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Art Collector Jokes

21 art collector jokes and hilarious art collector puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about art collector that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Art Collector Short Jokes

Short art collector jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The art collector humour may include short art museum jokes also.

  1. A prominent art collector quits the Cabinet immediately after his confirmation He had stumbled into the wrong auction
  2. What did the classical art museum acquisitions director say to the arts benefactor and collector of early Renaissance paintings? S3ND NUD3S
  3. I'm a traveling art collector, but not doing so well... I'm always in need of Monet to buy Degas to make the van Gogh.
  4. Why did the poor art collector only buy miniature paintings? He wanted more Monet in his wallet.
  5. People often talk about how h**... was a failed artist… But they rarely give him credit for being a great art collector.

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Silly Art Collector Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about art collector you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stamp collector jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make art collector pranks.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a v**...."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get s**...."

A picture worth millions

A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; Let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that she invested $1,500 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. And I think she could be right."
Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you & your secretary."

An art collector walks by a shop and sees a stray cat drinking from a dish that looks very valuable.

The art collector asks the shop keeper if he could buy the cat.
The shop keeper tells him he can have it for $10.
The art collector asks if he could get the dish as well because the cats already familiar with it.
The shop keeper tells him he can't have it because its his lucky dish.
The art collector asks why it is lucky.
The shop keeper tells him its lucky because he has sold twelve cats this week.

A wealthy art collector got a call from his lawyer...

Lawyer: I have good news and bad news.
Art Collector: I've had a bad day, so lets start with the good news.
Lawyer: Well, your wife has invested a couple hundred dollars in a a few pictures that she expects to get a couple million for.
Art Collector: That's great! What's the bad news?
Lawyer: Well, the pictures are of you and your secretary.

The Art Colletor

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, "Saul, I have some good news
and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."
The attorney said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right."
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The attorney replied, "The pictures are of you with your secretary."

Art Collector

An attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."
The attorney said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $5-10 million. I think she could be right."
Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The attorney replied, "The pictures are of you with your secretary."

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector phoned his client......

He said, "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news. The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day, let's hear the good news first.
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right.
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant business woman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary.

A attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, "Paul, I have good news and bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."
The attorney said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $1-2 million. I think she could be right."
Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The attorney replied, "The pictures are of you with your secretary."

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client.

"Saul, I have some good news, and I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day. Give me the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she just invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15 million to $20 million, and I think she could be right."
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."

A lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector

A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news." The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; Let's hear the good news first." The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that she invested $1,500 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. And I think she could be right." Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?" The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you & your secretary."

Oversmart

A famous art collector is walking through Greenwich Village when he notices a mangy old cat lapping milk from a saucer in front of a store. And the collector does a double take when he sees the saucer. He knows it's very old and very valuable.
So he saunters casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
But the store owner says to him, 'I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.'
And the collector says, 'Please. I need a hungry old tomcat around the house to catch mice. I'll give you ten dollars for him.'
And the owner says, 'Sold,' and takes the ten dollars.
Then the collector says, 'Listen, I was wondering if, for the ten dollars, you might include that old saucer. The cat seems to be used to it. It'll save me a dish.'
And the owner says, 'Sorry, buddy. That's my lucky saucer. So far this week, I've sold sixty-eight cats!'

A lawyer calls his largest client to his office for an important meeting

When he arrives, the lawyer says to the wealthy art collector client "I have some good news and some bad news".
The client grumbles "I've had an awful day. Tell me the good news".
"Your wife invested $5,000 in two pictures today. She believes they are worth at least $3 million".
"Well done!" the tycoon says with a big smile. "Good news indeed! You've made my day. So what's the bad news?"
"The two pictures are of you with your secretary".

The Divorced v**...

A lawyer married a woman who had been divorced five times. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a v**...." "What?" said the puzzled groom, "How can that be if you've been married five times?"
"Well, Jim was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be but didn't know how to close.
Kevin was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Edward was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Charles was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Richard was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the Groom, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get s**...!"

The Art Collector [Clean]

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take.
He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The store owner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you 20 dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
The owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."

10 Husbands, Still a v**...

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a v**...."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get s**...!"

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.


On their wedding night, she told her new husband,
“Please be gentle, I’m still a v**....”
“What?” said the puzzled groom.
“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”
“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”
“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”
“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get s**...!”