Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Arthur Jokes and Friends
Baby you can call me King Arthur
Because you came a lot.
Why did King Arthur have a round table?
So he would never be cornered
King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention.
It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.
'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'
'Ah, sire, just observe.' said Merlin as he searched his cluttered workbench until he found what he was looking for.
He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. 'Merlin, you are a genius!' cried the grateful monarch, 'Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.'
After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.
Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.
'Sir Galahad' exclaimed King Arthur, 'the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!'
But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless..
Why did King Arthur leave no heir?
He was legendary for pulling out.
Did you hear about the time when King Arthur slept with another woman?
It was a one knight stand.
King Arthur wasn't pleased with the quality of his new table.
The carpenter had cut some corners.
How did King Arthur Become Illiterate?
By pulling out of Rosetta Stone
[OC] Why don't dyslexics like the story of King Arthur?
They think it's about the romance and majesty of Camelto.
How does King Arthur take his pills?
An African or European swallow
When King Arthur needed to arrange transportation for his trip to the desert, where did he go?
The camel lot.
King Arthur's birthday party at the round table.
King Arthur looked down at the pastries and asked "Are these all Cake?"
"Two are pie" replied Sir Cumference
You can explore arthur edith reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean arthur servant dad jokes. There are also arthur puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Arthur tells his mother: "So, can you guess which one of the girls I introduced you to today is my girlfriend?"
Without missing a beat the mother replies "The one wearing a green dress."
Surprised Arthur then says "Woa mother...that's very good, she's the one. So...how did you know?"
Mother: "Because that was the only one I didn't like..."
Arthur Guinness
The leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a bud, the Ceo of Miller gets a Miller, the head of coors orders a coors, and so on. Until it's Arthur Guinness's turn, he orders a soda. "Why didn't you order a Guinness?" everyone asks. "Nah" Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer,then neither will I.
How do you find King Arthur in the dark?
With a knight light....
King Arthur
King Arthur was leaving Guinevere in care of Sir Lancelot while he left on extended buisness. He incased her nether regions with a stout chastity belt, entrusting the key to Sir Lancelot. After Arthur had proceeded a short distance down the road, Lancelot galloped up in a great hurry "King Arthur!" he exclaimed, "You gave me the wrong key!".
What did Guinevere say to king Arthur after sex?
"You Camelot".
I'm taking Arthur Fonzarelli impersonation courses at college.
I'm getting straight "aaaayyyysss"
King Arthur pulled the sword from the stone.
King Arthritis on the other hand...
What did King Arthur say when asked about Lancelot's betrayal?
"I don't want to talk about it, I've had a bad knight."
Bonus joke:
Why should you hire submariners?
They have experience working under pressure.
If King Arthur were to fight in the Crusades, where would he get desert-loving steeds?
At the Camelot!
Which knight did King Arthur leave in charge of constructing the round table?
Sir Cumference
Who did King Arthur leave in charge of security?
Sir Veillance
Which knight of King Arthur is the most hygienic?
Sir Cumcised
What knight did King Arthur send to the Slavic countries?
Sir Bia
Who did King Arthur leave in charge of watching his eight electrons?
Sir Valence!
Arthur: "That's a nice round table. Who built that?"
Knight: "Sir Cumference"
Back in medieval times King Arthur had a knight that collected taxes
His name was Sir Charge
Arthur C Clarke, CS Lewis & JRR Tolkien walk into a bar...
Clarke, Lewis and Tolkien walk into a bar arguing about how characters should travel.
Clarke says they should take a spaceship and Tolkien says they should walk. Lewis says that can just step through a wardrobe.
When asked how that's possible Lewis says "Narnia business"
What do you call a British singer with a penchant for mysteries?
Sue Arthur Conan Boyle.
Im surprised that not many people know of Arthur the brown nosed reindeer
He's just as fast as Rudolf. He just has issues stopping in time.
TIL Arthur Conan Doyle wrote a series of short stories about crimes committed by landscapers
He collectively referred to them as *Holmes and Gardens*.
Four kids were arrested for feeding the elephants in a zoo when there was a rule stating they couldn't do so.
At the court, the judge asked the four kids to state their name and what they had done.
Kid 1 : My name is John, and I threw peanuts into the elephant den.
Kid 2 : My name is David, and I threw peanuts into the elephant den.
Kid 3 : My name is Arthur, and I threw peanuts into the elephant den.
Kid 4 : My name is Peanuts.
What would have happened if King Arthur met Archemedies?
They would have sat as knights of the spheroid table.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Where did the Egyptians park when they visited King Arthur?
Camelot.
What does King Arthur call his foreskin?
His Knighthood.
Who made King Arthur very anxious?
Sir Prise!
What does Arthur say when he makes an amazing discovery?
Excalibur!
Absolute mind blown that 50 Cents real name is Arthur Dollar.
Why did king Arthur fail NNN?
Because he came(a)lot.
What do you call a man with sore hands?
Arthur Itis.
Where did King Arthur park his camel?
In the Camel Lot
What did King Arthur name his cat?
Sir Purrcival.
Two catholic priests are discussing their colleague's retirement.
"It's strange", says one priest.
"How so?, asked the other.
The first priest replies, "Well ever since Arthur left his church, the choirboys haven't been able to sing as high."
Why did Arthur want to use the knife Lancelot had given 5 stars?
Because it was Sir-rated.
Stewart, Bobby, Matthew and Arthur are all hanging out at Bobby's place.
Arthur turns to the group and asks "hey, you guys ever wonder about what it would be like to have arms and legs?"
Why was it so easy for King Arthur to have children?
He Camealot.
Before leaving for a battle, King Arthur puts a strong iron chastity belt on his wife Guinevere and entrusts the key to his most loyal knight, Eddie. Then King Arthur departs.
Five minutes into his journey, King Arthur hears Eddie screaming for him to stop. King Arthur signals his steed to halt and waits for Eddie to catch up.
"Eddie!" the king says, "What's the matter?"
"Your highness," says Eddie. "You gave me the wrong key."
Arthur and Lancelot went to the inn and rented a room for 2 knights.
Arthur slept in a king sized bed, Lancelot took the queen.
