The Best 29 Arsehole Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Arsehole jokes. There are some arsehole tongue jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these arsehole asshole puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Arsehole Jokes and Puns

A jaguar asked an colourful arsehole with a big nose to join him in hide and seek...

Toucan play that game.

What does a curry and a bad uncle have in common?

They both hurt your arsehole

At the hospital

I went to the hospital today for a Gastroscopy test.

In the waiting room the doctor came through and explained the situation to the four of us sat waiting there.

He explained that I was having the Gastroscopy, which is the camera down the throat.

Whilst the other three were there for a Colonoscopy, which is the camera up the arsehole. The doctor asked if we had any questions.

I said: "Yes. Can I go first?"

Arsehole joke, At the hospital

What's 18 inches long and hangs in front of an arsehole

[insert name of political opponent here]'s tie

What does a 9 volt battery have in common with a girls arsehole?

You know its wrong but sooner or later your going to lick it.


Nose hairs must be the longest hairs on the human body.

When you pull them your arsehole twitches.

LPT: If you ever find yourself lost in the wild...

...simply misspell the SOS signal and some arsehole will show up within minutes to correct you.

Arsehole joke, LPT: If you ever find yourself lost in the wild...

what does a 9 volt battery and your girlfriend's arsehole have in common?

Even though you know you shouldn't you give them both a lick

How do they get all of those drugs into the jails?

I guess they're smuggled in by some arsehole

I heard Kayne West is said to be recovering well in hospital.

Especially after a nine hour operation to remove his head from his arsehole.

A man falls over and lands on a globe.

He heads to the doctors.

The doctor asks what's wrong.

"I've got this spain in my arsehole."

You can explore arsehole gonorrhea reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean arsehole ass dad jokes. There are also arsehole puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A good nurse always carries a pen

A nurse was walking the ward when she noticed a rectal thermometer in her shirt pocket. "Some arsehole has my pen", she muttered to herself.

How Do Drugs Get on Aeroplanes?

I guess they're smuggled in by some arsehole.

I bought some cherry lube the other day but I didn't end up using it.

Turns out cherries are already pretty easy to shove up your arsehole as they are.

The year is 2017.

There are machines which can look through skin and see bones. There are machines which keep you alive when your brain and heart have stopped. There's even a machine that can tell you who your parents are with a single drop of spit. However, when I need my prostate checking, a man sticks his finger up my arsehole and wriggles it about a bit.

Paddy says...

Paddy says to his wife, I have a really sore arsehole this morning.
Wife says, ringsting?
Paddy says, why whats he going to Do?

Arsehole joke, Paddy says...

Santa Claus is such and arsehole

He know where all the naughty girls are, but doesn't tell anyone else.....

I've come up with a way to stop homosexuality

Lip balm! - Rub it around your arsehole and it keeps the chaps away

A nurse began writing a letter with a rectal thermometer

When she realised it wasn't working she exclaimed:

'Dammit, some arsehole has my pen!'


Austerity cuts really seem to be affecting the NHS hard..

I went for my prostrate exam today, and instead of lube the doctor spat on my arsehole.

Who do you think created the fart bomb?

I don't know, probably some arsehole.

What's the difference between a drummer and a toilet seat?

A toilet seat only has to put up with one arsehole at a time.

A nurse pulls a rectal thermometer out of her pocket....

"Oh no, some arsehole has my pen!"

You know a proctologist is being honest

When they call you an arsehole.

Patience is a bit like a toilet-roll

the bigger the arsehole you're dealing with, the quicker it runs out.

My pal got Einstein tattooed onto his arsehole.

He's such a wisecrack.

The wife caught the dog licking...

My wife walked in from work today and saw the dog licking marmite out of my arsehole.

"Don't let him do that!" she screamed, "It's disgusting."

"That's your opinion" I said, "This is his second jar, he absolutely loves the stuff."

There's a spider up there.

Don't kill it. It's not hurting anyone.
Do you want to take it outside?
Okay, kill it then, arsehole!

A nurse takes a rectal thermometer out of her pocket.

She says, "Shit, some arsehole has my pen!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the arsehole tictac jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working arsehole arse piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes