Hilarious Arti Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...
to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'.
Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust
The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky
One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?'
To which the artist replied, 'Lenin's in Poland'
Why does the artist never win?
Because he can only draw.
I artificially inseminated a cow this morning! It's true!
No bull!
What does artificial light consist of?
Fauxtons
Why will an artificial prosthesis always cost so much?
Because they'll always cost an arm and a leg.
Why are artists the only guys who can sleep with comedians?
Because drawing is the only way to make a comic s**....
Why do artists smell so bad?
They're too busy drawing their bath to ever actually get in it.
ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting.
CRITIC: It's worthless.
ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway.
Why couldn't the artist get a driver's license?
He gave off a good Impression, but couldn't make a Van Gogh.
The Artist
I just saw a group of people who were watching an artist sketch all of them in his book. The man was good too, he really knew how to draw a crowd.
Articles insulting sociopaths are offensive
If I had feelings they would be really hurt.
You can explore arti draw reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean arti crowd dad jokes. There are also arti puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why do so many artists in Boston identify as autistic?
What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait?
2B or not 2B?
When an artist covers another artist's song, it's flattering. When a comedian tells another comedian's joke, it's
Carlos Mencia
An artist gets some good and bad news.
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have some good news and some bad news," the owner replied. The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death." "When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy is your doctor !"
Which article of clothing is the most ghetto?
A Hoodie.
Why are artificial intelligences in movies always female?
Because they're never wrong
I read a story about a Florida man named Arti that was paid a buck to strangle 2 innocent people in a Safeway parking lot...
Oddly enough, the headline was "Artichokes 2 for $1 at Safeway"
An artist found a way to draw a two-sided figure, but the International Geometry Summit immediately began to furiously contest the new shape...
I say, let bi-gons be bi-gons
Why are artificial eyes made from glass?
They gotta be see-through
The Artist
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display. "Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news
is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The gentleman was your doctor."
Why do artists die early in life?
Too many strokes.
What article of clothing is round and rubbery?
Attire.
An Artist Gets Mugged...
He goes to the police and draws them a picture.
The policeman says "That's a good picture, we could nail the guy with that."
"I dunno.." Says the rookie besides him. "It seems a bit sketchy."
I want to become an artist
I heard there's a lot of monet in that business
The artist jumped from a bridge, carrying all of his favorite paints and pastels.
At least he passed with flying colors.
Why did the artist go to jail?
He was sketchy.
Where do artists go to truly become great?
The obituaries
Artists cover their mistakes with paint, chefs cover their mistakes with sauce. How do doctors cover their mistakes?
With dirt.
Why are artist bad at Uno?
Because they Draw a lot
The artist Pitbull is my biggest inspiration.
never has someone made so much money with such little talent.
As an artist, it doesn't matter if Im naughty or nice for Christmas.
Either way, Im getting charcoal.
An artist lives next to a Marsh.
Twice a week, he goes out and collects the clam shells in the marsh to use in his art. One day, he visits a fellow artist and the two compare their works as usual. Suddenly, a gang of bandits breaks into the house to steal art, but before anyone else could react the first artist launches a furious flurry of kicks and punches that quickly incapacitates all the robbers.
"Incredible!" Goes his friend, "I never realised you were so well trained in combat!"
"Well you should," the first artist replied, "considering you already know I am a marsh shell artist."
Artist: "I always show my paintings to large rocks because I need their opinion."
Everyone knows that "Beauty is in the eye of the boulder."
What did the artist say to get his vehicle moving
Van Gogh
Did anybody see the article about the leopard whose fur was bleached solid white?
It was recently spotted
How do we know when Artificial Intelligence has become self-aware?
It starts to think its bot is too big.
I saw an article this morning in the newspaper about a psychic who was publicly exposed to be a fake at one of his shows
He didn't see it coming...
What do artists say to each other before they duel?
avant garde!
I don't know what it is about artists
but I feel like I'm drawn to them.
Artificial Intelligence is really taking over our jobs, man.
Just today, I asked Siri to change the tv channel, and it ended up calling my mother.
Siri has now replaced my partially deaf grandma.
Article on the future of L.A. rapper "Post Malone" was withdrawn from print by local mail service.
Or;
Post on post-Post Malone's career and goals was postponed from posting by postal service.
An artist was found dead in his home
The details are a bit sketchy.
What did the artist say when his car got stolen?
Where did my Van Gogh?
What do an artist and a runner have in common?
They both have masterPACEs
How does an artist donate to charity
They draw blood.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland."
When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Lenin's wife n**... in bed with Leon Trotsky. A voice calls out, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."
The artist named Feat has a monopoly on the music industry and should be tracked down.
Every time I see a song, Feat is always on it. This is too suspicious, and must mean he has a monopoly on the recording industry. Maybe he has parents with connections, maybe he is holding someone hostage, or maybe it is something much worse. What is apparent though, is that he is definitely breaking the law somehow, and must face his crimes. #DeathToFeat
An artist takes his work to a gallery for the first time.
A well-known art critic happens to be there and spots the painting. He walks over to the young artist.
"Excuse me, would you like my opinion of your painting?"
"Sure," replied the artist.
"Frankly, it's completely worthless."
"I know, but tell it to me anyway."
The Artist
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings which were on display.
''I have good news and bad news'' the owner replied.
''The good news is that a gentleman enquired if your paintings will increase in value after your death. When I told them they would, he bought all the 15 paintings hanging here!''
''That's wonderful!'' the artist exclaimed, ''What's the bad news?''
''The bad news is that the guy was your doctor''
An artist has a 6 year old child who also likes to draw
His child drew a horse.
The artist asked, "You drew the horse wrongly."
The child replied, "How did I draw it wrongly?"
The artist said, "Why does the horse have wings?"
The child replied, "Why can't it have wings?"
The artist said, "It isn't a horse if it has wings."
The child replied, "Then why did you call it a horse?"
An artist talks to his curator about his recent sales
Artist: "So? Did I sell anything?"
Curator: "You won't believe this: a man came by and asked if the value of the paintings will rise after the artist's death. I told him that I think so. So he bought the entire gallery.
Artist: "Wow! That's great! who was he?"
Curator: "It was your doctor."
Why was the artist in jail?
Apparently he was framed.
Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body.
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
Why are artists so good at self control?
Because they always know where to draw the line.
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor."
An Artist asks his model if she's okay with n**...
Model- Yes I am
Artist- Thank God! These pants were killing me!
Which artist has a brown finger?
Picasso
Artist: How are my paintings selling?
Gallery owner: When I explained how the value would greatly increase after your death, very well! One person bought 15 paintings!
Artist: "Oh! That's amazing! Who bought them?
Gallery owner: Your doctor.
Two artists had an art contest...
It ended in a draw
An artist asked the gallery owner if……
there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display.
"Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The gentleman was your doctor."
What did they say about the artist who completed s**... by jumping off a building?
Well, at least they finally made an impact on the world.
Why are artisan bakeries so expensive?
Because the bakers knead the dough..
What do an artist and a phlebotomist have in common?
They both know how to draw blood.
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings at that time.
"I have good news and bad news", the owner replied. "Which one would you you like to hear first?"
"Give me the good news first."
"The good news is that, a man enquired about your work and wondered, if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it will, he brought all fifteen of your paintings."
The artist exclaims, "That's wonderful. What's the bad news?"
"The man was your doctor......."
An artist is never appreciated at home
Just happened.
Wife, looking at IMDB: On, hey, that actress was born in Abu Dhabi.
Me: Yeah, I knew that. I could tell by her hair cut.
Wife: Her hair cut?
Me: Yeah. She has an Abu Dhabi do.
Wife: [3 seconds of silence] That was NOT funny.
I saw an article that said annoying people have a great sense of humor.
I found that really funny because- oh.
Artist
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, I'm drawing God. The teacher paused and said, But no one knows what God looks like. Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, They will in a minute.
What does the artist say in the beginning of the fencing match?
Avant-garde!
2 artists had a fight...
It ended in a draw.
Why can't AI (Artificial Intelligence) replace managers?
because it's not designed to be useless
What do you call an artistic meal?
Craft Dinner
