Arthritis Jokes
59 arthritis jokes and hilarious arthritis puns to laugh out loud. Read human body jokes about arthritis that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Find out why laughter is the best medicine for those who suffer from rheumatoid arthritis! Soak up a bipartisan atmosphere of support and sympathy in this collection of jokes about arthritis. From Aiken to Nook, there's something here for everyone!
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Funniest Arthritis Short Jokes
Short arthritis jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The arthritis humour may include short joint pain jokes also.
- It's pretty strange, doctors are now prescribing cannabis for arthritis sufferers... I mean, the definition of arthritis is "inflammation of the joints"
- My 93-year-old grandma has rheumatoid arthritis and is slow at crosswalks. Yesterday, she got hit by a car. She's perfectly fine -- she has an auto-immune disease!
- I think after 9 years of dating and jokes, I've worn down all my girlfriend's funny bones. She's got that funny arthritis now.
- My grandmother loves to knit but she was recently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. She's holding out for some sort of cure. She has her fingers crossed.
- What did the joints say to the arthritis pain? Uh-Leave!
I made this up when I was a little kid and naturally thought I was a comedic genius for many unfortunate years to come. - Arthritis is the cruelest disease of all. It makes a lot of your parts stiff except the one you want.
- Things always have a way of going badly for me. I tried to use pins on a voodoo doll that looks like my mother in law and I ended up curing her arthritis with acupuncture.
- What health ailment do elderly frogs suffer from? Ribbit-toad arthritis
I'll see myself out... - Did you hear that arthritis can make you gay? Well it made _me_ gay.
- All medical problems are the suffers own problem. Except arthritis, that's a joint problem.
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Arthritis One Liners
Which arthritis one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with arthritis? I can suggest the ones about body joint and asthma.
- Where did Axl Rose get arthritis? In his Sha-na-na-na-na knees knees
- King Arthur pulled the sword from the stone. King Arthritis on the other hand...
- I hope I don't get rheumatoid arthritis.. Fingers crossed.
- Did you hear Snoop Dogg got Rheumatoid Arthritis? His joints were inflamed
- Met a lovely woman at my arthritis support group last night. We clicked together.
- What do you call a potter who has arthritis? Clay Aiken
- To all of you wondering if there is a cure for arthritis.... I think I've cracked it.
- A man with arthritis goes to his drug dealer. He says "Man, I need a few new joints."
- Did you hear about the drug dealer with arthritis? He had bad joints.
- Apparently Sly Stallone is in talks to make Rocky 8. In this one he'll fight Arthritis.
- What did the tumblr user do when she got arthritis? Massage a knee.
- Put some elbow grease into that son! But I have arthritis dad!
- Welcome to the website for sufferers of arthritis Click to find out more
- What do you call two people with arthritis? Joint sufferers
- What do you call it when an amphibian has inflamed joints? Rheumatoad arthritis
Rib-Tickling Arthritis Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about arthritis you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean disease jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make arthritis pranks.
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"
"I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What causes arthritis?
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be d**...," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
Father, what causes arthritis?
A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, ''Father, what causes arthritis?''
''Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man,'' the priest replied. ''Imagine that,'' the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: ''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'' ''I don't have arthritis, Father,'' the drunk said, ''but I just read in the paper that the Pope does.''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I've got some buddies...
They just so happen to be a high-ranking officials in Denver,Colorado. They're currently trying to get Republicans and Democrats to both agree to legalize medical m**... to ease arthritis symptoms. I guess you could say I have friends in high places in high places in high places for joint support for joint support for joint support.
A man hard of hearing flies to Indonesia to cure his arthritis...
He returns without luck, determined to give the doctor a piece of his mind, but the doctor corrects him: "I said that the most threatening inflammation was *in your knees again*.
What will we call Eminem if he gets arthritis?
Slim Shaky.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My s**... life is ruined
Yesterday my doctor diagnosed me with a disease which will ruin my s**... life forever.
Your probably thinking Gonorrhea, Chlamydia or Aids!
It's much worse than that!
I've got arthritis in my hands!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you know why doctors are prescribing medical m**... for arthritis?
Because the definition of arthritis is inflammation of the joints
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys meet up at a high school reunion
They start talking about people from their past.
"Hey, remember that flat chested girl Sam?"
"Oh yea, how she doing?"
"I just saw her like 15 minutes ago and now she's like this" - He holds his hands in front of his chest, fingers curled in.
"Oh, she got breast e**...?"
"No, she's got severe arthritis"
I had a health scare recently...
My doctor said I had arthritis, I has so shocked I couldn't move a muscle... atleast I think that's the reason.
How did the Irishman get arthritis?
By craic-ing his knuckles.
What does the devil take for his arthritis?
Ibuprofane
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A White guy, a Black guy and a Mexican are out in a boat fishing
when a big storm blows up and threatens to sink them.
The men begin praying, and the storm disappears. They look up and see Jesus walking towards them across the water. Jesus says to the men, "Because of your faith, I will heal each of you."
Jesus turns to the White man and says, "Your arthritis is cured." The White man rubs his hands and exclaims, "It's true, my hands don't hurt any more!"
Jesus turns to the Mexican and says, "Your vision is restored." The Mexican blinks and says, "My cataracts, they're gone!"
Jesus turns to the Black man, who throws up his hands and says "DON'T TOUCH ME, I'M ON TOTAL DISABILITY!"
A old man walks into a McDonalds
He is bent over and shuffling slowly. He approaches the counter with great difficulty and orders an ice cream sundae.
The cashier asks "Crushed nuts?"
The old man replies, "No arthritis."
I think this year I'm going to embrace my natural arthritis and be a zombie
Paaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnsss
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife and I spend so much money on arthritis medication and w**... that we made a whole new bank account just for those two things!
It's a joint account
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do stoners and arthritis have in common??
They both inflame joints.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A drunk stumbled to a church to ask a priest a question. He drunkenly asked "Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest, annoyed by the drunk, angrily replies:
"Arthritis? That's caused by drinking! Drinking too much!" The priest declared.
"Oh really father?" The drunk slurred.
However, the father wanted to really teach this man a lesson, and he said:
"Having un-wed s**... also causes arthritis! And smoking! And gambling! All of it!" The priest shouted.
"Oh really father?" The drunk mumbled. "Because I read in the news that people in the clergy suffer from arthritis."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, we've all seen Biden's pardon for m**... users, but we need Bipartisan legislation....
We need Bipartisan legislation for the use of medical m**... for arthritis patients.
Joint support for joint support for joint support.
