Arms Jokes
172 arms jokes and hilarious arms puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about arms that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh? This article has arms jokes galore! From no arms to big arms, and even small and long arms, if you're looking for some laughter, come read these jokes about people with an abundance, or lack, of arms. Here you'll find jokes about Sally No Arms, T-Rex arms and more! Get ready to chuckle at these silly limbless and armless jokes!
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Funniest Arms Short Jokes
Short arms jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The arms humour may include short armor jokes also.
- The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife... Thank you for everything, Mom.
Happy Mothers' Day! - My husband said our infant son could microwave... And then shook his arm really fast.
(True story, please groan with me.) - Studies say most stabbings are committed by someone close to the victim. Within arm's length, to be specific.
- A man wakes up in the hospital after a serious accident He shouts "Doctor, Doctor I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, we amputated your arms." - My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a greek statue... Completely pale, no arms.
- A bear walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "I'll have a............beer." The bartender responds, "what's with the big pause?" The bear holds up his arms and says, "always had 'em."
- I told my doctor that I recently broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
- You are what you think you are Her: What do you do?
Me: Global prosthetics distribution.
Her: So you're an artificial limb salesman?
Me: I prefer 'international arms dealer'. - Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.
- Placing three armed veterans in each school will stop school shootings The shooter will see people with three arms and freak out.
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Arms One Liners
Which arms one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with arms? I can suggest the ones about legs and chest.
- If We're Going to Arm the Teachers All I ask is that the librarians get silencers
- Why did eminem kneel at the half time show? His knees were weak, and arms were heavy.
- I buy my guns from a guy named T-Rex He's a small arms dealer.
- I just flew in from Chernobyl And boy are my arms leg.
- What did the boy with no arms get for his birthday ? Don't know he hasn't opened it yet
- EMINEM: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy WEB MD: Cancer.
- A judge asked a wife why she stabbed her husband 75 times. She said her arm got tired.
- What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A pitbull coming from the childrens play ground
- What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who's lost at sea? Bob.
- What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of your door? Matt.
- I just flew in from a Ravioli convention. Boyardees arms tired.
- T-Shirt is actually short for Tyrannosaurus Shirt... Because of the short arms
- What do you call mike tyson without any arms? Whatever you want
- What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a banjo player? A tattoo.
- Vader has a pretty sweet suit. It must have cost at least an arm and a leg.
No Arms No Legs Jokes
Here is a list of funny no arms no legs jokes and even better no arms no legs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'd like to thank my legs for supporting me My arms for always being by my side and my fingers... I could always count on them.
- What is brown and has got four legs and an arm? A Rottweiler on a children's playground.
- What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill.
- Shout out to my arms for always being by my side... & my legs for being there every step of the way
- How much does a red lightsaber cost? An arm and a leg
^^ - I saw a guy at an ATM with no arms, and a peg leg He asked if I would help him check his balance... so I pushed him over
- Hospital patient lying in bed: "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!" Doctor: "Yes, I'm sorry. We had to amputate your arms."
[A brief sketch from an ancient episode of 'Not The Nine O'Clock News'] - If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks Cost me an arm and a leg!
- I have 600 legs, 30 arms, a pair of wings, and 1000 eyes. What am I? A liar.
- What has eight legs, two arms, two wings, and three heads? A person on a horse holding a chicken.
No Legs No Arms Jokes
Here is a list of funny no legs no arms jokes and even better no legs no arms puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a pirate with 2 arms, 2 legs and 2 eyes? A beginner
- Whaddaya call a guy with no arms or legs trying to water ski? Skip.
- What do you call a drummer with no arms and no legs? A headbanger
- What has four legs and one arm? An attack dog in an elementary school.
- The hitchhiker A guy with 3 eyes, one leg, and no arms is hitchhiking. Suddenly a nice English gent pulls over and says "eye, eye, eye, you look 'armless, hop in."
- Ordered some Christmas presents online the other day and used my donor card instead of my debit card. Cost me an arm and a leg.
- My brother was in a car accident yesterday and lost his left arm and left leg. Well actually, he's not my brother... he's my half-brother. He's all right now.
- I tried joining the American Paralympics team didn't make it in though. entry costs an arm and a leg.
- What has 4 arms and 4 legs and never works out? Marriage
- What do you call a race where all the runners have no legs? An arms race.
No Arms And Legs Jokes
Here is a list of funny no arms and legs jokes and even better no arms and legs puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- They say they 'give' medals for valour But mine cost an arm and a leg.
- I went into the bank earlier to check my balance Got some funny looks standing on one leg with my arms outstretched
- Accidentally swiped my donor card instead of my debit card today... my groceries ended up costing me an arm and a leg
- As an amputee, I asked the doctor how much prosthetic limbs would cost. He said an arm and a leg.
- What's got 4 legs and an arm? A happy rottweiler.
- Did you hear about the shark attack victim that lost her left arm and left leg? No? Well, she is all right now.
- Doctor says I need an amputation, but I can't afford it.. It'll cost me an arm and a leg.
- What has 9 arms and 10 legs? A Def Leppard.
- No one is sure how much it cost Coke to sponsor the Paralympics, but it undoubtedly cost an arm and a leg.
- Q) I have ten arms, eight legs and 22 feet. what am I? A) A liar.
Small Arms Jokes
Here is a list of funny small arms jokes and even better small arms puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why was the Tyrannosaurus rex selling handguns? Because he was a small arms dealer.
- What kinds of guns do T-Rex's prefer? ...mainly SMALL ARMS.
- What is the job of a T-Rex? A small arms dealer.
- Names T Rex and I can meet your needs for handheld weaponry... I'm kind of a big deal in the small arms trade
- I sell prosthetics for children... I'm a small arms dealer
- Why did T-rex have to register with police? He was a small arms dealer.
I'm very sorry, I'll show myself out. - A couple of dwarves got arrested... A couple of dwarves got arrested in London the other day.
They got charged for possession of small arms. - What do you call... What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer. - I once met a T-rex who was working at a casino. He said he was hiding out from the cops.
I think he was a small arms dealer. - A man walks into a gun shop and sees that the clerk is a Tyrannosaurus Rex. He asks, "What's with the small arms?"
No Arms Jokes
Here is a list of funny no arms jokes and even better no arms puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The vet told me "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to put your dog down." "Oh God!" I said. "WHY?!"
"Because my arms are getting tired." - If you watch 127 Hours backwards It's the uplifting story of an amputee finding an arm in the desert.
- Some say... Some say that the average Russian soldier is two feet taller than the average Ukrainian solder. Others say that raised arms don't count.
- A guy walked into a prosthetic limbs store. He picked up a false shoulder, arm and wrist.
The store attendant asked "Would you like a hand with that?" - A lot of people are up in arms about the Olympians caught taking drugs to compete. Honestly I'm proud of them, and what they can do. Last time I did drugs I could barely tie my shoe.
- I just flew back from a Transformers convention And boy are my arms tires
- What do you call a pretty lady on the arm of a drummer? A Tattoo.
- You hear about the Italian kid born without any arms? Poor kid never learned to talk.
- Have you heard about the one-armed super hero? He single handedly stops crime.
- I saw a man with one arm shopping at a second hand store I was like "You're not going to find what you're looking for"
Humorous Arms Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about arms you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hips jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make arms pranks.
There once was a baby born with no arms. His parents put him on the church's stairs and vanished.
The local priest took him in and raised him, eventually giving him the job of ringing the bell for evening mass. So, each day, the child lined up from across the room and ran as fast as he could to hit the bell with his head.
One day, the priest ate a banana and left the peel lying by the bell. As the child was running running running, he slipped on the banana peel and fell out the window to his death. When the cops came to investigate, the asked the priest for the child's name.
The priest said I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell.
The government offered to buy back all my guns
I turned them down
I don't feel right selling fire arms to organized crime.
A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one of the passenger asks, "who is that man over there?"
"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."
A woman places an ad looking for a man to be her lover
The ad reads: "Looking for a man with 3 qualities: won't beat me up, won't run away from me, and is great in bed."
A few days later her doorbell rings. The man says, "Hi, I'm Dave. I have no arms so I won't beat you, and no feet so I won't run away."
"What makes you think you're great in bed?" the woman retorts.
Dave replies, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A monastery's bell ringer died and the monks put an ad in the paper for a new one.
The next day a man comes to the door to apply and he has no arms. The head monk says:
"Sir, how can you ring our bell if you have no arms?"
The applicant replied, "Just give me a chance, take me to the bell tower and I'll show you."
The all get to the bell tower and ask him to show them how he plans to do it. The applicant gets a running start and slams his face into the bell "RINNNNNNGGGGGGGG"
Before anyone could stop him, he backs up and runs s**... into the bell again and falls to the ground dead.
The head monk spoke up, "Did anyone catch his name?"
Another monk said, "No, but his face sure rings a bell."
Driving Home Drunk
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Oh, you!
A man takes his beloved, but seemingly ill golden retriever to the vet when the owner hears the words that every pet owner dreads; "Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to put your dog down.". Distraught, the man breaks down and asks why, to which the vet replies "Because he's very heavy and my arms are getting tired."
After 3 failed marriages, an old woman decides to try an online dating site..
She sets up an account with all her info and says she is looking for "a man who will not beat me, Will not walk all over me, and is great in bed." After 2 weeks no one has replied. Then, one day some one rings the doorbell. The woman gets up and opens the door to see a man with no arms and no legs sitting there. He says "Hello, I'm here about your online dating profile." the woman says to him, "well I want a man who won't beat me.." the man says "I have no arms, therefore I can not beat you." the woman says "well I want a man who won't walk all over me." the man replies "I have no legs, so I can't even walk." the woman says "well, I want a man who's great in bed.." the man replies "hey, I rang the doorbell didn't I?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mom takes her sick daughter to the doctor.
The doctor asks the girl, "How old are you?"
Girl: "I will be 7 in two days."
Doctor: "Aww, look how optimistic we are."
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Totally unrelated joke
Son: "Dad, can I cross the street when the red light for pedestrians is on?"
Dad: "Yes, but make sure your arms are up in the air over your head."
Son: "Why is that?"
Dad: "Because it will be easier to t**... shirt in the morgue".
For my cake day, a joke...
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today my friend met Chewbacca...
...she said he was "A big s**... fur ball." So he picked her up ripped of her arms and threw her out of a window. I mean everyone knows not to insult Chewbacca like that.
She made a Wookie Mistake.
I try to tell this joke in english :]
There's a young boy, with no arms, nor legs called Lumpi.
Lumpi plays in front of his house in the sandbox, then a window opens on the 4th floor and Lumpi's mother yells at him "Lumpi time to eat!" and she throws down a rope.
As Lumpi sees the rope hanging out of his window, he starts to rob to the rope and bite's it! He trained hard to hold himself on the rope with his teeth. Lumpi is very hungry and starts to pull himself up only with his teeth. Lumpi pulls and pulls, he's on the 1st floor, the window opens and a young Lady smiles at him, Lumpi smiles back, then pulls again...and again, 2nd floor the window opens and an old man sees him and waves at him, Lumpi shakes his head to greet back, then he start's to pull himself up again. Lumpi, all sweaty and hungry now on the the 3rd floor, near his own window on the 4th floor. The window on the 3rd floor opens and a Lady sees him, then she says "Hi Lumpi! What are you going to eat now?" and Lumpi replies " Pizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!...."
Sry for my bad english, I just tried to tell a joke in english that I know in my own language. :)
A child was born without a body...
The doctor said there was nothing they could do, but the parents cared for their child anyways.
Several years later, the parents were approached by the same doctor, saying, "I've got some good news. We now have the capability to give your child a body, would you like that?" Of course the parents were overjoyed and immediately agreed.
Another few years went by, and the parents enjoyed being able to hold their child at least, but they wanted their child to have the best life possible, so of course they accepted when the doctor offered to give their child arms.
They loved being able to play with their baby, but were sad that they couldn't teach him to walk. They prayed for the day that the doctor would come just one last time, and it finally came. The doctor asked if they would like to try a new procedure to give their child legs, and they joyfully accepted.
They enjoyed all their time running and playing with their newly whole child, until one day the child was playing in the yard and ran right in front of a cement truck and died.
I guess you could say that the moral of this story is, "stop while you're a head".
Talented Octopus
A man walks into a bar with and octopus under his arms. He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. "I will bet anyone here 200 dollars that this octopus can play any instrument you give it". Everyone is a buzz and the bartender hands him a guitar that was hanging on the wall. The Octopus takes the guitar and strums on it with great enthusiasm and plays a beautiful arrangement. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. A jazz band hands him all of there instruments and the octopus plays them all with amazing skill. Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. The octopus, looks at it confusingly then begins to fumble with the instrument. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. The octopus responds "Play her? I'm going to screw her as soon as I get these pajamas off"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What has eight arms and s**...?
Nickelback
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIFU by buying an MP5K instead of a Mini-u**... from the Arms Store...
Whoops, wrong sub.
What happens if Mike Tyson carries around Mjölnir all day?
He gets thor arms!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A widow puts out an ad for a man...
She put out an ad for a man that would not beat her, not run away, and could satisfy her s**.... A few days later the doorbell rings. And in the doorway is a man with no arms or legs. He told her he was there to answer her ad, and she asked him why he thought he fit the criteria.
"Well, I have no arms so I will never beat you. I have no legs so I can't run from you."
"How do you suppose that you can satisfy me s**...," she asked with a puzzled face.
"Well, I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy was born without a body
A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.
So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the pub for his first pint. He takes a sip and BOOM - his body pops out. "Take another sip!" everyone shouts, then BOOM - his arms pop out. "Another!" everyone chants, so he takes another sip and his legs pop out.
The boy is really happy and he runs outside in excitement and he'**... by an oncoming truck and killed instantly.
"What a shame" his dad said.
"He should have quit while he was ahead"
Funniest thing my gf has ever said
We were at a a red light and i noticed a woman in the car behind me making a lot of arm and hand motions. No one was in the car with her (probably on bluetooth).
Me: Hey babe look at this woman behind us. What is she doing? She's just flailing her arms around but there isn't any one with her.
GF: Maybe she's deaf and she's singing to herself.
I just flew in from the gender neutrality conference....
And boy or girl are my arms tired
I was talking to the anorexic cannibal..
I told him self-indulgence isn't the answer and he needs to face his problems.
He threw up his arms and walked away.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gotta hand it to babies...
...because their short, s**... little arms can't reach anything
Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...
"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"
Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.
"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy walks in on his dad m**......
He asks him, "Daddy what are you doing?"
His dad responds, "Don't worry son, you'll be doing it soon."
The boy then asks, "Why's that daddy?"
His dad answers, "Because my arms getting tired.."
So, a stutterer was a wedding
He stand's up and says:
-hip, hip
And then everyone on the wedding party said with their glasses raised:
-HURRAY
The stutterer, tried again, but louder
-HIP!! HIP!!
Everyone raised their glasses again and shouted out of their lungs!
-HUURRAAAAY!!!!!
The stutterer, again, yelled with both arms raised!!
-HIIPPPP !! HIPPP!!!
Everyone on the party became one, all the happiness expressed with one single shout!
-HURRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!
But then, everyone was killed by a herd of ~~hippopotamus~~ Hippopotamuses
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's v**... on his sweater already...
Woman: Did you just quote Eminem?
Doctor: Your husband's alcohol poisoning is not a joke, madam!
Rita found her husband hanging in his bedroom one morning with a note on his bed reading I can't take the critism anymore.
She quickly cut the rope, brought him down and managed to revive him.
As her husband lay in her arms and slowly opened his eyes, she said emotionally my dear…that's NOT how you spell criticism!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.
On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."
I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.
As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."
Tank tops shouldn't be against school dress codes
After all, we have a right to bare arms.
"The neighbors hate us."
"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."
Two men are climbing a mountain. One of them slips and falls.
"Oh my god are you alive?!? Can you hear me?!?"
-- "Yes, I'm alive."
"Did you break your legs?"
-- "No, my legs are fine."
"Did you break your arms?
-- "No, they're OK."
"Well, thank goodness, climb back up!"
-- "I can't."
"Why not?"
-- "I'm still falling."
A woman wants to find a husband so she puts out an ad "I'm looking for a man that won't hit me, won't run away, and can satisfy me."
A week later she hears a very loud knock at the door. She answers it and it is a man with no arms or legs, he says "I won't beat you, I have no arms. I won't run away, I have no legs."
She replies "And how do you know you can satisfy me?"
He grins and says "Did you hear me knocking?"
A little boy with no arms wanted some chocolate
He walks into the kitchen and asks his mom,
"Mom, may I please have a piece of chocolate?"
"You know the rule: No arms, no chocolate." She replies.
As the boy begins to cry the mother says,
"Oh, I'm just kidding! Here, catch!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
UGH I was just forced to watch a s**... commercial about something called a Snuggie...
I wanted to change the channel so bad, but I was under a blanket and didn't want my arms to get cold.
Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night.
"My mate came off his motorbike today," he said.
"Oh really?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied. "He has slight brain damage, two broken arms and is completely blind in one eye."
"Blimey," I said. "No wonder he came off it then."
What do you call someone who sells prosthetics to the military?
An arms dealer.
Literally the guy you asked for
A woman looking for a relationship places an ad, saying, Looking for a guy that won't beat me, won't run away on me and will satisfy me nicely. Am good looking, excellent cook.
Three days later, there's a loud knocking at her door. Behind it there's a guy with no arms and no legs, smiling expectantly. Dear Amy, he says, I have no arms so I couldn't even beat you if I tried. I have no legs and I can't run away on you. I'm your guy.
That's very nice, says Amy, surprised, but how will you be able to satisfy me?
His smile widens, You did hear the knocking, didn't you?
An Italian soldier wakes up in a hospital having been dragged out of the battle.
The doctor walks in and tells the soldier, "I'm sorry to inform you that both your arms and legs we're blown off in the heat of the fight".
The war hero starts to crying like a baby. The doctor peers round at his wife and asks, "do you think he'll be OK?"
She replies, "Would you be OK if you could never talk again?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."
I bought a new deodorant yesterday.
The instructions say "Remove cap and push up bottom." Wouldn't it be better to put it under your arms?
I always wear a sleeveless shirt to the gym...
But the only thing I exercise is my right to bare arms.
Why should you always carry arms with you?
They might come in handy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a bar...
He sees 2 steaks nailed to the ceiling. He asks the bartender, "What's up with those two steaks?"
The bartender replies,
"if you can jump up and take those two steaks from the ceiling, I'll give you $1,000,000, if not, I'll cut your arms off."
The guy then replies,
"I won't do it, the stakes are too high."
Why don't T-rex go to war?
Because they're short on arms.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Americans always have something to complain about, then suddenly they'll move on. Remember when people were up in arms about cupcakes, bathrooms, statues, police, riots, clean water? So when you think this "Wall" thing will last forever, just remember...
People will eventually get over it.
A husband died
A husband died.
A few years later, his wife died.
As she got to heaven she saw her husband and ran up to him with tears in her eyes.
"Darling, oh how I've missed you!"
The husband extends his arms, stopping her from embracing him and says,
"Woah there woman. The contract was until death."
A priest dies and goes to the gates of Heaven
The priest approaches the bouncer aka St. Peter.
After perusing the list, Peter can't find the priest's name, and tells him to go downstairs to the waiting room until further notice.
Meanwhile, a taxi driver who died at the same time approached the gates.
St. Peter welcomes him with open arms and lets him straight into Heaven.
The priest is dumbfounded. I've preached to thousands of people throughout my life! I've baptized children and converted many to the church! I've lived a holy life!
St. Peter shakes his head and responds:
When you preached, people slept...
When he drove, people prayed.
One boy tell the other: "There is an easy way to get what you want"
The other boy said, "How?"
"Tell people you know their secret"
The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!"
The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10"
The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!"
The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15"
The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!"
The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An African man visits his friend in the US
I just flew in yesterday the African man says And boy are my arms tired!
You know, that's kind of an old joke here in America replied his friend.
Joke? The African man said. I've been holding my hands in the air yelling 'don't shoot' ever since I got to this d**... country .
I just flew into Australia and, boy, are my arms...
confiscated.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus.
In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. He presented with v**... on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Awwww
If you watch Jaws backwards it is a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms & legs to disabled people.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Mom what's dark humor?"
"Do you see that guy over there without arms? Ask him to clap his hand"
"But mom I'm blind..."
"Exactly!"
Why do Americans wear sleeveless t-shirts?
Because they have the right to bare arms
Everybody's so up in arms about Covid, but I see it as progress.
Nothing else made in China has ever lasted this long.
A dad and son are sitting in a park
Son asks, "Dad what is dark humour"
Dad, "Son see that man with no arms. Ask him to clap"
Son, "But dad I am blind"
Dad "I know"
A vampire decided to use his immortality to research the best career
He tried every type of job there was, from innovation to construction to civil service, and he landed on the job of mirror cleaner.
In his book on the subject, he said that the tai chi like motions of the arms were very relaxing, and the mirror will certainly get dirty again leading to job security.
"I'm as surprised as you are," wrote the vampire. "It was not a job I could see myself doing."
