The Best 36 Arrival Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Arrival jokes. There are some arrival stewardess jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these arrival departure puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Arrival Jokes and Puns

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.


Kate Middleton has said if she has a boy she will call him by the most popular British boy's name at the moment.

We look forward to the arrival of baby Mohammed.

Only three doors

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Arrival joke, Only three doors

Pronounced 'Dead' on arrival ... oops!

The soon to be new parents known as Mr. & Mrs. D. were so excited, as they were just about to give birth to their brand new daughter, whom they'd already decided to name Dea D..

Just a few minutes later, a healthy baby girl popped out but was unfortunately pronounced 'Dead' on arrival by the attending nurse who apparently had significant issues with letter spacing on medical charts.

A Chinese man from Shanghai visited New York

Upon his arrival his friends asked him how he liked New York City, to which the man responded:

I liked it very much it is very quiet, clean and not too many people.


I read this joke in a 1974 Playboy magazine today.

An elderly man died and went to purgatory. There he ran into a friend his age, who is accompanied by a luscious young blonde. "I'm happy for you, Steve", said the new arrival. "At least you're getting a partial reward in this place while you expiate your sins."
"She isn't my reward", sighed Steve, "I'm her punishment!"

All Men Go to Heaven...

...and upon arrival at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter tells the recently departed to form two lines: one for the 'man of the house'; and a second for those obedient and dutiful to their wives. The first line had only 1 man standing in it, while the second line was miles long.

St. Peter turns to the one man standing in the first line and asks, "Man, how did you end up in this line?!"

To which the man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

Arrival joke, All Men Go to Heaven...

First they came for the verbs...

First they came for the verbs, and I said nothing because verbing weirds language. Then they arrival for the nouns, and I speech nothing because I no verbs.

Dearest Wife email

*A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami.*

**The e-mail reads:**

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure it is hot down here.

Jewish Joke

Old Jewish man on his death bed requests a priest. His family not understand why complies and requests a priest who on arrival is told by the old man that he wishes to convert to Christianity. The family is in disbelief and once the father has left asks the old man why? His replies "well if anyone has to die I would rather it be one of them".

Why are Biblical scholars nervous about Donald Trump's pick for VP?

Because according the Book of Revelations, the arrival of the apocalypse will first be signaled by Trump-Pence.

You can explore arrival warmly reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean arrival incoming dad jokes. There are also arrival puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


So I saw a black man running with a TV.

Horrified I thought it was mine. But upon arrival home I saw mine was in its right place. Polishing my shoes.

A cop was called to investigate a room that was the sight of a murder

Upon arrival, the cop discovered the room was merely the crow exhibit at an aviary

The White House bar and restaurant, upon Trump's arrival, will reduce their beverage selections to just two choices:

You can get a White Russian or an Orange Julius.

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS...

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.

The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea.

He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop.

It read… MAIN ENTRANCE.

A man gets to the hospital just as his child is being born...

He was pronounced Dad on Arrival

Arrival joke, A man gets to the hospital just as his child is being born...

My Japanese friend mailed himself to the United States.

When I went to pick him up, his box was in an area labeled "Dead Nippon Arrival".

Moana decides she wants to visit Maui.

Maui, being a super nice guy, prepares a large feast for her arrival, with plans to treat her like a queen. Moana arrives and sees the massive feast, and she says to Maui, "You've done too much for me. I cannot accept these lavish gifts. Why did you do this?"

Maui responds, "What can I say? Accept your welcome!"

The movie Arrival was so unrealistic.

The professor in the movie actually knew how to use the AV equipment in their classroom.


The blessed arrival of a baby into my life yesterday would have been greeted with a lot more joy...

If I could only figure out who mailed it to me.

A technician is called to inspect q gas leak at an anesthesiologist's office

Upon arrival, he said: "Huh, this smells like chlorofor".

A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven

On arrival in heaven, the Holocaust survivor tells God a Holocaust joke. God says, "that's not funny." The survivor replies, "ah, well, you had to be there."

If April showers bring May flowers, what does April snow bring?

Incredulous Facebook posts about the arrival of spring.

A lumberjack went to a magic forest to cut a Tree..

Upon arrival to the tree he started swinging at the tree.
"But, I'm a talking tree" said the tree.
"And you will dialogue" replied the lumberjack.

A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut down a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, No! Wait! I'm a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, And you will dialogue!"

After my flight arrival in Munich . . .

After my flight arrival in Munich I was going through customs and was spoken to in German by the customs agent.

I obviously looked perplexed, and so the agent asked me in English if I at least knew a little German.

I said "Sure, his name is Gunther and he's about four foot, nine inches tall."

Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition.

However, upon arrival he realised he seriously misunderstood the objective.

In the wake of Hurricane Florence, residents of North Carolina are returning home to deal with flood damage, mold, and apparently with the arrival of the President...

Tiny mushrooms.

What does a handheld GPS announce just before the arrival at the strip club?

"You have arrived at your masturbation."

What did the Mexican firefighter say upon his arrival to a burning neighborhood?

What up, homes?

Last October I went to garden party in the evening. Upon arrival I received a very warm welcome from an Irish woman.

Her name was Patti O'Heter.

A programmer

A programmer is going to the grocery store and his wife tells him, "Buy a gallon of milk, and if there are eggs, buy a dozen." So the programmer goes, buys everything, and drives back to his house. Upon arrival, his wife angrily asks him, "Why did you get 13 gallons of milk?" The programmer says, "There were eggs!"

A man finally got engaged to his dream woman. Eager to show off his new fiance, he took her to his home town.

Upon arrival, he approached his mother and said, I'm going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance.

Sure enough, twenty minutes later, the man walked in the door with three girls following behind him.

Without a moment's hesitation the mother pointed to the man's fiance and said, It's that one.

Wow! exclaimed the man. How in the world did you know it was her?

The mother shrugged, I just don't like her.

A young boy named Jim with suspected mental illness was due to visit a psychotherapist but he seemed very uncomfortable with the whole idea. Finally his mother convinced him to go. Upon arrival the young boy was greeted Hello Jim, do you know who I am? ...

Jim replied.. Of course I do, your Psycho The Rapist!

A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree. It shouted, Wait! I'm a talking tree

The lumberjack smiled, and you will dialogue .

A man is dispatched by the UN to investigate the quality of the democracy in China.

Upon arrival, he has a meeting with the chinese president. He asks the president:

Do you have elections?

The president seems somewhat uncomfortable but answers:

Evely molning

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the arrival shortly jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working arrival eagerly piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes