Arnold Jokes
148 arnold jokes and hilarious arnold puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about arnold that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with a collection of the best Arnold jokes around! From Arnold Palmer drinks to Hey Arnold and David Arnold to Herbert Adams and Fritz, these funny jokes and puns are sure to have you in stitches. Don't miss out on these hilarious one-liners and puns that everyone will be sure to enjoy!
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Funniest Arnold Short Jokes
Short arnold jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The arnold humour may include short arnold schwarzenegger jokes also.
- My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions. But don't worry I'll return.
- My wife kicked me out of the house for my bad arnold schwarzenegger references, but don't worry... I'll return
- Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but never uses. Donald Trump has one and uses it. What is it? A surname/last name
- I was kicked out of the house for my bad impressions of Arnold Schwarzenegger. But that didn't faze me. As I left, I told 'em... "I'll be returning"
- If Arnold Schwarzenegger's tombstone doesn't say "I'll be back..." Someone has made a grave mistake.
- What's the difference between Benedict Arnold and Donald Trump? Benedict Arnold once fought for America.
- A Mexican magician works on Microsoft Windows Uno, and *p**...*, DOS is gone without a tres.
- What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when someone told him to upgrade to Windows 7? I still love vista, baby
- Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7.. His response was "I still love Vista, baby!"
- Just an innocent question Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Brad Pitt's is short, Madonna does not have one, and the Pope doesn't use it.
What is it?
>!A last name.!<
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Arnold One Liners
Which arnold one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with arnold? I can suggest the ones about governor and terminator.
- What does Arnold Schwarzenegger call a colonoscopy? A Cameron Diaz
- I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger where the toilet paper was He said Aisle B, back.
- If Arnold Schwarzenegger were a pianist.. He'd be Bach.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger should open a pest control business. He's already an ex-terminator.
- One positive of Arnold Palmer's passing... He's six under for the first time in years...
- What is Arnold Schwarzenegger's favorite pick-up line? Live with me if you want to come.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger now works in an insecticide bussiness. He's an ex-terminator.
- What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say at the start of a game of chess? I'll be black
- Who was Mr Rogers' weight lifting coach? Arnold Schwarzeneighbor
(OC) - Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger kill the mouse? He's an ex-Terminator
- If Arnold Schwarzenegger was a composer which would he be? He'd be Bach
- What is Arnold Schwarzenegger now that he's not an actor? An exterminator
- Where is Benedict Arnold's favorite place to shop for groceries? Traitor Joe's
- What do you call it when Arnold Schwarzenegger gives you a handie? An Ahnold Palmer
- What's Arnold Schwarzenegger's favourite holiday? "Have to love Easter, baby!"
Arnold Schwarzenegger Jokes
Here is a list of funny arnold schwarzenegger jokes and even better arnold schwarzenegger puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have qualities of both Albert Einstein and Arnold Schwarzenegger Body of Einstein, brain of Schwarzenegger
- What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Sylvester Stallone wanted to dress up as classical composers for Halloween? "You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach."
- What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his Tomato seeds after watering them for the first time? You have been germinated.
- I asked the toy store sales assistant if they had any Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures in store... She replied "Aisle B, back".
- I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger why he hasnt upgraded his computer to Windows 10.. He said "I still love Vista baby!"
- I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg so I said to him, 'Which is your favourite Christian festival?'
He replied 'Have to love Easter, baby.' - What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when asked about not upgrading to Windows 10 ? "I still love Vista, baby".
- In honor of Father's day, a dad joke There is a rumor that a movie about a 17th century classical composers will be made. It will even star Arnold Schwarzenegger among others.
He'll be Bach - What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was invited to the historical costume party? "I'll be Bach"
- My wife left me because I do a terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. But don't worry... I'll return.
Arnold Palmer Jokes
Here is a list of funny arnold palmer jokes and even better arnold palmer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If the musicians, Ice T and Lemonade formed a band, what would it be called? Arnold Palmer
- Arnold Palmer has died... I heard that he will be half buried and half cremated.
- In memory of Arnold Palmer, I wore my golf underwear today... ...the one's with 18 holes.
(Too soon?) - Arnold Palmer's last golf trick. His body was buried as a whole in one grave.
- I am sad I can no longer get Arnold Palmer's at restaurants anymore But it looks like I can get an Arnold Embalmer now.
- I accidently ordered a "Robert Palmer" instead of an "Arnold Palmer" and now there is a sullen waitress dancing behind me. You had to be there
- Did you see how Arnold Palmer did this weekend? He finished 6 under
- Did you hear about Arnold Palmers last round of golf? He got 6 under
- Arnold Palmer died today. Out of respect I'll be having a drink in his name.
- Why is iced tea selling lemonade good at golf? It makes him Arnold Palmer.
Benedict Arnold Jokes
Here is a list of funny benedict arnold jokes and even better benedict arnold puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Where does Benedict Arnold get his groceries? Traitor Joe's
- What's the difference between Benedict Arnold and Donald Trump? Benedict Arnold was at least a war hero before committing treason.
- What neighborhood grocery store did Benedict Arnold always shop at? Traitor Joe's.
- What was Benedict Arnold's occupation before the Revolutionary War? Futures Trader.
- Why did Benedict Arnold cross the road? To defect to the other side!
I'll^see^myself^out^bye
Hey Arnold Jokes
Here is a list of funny hey arnold jokes and even better hey arnold puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "Hey Arnold Schwarzenegger, what will you be for Halloween?" "I'll be bach"
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Arnold Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about arnold you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean composer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make arnold pranks.
A riddle for the day
A riddle for the day
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
j**... Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )
----------------------------------------------------------
The answer is: "A Last Name."
Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!
Arnold Scwharzanegger gets a call from his agent about a feature length film based around classical music. When asked which character he'd most like to play,
'I'll be Bach'.
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say about the baritone?
It's not a tuba.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked to play Mozart.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered the chance to play the role of Mozart in a new film. He read the script but was not impressed. So he told the producers 're-write it and I'll be Bach.'
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to Beethoven on the way to the fancy dress party?
"I'll be Bach"
Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party
and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his wife when she asked if Christmas was his favourite holiday
I still love Easter, Baby.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope has one but doesn't use it, Dominique Strauss-Khan uses his all the time. What is it?
A last name you pervert.
They're making a movie about classical music composers...
They're making a movie about classical music composers. In the middle of the auditions, Arnold Schwarzenegger walked in and simply declared, "I'll be Bach."
What was Arnold Schwarzenegger's answer when asked which historical person he would like to play in a movie?
I'll be Bach.
Steven Spielberg has a new idea for a movie
He says he wants to make an action movie about classical music composers.
Sylvester Stallone says "I wana be Motzart!"
Arnold Schwarzenegger says "In zat case...I'll be Bach"
THE GOVINATOR
Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."
Arnold Schwarzenegger PC upgrade
Few years ago someone asked Arnold Schwarzenegger to upgrade his PC to windows 7. He said I still love vista, baby
Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are in a bar
After a few drinks Steven says he's thinking about making an action movie about classical composers
Sylvester says "I wanna be Mozart!"
Arnold says "in that case...I'll be Bach"
Sean Connery, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are going to be in a movie about classical composers...
They are talking to the director about what roles they want to play.
Sean Connery says "I would shertainly like to play Moshart."
Sylvester Stallone says "Uh, well, I guess I wanna play Beethoven."
And so Arnold pauses a moment, and then says "I'll be Bach."
George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest.
George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest. Schwarzenegger did 910 push-ups. Bush won because he did 911.
Arnold Schwarzenegger and windows 10
Just after windows 10 was released, Arnold was asked if he was ever going to upgrade to windows 10.
His response? 'I still love Vista, baby.'
So there's this school play...
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.
Stallone goes first.
"I'll be Mozart"
Next up is Chuck Norris.
"I'll be Beethoven".
Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".
Arnold Schwarzenegger just announced he's giving up the limelight to go back to his first love, pest control.
He's an ex-terminator now.
Three actors are deciding on roles for a movie about classical music.
Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all taking part in a new movie about classical composers.
"I think I'll play Beethoven!" declared Matt.
"I'd like the role of Mozart!" Brad decided.
"I'll be Bach." said Arnie.
Did you hear that they're producing an action movie about a team of crime-fighting composers?
They already approached Arnold Schwarzenegger about playing fellow Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but he said "no, I'll be Bach!"
I won a contest to go trick or treating with Arnold Schwarzenegger this year. w**... thinking of going as Beethoven.
He'll be Bach.
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was invited to a classical musician theme Halloween party?
I'll be Bach.
Bruce Willis, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all auditioning for a film about composers...
Bruce Willis says "I'll be Mozart", Chuck Norris says "I'll be Beethoven" and Arnold Schwarzenegger says "I'll be Bach".
Did you know they are making an action movie about the great composers?
Arnold Schwarzeneggar says he'll be Bach.
Jesus and Paul are playing golf
Jesus hits his ball out into the middle of a water hazzard. He walks on the water and hits the ball to within a couple of feet of the cup.
The greens keeper walks up to Paul and says "who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?"
Paul replies "no, he think's he's Arnold Palmer"
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Kim Jong has a short one, Mickey Mouse's isn't human, the Pope doesn't use his, and Cher doesn't have one. What is it?
Last Names
Arnold Schwarzenegger has made a pretty good career for himself in pest control...
They say he's a great ex-terminator
Arnold Schwarzenegger opens his own shopping mall. A customer left her purse on the counter after a purchase. Seeing the customer is nearing the exit of the mall, Arnold handed the purse to the nearest cashier.
"GET TO THE SHOPPER, NOW!"
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Donald Trump's is short, and madonna doesn't have one. What is it?
A last name
Arnold Schwarzenegger is asked in an interview...
If you could be reincarnated as any famous musician in history, Who would it be.
He replies "I'll be Bach."
Some actors were planning to make a movie on famous composers
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks were all making a movie about famous composers. Leo said, "I'd like to play Beethoven." Tom said, "I'd like to play Mozart." Arnie said "I'll be Bach"
I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger if he wanted to swap over to windows 10..
He said 'I still love Vista, Baby.'
When born, Arnold Schwarzenegger got a job serving spaghetti for a local coffee shop.
He was known as the pasta barista baby.
Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a call from his agent...
Who tells him that an up-and-coming director is looking for German- and Austrian-born actors for a movie.
"It's a little different than the stuff you're known for," the agent says, "It's a period piece about classical music composers. Should I arrange an audition?"
"There is no need," Arnold says. "I'll be Bach."
Arnold Schwarzenegger joined an Easter egg hunt but didn't find any eggs. His secretary asks "Does this mean you hate Easter now?"
He shakes his head and responds:
"I still love Easter baby."
A bunch of 80s action stars dressed up as Skid Row for Halloween but they couldn't figure out who would be the lead singer.
But Arnold Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"
What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he and his friends decided to cosplay as famous composers?
I'll be Bach.
Sylvester Stallone, Jean Claude Van Damme, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all making a movie about classical composers.
Sylvester Stallone said, "I'll be mozart."
Jean Claude Van Damme said, "I'll be Beethoven."
Schwarzenegger said, "I'll be bach."
I just got deported by the government of Austria due to my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions, and all the flights to America are full.
Don't worry, I'll just get to the helicoper
Arnold Schwarzenegger's girlfriend broke up with him
Arnold Schwarzenegger's girlfriend broke up with him in hopes that it would be enough to stop him from dressing up as classical composers for halloween.
But deep down, she still knew that he'd be bach.
A joke from work
Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.
Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.
Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.
Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since he likes his music.
Arnold Schwarzenegger just looks at them and says "I'll be Bach."
Where are the Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures?
Aisle B, back
I told this girl that people often tell me I could be Arnold Schwarzenegger's twin.
"I don't think so," she laughed, "You're fat, bald, don't work out, and are much too short!"
"I know.... Danny DeVito."
Danny Devito and Arnold Schwarzenegger are hanging out
Danny suggests they do some musical reenactment. Arnold, being the nice guy that he is agrees and let's Danny choose who he will be. Danny chooses Mozart. As for Arnold, he'll be Bach
After retiring from show business, Arnold Schwarzenegger now works in pest control.
He's the ex-Terminator.
"Money doesn't make you happy ...
... I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million."
\-- Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold Schwarzenegger is retiring from doing films.
He already has a new gig in mind. He wants to be an exterminator.
A bunch of actors were getting ready to be in a movie about famous singers and they were deciding who's gonna be who
RDJ said I'll be Beethoven and Hugh Jackman said I'll be Freddie Mercury and then everyone turned to Arnold Schwarzenegger said I'll be Bach
A man named Arnold offers his newly married son advice on long lasting marriage
"The key, my boy, is to have daily s**..."
"But dad, you and mom don't even sleep on the same bed anymore," replies his son
"I was getting to that," continues Arnold, "tip numba two, get a hot housekeeper."
Action hero fancy dress ball...
Arnold Schwarznegger, Sly Stallone & Chuck Norris are invited to a ball where they must all go in fancy dress.
They decide to go as classical composers, so they head to the store to buy their costumes for the ball.
When in the store, Sly says: 'I'll dress as Mozart'
Chuck Says: 'I'll go as Beethoven'
Arnie says: 'I'll be Bach'
Co worker told me this one
Sean Connery, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger are discussing making a movie about great composers.
Sean Connery says Only if I get to be Mozart
Stallone says Then I'll be Beethoven
Arnold says I'll be Bach
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he was going to attend the 18th century composer costume party.
He said, Yes, I'll be Bach .
Arnold Schwarzeneggar never has mice, rats or cockroaches in his house
He is an ex Terminator
A movie studio is casting roles for a documentary about classical musicians.
Tom Cruise says I'll play the part of Mozart
Liam Neeson says I'll make a great Beethoven
Arnold Schwarzenegger says I'll be Bach
Arnold Schwarzenegger and his friends are acting in a short film about classical pianists and musicians
.
One of friends says, "I'll play Beethoven."
Another says, "I'll be Mozart."
-
In the end, Arnold says, "I'll be Bach."
My wife just kicked me out of the house because of my poor Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions.
But don't worry 'I will return'
A man walks into a bar and approaches an attractive young woman...
He starts to introduce himself before the woman cuts him off.
"Before you talk to me I want you to agree to follow Schwarzenegger's rule." She says.
The man asks, "What's Schwarzenegger's rule?" To which the woman responds:
"If you spoke to Arnold Schwarzenegger the way some men speak to women you'd get your a**... kicked, so don't say anything to me that you wouldn't say to him."
The man pauses for a moment before proudly proclaiming, "you've got a NICE chest."
