA, FBI, and the KGB are tasked with finding a rabbit in a forest...

The CIA show up after a few days and release a 6000 word article on the fact that rabbits don't exist.

The FBI show up with a dead rabbit and say in a press release "The rabbit had it coming."

The KGB show up with a bruised and beaten bear. The bear is forced to make a statement "I am a rabbit, my father was a rabbit, and my mother is a rabbit. My whole family are rabbits!" the bear disappears shortly after...

What article of clothing is round and rubbery?

Attire.

Value of a season ticket!

A woman was reading a newspaper one morning and said A her husband,

'Look at this, dear. There's an article here about a man who traded his wife for a season ticket to Arsenal. You wouldn't do a thing like that,-would you?'

'Of course I wouldn't!' replied her husband. 'The season's almost over!'

I was reading in the paper...

And I saw this article about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
I thought to myself, "How could anyone stoop so low?"

I can't wait to read the BuzzFeed article on "20 Things You Will Love about Stranger Things"

Eleven will blow your mind!!!

I just read a long article about Japanese sword fighters.

If you want, I can samurais it for you.

I saw a Buzzfeed article about the top 10 ways to execute someone.

Number 3 will shock you.

I read an article that said it's good for your eyesight to look at something distant occasionally during computer use.

So I put a picture of my dad next to the monitor.

Did you hear about the car mechanic who was in a brief relationship and then left?

There was an article in the newspaper.
MECHANIC NUTS AND BOLTS

I've been to the year 3000...

Nothing much has changed but Article 50 still hasn't been triggered.

"Fake News, inevitably, will be the end of us all!"

- Napoleon Bonaparte after Buzzfeed posted an article titled "10 Shortest Dynasties (Literally)"

What is a chromosome's favorite article of clothing?

a pair of genes.

I read an article about how bad drinking alcohol is.

So I stopped reading.

How did the editor fix the writer's article about appreciation for a certain valuable mineral?

I wrote an article about "The top 10 worst places to stick a fork"...

The 5th one will shock you!

I once read an article about how a midget got pickpocketed...

How could anyone stoop so low

What is a pornstar's favorite article of clothing?

A jack it

I was reading an article that said alligators aren't mating this summer

Scientists blamed it on reptile dysfunction

I read an article about how smoking is bad for your health and I decided...

That's it.

I'm no longer reading

I just read that article about Robot Sex Workers, and all I could think was, "Man, automation really is taking over all the jobs...

Even your mom's.

An Irishman and Donald Trump are reading an article about brain transplants

It says you can get you can a brain transplant from a Irish man for €5000 cheaper than an american.

Trump says "This proves that America is the greatest country ever and Americans are the smartest people ever"

"No it doesnt" says the Irishman "It just means an Americans Brain hasnt been used as much"

I saw a clickbait article: "Watch Eminem attack Trump like no President has ever been attacked."

I mean... Kennedy was shot in the head... But ok.

Found a news article saying that millions of people die annually from doing yoga.

I think that's a stretch.

A verb, a preposition, an article, and a noun

Walk into a bar

I read an article on the hibernation of animals.

It's winter resting.

So I Submitted an Article to the School Newspaper

The article was written on the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide. The article ended up being brought to the attention of the administrators. After about a month, the administration closed down the school due to "chemical risks." When the school reopened, it was disconnected from all water lines.

I read an article saying that you might be an alcoholic if you drink everyday

Thank god I only drink every night

A football team loses its star player Dante Dicks due to an injury...

The next day, the paper reads "Team will play without Dicks."

Outraged, the team manager demands that the newspaper change the title and resubmit their article.

The next day, the headline reads "Team to play with Dicks out."

If I had a vaccine for every bullshit news article that's been spread about by stay at home moms on Facebook

I would have autism.

A husband read an article to his wife

about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men!"

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

I just read an article in the news that Kim Jong Un reads more than 1,000 books a year...

I guess that's why they call him the Supreme Reader.

Article on the future of L.A. rapper "Post Malone" was withdrawn from print by local mail service.

Or;

Post on post-Post Malone's career and goals was postponed from posting by postal service.

Anyone read the article about how masturbation will make you go blind?

I'm going to need one of you to read it to me.

I read a Buzzfeed article called "The Top 10 Things You Didn't Know About Explosive Diarrhea"....

number 2 surprised me.

Scientists have discovered the best way to cure laziness.

Unfortunately nobody has bothered to read the article.

A man and a and his wife are having breakfast

As the wife is reading the newspaper, she comes across a strange article.
It says here that they've found a 12,000 year old skeleton frozen in a glacier, and evidently it's a woman. Now how do you think they knew it was a woman?

The husband replies with:
Well it's simple.

How is it so simple?

It's mouth was still open.

The executioner asked, "Any last words?"

The criminal replied, "I just want one more clickbait article".
Executioner: "What happens next will shock you"

Best thing about article 13...

No more TikTok.

A redneck couple, both bona fide rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband 'fixed'.

The doctor started the procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision.

The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

How many Forbes writers does it take to make a good, solid tech article?

You're in for a nasty surprise -
No one knows yet. But we're keeping count.

I'd make a joke about Article 13, but...

*This post has been removed under breach of the EU Copyright Legislation.*

Read an article where a girl plans on marrying a tree.

That's so crazy but what if he leaves you.

Once Seth low & Seth Teddy visited a town

Where there was a race(marathon) , they participated & it was a tie between both of them , they both divided the prize amount & went on their way.

When the local newspaper heard about them winning , they divided to write an article about it, the only problem was they didn't know their first names.

So the next day's newspaper read "S.low & S.teddy win the race"

I was just reading an article of ten facts about diarrhoea.

Number 2 will really surprise you!

An American explains to a Russian...

that the United States has freedom of the press, and their journalists won't get pushed out of windows, for example, if they write an article that says Donald Trump is a liar.

The Russian says that this is nonsense, because journalists in Russia can easily write an article without fear of retribution that says Donald Trump is a liar.

A reporter is at the airport, writing a piece on the womanising reputation of airline pilots.

She approaches a handsome, uniformed captain and asks, "for my article, can you please tell me the last time you made love?

It was 1959 , says the pilot.

"Oh wow, that long ago?" she responds, "I thought you airline pilots held a reputation as real ladies men"

Pilot looks at his watch and says "Well, considering it's only 2025 now..."

Was reading a "People Who Passed Away In 2020" article and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

What's a mass murderer's favorite article of clothing?

Casual T's.

A man was riding on the bus and reading and article about life and death statistics. Fascinated he turns to the fellow sitting next to him and says "did you know that everytime I breathe somebody's dies?"

The fellow turns to him and says "have you tried mouthwash?"