Arsehole Jokes

Following is our collection of gonorrhea humor and tongue one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Arsehole puns for adults, dirty ass jokes or clean asshole gags for kids.

There is an abundance of tictac jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 27 funniest jokes on arsehole. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any arse witze you can hear about arsehole.

The Best jokes about Arsehole

What does a 9 volt battery have in common with a girls arsehole?

You know its wrong but sooner or later your going to lick it.

At the hospital

I went to the hospital today for a Gastroscopy test.

In the waiting room the doctor came through and explained the situation to the four of us sat waiting there.

He explained that I was having the Gastroscopy, which is the camera down the throat.

Whilst the other three were there for a Colonoscopy, which is the camera up the arsehole. The doctor asked if we had any questions.

I said: "Yes. Can I go first?"

A nurse pulls a rectal thermometer out of her pocket....

"Oh no, some arsehole has my pen!"

The year is 2017.

There are machines which can look through skin and see bones. There are machines which keep you alive when your brain and heart have stopped. There's even a machine that can tell you who your parents are with a single drop of spit. However, when I need my prostate checking, a man sticks his finger up my arsehole and wriggles it about a bit.

I bought some cherry lube the other day but I didn't end up using it.

Turns out cherries are already pretty easy to shove up your arsehole as they are.


Santa Claus is such and arsehole

He know where all the naughty girls are, but doesn't tell anyone else.....

A nurse began writing a letter with a rectal thermometer

When she realised it wasn't working she exclaimed:

'Dammit, some arsehole has my pen!'

A man is stopped by a traffic cop...

'Did you know you were three miles over the speed limit, sir? The officer asks.

The man begins to explain 'I'm really sorry officer I'm late for my arsehole stretching appointment'

Seeing the perplexed look on the officers face he continues, 'what they do is, put one finger in and work it around until they can fit two in, then keep going until they can get four in, then a hand, then both hands, then both arms to the elbow and it keeps going until my arsehole is six foot wide'

The officer, still perplexed, says 'what can you do with a six foot arsehole?

To which the man replies 'Stand him by the side of the road with a radar gun.'

what does a 9 volt battery and your girlfriend's arsehole have in common?

Even though you know you shouldn't you give them both a lick

I heard Kayne West is said to be recovering well in hospital.

Especially after a nine hour operation to remove his head from his arsehole.

What's the difference between a drummer and a toilet seat?

A toilet seat only has to put up with one arsehole at a time.


The wife caught the dog licking...

My wife walked in from work today and saw the dog licking marmite out of my arsehole.

"Don't let him do that!" she screamed, "It's disgusting."

"That's your opinion" I said, "This is his second jar, he absolutely loves the stuff."

My pal got Einstein tattooed onto his arsehole.

He's such a wisecrack.

A man falls over and lands on a globe.

He heads to the doctors.

The doctor asks what's wrong.

"I've got this spain in my arsehole."

What's 18 inches long and hangs in front of an arsehole

[insert name of political opponent here]'s tie

LPT: If you ever find yourself lost in the wild...

...simply misspell the SOS signal and some arsehole will show up within minutes to correct you.

How do they get all of those drugs into the jails?

I guess they're smuggled in by some arsehole

There's a spider up there.

Don't kill it. It's not hurting anyone.
Do you want to take it outside?
Okay, kill it then, arsehole!

Austerity cuts really seem to be affecting the NHS hard..

I went for my prostrate exam today, and instead of lube the doctor spat on my arsehole.


I've come up with a way to stop homosexuality

Lip balm! - Rub it around your arsehole and it keeps the chaps away

A good nurse always carries a pen

A nurse was walking the ward when she noticed a rectal thermometer in her shirt pocket. "Some arsehole has my pen", she muttered to herself.

How Do Drugs Get on Aeroplanes?

I guess they're smuggled in by some arsehole.

Paddy says...

Paddy says to his wife, I have a really sore arsehole this morning.
Wife says, ringsting?
Paddy says, why whats he going to Do?

Nose hairs must be the longest hairs on the human body.

When you pull them your arsehole twitches.

Patience is a bit like a toilet-roll

the bigger the arsehole you're dealing with, the quicker it runs out.

A jaguar asked an colourful arsehole with a big nose to join him in hide and seek...

Toucan play that game.

You know a proctologist is being honest

When they call you an arsehole.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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