The Best 19 Army Navy Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Army Navy jokes. There are some army navy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these army navy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Army Navy Jokes and Puns

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85.

That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

In the army, you have to pay $85 if you lose your rifle.

That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

When I lost my pistol, the Army charged me $125.

That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

When I was in the army, I lost my rifle and had to pay $865 for a new one

Now I'm starting to understand why navy captains always go down with their ship

I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army.

I had to pay $855 to cover the loss. I'm starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.


Each branch has a military ball (Navy Ball, Army Ball, etc.)

And it warms my heart to know that one branch will be having "Space Balls" from here on out.

Army vs. Navy

An Army Colonel and a Navy Commodore dressed in ceremonial attire, are taking a pee in the men's room.

Post finishing their business, the Army guy washes his hands and dries them on a towel.
The Navy guy proceeds to just walk out.

Seeing this, the Army guy can't resist taking a snipe and says, 'Didn't the Navy teach you to wash your hands after peeing?'

The Navy guys replies, 'Nah! In the Navy they just taught us not to pee on our hands.'

In the Navy, how do you seperate the men from the boys?

- With a crowbar.

And What's the worst thing in a woman?
- A Marine

The President meets with 50 top recruits from each branch of the armed forces...

And says "Welcome! I want to give you all an opportunity to explore the capital of our great nation before we begin the tour of the White House. We'll meet here at 4:00...

For those of you in the Army, that'll be at sixteen hundred hours,

For those of you in the Navy, that'll be at eight bells,

And for those of you in the Marines, the little hand will be on the four and the big hand will be on the twelve."

The difference between the services

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language.

For instance, Take the simple phrase secure the building :
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

Sometimes the same word means different things to different people.

Suppose, for example, the order goes out from HQ to "secure the building."

After a short while, the Marines report back, "We have destroyed the building."

Army reports, "We have killed everyone in the building and are holding the position."

Navy: "We locked the door when we left for the day."

Air Force: "We signed a three-year lease with an option to buy."

You can explore army navy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean army navy dad jokes. There are also army navy puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


An Army general and a Navy admiral are both in a public restroom.

The admiral finishes peeing, and leaves without washing his hands. The general also finishes up, but washes his hands.

On the way out the door, the general asks, "What, did they not teach you to wash your hands in the Navy?"

The admiral replies, "No, they taught us not to pee on our hands."

My conservative friends keep warning me that China has a PLAN

But I don't see what the People's Liberation Army Navy has to do with anything.

After spending 90 days in the Persian Gulf, a sailor goes to complain to his master chief.

"Chief, I joined the Navy to see the world." The master chief replies, "Sailor, the Earth is 75 percent water. The navy showed you that, if you want to see the other 25 percent, join the army."

In the army, I lost my rifle and they charged me 85$

That's why in the navy, a captain goes down with his ship.

credits u/koshenYT

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "

Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"

"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."

"Oh? And what does your father do?"

"He's in the Army, sir."

Losing a rifle in the army can get you a fine over over £500

I am starting to finally understand why navy captains go down with the ship

I lost a rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $800 to cover the loss.

That's why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.

If the Army has chaplains, what does the Navy have?

Ship monks.


Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the army navy jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working army navy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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