Army Jokes

Funniest Army Short Jokes

Short army jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The army humour may include short armed forces jokes also.

1. Russian army was thought to be the second best army in the world... ... It turns out it's only the second best army in ukraine.
2. In the army, you have to pay $85 if you lose your rifle. That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
3. My grandfather was part of Antifa back in the 1940s. Back then they called it the US Army.
4. When I came out as gay in the army, my supervising officer discharged me immediately. Then I discharged him, then he discharged me again
5. 2 members of the Swiss army get in to a knife fight, then a corkscrew fight then a twezzer fight then a ......
6. I asked the Colonel what the lowest rank in the army was. He said, "It's Private."
   I said, "Come on, you can tell me."
7. During the course of a couple of weeks, Russia went from the 2nd stongest army in the world ... ... to the 2nd strongest army in Ukraine.
8. Pavlov's dogs have started a charity for the holiday... It's called "The Salivation Army"
9. When I got depressed, I joined the Army.
   I didn't have any experience or motivation, I just wanted a soldier to cry on.
10. What's the difference between an Iraqi school and an Iraqi Army base? One poses a significant potential threat to ISIS and its continued existence.
    The other is an Iraqi Army base.

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Army One Liners

Which army one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with army? I can suggest the ones about soldier and military.

1. Why is the army so strict about their uniforms? To minimize casual tees...
2. I used to clean the toilets when I was in the army They called me loo tenant
3. Where does Obama keep his armies? In the Baracks.
4. Why did the Mexican Army only bring 5000 soldiers to the Alamo? They only had 2 vans
5. "How many volunteers do we have for the army?" "384 sir"
   "okay round them up"
   "400 sir"
6. What happened to the handy man when he lost his hands? He became an army man.
7. Why does the army need people under the age of 5? For the Infantry
8. What do you call 1000 soldiers with no legs? An army.
9. I saw the army of Lichtenstein the other day. He was a really nice guy.
10. Why doesn't the army have anyone named Will? They were all fired at.
11. What's the best way to serve Turkey? Join the turkish Army.
12. Old McDonald's son joined the Army G-I-G-I-Joe
13. I was kicked out of the army because I got gonorrhea It was a dishonorable discharge
14. A Swiss Army Knife is a lot like a pod of dolphins... Multi-porpoise!
15. What's the only job where you get to shave your privates at work? Army barber

Us Army Jokes

Here is a list of funny us army jokes and even better us army puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• TIL that Orville Redenbacher served in the US army. Even though he was a colonel he didn't want to be saluted. He only required a micro-wave.
• How many US Army personnel does it take to change a lightbulb? [CLASSIFIED]
• What is the difference between the US Army and US schools? They both get shot at but only the Army gets to shoot back
• Australian in the US army A drill sergeant is yell at an Australian private.
  Officer: did you come here to die!!!
  Private: no sir I came here yesterday.
  (Must say in Australian accent.)
• How far away is the US Army's website? Just a few klicks away.
• The Russian army orders 100K rubbers from a US company, specifying 12" fit needed. The US firm fills the order with packaging marked "MEDIUM."
• NASA just announced discovery of oil on Mars Humans* are finally going to Mars
  * US Army
• Will was killed during his first battle with the US army His comrades got confused when their commander yelled: "Fire at Will!"
• What does the US Army have in common with a queen bee? Drones do all their work for them
• Do you know where all the note 7's are? Rumor has it, they were given to the US Army to use as grenades.

Army Navy Jokes

Here is a list of funny army navy jokes and even better army navy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My conservative friends keep warning me that China has a PLAN But I don't see what the People's Liberation Army Navy has to do with anything.
• Losing a rifle in the army can get you a fine over over £500 I am starting to finally understand why navy captains go down with the ship
• If the Army has chaplains, what does the Navy have? Ship monks.
• Navy football Go army!
• What is an army of blue babies on horseback called? A navy infantry cavalry

Army Officer Jokes

Here is a list of funny army officer jokes and even better army officer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• When I was in the army our commanding officer always made decisions based on the way our whole unit felt. I kind of miss him. Good ol' General Consensus.
• Before an army officer can get married, they need to know the rules of engagement.
• An Army commanding officer is talking to one of his troops. "Why exactly did you send the Grenadine people explosives instead of the medical supplies we promised?"
  "You said to send Gren aid."
• The army officer was waiting for his commander ..so he asked him for the bill.
  _serve and protect_
• Why did Mr. H. Macy, Forte & Hung never join the army? The officers kept ordering the troops to fire at will.
• What was the name of the gay Army officer? Major Bumsore.
• A prospective army man walks into a recruitment office without pants. "Is there a draft in here?"

Army Recruiter Jokes

Here is a list of funny army recruiter jokes and even better army recruiter puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why did the army sergeant only accept fat recruits into his squad? He wanted to say he had large privates.
• A recruiter asks an octopus if he wants to join the Army The octopus says no thanks I'm army enough as it is.
• The Army now has an entire platoon of female-to male and male-to-female recruits. It's a complete trans formation.
• Apparently the army is actively recruiting strippers. They are experts on setting up booby traps.
• What kind of combat training do the recruits in the Israeli army receive? Jew-Jitsu.
• Why was the army recruiter in the nursery? To find more people for the infantry!
  I'm sorry.
• The Catholic Church has decided to recruit an army of the faithful They're going to use Mass Conscription.
• Why did the Sergeant of the new army recruits, regret buying his own leg insurance? Because it doesn't cover damage to the private's parts.
• What did the army recruiter say to the gay wizard? "Don't ask don't spell."

Comical Army Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter

What funny jokes about army you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean troops jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make army pranks.