Arnold Schwarzenegger Jokes
103 arnold schwarzenegger jokes and hilarious arnold schwarzenegger puns to laugh out loud. Read celebrity jokes about arnold schwarzenegger that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Arnold Schwarzenegger Short Jokes
Short arnold schwarzenegger jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The arnold schwarzenegger humour may include short arnold palmer jokes also.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but never uses. Donald Trump has one and uses it. What is it? A surname/last name
- I was kicked out of the house for my bad impressions of Arnold Schwarzenegger. But that didn't faze me. As I left, I told 'em... "I'll be returning"
- If Arnold Schwarzenegger's tombstone doesn't say "I'll be back..." Someone has made a grave mistake.
- Just an innocent question Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Brad Pitt's is short, Madonna does not have one, and the Pope doesn't use it.
What is it?
>!A last name.!< - I have qualities of both Albert Einstein and Arnold Schwarzenegger Body of Einstein, brain of Schwarzenegger
- What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Sylvester Stallone wanted to dress up as classical composers for Halloween? "You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach."
- What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his Tomato seeds after watering them for the first time? You have been germinated.
- I asked the toy store sales assistant if they had any Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures in store... She replied "Aisle B, back".
- I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg so I said to him, 'Which is your favourite Christian festival?'
He replied 'Have to love Easter, baby.' - In honor of Father's day, a dad joke There is a rumor that a movie about a 17th century classical composers will be made. It will even star Arnold Schwarzenegger among others.
He'll be Bach
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Arnold Schwarzenegger One Liners
Which arnold schwarzenegger one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with arnold schwarzenegger? I can suggest the ones about sylvester stallone and steven spielberg.
- What does Arnold Schwarzenegger call a colonoscopy? A Cameron Diaz
- I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger where the toilet paper was He said Aisle B, back.
- If Arnold Schwarzenegger were a pianist.. He'd be Bach.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger should open a pest control business. He's already an ex-terminator.
- What is Arnold Schwarzenegger's favorite pick-up line? Live with me if you want to come.
- What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say at the start of a game of chess? I'll be black
- Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger kill the mouse? He's an ex-Terminator
- What do you call it when Arnold Schwarzenegger gives you a handie? An Ahnold Palmer
- Where are the Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures? Aisle B, back
- What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say about the baritone? It's not a tuba.
- What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say after getting his Covid vaccine shot? I'll be back.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger has decided what he will be for Halloween this year He'll be Bach
- Why does Arnold Schwarzenegger kill insects? Because he's an ex-terminator
- What's Arnold Schwarzenegger's favourite island? Isle Be Back
- Why is Arnold Schwarzenegger such a good sled salesman? Because he knows how toboggan.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Arnold Schwarzenegger Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about arnold schwarzenegger you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean darth vader jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make arnold schwarzenegger pranks.
Arnold Schwarzenegger cannot tell Chuck Norris to "get down!"
A couple of A list actors are at a casting meeting on a new project about famous composers.
Arnold Schwarzenegger chimes in "I'll be Bach"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A riddle for the day
A riddle for the day
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
j**... Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )
----------------------------------------------------------
The answer is: "A Last Name."
Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Sad Attempt
Q: After getting fired from his job at the painting factory, why did Claude Monet wear sweatpants every day for 2 straight weeks?
A: He didn't have anyone to Impress.
Q: What did the social outcast crow say when none of the other crows would let her join their cliques?
A: Someone please m**... me.
Q: In the movie The 6th Day, what did Arnold Schwarzenegger's character say when he found out that his wife had cheated on him with his clone?
A: I'm going to kill myself.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked to play Mozart.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered the chance to play the role of Mozart in a new film. He read the script but was not impressed. So he told the producers 're-write it and I'll be Bach.'
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger become after he resigned as Governor of California?
An ex-terminator.
Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party
and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his wife when she asked if Christmas was his favourite holiday
I still love Easter, Baby.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is Arnold Schwarzenegger's s**... orientation?
Bicepsual.
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say at the abortion clinic?
Hasta last vista, baby.
What kind of photograph does Arnold Schwarzenegger take?
Polaroids.
Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.
He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I'd like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A riddle for today
A riddle for today
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
j**... Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it?
[The answer is: "A Last Name."
Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!] (/spoiler)
did you hear that hollywood offered Arnold Schwarzenegger his choice of roles in a movie about medieval composers?
he said " I'll be Bach"
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to the gym manager when he was joining a new gym?
I'll re-rack.
I got Arnold Schwarzenegger into Baroque music...
He'll be Bach.
What's the difference between Victoria Taylor and Arnold Schwarzenegger?
One was fired, the other was terminated
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Queen Elizabeth doesn't have one. The Pope has one, yet he does not use it.
Arnold Schwarzenegger's is big, and Brad Pitt's is small. What am I talking about?
A last name, you pervs.
Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are in a bar
After a few drinks Steven says he's thinking about making an action movie about classical composers
Sylvester says "I wanna be Mozart!"
Arnold says "in that case...I'll be Bach"
George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest.
George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest. Schwarzenegger did 910 push-ups. Bush won because he did 911.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has been talking about Carly Fiorina for years:
"Carly Fiorina needs water," "Carly Fiorina is a great state," blah blah blah.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was ostracised when he was young.
After taking steroids, however, he was Austria sized.
So there's this school play...
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.
Stallone goes first.
"I'll be Mozart"
Next up is Chuck Norris.
"I'll be Beethoven".
Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".
Did you hear that they're producing an action movie about a team of crime-fighting composers?
They already approached Arnold Schwarzenegger about playing fellow Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but he said "no, I'll be Bach!"
I couldn't think of any good Arnold Schwarzenegger jokes right now, but when I do
I'll be back.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I won a contest to go trick or treating with Arnold Schwarzenegger this year. w**... thinking of going as Beethoven.
He'll be Bach.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is actually a talented composer with a love for classical music!
His newest album is titled, "I'll Be Bach."
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he started driving for Lyft?
"It's not an Ubah!"
Arnold Schwarzenegger is a Republican whose wife is a member of the Kennedy family.
That makes him and his family...The Red Kennedys.
Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.
When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?
This joke is brought to you by Arnold Schwarzeneggers one-sided chess set.
"I'll be black"
Some people wonder why Arnold Schwarzenegger hasn't run for President...
It's only because he's austrian. And we all know what happened last time an Austrian came to power...
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Kim Jong has a short one, Mickey Mouse's isn't human, the Pope doesn't use his, and Cher doesn't have one. What is it?
Last Names
Arnold Schwarzenegger opens his own shopping mall. A customer left her purse on the counter after a purchase. Seeing the customer is nearing the exit of the mall, Arnold handed the purse to the nearest cashier.
"GET TO THE SHOPPER, NOW!"
I can't believe that people voted a random celebrity into office...
...I mean, Arnold Schwarzenegger as governor? Really?
Arnold Schwarzenegger is asked in an interview...
If you could be reincarnated as any famous musician in history, Who would it be.
He replies "I'll be Bach."
I just had Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren beat me up.
It was terrible. Now I'm seeing stars.
Some actors were planning to make a movie on famous composers
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks were all making a movie about famous composers. Leo said, "I'd like to play Beethoven." Tom said, "I'd like to play Mozart." Arnie said "I'll be Bach"
When born, Arnold Schwarzenegger got a job serving spaghetti for a local coffee shop.
He was known as the pasta barista baby.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is Arnold schwarzenegger good at killing cockroaches?
Because he's an ex-terminator
Arnold Schwarzenegger joined an Easter egg hunt but didn't find any eggs. His secretary asks "Does this mean you hate Easter now?"
He shakes his head and responds:
"I still love Easter baby."
It's 2015. Bill Clinton is whipping up celebrity endorsements for Hillary with a Halloween party. He invites his friend, Arnold Schwarzenegger and suggests they go as dead presidents for the media. Too cliche says Arnie. What about dead musicians. Great idea. I'll be Coltrane. What about you?
I'll be Bach.
Did you hear about Arnold Schwarzenegger's latest business venture - teaming up with the police to help protect kids on internet dating sites?
Guess you'd expect nothing less from a Tindergarten cop.
Alternate dimensions joke
A man learns how to go into alternate dimensions where he can become other people. He says "This is awesome, I've always wanted to be Arnold Schwarzenegger acting in the Terminator films, but I've also always wanted to compose classical music. So first, I'll be Bach"
A bunch of 80s action stars dressed up as Skid Row for Halloween but they couldn't figure out who would be the lead singer.
But Arnold Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when his 3rd grade teacher asked him to be a classical composer in the school play ?
I'll be Bach
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call the black version of Arnold Schwarzenegger?
Arnold Weißc**....
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to the Lyft driver?
It's naughta Uber
What do you call it when Arnold Schwarzenegger remembers the lyrics to Africa
Toto recall
What does Arnold Schwarzenegger
I'll be bawk.
Arnold Schwarzenegger's girlfriend broke up with him
Arnold Schwarzenegger's girlfriend broke up with him in hopes that it would be enough to stop him from dressing up as classical composers for halloween.
But deep down, she still knew that he'd be bach.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told this girl that people often tell me I could be Arnold Schwarzenegger's twin.
"I don't think so," she laughed, "You're fat, bald, don't work out, and are much too short!"
"I know.... Danny DeVito."
Danny Devito and Arnold Schwarzenegger are hanging out
Danny suggests they do some musical reenactment. Arnold, being the nice guy that he is agrees and let's Danny choose who he will be. Danny chooses Mozart. As for Arnold, he'll be Bach
Rumours are spreading that Arnold Schwarzenegger is being cast in a Namor the Sub-Mariner film. It's not known who he will be playing...
But we can confirm that it's not Attuma.
"Money doesn't make you happy ...
... I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million."
\-- Arnold Schwarzenegger
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a bar and approaches an attractive young woman...
He starts to introduce himself before the woman cuts him off.
"Before you talk to me I want you to agree to follow Schwarzenegger's rule." She says.
The man asks, "What's Schwarzenegger's rule?" To which the woman responds:
"If you spoke to Arnold Schwarzenegger the way some men speak to women you'd get your a**... kicked, so don't say anything to me that you wouldn't say to him."
The man pauses for a moment before proudly proclaiming, "you've got a NICE chest."
Arnold Schwarzenegger was going to a fancy dress party dressed as Tchaikovsky
However, when he found out that someone was already dressed as Tchaikovsky, he said "i'll be Bach".
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a restaurant, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."
Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"
"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"
That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"
"And who will you be, Arnold?"
"I'll be Bach."
Arnold Schwarzenegger is now a chef
With his own restaurant, so i managed to get hired in the kitchen to be near the awesomeness. But every time i ask him what he wants me to do he always says the same thing: get to da choppah!
My girlfriend says my Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions is horrible.
That's when I got upset and right before I walked out of the room, I turned to her with his impression and said.
I'll be returning.
