Arsenic Jokes

Following is our collection of poison funnies and tellurium chistes working better than reddit jokes. They include Arsenic puns for adults, dirty penicillin jokes or clean manganese gags for kids.

There is an abundance of uranium jokes out there, and you're fortunate because we've a collection of favorite ones. Check out the funniest 14 jokes on the internet, even funnier than any nobelium witze you can hear about arsenic.

The Best jokes about Arsenic

The most toxic substances known to mankind.

1. Arsenic
2. Cyanide
3. Polonium
4. Mercury
5. The League of Legends community

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for arsenic.

The pharmacist then asks what she needs it for, to which she replies: "I want to use it to poison my husband. The pharmacist says "Ma'am, I can not give you arsenic for that reason." The woman then pulls a photograph from her purse and hands it to him. It was a picture of two people having sex; the man in the photo was her husband and the woman was the pharmacist's wife. He then says, "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had a prescription."

A Scotsman at the chemist's shop.

A Scotsman went into a chemist's shop, and asked to buy some arsenic.

"That'll be a pound - er, what do you want it for?" the chemist asked suspiciously.

"Fifty pence," replied the Scotsman.

Cyanide?

A lady walks into the drug store and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. The pharmacist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"
The lady says "To kill my husband."
"I can't sell you any for that reason" says the pharmacist.
The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. He looks at the photo and says "Oh...........I didn't know you had a prescription!"

Chemistry Puns

What do you do with a dying chemist? If you can't helium, you might as well barium. That joke was quite the knee-slapper, wasn't it. I certainly slapped my neon that one. It was just so-dium funny. Why do chemists like high altitudes? The views arsenic. If you're not laughing yet, don't worry. I'm only through with hafnium. Come on, I think ironed some laughter for that one. Where do chemists wash their dishes? In the zinc. I'm sorry if you didn't like that one. I'm no einsteinium. I would tell you another one, but I think they all argon.


A dying lawyer

Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside.

"Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."

"Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."

A lady walks into the drug store

and asks the druggist
for some arsenic.
The druggist ask's "Ma'am, what do you want with
arsenic?" The lady say's, "To kill my husband."
"I can't sell you any for that reason" says the druggist.
The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a
photo of a man and a women in a compromising position, the
man is her husband and the lady is the druggist's wife, and
shows it to the druggist.
He looks at the photo and says" Oh I didn't know you
had a prescription!"

What kind of music do mercury, arsenic and lead listen to?

Heavy metal.

A scientist named Nick asked his colleague about what was smelling here.

"Arsenic", he said.

Why do 19th century western women insist on staying in the kitchen?

It's easier to control the arsenic.

A recent study shows people with trace amounts of Arsenic, Selenium, Astatine, and Erbium have the longest lasting relationships

The best couples always have an AsSeAtEr


This should be a standard response to chemistry jokes

Flourine Uranium Carbon Potassium

Yttrium Oxygen Uranium

Arsenic Sulphur Tungsten Iodine Phosphorus Einsteinium

:)

Are you made of Fluorine, Astatine, Arsenic, and Sulfer?

Because you're a F At As S :D

And if you dont get the joke, you must be made of Deuterium, Uranium, Muriaticum, and Boron... cause You're D U M B!

What i'm trying to say is study your periodic table...

Maybe you will find out two elements arent on the periodic table ;)

The Lady & The Druggist.

A lady walks into the drug store and asks the druggist for some arsenic.


The druggist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?".


The lady replies "I want to kill my husband."


"I can't sell you any for that reason" says the druggist.


The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of a man and a women in a compromising position - the man is her husband and the lady is the druggist's wife - and shows it to the druggist.


He looks at the photo and says... "Oh I didn't know you had a prescription!"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes