Army Recruiter Jokes
31 army recruiter jokes and hilarious army recruiter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about army recruiter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Army Recruiter Short Jokes
Short army recruiter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The army recruiter humour may include short recruiter jokes also.
- Why did the army sergeant only accept fat recruits into his squad? He wanted to say he had large privates.
- When I joined the army to fight the cannibals, I was a fresh recruit. But by the end I was a seasoned veteran
- A recruiter asks an octopus if he wants to join the Army The octopus says no thanks I'm army enough as it is.
- The Army now has an entire platoon of female-to male and male-to-female recruits. It's a complete trans formation.
- Apparently the army is actively recruiting strippers. They are experts on setting up booby traps.
- Why was the army recruiter in the nursery? To find more people for the infantry!
I'm sorry. - The Catholic Church has decided to recruit an army of the faithful They're going to use Mass Conscription.
- Why did the Sergeant of the new army recruits, regret buying his own leg insurance? Because it doesn't cover damage to the private's parts.
- Mexican drug lords now have ig and keep posting selfies with stacks of money, mansions and yachts. I think the army... could really learn something from that recruitment campaign.
- A prospective army man walks into a recruitment office without pants. "Is there a draft in here?"
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Army Recruiter One Liners
Which army recruiter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with army recruiter? I can suggest the ones about army officer and army.
- What kind of combat training do the recruits in the Israeli army receive? Jew-Jitsu.
- Recruiter: "You should join the army" Octopus: " Buddy I'm army enough as it is "
- What did the army recruiter say to the gay wizard? "Don't ask don't spell."
Army Recruiter Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about army recruiter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean army infantry jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make army recruiter pranks.
Army commando recruitment - from India
A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army.
Interviewer: "We want a person with a suspicious mind; always alert, merciless; ready to attack; high sense of hearing & most importantly; having a killer instinct. So Do you think you are eligible?"
Man: "No Sir; but can my Wife apply?"
High command asked a new recruit:
"What do you want to be in the army?"
"Pilot!"
And they sent him to preparatory courses, but they did not like him and told him he would never become a pilot.
So he went to the committee again.
"Where do you want to be in the army?"
"Air defence!"
"Why?"
"If I can't be a pilot, no one else can!"
The Drill Sergeant
A drill sergeant runs his platoon of recruits all over the camp in the hot sun with heavy packs on. As they stand there, exhausted, he puts his face right up to one recruit's face and says, "I'll bet you're wishing I would die so you could come and pee on my grave, aren't you?"
The recruit responds, "No, sir! When I get out of the army I'm never gonna stand in another line again."
The President meets with 50 top recruits from each branch of the armed forces...
And says "Welcome! I want to give you all an opportunity to explore the capital of our great nation before we begin the tour of the White House. We'll meet here at 4:00...
For those of you in the Army, that'll be at sixteen hundred hours,
For those of you in the Navy, that'll be at eight bells,
And for those of you in the Marines, the little hand will be on the four and the big hand will be on the twelve."
LAPD Sent to Train Iraqi Police, Find Weapons of Mass Destruction
Within 2 months of being in Iraq to help train Iraqi Police recruits the LAPD sent the following message up to Army command:
It's over. We have weapons of mass destruction, need guidance on who we are supposed to find them on.
Edit* changed were to are
army recruitment
If a war breaks out, I think they will take me to communication because I'm an electrical technician. When it was the last war, my grandfather was probably also in communication because he had two lightning bolts on his helmet.
Why does the army want to only recruit married men?
Because they don't want a **single** man lost!
Medical Exams
Two brothers enlisting in the army were having their medical exams. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized p**....
How do you account for this? he asked the brothers.
It's hereditary, sir, the older one replied.
I see, said the doctor, writing in his file. Your father's the reason for your elongated p**...?
No sir, said the younger brother, our mother.
Your mother? the doctor asked. You idiot, women don't have p**...!
I know, sir, replied the recruit, but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bath, she had to manage as best as she could.
Keep it simple s**...
Drill sgt. looks at the recruits at basic and says, I'm going to give you four important words in the Army and you need to make a sentence as quick as possible. The four words are; defense, defeat, deduct, and detail. Pri'ate Johnson, go! Johnson just stares at the drill blankly. Boom, you're dead Johnson. Smith, your turn! Smith stammers, Our defense budg-dg-dg... You're dead too! Thibodeaox; defense, defeat, deduct, and detail, go! Without hesitation Thibodeaux says, Drill S'arnt, defeat of deduct went over defense before detail!
Two brothers enlisting in the Army
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were undergoing their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to see that both of the men possessed extraordinarily long p**....
How do you account for this? he asked the brothers.
It's hereditary, sir, replied the older brother.
I see, said the doctor, writing in his file. Your father's the reason for your elongated p**...?
No, sir, our mother.
Your mother? said the doctor. Don't be so ridiculous! Women don't have p**...!
I know, sir, replied the recruit, but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could.
Army Brats Funny Joke
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized p**.... "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. "It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied. "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated p**...?" "No sir, our mother." "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have p**...!" "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."
A Senior Officer and his Recruit
Once upon a time in the army, there was an extremely unreasonable and terrifying Officer. Everyone despised him. One day, the Officer slipped on wet rocks and fell into a river. And this Officer could not swim! A young recruit walked by and spotted him. Without hesitation, he dove in and rescued the man. Out of the water, the Officer gratefully thanked the recruit," Recruit, you saved my life! I'll do anything for you, just name one thing!" The recruit thought over it, and said," Okay, how about you do not every mention this to anyone?" The Officer was puzzled, "But why? Don't you want to be a hero?" The recruit glanced around nervously," If they find out, they'll throw ME into the river next!"
Two brothers enlisting in the Army
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were
getting their physicals. During the inspection,
the doctor was surprised to discover that
both of them possessed incredibly long,
oversized p**....
"How do you account for this?" he asked the
brothers.
"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file.
"Your father's the reason for your elongated
p**...?"
"No sir, our mother."
"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have
pen*ses!"
"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only
had one arm, and when it came to getting us
out of the bathtub, she had to manage as
best she could.
military jokes
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
--U.S. Marine Corps
"Cluster b**... from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
--USAF Ammo Troop
"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
--Infantry Journal
"A slipping gear could let your m203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
--Army's magazine of prevention maintenance
"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
--U.S. Air Force manual
"Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo."
--Infantry Journal
"Tracers work both ways."
--U.S. Army Ordnance
"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
--Infantry Journal
"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
--David Hackworth
"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
--Infantry Journal
"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
--Joe Gay
"Any ship can be a minesweeper....once."
--Anon
"Never tell the platoon sergeant you have nothing to do."
--Unknown Marine Recruit
"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
--Infantry Journal
"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
--USAF Ammo Troop
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter’s office.
There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.
“Oh, come on, quit joking,” snickered one.
“You didn’t really do that, did you?”
“You would never get through basic training,” scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked,
“Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?”