Following is our collection of Arrest jokes which are very funny. There are some arrest criminals jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these arrest cops puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
I can't remember too much, I was out drinking till late. Once I left the pub I saw two young men fighting. It took some effort but I successfully managed to separate them.
The judge says they were Siamese twins conjoined at the head.
...when they spot a guy standing next to the local Party Headquarters holding a paintbrush. On the wall, he's just written "The government is run by idiots!". The first policeman pulls out a pair of handcuffs and asks the second, "Shall we arrest him for vandalizing public property, or for divulging state secrets?".
Knock knock
Who's there?
Police, open up, you're under arrest
"Police open up you're under arrest" who?
Alright, now you're charged with resisting arrest too.
A recruit at a police academy is asked some difficult questions when it comes to the job. He is asked,
"If you pulled over your mother, and had to arrest her, what would you do?"
The recruit replies, "I'd call for backup"
got off on a technicality, no one there could *prove* they were books
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Apparently, airport security didn't like it when I called shotgun.
When they find him, he says "Don't arrest me, I'm in a cent!"
Domestic violins!
My wife told me to find a Black N' Decker.
You can explore arrest custody reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean arrest jail dad jokes. There are also arrest puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Appearently security doesn't like it when you call shotgun before boarding the plane.
Apparently, I was fingering A Minor.
I got arrest today, apparently you aren't allowed to do doughnuts within 200ft of a school zone... the frosting worked as great lubricant though
They wanted to know where the rest of her body was
I'm looking at a long sentence.
....they would have to charge you with hi-jacking
They've sent me to the Small Claims Court.
It's the first time I've ever kermitted a crime.
The politician tells the soldier to kill Burglar #1, and the two stab each other to death.
The politician then tells the cop to arrest Burglar #2, and the two beat each other unconscious.
The politician then walks up to Burglar #3 and says "I just saved your life, your freedom, and tripled your share of the loot. I think 20% is a fair cut."
...i thought she was a couple of years older than that, I suppose that makes two reasons why I'm a bad father.
They don't. They just beat up the room for being dark and arrest the light for being broke.
Turns out I bombed the test
My lawyer then told me that we'd beat this together.
In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.
I thought I would be charged with murder, but instead I was charged with impersonating a police officer.
I thought I would get arrest for murder, but I got arrest for impersonating a cop.
They suspected it of fowl play.
And to top it off, the cops took away my potato gun.
It looks like I'm going to Face Time
Wife dressed up as a police woman, handcuffed me to the bed and said I was under arrest for being a sex god.
Was released 2 minutes later with no charge.
My girlfriend dressed up as a police woman last night and giggled "I'm arresting you for being too good in bed"
After two minutes she said she was dropping the charges due to lack of evidence.
They charged me with impersonating a police officer.
I was charged with child molassation
He was at a murder scene where an old woman shot her husband for stepping on just mopped floor.
Dispatch: So was an Arrest made ?
Officer: Not yet.
Dispatch: ?
Officer: The floor is still wet.
Apparently, "you can't arrest me, I'm a police officer!" wasn't a very good answer.
Two. One to beat the room for being black and one to arrest the bulb for being broke.
Caesar.
"Simple" The officer responded. "It was the straightest drive he's had in years. We knew right away something was up."
A black man in America finally survived a traffic stop. Progress!
When all of a sudden he peels over with a massive throbbing pain in his heart. He grabs his chest and screams in pain. A man sees this and runs to his aid.
"Sir, listen to me, you are going into cardiac arrest." the helpful citizen says.
"But I didn't even do nothing!"
Because that's grounds for arrest.
He was resisting arrest.
Apparently my agent was confused and they actually booked me to perform a lute act on stage.
Just arrest one of them, and all of them stop.
This wouldn't work if they were parallel killers.
He answered, "Call for backup."
Because he was waving a firearm.
The cited reason for the arrest was: " He was carrying weapons of math instruction".
Sing the national anthem
They had to make a cardiac arrest.
Apparently you're not allowed to get Off in public
Because he was... Aquila.
...are they busting a nut?
They didn't realise I picked 7 up.
Unfortunately, all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
"Driver, I see you have a class 3 license that requires you to wear glasses whilst driving. I can't help but notice you are not wearing glasses."
"I've got contacts," I explained.
"I don't care who you know, driver," declared the officer. "You're under arrest."
:-P
They're good at breaking out
The cops said i was resisting a rest
Turns out it was ill eagle
I decided to fight the charges. The way I see it, they don't have a leg to stand on.
Apparently, the stroke patient sign is not a request one.
It was guilty of all salt and buttery.
Cop: Stop playing the race card!
Apparently he was a big fat lyer.
Apparently, I was High-Jacking.
I'm a car salesman going to New York for the unveiling of the new Porsche 911 model
When i landed in New York the TSA asked me are you here for business or pleasure
I responded I'm here for the new 911
I was heavily charged, despite my victims saying it was an overall positive experience.
The script clearly said 'Enter Juliet from behind'.
We arrest you in front of your wife and release you on Sunday.
It includes fishing license, poles, boat fees, tent, beers and all necessities for the whole weekend.
We come in full police uniforms and blue lights.
The police placed her under cardiac arrest!
The bartender calls cops and they show up to arrest everyone. The cops cuff the proton and electron but they let the neutron go because nobody could press charges.
The judge said 'Why did the police arrest you?'
The man replied 'For shopping too early.'
The judge said 'Well that's not a crime, how early were you shopping.'
The man replied 'Before the shop opened.'
2 minutes later she told me all the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.
Then places it under arrest for assaulting an officer
He was ill-eagle.
I don't think I'll have a problem getting myself off.
Nervously, the second policeman replies, The same as you, comrade. At that point the first one pulls out handcuffs and says, In that case, it is my duty to arrest you.
But I should be fine. I can explain everything in court.
...apparently that's "very clear" if you're in a hotel lobby with an aquarium.
The police officer asks him to let him check his backpack. The guy obliges. In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.
"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"
"But why?" the guy protests.
"You have been caught in procession of weapons of math instruction!"
They had probable caws.
Apparently security doesn't appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
A guy carrying a backpack gets stopped by the Police on suspicion of terrorism.
The Police officer asks him to let him check his backpack. The guy obliges.
In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.
"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I suspected. You are under arrest!"
"But why?" the guy protests.
"You have been caught in possession of weapons of maths instruction!"
I guess you could say he was under cardiac arrest
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the arrest detain jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working arrest detention piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.