Cheeky Army Officer Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
An army captain approaches a p**... and asks her, "Would you enjoy my company for $100?"...
She looks at the handsome military officer and says, "Of course, I would be glad!"
Captain replies, "COMPANY! FORWARD!"
While testing a newly installed computer, an Army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three and promptly received a one-word answer: "Yes."
Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer
barked, "Yes, what?" Instantly the machine
replied, "Yes, sir!"
When I came out as gay in the army, my supervising officer discharged me immediately.
Then I discharged him, then he discharged me again
Borrow a dollar
An army officer asks to borrow a dollar from a soldier. "Sure, buddy," says the soldier. "That's no way to address a superior!" screams the officer.
"Now let's try that again. May I borrow a dollar, private?" "Sir, no, sir."
Army Wargames
During an Army war game, a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.
"Sorry sir, "said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way."
The officer turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction."
They helped.
A Russian officer is called into a meeting with his superior at their base camp
His boss starts:
"Comrade Lieutenant, it has come to my attention that you have been selling half of our fuel reserves on the black market"
"Yes Captain, it's true..."
"That's most unfortunate Lieutenant..."
"To be honest Captain, I know you sell army supplies too."
"I know..."
"Then what's the problem if I do it?"
"Because I already sold the other half."
officer Training School
Members of the 4 British Armed Services are completing an exam for Officer Training.
QUESTION: You're on a survival course & upon returning to your tent, you discover a scorpion.
What do you do?
NAVY answers: I would gingerly pick it up & throw it out of the tent.
ARMY answers: I would stomp it & throw it out of my tent.
MARINE answers: I would stomp it, eat it & then go to sleep.
AIRFORCE answers: I would call Room Service & ask WHY there is a tent in my Hotel Room.
A man in the army walks up to the General's office...
A man in the army walks up to the General's office and knocks. The General says "Come in". The man enters the office, salutes at the General, and says "Sir, I'd like you to demote me from my rank, all the soldiers make fun of me!"
"Sorry, but demotion is not something we carry out in the army, Major Failure"
When I was in the army our commanding officer always made decisions based on the way our whole unit felt.
I kind of miss him. Good ol' General Consensus.
The year is 1945...
The Soviet army is pushing closer to Berlin with each day. As they march closer, they start to find the concentration camps. In one of these camps, a Polish man with a limited knowledge of the Russian language is talking to Russian military officers about the camps, with assistance from a translator. As he explains, he reaches a word he doesn't know, and turns to the translator.
"How do you say civilians?"
"Acceptable casualties."
a pakistani soldier enlists in the army , ( xpost - india )
A Pakistani soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3 day pass.The CO says, "Are you crazy? You just joined the Pakistani army, and you already want a 3 day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Indian tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked, "How did you do it?" "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Indians. I approached the border, and saw an Indian tank. I put my white flag up, the Indian tank put his white flag up. I said to the Indian soldier, 'Do you want to get a 3 day pass?' So we exchanged tanks!"
You can explore army officer officers reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean army officer forces dad jokes. There are also army officer puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Military joke: the enemy is storming the front en masse.
Army general turns to his soldiers, "boys, go get em!"
They all go out running at the enemy and they all die.
Navy Admiral turns to his s**..., "boys, storm those beaches!"
They all rush ashore and every last one of them are killed.
Marine General turn to his men all c**..., "You know what to do. Kill!"
The marines all charge towards the enemy and end up over run and dead.
Air Force General looks at his men, "Fellas, it's time for an attack."
The airmen go into their barracks and wake up the officers to get ready for wheels up in 5.
Australian in the US army
A drill sergeant is yell at an Australian private.
Officer: did you come here to die!!!
Private: no sir I came here yesterday.
(Must say in Australian accent.)
h**... gave his orders
...and his army set off. They spent all day attacking and capturing the Jews. After 4 camps were filled, they returned to h**...'s base. He closed the door and completely went off on his officers. "d**...!" he roared. "I said I wanted concentrated juice, not concentrated Jews!"
What do they do to army officers who are caught smoking w**...?
Lock them up at Fort Wenty.
Before an army officer can get married,
they need to know the rules of engagement.
If you're in the army and your commanding officer comes up to you when you're near your camping equipment, what do you do?
Kill yourself.
Or, y'know, stand at atTENTion.
An Army commanding officer is talking to one of his troops.
"Why exactly did you send the Grenadine people explosives instead of the medical supplies we promised?"
"You said to send Gren aid."
The army officer was waiting for his commander
..so he asked him for the bill.
_serve and protect_
Why did Mr. H. Macy, Forte & Hung never join the army?
The officers kept ordering the troops to fire at will.
The second career
Tom was in his early 50's, retired and started a second career.
However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day, 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk.
"Tom, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job,
but you're being late so often is quite bothersome.'
"Yes, I know Boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd
though, you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Army.
What did they say if you came in late there?"
They said, "Good morning, General."
