Arnold Jokes
145 arnold jokes and hilarious arnold puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about arnold that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with a collection of the best Arnold jokes around! From Arnold Palmer drinks to Hey Arnold and David Arnold to Herbert Adams and Fritz, these funny jokes and puns are sure to have you in stitches. Don't miss out on these hilarious one-liners and puns that everyone will be sure to enjoy!
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Funniest Arnold Short Jokes
Short arnold jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The arnold humour may include short arnold schwarzenegger jokes also.
- My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions. But don't worry I'll return.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but never uses. Donald Trump has one and uses it. What is it? A surname/last name
- I was kicked out of the house for my bad impressions of Arnold Schwarzenegger. But that didn't faze me. As I left, I told 'em... "I'll be returning"
- If Arnold Schwarzenegger's tombstone doesn't say "I'll be back..." Someone has made a grave mistake.
- What's the difference between Benedict Arnold and Donald Trump? Benedict Arnold once fought for America.
- Just an innocent question Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Brad Pitt's is short, Madonna does not have one, and the Pope doesn't use it.
What is it?
>!A last name.!< - I have qualities of both Albert Einstein and Arnold Schwarzenegger Body of Einstein, brain of Schwarzenegger
- What did arnold schwarzenegger say when Sylvester Stallone wanted to dress up as classical composers for Halloween? "You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach."
- What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his Tomato seeds after watering them for the first time? You have been germinated.
- I asked the toy store sales assistant if they had any Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures in store... She replied "Aisle B, back".
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Arnold One Liners
Which arnold one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with arnold? I can suggest the ones about governor and terminator.
- What does Arnold Schwarzenegger call a colonoscopy? A Cameron Diaz
- I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger where the toilet paper was He said Aisle B, back.
- If Arnold Schwarzenegger were a pianist.. He'd be Bach.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger should open a pest control business. He's already an ex-terminator.
- One positive of Arnold Palmer's passing... He's six under for the first time in years...
- What is Arnold Schwarzenegger's favorite pick-up line? Live with me if you want to come.
- What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say at the start of a game of chess? I'll be black
- Who was Mr Rogers' weight lifting coach? Arnold Schwarzeneighbor
(OC) - Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger kill the mouse? He's an ex-Terminator
- Where is Benedict Arnold's favorite place to shop for groceries? Traitor Joe's
- What do you call it when Arnold Schwarzenegger gives you a handie? An Ahnold Palmer
- Where are the Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures? Aisle B, back
- What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say about the baritone? It's not a tuba.
- What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say after getting his Covid vaccine shot? I'll be back.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger has decided what he will be for Halloween this year He'll be Bach
Arnold Schwarzenegger Jokes
Here is a list of funny arnold schwarzenegger jokes and even better arnold schwarzenegger puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg so I said to him, 'Which is your favourite Christian festival?'
He replied 'Have to love Easter, baby.' - In honor of Father's day, a dad joke There is a rumor that a movie about a 17th century classical composers will be made. It will even star Arnold Schwarzenegger among others.
He'll be Bach - "Money doesn't make you happy ... ... I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million."
\-- Arnold Schwarzenegger - When born, Arnold Schwarzenegger got a job serving spaghetti for a local coffee shop. He was known as the pasta barista baby.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger joined an Easter egg hunt but didn't find any eggs. His secretary asks "Does this mean you hate Easter now?" He shakes his head and responds:
"I still love Easter baby." - Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Kim Jong has a short one, Mickey Mouse's isn't human, the Pope doesn't use his, and Cher doesn't have one. What is it? Last Names
- Arnold Schwarzenegger no longer kills people and now only kills bugs. He's an exterminator
- My wife is leaving me for a being an Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonator. However... ...I knocked up the maid.
- What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his wife when she asked if Christmas was his favourite holiday I still love Easter, Baby.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger was going to a fancy dress party dressed as Tchaikovsky However, when he found out that someone was already dressed as Tchaikovsky, he said "i'll be Bach".
Arnold Palmer Jokes
Here is a list of funny arnold palmer jokes and even better arnold palmer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If the musicians, Ice T and Lemonade formed a band, what would it be called? Arnold Palmer
- Arnold Palmer has died... I heard that he will be half buried and half cremated.
- In memory of Arnold Palmer, I wore my golf underwear today... ...the one's with 18 holes.
(Too soon?) - Arnold Palmer's last golf trick. His body was buried as a whole in one grave.
- I am sad I can no longer get Arnold Palmer's at restaurants anymore But it looks like I can get an Arnold Embalmer now.
- I accidently ordered a "Robert Palmer" instead of an "Arnold Palmer" and now there is a sullen waitress dancing behind me. You had to be there
- Did you hear about Arnold Palmers last round of golf? He got 6 under
- Arnold Palmer died today. Out of respect I'll be having a drink in his name.
- Why is iced tea selling lemonade good at golf? It makes him Arnold Palmer.
- Did you know Ice-T has a half-brother? His name is Arnold Palmer.
Benedict Arnold Jokes
Here is a list of funny benedict arnold jokes and even better benedict arnold puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What neighborhood grocery store did Benedict Arnold always shop at? Traitor Joe's.
- What was Benedict Arnold's occupation before the Revolutionary War? Futures Trader.
- Why did Benedict Arnold cross the road? To defect to the other side!
I'll^see^myself^out^bye
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Arnold Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about arnold you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean composer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make arnold pranks.
A couple of A list actors are at a casting meeting on a new project about famous composers.
Arnold Schwarzenegger chimes in "I'll be Bach"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A riddle for the day
A riddle for the day
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
j**... Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )
----------------------------------------------------------
The answer is: "A Last Name."
Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Sad Attempt
Q: After getting fired from his job at the painting factory, why did Claude Monet wear sweatpants every day for 2 straight weeks?
A: He didn't have anyone to Impress.
Q: What did the social outcast crow say when none of the other crows would let her join their cliques?
A: Someone please m**... me.
Q: In the movie The 6th Day, what did Arnold Schwarzenegger's character say when he found out that his wife had cheated on him with his clone?
A: I'm going to kill myself.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked to play Mozart.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered the chance to play the role of Mozart in a new film. He read the script but was not impressed. So he told the producers 're-write it and I'll be Bach.'
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger become after he resigned as Governor of California?
An ex-terminator.
Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party
and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is Arnold Schwarzenegger's s**... orientation?
Bicepsual.
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say at the abortion clinic?
Hasta last vista, baby.
What kind of photograph does Arnold Schwarzenegger take?
Polaroids.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A riddle for today
A riddle for today
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
j**... Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it?
[The answer is: "A Last Name."
Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!] (/spoiler)
did you hear that hollywood offered Arnold Schwarzenegger his choice of roles in a movie about medieval composers?
he said " I'll be Bach"
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to the gym manager when he was joining a new gym?
I'll re-rack.
Chuck, Jean Claude and Arnold.
Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day. Chuck Norris asked, "If you were a musician, who would you be?".
Chuck Norris said, "I would be Motzart." Jean Claud VanDam said, "I would be Bethoven." Arnold said, "I'll be Bach!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Middle Eastern bodybuilder?
Arnold s**....
Austria, mid-1950s
Once upon a time in an Austrian elementary school, the children were preparing for the school play. This year it was about classical musicians. The teacher asked some students who they'd like to portray in the production. Hans wanted to be Mozart, Johan wanted to be Beethoven, and Karl wanted to be Brahms. When little Arnold was asked, he replied "I'll be Bach!"
I got Arnold Schwarzenegger into Baroque music...
He'll be Bach.
THE GOVINATOR
Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."
What's the difference between Victoria Taylor and Arnold Schwarzenegger?
One was fired, the other was terminated
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Queen Elizabeth doesn't have one. The Pope has one, yet he does not use it.
Arnold Schwarzenegger's is big, and Brad Pitt's is small. What am I talking about?
A last name, you pervs.
Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are in a bar
After a few drinks Steven says he's thinking about making an action movie about classical composers
Sylvester says "I wanna be Mozart!"
Arnold says "in that case...I'll be Bach"
George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest.
George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest. Schwarzenegger did 910 push-ups. Bush won because he did 911.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has been talking about Carly Fiorina for years:
"Carly Fiorina needs water," "Carly Fiorina is a great state," blah blah blah.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was ostracised when he was young.
After taking steroids, however, he was Austria sized.
So there's this school play...
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.
Stallone goes first.
"I'll be Mozart"
Next up is Chuck Norris.
"I'll be Beethoven".
Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".
Did you hear that they're producing an action movie about a team of crime-fighting composers?
They already approached Arnold Schwarzenegger about playing fellow Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but he said "no, I'll be Bach!"
I couldn't think of any good Arnold Schwarzenegger jokes right now, but when I do
I'll be back.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I won a contest to go trick or treating with Arnold Schwarzenegger this year. w**... thinking of going as Beethoven.
He'll be Bach.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is actually a talented composer with a love for classical music!
His newest album is titled, "I'll Be Bach."
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he started driving for Lyft?
"It's not an Ubah!"
Arnold Schwarzenegger is a Republican whose wife is a member of the Kennedy family.
That makes him and his family...The Red Kennedys.
This joke is brought to you by Arnold Schwarzeneggers one-sided chess set.
"I'll be black"
Some people wonder why Arnold Schwarzenegger hasn't run for President...
It's only because he's austrian. And we all know what happened last time an Austrian came to power...
How do you know Arnold Schwartzenegger is waiting in line behind you on Black Friday?
Because he Jingles All The Way
Jesus and Paul are playing golf
Jesus hits his ball out into the middle of a water hazzard. He walks on the water and hits the ball to within a couple of feet of the cup.
The greens keeper walks up to Paul and says "who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?"
Paul replies "no, he think's he's Arnold Palmer"
Why hasn't 2016 took Arnold?
He'd just be back
Arnold Schwarzenegger opens his own shopping mall. A customer left her purse on the counter after a purchase. Seeing the customer is nearing the exit of the mall, Arnold handed the purse to the nearest cashier.
"GET TO THE SHOPPER, NOW!"
Why does Arnold Schwarzenegger kill insects?
Because he's an ex-terminator
I can't believe that people voted a random celebrity into office...
...I mean, Arnold Schwarzenegger as governor? Really?
Arnold Schwarzenegger is asked in an interview...
If you could be reincarnated as any famous musician in history, Who would it be.
He replies "I'll be Bach."
I just had Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren beat me up.
It was terrible. Now I'm seeing stars.
Some actors were planning to make a movie on famous composers
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks were all making a movie about famous composers. Leo said, "I'd like to play Beethoven." Tom said, "I'd like to play Mozart." Arnie said "I'll be Bach"
I heard that there is going to be a Game of Thrones crossover with Westworld. (Spoilers for both shows)
Hodor: Hodor!!!
Arnold: What door?
Arnold has a big one. Brad has a small one. The Pope doesn't use it.
Obviously, I'm talking about their last names.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is Arnold schwarzenegger good at killing cockroaches?
Because he's an ex-terminator
It's 2015. Bill Clinton is whipping up celebrity endorsements for Hillary with a Halloween party. He invites his friend, Arnold Schwarzenegger and suggests they go as dead presidents for the media. Too cliche says Arnie. What about dead musicians. Great idea. I'll be Coltrane. What about you?
I'll be Bach.
[ True Story / Legend ] A group of guys walk by Arnold working out on Venice beach..
One of the guys says "Look at this guy, I would never want to be that big".
To which Arnold replys, "Goode because you neva vill", as he finishes a pump.
Did you hear about Arnold Schwarzenegger's latest business venture - teaming up with the police to help protect kids on internet dating sites?
Guess you'd expect nothing less from a Tindergarten cop.
Alternate dimensions joke
A man learns how to go into alternate dimensions where he can become other people. He says "This is awesome, I've always wanted to be Arnold Schwarzenegger acting in the Terminator films, but I've also always wanted to compose classical music. So first, I'll be Bach"
A bunch of 80s action stars dressed up as Skid Row for Halloween but they couldn't figure out who would be the lead singer.
But Arnold Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when his 3rd grade teacher asked him to be a classical composer in the school play ?
I'll be Bach
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call the black version of Arnold Schwarzenegger?
Arnold Weißc**....
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to the Lyft driver?
It's naughta Uber
Why is Arnold Schwarzenegger such a good sled salesman?
Because he knows how toboggan.
Arnold Schoenberg walks into a bar
The barman asks what he will have
Schoenberg replies, "I'll have gin, but no tonic"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does Arnold Swarchenegger say when he goes to the dentist?
Shut up and get to my chompers!!!
What's Arnold Schwarzenegger's favourite island?
Isle Be Back
I just got deported by the government of Austria due to my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions, and all the flights to America are full.
Don't worry, I'll just get to the helicoper
Arnold Schwarzenegger's girlfriend broke up with him
Arnold Schwarzenegger's girlfriend broke up with him in hopes that it would be enough to stop him from dressing up as classical composers for halloween.
But deep down, she still knew that he'd be bach.
Arnold Schwarzeneggar walked into a bar
It immediately snapped in half and he didn't even feel it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told this girl that people often tell me I could be Arnold Schwarzenegger's twin.
"I don't think so," she laughed, "You're fat, bald, don't work out, and are much too short!"
"I know.... Danny DeVito."
