Arthritis Jokes

Following is our collection of aiken humor and osteoporosis one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Arthritis puns for adults, dirty franciscan jokes or clean violently gags for kids.

There is an abundance of quatro jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 44 funniest jokes on arthritis. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any arthritic witze you can hear about arthritis.

The Best jokes about Arthritis

If there was a bipartisan push in Congress to legalize medical marijuana for arthritis treatment...

there would be joint support for joint support for joint support.

So I've got some buddies...

They just so happen to be a high-ranking officials in Denver,Colorado. They're currently trying to get Republicans and Democrats to both agree to legalize medical marijuana to ease arthritis symptoms. I guess you could say I have friends in high places in high places in high places for joint support for joint support for joint support.

Father, what causes arthritis?

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, ''Father, what causes arthritis?''
''Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man,'' the priest replied. ''Imagine that,'' the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: ''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'' ''I don't have arthritis, Father,'' the drunk said, ''but I just read in the paper that the Pope does.''

There's a bipartisan group petitioning for medical marijuana as an option for arthritis patients.

In other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.

It's pretty strange, doctors are now prescribing cannabis for arthritis sufferers...

I mean, the definition of arthritis is "inflammation of the joints"


My 93-year-old grandma has rheumatoid arthritis and is slow at crosswalks. Yesterday, she got hit by a car.

She's perfectly fine -- she has an auto-immune disease!

What causes arthritis?

A drunk man sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick. He smelled awful, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living; being with cheap, wicked women; too much alcohol; contempt for your fellow man; sleeping around with prostitutes; and lack of bathing."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be darned," then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here, that the Pope does."

My wife and I spend so much money on arthritis medication and weed that we made a whole new bank account just for those two things!

It's a joint account

Father, what causes arthritis?

A drunken man who smelled of whiskey sat down on a train, next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of the finest whiskey was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest replies, "My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned" then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

A old man walks into a McDonalds

He is bent over and shuffling slowly. He approaches the counter with great difficulty and orders an ice cream sundae.

The cashier asks "Crushed nuts?"

The old man replies, "No arthritis."

An old man walked into an ice cream parlor...

He slowly climbed onto a stool, wincing with pain, and then proceeded to order a banana split.
"Crushed nuts, sir?" asked the waitress.
The old man took a deep breath and replied, "No, arthritis"


Apparently there is a bipartisan push in the US senate to legalize marijuana for arthritis treatment....

So in other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.

Do you know why doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis?

Because the definition of arthritis is inflammation of the joints

What causes arthritis?

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.

"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

King Arthur pulled the sword from the stone.

King Arthritis on the other hand...

A White guy, a Black guy and a Mexican are out in a boat fishing

when a big storm blows up and threatens to sink them.

The men begin praying, and the storm disappears.  They look up and see Jesus walking towards them across the water.  Jesus says to the men, "Because of your faith, I will heal each of you."

Jesus turns to the White man and says, "Your arthritis is cured."  The White man rubs his hands and exclaims, "It's true, my hands don't hurt any more!"

Jesus turns to the Mexican and says, "Your vision is restored."  The Mexican blinks and says, "My cataracts, they're gone!"

Jesus turns to the Black man, who throws up his hands and says "DON'T TOUCH ME, I'M ON TOTAL DISABILITY!"

what causes arthritis?

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"

"I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

An old man shuffled really slowly into an ice cream shop and said, Can I have a banana split?

Server: Sure. Crushed nuts?

Old man: No, Arthritis.

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "Arthritis."


I hope I don't get rheumatoid arthritis..

Fingers crossed.

My sex life is ruined

Yesterday my doctor diagnosed me with a disease which will ruin my sex life forever.

Your probably thinking Gonorrhea, Chlamydia or Aids!

It's much worse than that!

I've got arthritis in my hands!

Met a lovely woman at my arthritis support group last night.

We clicked together.

My grandmother loves to knit but she was recently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis.

She's holding out for some sort of cure. She has her fingers crossed.

What do you call a potter who has arthritis?

Clay Aiken

To all of you wondering if there is a cure for arthritis....

I think I've cracked it.

A man with arthritis goes to his drug dealer.

He says "Man, I need a few new joints."

Arthritis is the cruelest disease of all. It makes a lot of your parts stiff

except the one you want.

Things always have a way of going badly for me.

I tried to use pins on a voodoo doll that looks like my mother in law and I ended up curing her arthritis with acupuncture.

Did you hear about the drug dealer with arthritis?

He had bad joints.

Apparently Sly Stallone is in talks to make Rocky 8.

In this one he'll fight Arthritis.

What do you call clay with arthritis?

Clay Aiken

What did the tumblr user do when she got arthritis?

Massage a knee.

What did the joints say to the arthritis pain?

Uh-Leave!

I made this up when I was a little kid and naturally thought I was a comedic genius for many unfortunate years to come.

What health ailment do elderly frogs suffer from?

Ribbit-toad arthritis



I'll see myself out...

Put some elbow grease into that son!

But I have arthritis dad!

What do you call it when an amphibian has inflamed joints?

Rheumatoad arthritis

What do you call two people with arthritis?

Joint sufferers

I had a health scare recently...

My doctor said I had arthritis, I has so shocked I couldn't move a muscle... atleast I think that's the reason.

An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor. He ordered a banana split. The waitress asked, Crushed nuts? No, he said. Arthritis.

Did you hear that arthritis can make you gay?

Well it made _me_ gay.

A group of senior citizens were talking...

...at the breakfast table in a Palm Springs nursing home.

"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills makes me dizzy," another went on.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.
Then there was a short moment of silence.
"Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully. "Thank God we can all still drive."

I think this year I'm going to embrace my natural arthritis and be a zombie

Paaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnsss

This year for Halloween, I'm going to use my arthritis to really help bring my zombie costume to life

Paaaaaaaiiiiiinnnnnsss

A man hard of hearing flies to Indonesia to cure his arthritis...

He returns without luck, determined to give the doctor a piece of his mind, but the doctor corrects him: "I said that the most threatening inflammation was *in your knees again*.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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