Arrange Jokes

Following is our collection of organize funnies and manage chistes working better than reddit jokes. They include Arrange puns for adults, dirty coordinate jokes or clean attendance gags for kids.

There is an abundance of straighten jokes out there, and you're fortunate because we've a collection of favorite ones. Check out the funniest 28 jokes on the internet, even funnier than any organise witze you can hear about arrange.

The Best jokes about Arrange

I told my wife I'm going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on. She said, Where would you find the time?

I said, Easy. Right next to the sage.

Last Request

Two convicts who were about to be executed, The warden says to the first one, 'Do you have a last request?'
The convict says, 'Yes, I'd like to hear the song Achy Breaky Heart one last time.'The Warden says, 'OK, I think we can arrange that.' Then he says to the second convict, 'How about you?' The second convict says, 'Yeah, kill me first.'

I arranged a threesome on the weekend.

Had two no shows, but I still had fun

Nescafe and the Pope

Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.

After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers,
"Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to
donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from
'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily
coffee."

The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the
Lord. It must not be changed."

"Well," said the Nescafe man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For
this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."

"My son, it is impossible, for the prayer is the word of the Lord and
it must not be changed."

The Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your
adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer.... We will
donate $500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great
Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give
us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.'
Please consider it."

And he leaves.

The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news.The good
news is that the Church will come into $500 million.'"

"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.

"We're losing the Wonder-Bread account."

Martians arrive on earth...

They're peaceful and happy and everyone loves them. Obviously humanity has tons of questions they'd like to ask them so the U.N. decides to arrange a conference. All the world leaders, public intellectuals and religious heads are in attendance to ask their most burning questions. Finally it is the pope's turn to ask a question...

"I was wondering...have you ever heard of our lord and savior Jesus Christ" the pope asks.

"Jesus? Yes of course! He stops by our planet every couple of years and we all have a big party" the aliens respond

The pope looks baffled and says "You must be mistaken...Jesus Christ was here about two thousand years ago but he left and we've been waiting for his return ever since...why would he visit you so often?"

"well..." they look at each other "...maybe your chocolate wasn't good" the aliens offer

"Pardon me?" the pope asks

"Well, when Jesus first showed up on our planet we gave him really great chocolate...what did you guys do?"


A Jewish man is elected president...

Soon after, he calls up his mother to tell her the good news. "Mom, did you hear, I've been elected president!" "Oh, T
That's so great to hear, darling. I'm so proud of you!"

"So," asks the man, "you'll be coming out for the inauguration, right?" "I'm not sure," says his mother, "D.C. is so cold this time of year." "I'm the president, mom. I can arrange for you to get any sweater you want."

"I'm still not sure," continues his mother, "flying across the country is such a hassle." "Mom, I'll have you flown out here on Air Force One. It'll be no trouble to you." Finally, his mother agrees.

The day of the inaguration rolls around, and his mother is seated between the Vice President and the Secretary of State. As the man is being sworn in, his mother nudges the vice president.

"You see that boy up there? The one with his hand on the Bible? His brother's a doctor. "

I arranged a fundraising event for victims of land mines last week. Total waste of time though!!

Only half the people turned up.

It's a convict's first day in prison

he's a young convict and here's there crying. An older convict sits down and goes, 'Look, calm down, prison's not such a bad place. Like, for instance, do you like movies?' And he goes, 'Yeah I like movies.' He goes, 'Every Monday we show a movie on the screen, first run movie.' He goes, 'That's great.' He goes, 'And you like baseball?' He goes, 'Yeah.' 'Every Tuesday we arrange a baseball game.' He goes, 'That's terrific.' And he goes, 'You like Italian food?' And he goes, 'Yeah I love Italian food.' He goes, 'In the cafeteria on Wednesday, it's all Italian food. Let me ask you one more thing. Are you a homosexual?' And he goes, 'No.' He goes, 'Eh, you're not going to like Thursday.'

Two brothers are discussing the details of their father's funeral

The first one is trying to arrange everything himself, because he knows that the other one is pretty dim and sure to mess something up in some way.

The dim brother insists that he won't. Finally the first brother relents and gives him a small task: "Just make sure dad looks nice for the service."

The day of the service arrives and everything goes off without a hitch. The first brother congratulates the dim one on a job well done.

A month after the service, the first brother receives a bill for $200 from the funeral home. He assumes it was a missed cost and sends the money.

Another month goes by, and again he receives a bill for $200. Thinking something must be wrong, he calls the funeral home and asks why he's being charged another $200.

The funeral home director replies, "Well, your brother was insistent on your father looking nice for the funeral, so he rented him a tux!"

My dad's favorite joke

Two men go out to lunch. One man orders a BLT, but the waitress says "We're out of BLTs." The man contends they cannot be out of BLTs, and asks whether they have bacon. The waitress answers in the affirmative. The man asks whether they have tomatoes. Again, the waitress answers "yes." The man asks whether they have lettuce, and the waitress states they are indeed out of lettuce. The man asks whether he can have cabbage instead of lettuce, and the waitress agrees to arrange for this.

When the food arrives, the man who ordered the BLT begins to dissect the sandwich. He wipes the mayonnaise off the bread and wipes it on the side of the plate. He sets the tomatoes aside, and crumbles the bacon and puts it on top of the tomatoes. He then begins rolling up the cabbage and stuffing it into his ear. His friend is confused and embarrassed, and asks the man to stop, saying "Why are you doing that with the cabbage?"

The man answers: "Because they were out of lettuce."

The Pope's Coffee - From my grandfather

Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the pope at the Vatican .


After receiving the papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers, "Your Eminence, we have an offer for you.


Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.'"


The pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the Lord. It must not be changed."


"Well," says the Nescafe man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."


"My son, it is impossible. For the prayer is the word of the Lord, and it must not be changed."


The Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer... We will donate $500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.' Please consider it."


And he leaves.


The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.


"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news. The good news is that the Church will come into $500 million."


"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.


"We're losing the Wonderbread account."


I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture, but when I got home...

...the tables were turned.

Socrates' Beloved

Socrates beloved dog died. He went to his Greek priest and asked if he could arrange a regular church service for his dearly departed. The priest was outraged and berated the parishioner for suggesting his dog receive holy services. Dismayed, Socrates turned away mumbling, 'Now what am I to do with the five thousand Euros we saved for the serviced?' 'Good Lord, my son, come back; why didn't you say he was Orthodox?'

Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a call from his agent...

Who tells him that an up-and-coming director is looking for German- and Austrian-born actors for a movie.

"It's a little different than the stuff you're known for," the agent says, "It's a period piece about classical music composers. Should I arrange an audition?"

"There is no need," Arnold says. "I'll be Bach."

Why is it easy to arrange for private yoga classes with a teacher?

They are flexible.

The Polish Divorce

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.

One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could
arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and this conversation ensued:

"Have you any grounds?"
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

"No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
It's made of concrete.

"I don' think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?"
No, we have carport, and not need one.

"I mean what are your relations like?"
All my relations still in Poland .

" Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

"Does your wife beat you up?"
No, I'm always up before her each morning.

"Is your wife a nagger?"
No, she white.

"Why do you want this divorce?"
She going to kill me.

"What makes you think that?"
I got proof.

"What kind of proof?"

She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read English pretty good, and it say:
POLISH REMOVER

A hundred year-old man and his 98 year-old woman contact a lawyer to arrange a divorce...

...and lawyer asks them "how long have you been married?"

"80 years" the man replies.

"Why do you want a divorce after all this time?" the lawyer asks.

"We hate each other. I hate everything about her. I hate how she talks, how she walks, how she sleeps, how she chews her food, even how she breathes" the man replies. "And she's ugly."

The lawyer looks at the woman, eyebrows raised.

"Yes, " she says, "and I hate him too. I hate his hobbies, his attitudes, the way he treats people, his politics, I cannot stand to be in his presence for more than five minutes. The man is a pig. And he smells."

The lawyer asks "how long have you felt this way?"

"50 years" the mans replies.

"More like 60" says the woman.

"Well then tell me, " asks the lawyer, "why have you waited until now to get a divorce, if you've hated each other for so long."

"We were waiting for the children to die."

Two villages in Thailand cannot find a way to settle their differences.

They arrange to meet on the battle field the following day to finish it once and for all.

The next morning, hundreds of villagers from each settlement line up facing each other, ready for war.

They both send a single monk, fully dressed in hooded robes to the middle of the field. They begin to fight, one on one, **to the death**.

Confused, a young villager asks his father why the villages are not facing off in their entirety.

"Ah, my son, when the Catholics come here long ago, they teach us one thing", his father begins, "to win battle, you must fight friar with friar".

The 3 brothers

Three brothers named Ernie, Matt, and Steve are on a boat, when suddenly it wrecks. The brothers are the only survivors. They swim to a shore, only to be captured be natives. The natives dislike outsiders, and so they arrange to have them executed. A man with a bow aims at Ernie and asks, "Do you have any last words?" Well, Ernie thinks for a while, and then looks out into the distance and shouts, "HURRICANE!!!" All of the natives run into their huts, and Ernie gets away in a canoe. Next the man aims at Matt. He asks, "Do you have any last words?" Matt thinks for a bit, then looks in horror as he shouts "TORNADO!!!" All of the tribesmen run back into their huts, and Matt gets away in a canoe. When the archer asks Steve for his last words, Steve is very confident. He puts a false sense of worry on his face and shouts "FIRE!!!"


If I could re arrange the alphabet....

I'd put the D in U

I always wonder why an arranged marriage isn't called an arraigned marriage...

Talk about a life sentence

An Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman and a Chinese man arrange to go camping...

k

Dutch girl

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

Did you know that if you pull all the hair out from your head and arrange them in a single file..

..you'll end up getting bald.

When King Arthur needed to arrange transportation for his trip to the desert, where did he go?

The camel lot.

One a year, the ants arrange a party inside a pen.

They're celebrating Independence Day.

In medical exam came a question to arrange the words {P,I,E,N,S} into a body part.

Those who answered 'SPINE' are now doctors

A young sailor after his first week on his ship, asks another sailor...

Sailor 1: "Listen, are there any women on this ship?"

Sailor 2: "Nope, the entire crew is only men."

Sailor 1: "So, when you really need a woman, what do you do?"

Sailor 2: "Well, there's a cook that we all use in cases like that..."


The young sailor shows a disgusted face and walks away.

*Another week passes by...*


Sailor 1: "All right, I can't take it anymore. How about that cook?"

Sailor 2: "We can arrange it, but it's gonna cost you."

Sailor 1: "How much?"

Sailor 2: "$400."

Sailor 1: "$400?! Why so much?"

Sailor 2: "You need to pay the captain $100, because he doesn't like this kind of things happening on his ship, then you have to pay $100 to the second in command, because he also doesn't like it, and then you have to pay $100 to two of your mates, to hold the cook, because he doesn't like it either."

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes