Arnold Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Arnold puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Arnold

My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions. But don't worry

I'll return.

I was kicked out of the house for my bad impressions of Arnold Schwarzenegger. But that didn't faze me. As I left, I told 'em...

"I'll be returning"

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when someone told him to upgrade to Windows 7?

I still love vista, baby

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7..

His response was "I still love Vista, baby!"

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger call a colonoscopy?

A Cameron Diaz


Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party

and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".

I have qualities of both Albert Einstein and Arnold Schwarzenegger

Body of Einstein, brain of Schwarzenegger

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Sylvester Stallone wanted to dress up as classical composers for Halloween?

"You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach."

George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest.

George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest. Schwarzenegger did 910 push-ups. Bush won because he did 911.

I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger why he hasnt upgraded his computer to Windows 10..

He said "I still love Vista baby!"

I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg

so I said to him, 'Which is your favourite Christian festival?'
He replied 'Have to love Easter, baby.'


Sylvester Stallone, Jean Claude Van Damme, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all making a movie about classical composers.

Sylvester Stallone said, "I'll be mozart."
Jean Claude Van Damme said, "I'll be Beethoven."
Schwarzenegger said, "I'll be bach."

If Arnold Schwarzenegger were a pianist..

He'd be Bach.

THE GOVINATOR

Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."

Arnold Schwarzenegger should open a pest control business.

He's already an ex-terminator.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked to play Mozart.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered the chance to play the role of Mozart in a new film. He read the script but was not impressed. So he told the producers 're-write it and I'll be Bach.'

One positive of Arnold Palmer's passing...

He's six under for the first time in years...

A riddle for the day

A riddle for the day

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

Clinton uses his all the time.

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

Liberace never used his on women.

Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.

Cher claims that she took on 3.

We never saw Lucy use Desi's.

What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )

----------------------------------------------------------















The answer is: "A Last Name."

Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!

In honor of Father's day, a dad joke

There is a rumor that a movie about a 17th century classical composers will be made. It will even star Arnold Schwarzenegger among others.


He'll be Bach


What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was invited to the historical costume party?

"I'll be Bach"

My wife left me because I do a terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. But don't worry...

I'll return.

Did you hear that they're producing an action movie about a team of crime-fighting composers?

They already approached Arnold Schwarzenegger about playing fellow Austrian Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, but he said "no, I'll be Bach!"

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was invited to a classical musician theme Halloween party?

I'll be Bach.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Donald Trump's is short, and Madonna doesn't have one. What is it?

A last name

Arnold Schwarzenegger opens his own shopping mall. A customer left her purse on the counter after a purchase. Seeing the customer is nearing the exit of the mall, Arnold handed the purse to the nearest cashier.

"GET TO THE SHOPPER, NOW!"

A joke from work

Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.

Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.

Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.

Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since he likes his music.

Arnold Schwarzenegger just looks at them and says "I'll be Bach."

"Money doesn't make you happy ...

... I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million."

\-- Arnold Schwarzenegger

When born, Arnold Schwarzenegger got a job serving spaghetti for a local coffee shop.

He was known as the pasta barista baby.

Arnold Schwarzenegger just announced he's giving up the limelight to go back to his first love, pest control.

He's an ex-terminator now.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and windows 10

Just after windows 10 was released, Arnold was asked if he was ever going to upgrade to windows 10.

His response? 'I still love Vista, baby.'

Who was Mr Rogers' weight lifting coach?

Arnold Schwarzeneighbor



(OC)

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say at the start of a game of chess?

I'll be black

They're making a movie about classical music composers...

They're making a movie about classical music composers. In the middle of the auditions, Arnold Schwarzenegger walked in and simply declared, "I'll be Bach."

Arnold Schwarzenegger joined an Easter egg hunt but didn't find any eggs. His secretary asks "Does this mean you hate Easter now?"

He shakes his head and responds:
"I still love Easter baby."

So there's this school play...

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.

Stallone goes first.

"I'll be Mozart"

Next up is Chuck Norris.

"I'll be Beethoven".

Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Kim Jong has a short one, Mickey Mouse's isn't human, the Pope doesn't use his, and Cher doesn't have one. What is it?

Last Names

If Arnold Schwarzenegger was a composer which would he be?

He'd be Bach

Arnold Schwarzenegger has made a pretty good career for himself in pest control...

They say he's a great ex-terminator

What is Arnold Schwarzenegger now that he's not an actor?

An exterminator

Arnold Scwharzanegger gets a call from his agent about a feature length film based around classical music. When asked which character he'd most like to play,

'I'll be Bach'.

After retiring from show business, Arnold Schwarzenegger now works in pest control.

He's the ex-Terminator.

Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a call from his agent...

Who tells him that an up-and-coming director is looking for German- and Austrian-born actors for a movie.

"It's a little different than the stuff you're known for," the agent says, "It's a period piece about classical music composers. Should I arrange an audition?"

"There is no need," Arnold says. "I'll be Bach."

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to his wife when she asked if Christmas was his favourite holiday

I still love Easter, Baby.

Three action movie stars are sitting in a bar

So, Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"

"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"

That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"

"And who will you be, Arnold?"

"I'll be Bach."

Sean Connery, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are going to be in a movie about classical composers...

They are talking to the director about what roles they want to play.

Sean Connery says "I would shertainly like to play Moshart."

Sylvester Stallone says "Uh, well, I guess I wanna play Beethoven."

And so Arnold pauses a moment, and then says "I'll be Bach."

Danny Devito and Arnold Schwarzenegger are hanging out

Danny suggests they do some musical reenactment. Arnold, being the nice guy that he is agrees and let's Danny choose who he will be. Danny chooses Mozart. As for Arnold, he'll be Bach

Did you know they are making an action movie about the great composers?

Arnold Schwarzeneggar says he'll be Bach.

Arnold Schwarzenegger's girlfriend broke up with him

Arnold Schwarzenegger's girlfriend broke up with him in hopes that it would be enough to stop him from dressing up as classical composers for halloween.


But deep down, she still knew that he'd be bach.

I won a contest to go trick or treating with Arnold Schwarzenegger this year. Wad thinking of going as Beethoven.

He'll be Bach.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to Beethoven on the way to the fancy dress party?

"I'll be Bach"

Where does Benedict Arnold get his groceries?

Traitor Joe's

Arnold Schwarzenegger is asked in an interview...

If you could be reincarnated as any famous musician in history, Who would it be.

He replies "I'll be Bach."

What's Arnold Schwarzenegger's favourite holiday?

"Have to love Easter, baby!"

Some actors were planning to make a movie on famous composers

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks were all making a movie about famous composers. Leo said, "I'd like to play Beethoven." Tom said, "I'd like to play Mozart." Arnie said "I'll be Bach"

Arnold Schwarzenegger PC upgrade

Few years ago someone asked Arnold Schwarzenegger to upgrade his PC to windows 7. He said I still love vista, baby

Bruce Willis, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all auditioning for a film about composers...

Bruce Willis says "I'll be Mozart", Chuck Norris says "I'll be Beethoven" and Arnold Schwarzenegger says "I'll be Bach".

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say about the baritone?

It's not a tuba.

GovSchwarzenegger's musical talents.

One day Arnold Schwarzenegger and his two friends Bill and Tom were going for a stroll downtown.
Suddenly a man jumped out of a doorway and said "Help! We've just lost our three leads for our movie on famous European composers!"
Arnie and the boys, ever the gentlemen, decided to help the poor fellow.
Once inside, the director told them who the three composers in question were and that they could pick each part for themselves.
"I'll be Mozart." Said Bill.
"I'll be Beethoven!" Said Tom.
"I'll be Bach..."

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he and his friends decided to cosplay as famous composers?

I'll be Bach.

Three actors are deciding on roles for a movie about classical music.

Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all taking part in a new movie about classical composers.

"I think I'll play Beethoven!" declared Matt.

"I'd like the role of Mozart!" Brad decided.

"I'll be Bach." said Arnie.

Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are in a bar

After a few drinks Steven says he's thinking about making an action movie about classical composers

Sylvester says "I wanna be Mozart!"

Arnold says "in that case...I'll be Bach"

Where are the Arnold Schwarzenegger action figures?

Aisle B, back

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one,

Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope has one but doesn't use it, Dominique Strauss-Khan uses his all the time. What is it?

A last name you pervert.

If the musicians, Ice T and Lemonade formed a band, what would it be called?

Arnold Palmer

What was Arnold Schwarzenegger's answer when asked which historical person he would like to play in a movie?

I'll be Bach.

Steven Spielberg has a new idea for a movie

He says he wants to make an action movie about classical music composers.

Sylvester Stallone says "I wana be Motzart!"

Arnold Schwarzenegger says "In zat case...I'll be Bach"

A bunch of 80s action stars dressed up as Skid Row for Halloween but they couldn't figure out who would be the lead singer.

But Arnold Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"

I just got deported by the government of Austria due to my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions, and all the flights to America are full.

Don't worry, I'll just get to the helicoper

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes