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Army Marine Jokes

17 army marine jokes and hilarious army marine puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about army marine that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Army Marine Short Jokes

Short army marine jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The army marine humour may include short navy marine jokes also.

  1. In the Navy, how do you seperate the men from the boys? - With a crowbar.
    And What's the worst thing in a woman?
    - A Marine
  2. Two marines are flying into an unfamiliar airport The put the flaps up and descend lower, lower, lower and finally touch down. The brakes of the plane screeches and howl unlike anything you've ever heard. The plane comes to a stop just inches from the terminal. The pilot exlaims "that's the shortest d**... runway I've ever seen". The co-pilot looks to the left, then looks to the right and says "Yea, but it sure is wide"

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Army Marine One Liners

Which army marine one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with army marine? I can suggest the ones about us marine and marine corps.

  1. If the Marines let just anybody join... It would be called the army :p

Cheerful Fun Army Marine Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

What funny jokes about army marine you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean army infantry jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make army marine pranks.

What does "Secure the Building" mean to veterans?

If you're a veteran, I can tell what branch of the military you were in based on how you understand the phrase "secure the building."
If you were a Marine you think it means to hit the building with mortar and machine gun fire.
If you were in the Army you think it means to go from room to room clearing them of enemy combatants.
If you were in the Navy it means to turn out all the lights and lock the door.
If you were in the Air Force it means to take out a five year lease with an option to buy.

A soldier finds a scorpion in his tent...

In the Marines, he kills the scorpion.
In the Army, he calls his CO and reports the presence of the scorpion.
In the Air Force, he calls the front desk and asks why there's a tent in his room.

Three soldiers are talking about how they would solve different problems...

When asked what would they do if they woke up in the middle of the night with a hole in their tent, the Army private says "I would dig through my pack to find something to repair it until morning"; the Marine says "I'd roll over and go back to sleep, a Marine can handle getting a little wet"; the Air Force airman says "I'd call the front desk and ask why the h**... there's a tent in my room".

officer Training School

Members of the 4 British Armed Services are completing an exam for Officer Training.
QUESTION: You're on a survival course & upon returning to your tent, you discover a scorpion.
What do you do?
NAVY answers: I would gingerly pick it up & throw it out of the tent.
ARMY answers: I would stomp it & throw it out of my tent.
MARINE answers: I would stomp it, eat it & then go to sleep.
AIRFORCE answers: I would call Room Service & ask WHY there is a tent in my Hotel Room.

The President meets with 50 top recruits from each branch of the armed forces...

And says "Welcome! I want to give you all an opportunity to explore the capital of our great nation before we begin the tour of the White House. We'll meet here at 4:00...
For those of you in the Army, that'll be at sixteen hundred hours,
For those of you in the Navy, that'll be at eight bells,
And for those of you in the Marines, the little hand will be on the four and the big hand will be on the twelve."

Can I buy the building?

The reason why the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building".
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

Sometimes the same word means different things to different people.

Suppose, for example, the order goes out from HQ to "secure the building."
After a short while, the Marines report back, "We have destroyed the building."
Army reports, "We have killed everyone in the building and are holding the position."
Navy: "We locked the door when we left for the day."
Air Force: "We signed a three-year lease with an option to buy."

The difference between the services

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language.
For instance, Take the simple phrase secure the building :
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

Military joke: the enemy is storming the front en masse.

Army general turns to his soldiers, "boys, go get em!"
They all go out running at the enemy and they all die.
Navy Admiral turns to his s**..., "boys, storm those beaches!"
They all rush ashore and every last one of them are killed.
Marine General turn to his men all c**..., "You know what to do. Kill!"
The marines all charge towards the enemy and end up over run and dead.
Air Force General looks at his men, "Fellas, it's time for an attack."
The airmen go into their barracks and wake up the officers to get ready for wheels up in 5.

I got interested in the b**... scene

Soon I was able to find myself a s**..., young guy who moved here from Asia. Back home, he was in the army, so he can handle some pain too. He's my yellow sub marine.

the differences between the branches of the US military

If you tell the Army "Secure that building!"
They will surround it with armor and heavy infantry and not let anyone out of it until told to
If you tell the Marines "Secure that building!"
They will storm the building, eliminate any resistance, and allow no one to enter it until told to.
If you tell the Navy "Secure that building!"
They will turn out the lights, close and lock all doors and windows and post a fire watch
If you tell the Air Force "Secure that building!"
They will take out a 30 year lease with an option to buy.

How to Tell the Difference Between the Branches of the US Armed Forces!

If you give the command "SECURE THE BUILDING", here is what the different services would do:
The NAVY would turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The ARMY would surround the building with defensive fortifications, tanks and concertina wire.
The MARINE CORPS would assault the building, using overlapping fields of fire from all appropriate points on the perimeter.
The AIR FORCE would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy the building.

What time is it?

In some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."