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Arrival Jokes

79 arrival jokes and hilarious arrival puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about arrival that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you late to a meeting or event? Read this selection of humorous jokes about late arrivals, from one about a deacon who made a grand entrance to an announcement shared warmly. Get ready for a good laugh!

Funniest Arrival Short Jokes

Short arrival jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The arrival humour may include short coming jokes also.

  1. I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit? I said no. Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.
  2. A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree. It shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree The lumberjack smiled, and you will dialogue .
  3. My boss arrived at work in a brand new Lamborghini. I said wow that's an amazing car. If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year.
  4. Putin at the airport Vladimir Putin arrives at an airport, gets in line at customs desk.

    Customs officer: Occupation?
    Putin: No, just visiting.
  5. A man arrived to a Duel with only a pen and a piece of paper He proceeded to draw his weapon
  6. I went to my first Fight Club meeting last night Unfortunately I arrived 10 minutes late so I missed the introductions but I must say I had a fantastic time I'd recommend it to everyone.
  7. classic germans Angela Merkel arrives at passport Control at Paris airport.
    "Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
    "German," she replies.
    "Occupation?"
    "No, just here for a few days."
  8. A lumberjack went to a magic forest to cut a Tree.. Upon arrival to the tree he started swinging at the tree.
    "But, I'm a talking tree" said the tree.
    "And you will dialogue" replied the lumberjack.
  9. I've been trying to find an alarm clock made out of a potato... ...ever since I had a meeting with my boss about arriving late for work and he told me "Get a potato clock".
  10. I arrived early at the restaurant last night. Do you mind waiting for a bit? , the manager asked. Not at all I replied. Good, take these drinks to table 9″

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Arrival One Liners

Which arrival one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with arrival? I can suggest the ones about arriving and incoming.

  1. Asian Keanu Asian Keanu arrives at party.
    Asian Keanu gets bored.
    Asian Keanu Reeves.
  2. I bought a book on eBay called "How to Scam on eBay". It still hasn't arrived.
  3. What did the late arriving cannibal receive at the dinner party? The cold shoulder.
  4. What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon? Tennish.
  5. Three months ago I ordered a book How to scam people online It still hasn't arrived
  6. Right, who was the most famous person in here until I arrived?
  7. I always arrive late to work... ...but I make up for it by leaving early.
  8. What did the overly excited gardener do when spring arrived? He wet his plants.
  9. What did the tree say when spring arrived? What a re-leaf!
  10. Bought a book online the other day, about scams. Still waiting for it to arrive.
  11. I'm going on a date with a delivery man. He said he'll arrive between 3pm and 7.30pm.
  12. What do you call a sheep that loves the arrival of spring? A spring-derella!
  13. If you arrive fashionably late in crocs... you're just late.
  14. What dog breed always arrives in 2nd place? Silver retrievers.
  15. What did God say when Joan of Arc arrived in heaven? "Well done."

Late Arrival Jokes

Here is a list of funny late arrival jokes and even better late arrival puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • So i went to my first fight club gathering I arrived a little late, so i did not catch the first part, but i had a great time. I recommend it to everybody.
  • It's three weeks late, but the "History of Clocks" book I ordered finally arrived. It's about time.
  • My math Professor arrived 8 minutes late for our first lecture, 4 minutes late for our second, and now 2 minutes late for our third. At this rate, he will never be on time.
  • Boss when I arrived late this morning: "You should have been here 3 hours ago!" "Why? What happened?"
  • So a midget is waiting in a doctor's office.... So after a hours of waiting, the doctor arrives.
    Doctor: Sorry I'm late.
    Midget: it's okay, I'm a little patient.
  • Last night I went to a group activity called Fight Club... I arrived late so I didn't hear the rules, but I enjoyed it anyway.
  • A saber-tooth tiger arrives at a cave party Where it's friends had been partying with a bunch of cave-people.
    "I see I'm too late," says the tiger.
    "Yup," says another. "Everyone's eaten"
  • I was having trouble with my motorbike so I arrived late at my girl friend's ... she asked "what happened?"
    I replied "piston broke",
    and she said " I know you are, but what happened?"
  • I didn't arrive on time for the start of the marathon, I was running late.
  • What do you call a midget with Down's Syndrome who arrives to class late? A little tardy.
Arrival joke, What do you call a midget with Down's Syndrome who arrives to class late?

Fun-Filled Arrival Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about arrival you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean arrived jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make arrival pranks.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He was asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try out for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer all the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

Long Flight

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."

An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left."

A young passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

Pleasing Women

Three women go on vacation to an extravagant resort.
Upon arrival, the manager tells them, "we actually just opened a new building for single women, such as yourself! It has four stories, and you get to choose one of which you will stay in. Each floor has different types of men, and there will be signs at the entrance to each story, telling you what types you will find."
Figuring that it would be a fun adventure, they agree to these terms.
The women get to the first floor of the building. The sign reads "The Men on This Floor are Short, Pale, and Ugly".
Not seeing a reason why they would want to stay there, they proceed to the next floor, where they see a sign that reads "All Men on This Floor Are Average In Every Sense".
They begin to see a trend, and proceed to the next floor, wondering if their luck will improve.
The sign on the third floor reads "All Men on This Floor Are Tall, Dark, and Stunningly Handsome".
The women begin to get excited. They realize that this would be a wonderful floor to stay on, but curiosity gets the best of them, so they press on to the fourth and final floor.
Upon arrival to the last floor, they find a sign that reads
"There are no men on this floor. This floor was built with the sole purpose of proving that there is no way to please a woman."

A married couple went to the hospital

So that the woman could give birth to her child. Upon their arrival the doctor told them that they invented a new machine where they could transfer some of the labor pain to the father. He asked them if they would like to try it and they agreed. So the doctor set the pain to be transferred to 10% and told the man that this would be the most painful thing he ever experienced. But when labor set in the man still felt absolutely fine and the doctor set the machine to 20%. The man still felt fine so the doctor set it to 50% whilst checking the vitals man. Still no problem for the man. So he asked the doctor if he could set it to 100% because he could see how comfortable his wife was getting. After 2 hours of labor the woman gave birth to a healthy baby. Both were pretty astonished, thanked the doctor left. When they came home the milkman was lying dead on the porch.


Kate Middleton has said if she has a boy she will call him by the most popular British boy's name at the moment.

We look forward to the arrival of baby Mohammed.

Susan at Bible Shool

Susan was a good little Christian girl, but one Saturday night, she stayed up way to late. So when Sunday rolled around and it came time for Sunday School, she finally forced herself to go. Upon her arrival she figured it wasn't all that important as it was the same lesson from 3 weeks ago. She dozed off, and when the teacher asked her, "Who is the Son of God?" The boy next to her poked her with a pencil. She immediately woke up and exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!". After this she nodded off again and the teacher called on her again, "Susan, who is the creator of the universe?" The boy poked her again with the pencil, awakening flustered and rather angry, she spoke softly, growing gradually louder, "Oh, my, God!" Again she falls asleep when the teacher asks one final question, "Susan, what did Eve say to Adam after their 56th child?" The boy once more prodded her with his pencil and she screams, "IF YOU POKE ME WITH THAT THING ONE MORE TIME, I WILL SNAP IT IN HALF!!!"

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mothers pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. they were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10%, for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and "kick it up a notch."
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husbands blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing at this point, they decided to try for 50%. the husband continued to feel quite well.
Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby boy with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mail man was dead on the porch.

Only three doors

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

A young man was sent to prison,

Upon his arrival an older man welcomed him to make sure he was comfortable.
The older man asked "Do you like baseball?" the young man replied "of course, I loved playing it as a kid" the older man said "we'll that's great we play baseball all day Monday".
The older man asked "Do you like movies?" The young man replied, "yes, I love watching a good movie" the older man replied "that's great, Tuesday is movie night."
Next the old man asked "Do you like Italian food?" The young man replied "yes, that's actually my favorite". The old man replied "Wonderful, on Wednesdays its Italian food night in the cafeteria".
Lastly the old man ask "Son, are you a homosexual?" The young man replied "No sir, I have a wife on the outside. The older man replied "Well young man, you're not going to enjoy Thursday nights."

Pronounced 'Dead' on arrival ... oops!

The soon to be new parents known as Mr. & Mrs. D. were so excited, as they were just about to give birth to their brand new daughter, whom they'd already decided to name Dea D..
Just a few minutes later, a healthy baby girl popped out but was unfortunately pronounced 'Dead' on arrival by the attending nurse who apparently had significant issues with letter spacing on medical charts.

Asian airlines offer new deal to customers...

Pay only upon arrival!

A Chinese man from Shanghai visited New York

Upon his arrival his friends asked him how he liked New York City, to which the man responded:
I liked it very much it is very quiet, clean and not too many people.

I read this joke in a 1974 p**... magazine today.

An elderly man died and went to purgatory. There he ran into a friend his age, who is accompanied by a luscious young blonde. "I'm happy for you, Steve", said the new arrival. "At least you're getting a partial reward in this place while you expiate your sins."
"She isn't my reward", sighed Steve, "I'm her punishment!"

All Men Go to Heaven...

...and upon arrival at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter tells the recently departed to form two lines: one for the 'man of the house'; and a second for those obedient and dutiful to their wives. The first line had only 1 man standing in it, while the second line was miles long.
St. Peter turns to the one man standing in the first line and asks, "Man, how did you end up in this line?!"
To which the man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

First they came for the verbs...

First they came for the verbs, and I said nothing because verbing weirds language. Then they arrival for the nouns, and I speech nothing because I no verbs.

Dearest Wife email

*A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami.*
**The e-mail reads:**
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure it is hot down here.

Jewish Joke

Old Jewish man on his death bed requests a priest. His family not understand why complies and requests a priest who on arrival is told by the old man that he wishes to convert to Christianity. The family is in disbelief and once the father has left asks the old man why? His replies "well if anyone has to die I would rather it be one of them".

Why are Biblical scholars nervous about Donald Trump's pick for VP?

Because according the Book of Revelations, the arrival of the apocalypse will first be signaled by Trump-Pence.

So I saw a black man running with a TV.

Horrified I thought it was mine. But upon arrival home I saw mine was in its right place. Polishing my shoes.

A cop was called to investigate a room that was the sight of a m**...

Upon arrival, the cop discovered the room was merely the crow exhibit at an aviary

The White House bar and restaurant, upon Trump's arrival, will reduce their beverage selections to just two choices:

You can get a White Russian or an Orange Julius.

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS...

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea.
He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop.
It read… MAIN ENTRANCE.

A man gets to the hospital just as his child is being born...

He was pronounced Dad on Arrival

My Japanese friend mailed himself to the United States.

When I went to pick him up, his box was in an area labeled "Dead Nippon Arrival".

A guy drank some magic beer

A man sat alone at the bar of a rooftop club. Soon another man sat beside him and asked him what he was drinking.
"Magic beer." the man said.
"What do you mean by magic beer?" the new arrival asked.
The magic beer drinker took 2 gulps of beer and jumped off the building. He flew around the rooftop a few times and landed back on his stool.
"That was incredible!" the other man said.
The new arrival eagerly took some gulps of the magic beer and jumped off the roof. He plummeted 15 stories to his death.
"You know, you're a real d**... when you're drunk, Superman." said the spectating bartender.

Moana decides she wants to visit Maui.

Maui, being a super nice guy, prepares a large feast for her arrival, with plans to treat her like a queen. Moana arrives and sees the massive feast, and she says to Maui, "You've done too much for me. I cannot accept these lavish gifts. Why did you do this?"
Maui responds, "What can I say? Accept your welcome!"

The movie Arrival was so unrealistic.

The professor in the movie actually knew how to use the AV equipment in their classroom.

The blessed arrival of a baby into my life yesterday would have been greeted with a lot more joy...

If I could only figure out who mailed it to me.

A technician is called to inspect q gas leak at an anesthesiologist's office

Upon arrival, he said: "Huh, this smells like chlorofor".

A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven

On arrival in heaven, the Holocaust survivor tells God a Holocaust joke. God says, "that's not funny." The survivor replies, "ah, well, you had to be there."

If April showers bring May flowers, what does April snow bring?

Incredulous Facebook posts about the arrival of spring.

A married couple goes on safari....

A married couple goes on safari in Africa. Upon their arrival, they're greeted by a guide who shows them around as they explore the landscape and catch glimpses of the wildlife.
In the distance, however, there is a constant tribal drumming that continues day and night, without stop. It goes on for days and days until one morning it suddenly stops. The guide freezes and begins to sweat, nervously. Panicked, the couple asks,
"What's wrong? What's happening?"
"Drums stop--very bad."
The guide shifts, uncomfortably.
"Next comes bass solo."

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut down a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, No! Wait! I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, And you will dialogue!"

After a 10 day journey, the turtle family finally arrives to the picnic location...

Upon arrival, mama turtle realizes they forgot the ketchup.
Junior, please go back and fetch the ketchup
No way! You'll start without me
Don't worry, we'll wait for you
I don't believe you
We promise not to start without you
Reluctantly, Junior leaves.
They way for a day... two... five... ten... twenty...
After 30 days, grampa turtle bursts:
I can't take it any longer!!! - and bites the sandwich
At this point Junior suddenly jumps from behind a rock and yells:
AHA!! I KNEW IT!!!

After my flight arrival in Munich . . .

After my flight arrival in Munich I was going through customs and was spoken to in German by the customs agent.
I obviously looked perplexed, and so the agent asked me in English if I at least knew a little German.
I said "Sure, his name is Gunther and he's about four foot, nine inches tall."

Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition.

However, upon arrival he realised he seriously misunderstood the objective.

In the wake of Hurricane Florence, residents of North Carolina are returning home to deal with flood damage, mold, and apparently with the arrival of the President...

Tiny mushrooms.

What does a handheld GPS announce just before the arrival at the s**... club?

"You have arrived at your m**...."

What did the Mexican firefighter say upon his arrival to a burning neighborhood?

What up, homes?

Last October I went to garden party in the evening. Upon arrival I received a very warm welcome from an Irish woman.

Her name was Patti O'Heter.

A programmer

A programmer is going to the grocery store and his wife tells him, "Buy a gallon of milk, and if there are eggs, buy a dozen." So the programmer goes, buys everything, and drives back to his house. Upon arrival, his wife angrily asks him, "Why did you get 13 gallons of milk?" The programmer says, "There were eggs!"

A man finally got engaged to his dream woman. Eager to show off his new fiance, he took her to his home town.

Upon arrival, he approached his mother and said, I'm going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance.
Sure enough, twenty minutes later, the man walked in the door with three girls following behind him.
Without a moment's hesitation the mother pointed to the man's fiance and said, It's that one.
Wow! exclaimed the man. How in the world did you know it was her?
The mother shrugged, I just don't like her.

A young boy named Jim with suspected mental illness was due to visit a psychotherapist but he seemed very uncomfortable with the whole idea. Finally his mother convinced him to go. Upon arrival the young boy was greeted Hello Jim, do you know who I am? ...

Jim replied.. Of course I do, your Psycho The r**...!

A city lawyer goes to visit his farmer cousin in the country.

On arrival, he sees a pig with a wooden leg.
He asks his cousin, "What's the deal with that pig?"
The farmer replies, "Oh, he's special. When my daughter Susie was trapped in a burning barn, he ran in and saved her. And when my son Owen fell down a well, he came and got us and led us right to him."
"That's amazing!" said the lawyer. "But how did he end up with a wooden leg?"
"Well," said the farmer, "a pig that you don't eat all once!"

A man is dispatched by the UN to investigate the quality of the democracy in China.

Upon arrival, he has a meeting with the chinese president. He asks the president:
Do you have elections?
The president seems somewhat uncomfortable but answers:
Evely molning

Three guys go to h**....

One from California. One from New York. One from Louisiana. Upon arrival they are brought to a phone. The guy from California calls home and talks for an hour and the devil says That will be $150. The guy from New York calls home and talks for 3 hours and the devil says That will be $500. The guy from Louisiana calls home and talks for 5 hours and the devil says That will be $5. The other two guys asked angrily Why was his call so cheap? The devil responds, That was a local call.

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, And you will dialogue!"

My friend tried to make it to the hospital before his baby was born.

But he was dad on arrival.

A Zen novice called for an electrician.

Upon arrival at the monk's apartment, the electrician asked how he could be of assistance.
"I'm having trouble with this brand-new lamp that I just bought," the novice said. "I've tested the outlet, I've flipped every switch, and I still can't get it to work."
The electrician examined the lamp, then nodded his head. "Well, this lamp has a built-in clapper, see?"
"'Clapper?'" the novice repeated.
The electrician nodded again, then clapped his hands... and the novice was enlightened.

At the Pearly Gates

Upon arrival at the Pearly Gates, you are allowed one wish for anyone you left behind, back on earth. St. Peter explained this to a woman who had just recently arrived, and asked what her one wish would be.
"Well, I just wish my son would get married and be happy."
"Look lady, I said one wish. Make up your mind!"

Heaven is celebrating

A man was waiting at the Pearly Gates, when he noticed a commotion, suddenly a choir of angels start singing and the whole place is rejoicing.
What's going on? He asked.
Soon a man whose deeds and actions were greatly admired by God, will be joining us and we're anticipating the arrival of this great human, who did more to spread prayer and joy than any other!
Ah, yes, I had heard that the Pope died.
Who cares about a freaking Pope? I'm talking about Pele!

Arrival joke, Heaven is celebrating

jokes about arrival