The Best 75 Arnold Schwarzenegger Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Arnold Schwarzenegger jokes. There are some arnold schwarzenegger sylvester jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these arnold schwarzenegger handel puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Arnold Schwarzenegger Jokes and Puns

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when someone told him to upgrade to Windows 7?

I still love vista, baby

A riddle for the day

A riddle for the day

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

Clinton uses his all the time.

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

Liberace never used his on women.

Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.

Cher claims that she took on 3.

We never saw Lucy use Desi's.

What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )

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The answer is: "A Last Name."

Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say about the baritone?

It's not a tuba.

Arnold Schwarzenegger joke, What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say about the baritone?

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was invited to the historical costume party?

"I'll be Bach"

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked to play Mozart.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered the chance to play the role of Mozart in a new film. He read the script but was not impressed. So he told the producers 're-write it and I'll be Bach.'


What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to Beethoven on the way to the fancy dress party?

"I'll be Bach"

Arnold Schwarzenegger should open a pest control business.

He's already an ex-terminator.

Arnold Schwarzenegger joke, Arnold Schwarzenegger should open a pest control business.

Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party

and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his wife when she asked if Christmas was his favourite holiday

I still love Easter, Baby.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one,

Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope has one but doesn't use it, Dominique Strauss-Khan uses his all the time. What is it?

A last name you pervert.

They're making a movie about classical music composers...

They're making a movie about classical music composers. In the middle of the auditions, Arnold Schwarzenegger walked in and simply declared, "I'll be Bach."

You can explore arnold schwarzenegger stallone reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean arnold schwarzenegger terminator dad jokes. There are also arnold schwarzenegger puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What was Arnold Schwarzenegger's answer when asked which historical person he would like to play in a movie?

I'll be Bach.

Steven Spielberg is casting for his upcoming blockbuster on the history of classical music.

He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I'd like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."

If Arnold Schwarzenegger were a pianist..

He'd be Bach.

Steven Spielberg has a new idea for a movie

He says he wants to make an action movie about classical music composers.

Sylvester Stallone says "I wana be Motzart!"

Arnold Schwarzenegger says "In zat case...I'll be Bach"

If Arnold Schwarzenegger was a composer which would he be?

He'd be Bach

Arnold Schwarzenegger joke, If Arnold Schwarzenegger was a composer which would he be?

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Sylvester Stallone wanted to dress up as classical composers for Halloween?

"You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach."

Arnold Schwarzenegger PC upgrade

Few years ago someone asked Arnold Schwarzenegger to upgrade his PC to windows 7. He said I still love vista, baby

A New Movie - Stephen Spielberg

Stephen Speilberg has just recently decided to create a new action movie about the greatest composers on Earth. His creates his cast and asks them 'Who do you want to be' ...

Bruce Willis says to him 'I ll play Beethoven, i've always fancied myself as a bit of a genius'

Liam Neeson then pipes up saying 'Im going to be Mozart, i find his music very relaxing and very baroque'

Lastly Arnold Schwarzenegger says 'Ill be Bach'


Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are in a bar

After a few drinks Steven says he's thinking about making an action movie about classical composers

Sylvester says "I wanna be Mozart!"

Arnold says "in that case...I'll be Bach"

Sean Connery, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are going to be in a movie about classical composers...

They are talking to the director about what roles they want to play.

Sean Connery says "I would shertainly like to play Moshart."

Sylvester Stallone says "Uh, well, I guess I wanna play Beethoven."

And so Arnold pauses a moment, and then says "I'll be Bach."

George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest.

George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest. Schwarzenegger did 910 push-ups. Bush won because he did 911.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and windows 10

Just after windows 10 was released, Arnold was asked if he was ever going to upgrade to windows 10.

His response? 'I still love Vista, baby.'

So there's this school play...

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.

Stallone goes first.

"I'll be Mozart"

Next up is Chuck Norris.

"I'll be Beethoven".

Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger call a colonoscopy?

A Cameron Diaz

Arnold Schwarzenegger just announced he's giving up the limelight to go back to his first love, pest control.

He's an ex-terminator now.

Three actors are deciding on roles for a movie about classical music.

Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all taking part in a new movie about classical composers.

"I think I'll play Beethoven!" declared Matt.

"I'd like the role of Mozart!" Brad decided.

"I'll be Bach." said Arnie.

I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger why he hasnt upgraded his computer to Windows 10..

He said "I still love Vista baby!"

Did you hear that they're producing an action movie about a team of crime-fighting composers?

They already approached Arnold Schwarzenegger about playing fellow Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but he said "no, I'll be Bach!"

I won a contest to go trick or treating with Arnold Schwarzenegger this year. Wad thinking of going as Beethoven.

He'll be Bach.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7..

His response was "I still love Vista, baby!"

Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.

When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was invited to a classical musician theme Halloween party?

I'll be Bach.

I have qualities of both Albert Einstein and Arnold Schwarzenegger

Body of Einstein, brain of Schwarzenegger

Bruce Willis, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all auditioning for a film about composers...

Bruce Willis says "I'll be Mozart", Chuck Norris says "I'll be Beethoven" and Arnold Schwarzenegger says "I'll be Bach".

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Kim Jong has a short one, Mickey Mouse's isn't human, the Pope doesn't use his, and Cher doesn't have one. What is it?

Last Names

Arnold Schwarzenegger has made a pretty good career for himself in pest control...

They say he's a great ex-terminator

Arnold Schwarzenegger opens his own shopping mall. A customer left her purse on the counter after a purchase. Seeing the customer is nearing the exit of the mall, Arnold handed the purse to the nearest cashier.

"GET TO THE SHOPPER, NOW!"

What is Arnold Schwarzenegger now that he's not an actor?

An exterminator

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Donald Trump's is short, and Madonna doesn't have one. What is it?

A last name

Arnold Schwarzenegger is asked in an interview...

If you could be reincarnated as any famous musician in history, Who would it be.

He replies "I'll be Bach."

Some actors were planning to make a movie on famous composers

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks were all making a movie about famous composers. Leo said, "I'd like to play Beethoven." Tom said, "I'd like to play Mozart." Arnie said "I'll be Bach"

I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger if he wanted to swap over to windows 10..

He said 'I still love Vista, Baby.'

Steven Spielberg's Next Movie

Steven Spielberg decides that he wants to make a movie about famous composers. He puts out a casting call.

Tom Hulce walks in first and says, "I played Mozart in Amadeus, and would love to play him again."

Next, Gary Oldman calls. "I was Beethoven in Immortal Beloved, so I already have experience playing the part."

Arnold Schwarzenegger meets with him, and states, "I'll be Bach."

Steven Spielberg wants to make a movie about famous composers, so he puts out a casting call.

Gary Oldman walks in first and says, "I played Beethoven in *Immortal Beloved*, so I already have experience playing the part."

Tom Hulce calls in next, "I was Mozart in *Amadeus*, and would love to play him again.

Arnold Schwarzenegger meets with him and says, "I'll be Bach."

When born, Arnold Schwarzenegger got a job serving spaghetti for a local coffee shop.

He was known as the pasta barista baby.

Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a call from his agent...

Who tells him that an up-and-coming director is looking for German- and Austrian-born actors for a movie.

"It's a little different than the stuff you're known for," the agent says, "It's a period piece about classical music composers. Should I arrange an audition?"

"There is no need," Arnold says. "I'll be Bach."

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say at the start of a game of chess?

I'll be black

Arnold Schwarzenegger joined an Easter egg hunt but didn't find any eggs. His secretary asks "Does this mean you hate Easter now?"

He shakes his head and responds:
"I still love Easter baby."

I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg

so I said to him, 'Which is your favourite Christian festival?'
He replied 'Have to love Easter, baby.'

What's Arnold Schwarzenegger's favourite holiday?

"Have to love Easter, baby!"

My wife left me because I do a terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. But don't worry...

I'll return.

A bunch of 80s action stars dressed up as Skid Row for Halloween but they couldn't figure out who would be the lead singer.

But Arnold Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he and his friends decided to cosplay as famous composers?

I'll be Bach.

I was kicked out of the house for my bad impressions of Arnold Schwarzenegger. But that didn't faze me. As I left, I told 'em...

"I'll be returning"

Sylvester Stallone, Jean Claude Van Damme, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all making a movie about classical composers.

Sylvester Stallone said, "I'll be mozart."
Jean Claude Van Damme said, "I'll be Beethoven."
Schwarzenegger said, "I'll be bach."

Arnold Schwarzenegger's girlfriend broke up with him

Arnold Schwarzenegger's girlfriend broke up with him in hopes that it would be enough to stop him from dressing up as classical composers for halloween.

But deep down, she still knew that he'd be bach.

A joke from work

Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.

Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.

Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.

Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since he likes his music.

Arnold Schwarzenegger just looks at them and says "I'll be Bach."

Where are the Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures?

Aisle B, back

Danny Devito and Arnold Schwarzenegger are hanging out

Danny suggests they do some musical reenactment. Arnold, being the nice guy that he is agrees and let's Danny choose who he will be. Danny chooses Mozart. As for Arnold, he'll be Bach

In honor of Father's day, a dad joke

There is a rumor that a movie about a 17th century classical composers will be made. It will even star Arnold Schwarzenegger among others.

He'll be Bach

After retiring from show business, Arnold Schwarzenegger now works in pest control.

He's the ex-Terminator.

"Money doesn't make you happy ...

... I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million."

\-- Arnold Schwarzenegger

Arnold Schwarzenegger is retiring from doing films.

He already has a new gig in mind. He wants to be an exterminator.

A bunch of actors were getting ready to be in a movie about famous singers and they were deciding who's gonna be who

RDJ said I'll be Beethoven and Hugh Jackman said I'll be Freddie Mercury and then everyone turned to Arnold Schwarzenegger said I'll be Bach

Co worker told me this one

Sean Connery, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger are discussing making a movie about great composers.

Sean Connery says Only if I get to be Mozart

Stallone says Then I'll be Beethoven

Arnold says I'll be Bach

Arnold Schwarzenegger now works in an insecticide bussiness.

He's an ex-terminator.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he was going to attend the 18th century composer costume party.

He said, Yes, I'll be Bach .

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when asked about not upgrading to Windows 10 ?

"I still love Vista, baby".

A movie studio is casting roles for a documentary about classical musicians.

Tom Cruise says I'll play the part of Mozart
Liam Neeson says I'll make a great Beethoven
Arnold Schwarzenegger says I'll be Bach

Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger were discussing who they were going to play in the new Hollywood Blockbuster:

The Great Composers!
"I wanna be Beethoven," said Stallone.
"I gotta be Mozart," retorted Willis.
"What about you, Arnie?" they asked....

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his Tomato seeds after watering them for the first time?

You have been germinated.

My girlfriend kicked me out of the apartment tonight.... she told me it was because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions.

So I said, "I shall return."

I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger where the toilet paper was

He said Aisle B, back.

Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger kill the mouse?

He's an ex-Terminator

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the arnold schwarzenegger schwarzenigger jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working arnold schwarzenegger composers piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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