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Arresting Officer Jokes

97 arresting officer jokes and hilarious arresting officer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about arresting officer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Arresting Officer Short Jokes

Short arresting officer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The arresting officer humour may include short police officer jokes also.

  1. I got arrested for killing a black man. They charged me with impersonating a police officer.
  2. A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party. He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover
  3. I punched a white man in the face and was arrested for assault.. The next day when I got out, I punched a black man in the face and was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
  4. The other day I punched a white dude and got arrested for assault, Today I punched a black guy and got arrested for impersonating a police officer.
  5. My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
  6. A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states Solid, liquid and gas
  7. A white man was arrested after shooting a black man on the street. He was charged with impersonating a police officer.
  8. I can't believe I was arrested for impersonating politicians I was literally in my office doing nothing...
  9. I got arrested for fishing without a license at a dubstep festival. The arresting officer yelled "drop the bass!"
  10. A cop threatened to detain me for impersonating a police officer Apparently, "you can't arrest me, I'm a police officer!" wasn't a very good answer.

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Arresting Officer One Liners

Which arresting officer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with arresting officer? I can suggest the ones about arrested assaulting and arrested.

  1. I shot a black teenager the other day I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
  2. Why did the police officer arrest the popcorn? It was guilty of all salt and buttery.
  3. A cop walks into a bar Then places it under arrest for assaulting an officer
  4. What's the fastest way to get a female Officer to arrest you? Liquor.
  5. Why did the officer arrest the masseuse? She rubbed him the wrong way.
  6. Why did the police officer arrest a sapling? He committed tree-son.
  7. A police officer arrested a man who was in a mental hospital. The officer busted a nut.
  8. Hugh Laurie was confronted by a police officer at his door. It was a House arrest.
  9. If an officer's child refuses to go to bed,.. Would it be resisting arrest?
  10. What do you call a police who arrests a jaywalker? A Petty Officer!
  11. A police officer arrested a massage parlor owner Because he rubbed him the wrong way
  12. Why did the police officer arrest the man in the bathroom? He smelled crack.
  13. Sang the rainbow song in front of a police officer, got arrested for colourful language
  14. I shot a black man, and got arrested For impersonating a police officer
  15. If a deaf person gets arrested Does the officer still have to read them their rights?

Ridiculous Arresting Officer Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about arresting officer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean prison officer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make arresting officer pranks.

A man was arrested and taken to an interrogation room

He says to the police officer, "I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present."
"You are the lawyer," says the policeman.
"Exactly, so where's my present?"

A muslim woman is getting arrested

The police officer handcuffs her
You have the right to remain silent he says.
She suddenly starts laughing. The police officer notices, and questions her behavior.
Why, you see, I'm just happy to finally have a right!

Hans the Norwegian

Hans was arrested for speeding... driving 66 miles an hour in a 50 mph zone. However, he explained to the officer,
"I saw a big sign vit 66 on it."
"That's Highway 66," the officer said disgustedly.
"Goodness sakes," replied Hans, "you should have seen me yesterday on highway 110!"

I've just been arrested by police investigating match fixing.

They executed search warrants at my home and office, seized my computer, laptop and mobile phone, and froze my bank account.
All I did was go into my local bookies and put a £5 bet on Manchester United to win.

Unnecessary Arrests

The other day, a police officer was walking through the park. He saw two kids. One of the kids was eating fireworks. The other was drinking battery acid. The officer immediately arrested both kids and brought them to the station. When they got there, the officer's superior told him to let one of the kids off and charge the other one.

A cop calls up the station

Cop: "This is officer John. We have a h**... case here. A woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean."
HQ: "Have you arrested the woman?"
Cop: "No sir, the floor is still wet."

A man by the name of Ronald Bates came home to find his butler being arrested...

"What in the world could my butler have done to be arrested?" Bates asked the police officer handcuffing the butler.
"We had a complaint from you next door neighbor that he was yelling obscene remarks," the police officer replied.
"Obscene remarks?!?! What was he saying?!?!"
"The neighbors say that, for a few minutes on end, he kept yelling 'Masturbates,' 'Masturbates!'

A cops calls for backup from a crime scene

This is officer John, please send backup, a woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean.
Have you arrested the woman?
No Sir, the floor is still wet.

This one time, I shot a defenseless black guy and got arrested..

For impersonating an officer of the law.

Mr. Peanut was arrested for drunk and disorderly at a local s**... Club

The arresting officer said it wasn't the first time he'd busted a nut in front of a stripper and it wouldn't be the last.

A police officer called his station on the radio.

"I have an interesting case here. An elderly woman shot her husband for stepping on the kitchen floor she just mopped."
Dispatch replied, "have you arrested the woman yet?"
The officer responded, "Not yet. The floor is still wet."

An old lady shot her husband on the foot ...

An old lady shot her husband in the foot for stepping on the floor right after she mopped.
An officer reached on the scene and radioed into the station.
Station: "Has the women been arrested ? "
Officer: "No, the floor is still wet ...."

A woman shot her husband.

A woman shot her husband for walking on her freshly mopped floor.
When the police arrived at the house the sergeant contacted one of the officers over the radio:
"Have you arrested her yet?" The sergeant asked.
"Not yet" replied the officer, "the floor's still wet"

An old lady shot her husband for stepping on floor she just mopped

A police officer called the station on his radio, "I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on floor she just mopped".
Operator, "Did you arrest the woman?"
Officer, "No. The floor is still wet."

Why was I arrested for only 1 year with a $5,000 fine after killing an unarmed African-American man?

On charges of "impersonating a police officer".

A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…

A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.
I have an interesting case here, he says. A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.
Have you arrested her? asks the sergeant.
No, not yet. The floor's still wet.

I got arrested for shooting a black man

I was charged for trying to impersonate a police officer

Irish man arrested for domestic a**...

The man has been arrested on the same charge 5 times before.
"Why do you keep beating her p**...?" asked the police officer.
"Well isn't that obvious you idiot?
It is my height and weight advantage coupled with my superior reach and better footwork!"

I was arrested for killing a black man

I thought I would be charged with m**..., but instead I was charged with impersonating a police officer.

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station...

"I have an interesting case here," he said. "A woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant,
"No, not yet. The floors still wet."

A police officer called his station back on Radio.

He was at a m**... scene where an old woman shot her husband for stepping on just mopped floor.
Dispatch: So was an Arrest made ?
Officer: Not yet.
Dispatch: ?
Officer: The floor is still wet.

A lady was putting gas in her car today while smoking a cigarette.

Unfortunately, the lady caught her arm of fire. She was frantically moving her flaming arm in the air until a police officer brutally slammed her to the ground and handcuffed her. "Why are you arresting her?" I said. "She was waving a firearm" he responded.

When interviewing the police officers involved in Tiger Woods' arrest, they told how they came to suspect he was under the influence.

"Simple" The officer responded. "It was the straightest drive he's had in years. We knew right away something was up."

A police officer is doing his patrol when he sees two men arguing.

He goes to approach, when suddenly it gets physical. The first man throws a packet of sodium chloride at the second, and the second responds by throwing a bunch of 9 volts at the first.
The officer arrests them for a salt and battery.

When I was at the immigration office, I interrupted an officer answering his phone and told him "Ship them back where they came from. They have a tendency to explode". He arrested me for being Islamophobic.

As I was dragged out, I was yelling "I was talking about your Samsung Galaxy Note 7!"

A police officer arrests a drunk man

After minutes of hassle getting the man in the police car, they're finally ready to go.
The officers turns around and says "Please fasten your seatbelt".
The man smirks and says "It's ok. Nobody will pull us over"

I got pulled over a while ago and the officer asked me "you drinking?"

I responded "you buying?" We both laughed and I got arrested

Autumn is best enjoyed in all her glory.

Unfortunately, the police officers who arrested me outside her window didn't agree.

s**... with the DA's wife

Jack gets caught having s**... with the DA's wife. The next morning the police is at his door, telling him that he's arrested. Jack is furious. "What? Am I getting arrested just because I slept with the DA's wife? That's not i**...." The police officer shakes his head. "No, we are arresting you because you slept with a 14 year old girl."

A monk is arrested for stealing cloth...

The police officer let's him go with a warning, tells him not to make a habit of it.

The police officer inspected my drivers license carefully.

"Driver, I see you have a class 3 license that requires you to wear glasses whilst driving. I can't help but notice you are not wearing glasses."
"I've got contacts," I explained.
"I don't care who you know, driver," declared the officer. "You're under arrest."
:-P

2 police officers were called to a domestic a**...,

2 police officers were called to a domestic a**... call. when they got there they had to call for backup. 2 police cars showed up making it 6 officers at the scene,
they called headquarters and spoke to their Captain.
"Captain we have a m**... here"
"what happened?"
"a wife shot and killed her husband for walking on her still wet mopped kitchen floor"
"well, have you arrested her yet?"
"Not yet, the kitchen floor is still wet."

Two Parents Get Arrested

A couple is arrested after they get caught burning their son's name on farms. Picture a big bonfire, but it spells their son's name.
It's a tense ride into the station. The parents are obviously nervous, so the officer makes some small talk.
After a while, though, the curiosity gets the best of him so he asks them why.
Cop: Of all things to spell out, why your son's name?
Dad: We figured it was the best way to show how much we love arson.

An edited version of a joke that's been already posted.

A proton, a neutron, and an electron got into a bar fight.
The bartender called the police, but when the officers arrived, they only arrested the proton. Confused, the bartender asked, why did you only arrest the proton?
To which one of the officers replied, well you see, the electron kept running around the proton like a madman, so we couldn't know its exact location. And no one can press charges on the neutron.

I punched a white guy at the gas station last week and got arrested for grievous b**... harm...

Punched a black guy in the shopping center today and got arrested for impersonating a police officer...

Being white can be hard...

I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy and then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

Why did the police officer arrest the artist as a m**... suspect?

He was a sketchy dude.

I heard that Gotye used to give o**... s**... to a police officer so he'd turn a blind eye to his crimes.

The officer eventually arrested him, despite this. Now he's just some Bobby that he used to blow.

A man goes up to a police officer and asks him:

„Officer, is it allowed to call a police officer a Bull? The officer said: „No, I would arrest you if you did that.
The man continued to ask: „But is it allowed to call a Bull ,Officer'?
„Yes, you can do that if you want. , the officer replied.
With a smile on his face the man said: „Well then, see you later, officer!

An officer is arresting a man.

Officer: I'm arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.
Man: Wait! I can explain everything!

-Officer Johnson here...

\-*Officer, go ahead.*
\-We responded to a call about a woman who stabbed his husband 38 times after he walked in on the floor still wet. We're at the location.
\-*Copy, Officer Johnson. Have you arrested the woman yet?*
\-Negative, we're waiting for the floor to dry.

My neighbour was arrested for killing a black man.

He was charged with impersonating a police officer.

A police officer shoots and kills an unarmed civilian

The officer is immediately arrested and eventually found guilty

A guy carrying a backpack gets stopped by the police on suspicion of terrorism..

The police officer asks him to let him check his backpack. The guy obliges. In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.
"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"
"But why?" the guy protests.
"You have been caught in procession of weapons of math instruction!"

Drunk Man Gets Arrested

Police Officer: 'Anything you say can and will be held against you' .........
Drunk: b**...!'

Police arrested a man who stole Wikipedia!

The man said, "Wait officer! I can explain everything!"

A guy carrying a backpack gets stopped by the Police on suspicion of terrorism

A guy carrying a backpack gets stopped by the Police on suspicion of terrorism.
The Police officer asks him to let him check his backpack. The guy obliges.
In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.
"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"
"But why?" the guy protests.
"You have been caught in possession of weapons of maths instruction!"

Police Officer: You are under arrest.

Me: For what?
Police Officer: For going 68 miles per hour.
Me: Fine but can you make the number a little cooler?
Police Officer: Sure.
The Judge: Sir, how did you go -68 miles per hour?

A police officer was dispatched to the house of an elderly couple when the neighbors heard gunshots

Shortly after arriving the officer called into the station to update the sergeant
Officer: "well sergeant, the old woman shot her husband because he walked through the kitchen while she was mopping the floor."
Sergeant: "did you arrest her?"
Officer: "no sir"
Sergeant: "why not?"
Officer: "the floor is still wet."

My friend was arrested for beating an unarmed black man to death

He was charged with impersonating a police officer.

*Police chasing after a thief*

Police officer: STOP!
Thief: s**...! I can't run any further.
Police officer: Sounds like you need... arrest!

A man got arrested for having drugs in his pocket.

"Officer," he said, "I can explain."
-How? -the officer replied.
"Every time I throw those drugs in the toilet, they magicaly reappear in my pocket."
-Don't lie to me. -says the officer.
"Let me show you then."
So the officer allows him to show it. A man takes out drugs, throw it in the toilet and fushes the water.
-Let me see your pocket now. -says the officer.
"My pockets?"
-Yes, to see those drugs.
"What drugs?"

A woman was pumping her gas on an extremely hot day.

As she pulled the nozzle from her car, some splashed on her arm and a random spark ignited the gas. As her arm was burning, she called for help to have someone try to quell the flame before it grew too high. To her luck, a couple police officers walked out from inside the gas station and immediately walked over to her.
As she pleaded for help, they approached her and immediately arrested her for unlawfully waving a firearm.

So this guy is getting arrested and the officer tells him he doesn't have to speak without his lawyer present.

When in jail, he consults his lawyer and asks...
Where the heck is my present?

A police officer called the station on his radio.

I have an interesting situation here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
Have you arrested the woman?
No, the floor's still wet.

A politician was arrested at his office and found guilty of cannibalism

One of his colleagues had called the police on him after spotting him eating a ham sandwich

Police bursts into a man's house.

They put him on the floor, handcuff him and all that shabang.
One of the officers says to him: "You are arrested for illegally downloading the whole Wikipedia!"
The man says: "I'm sorry officer.
I can explain everything."

Social experiment…

I punched a white guy and got arrested for assault. When they let me out I punched a black guy and got arrested… for impersonating a police officer.

My 9 year old son just asked me to pretend I was a police officer arresting him for downloading the entire Wikipedia. Me: Young man, you're under arrest for downloading the entire Wikipedia!

Him: I can explain everything!
(It's his best joke yet I think)

A man hands out printouts on Red Square. He's then arrested.

Once at the police station, the officers realize that his leaflets were empty. He says, "Everyone knows what the problem is, so why bother writing it down?"

A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor...

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station. I have an interesting case here, he says. A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped. Have you arrested her? asks the sergeant. No, not yet. The floor's still wet.

A drunk German was arrested in the middle of the street in Las Vegas

He complained to the judge that the police officer arrested him because he was "European".
The judge replied, "Sir, he said 'You were peeing!'"

A retired police officer passed away. The chief of police...

made a speech at the f**... and said may he arrest in peace