Arms Guns Jokes
55 arms guns jokes and hilarious arms guns puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about arms guns that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Arms Guns Short Jokes
Short arms guns jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The arms guns humour may include short bear arms jokes also.
- "Where'd you get that gun?" "This? I got it from T-Rex"
"T-Rex?"
"Yeah he's a small arms dealer nearby" - The government offered to buy back all my guns I turned them down
I don't feel right selling fire arms to organized crime. - A man walks into a gun shop and sees that the clerk is a Tyrannosaurus Rex. He asks, "What's with the small arms?"
- You are being approached by a lawyer, a lion and a gang member. You are armed with a gun and two bullets. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice. - Just bought some guns from a guy who called himself T-Rex He said he was a small arms dealer.
- Pick up line for a one-armed gym rat. I go two tickets to the gun show, you want the extra?
- I've started handing out guns to large men at gay clubs. Just exercising my right to arm bears.
- When i got my gun license, first thing i did was cut off a bear's front legs. No legal action was taken Because i had the right to bear arms
- I buy my guns from a guy who's mom took thalidomide when she was pregnant. He's a small arms dealer.
- Last time I went to a shooting range I lost an arm... They charged me a fee for misplacing a gun.
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Arms Guns One Liners
Which arms guns one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with arms guns? I can suggest the ones about guns ammo and machine gun.
- I buy my guns from a guy named T-Rex He's a small arms dealer.
- I have a T-Rex who sells me guns. He's a small arms dealer.
- What do you call a British man with no arms and a gun? 'armless.
- What kinds of guns do T-Rex's prefer? ...mainly SMALL ARMS.
- What do you call a person who sells prosthetics and guns? An arms dealer
- Which black actor supports the right to bear arms? More gun, free man.
- What do you call a T-Rex who smuggled guns? A small arms dealer.
- What do you call an amputee with a gun? Armed.
- Why did the Amputee Buy a Gun? He Wanted to be Armed.
- A man armed with lazer guns shot up a church... ...people went running pew after pew.
- Why did gravity get a gun? So it could join the armed forces.
- Why shouldn't we arm teachers with guns? Because most are women...
- Doctor Octopus robbed a bank today. He didn't have a gun, but he was well armed.
- Well it seems everyone's so up in arms about gun control these days.
Arms Guns Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about arms guns you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean arms dealer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make arms guns pranks.
Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in, waving guns and yelling for everyone to freeze.
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables.
While this is going on, one of the lawyers jams something into the other lawyer's hand.
Without looking down, the second lawyer whispers: "What is this?"
The first lawyer replies: "It's the $100 I owe you."
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all enter a swim meet.
The gun goes off, and the brunette quickly captures first, with the redhead coming in second.
An hour later, the blonde emerges from the pool and complains to the judges that while she was doing the breast s**..., the others were using their arms.
For years Johnny helped his father with the vegetable garden.
Every spring Johnny's dad would have Johnny over for a day and they would spend all day tilling the soil to get it ready for planting and then grill some steaks in the evening. One year Johnny fell in with the wrong crowd and was arrested for armed robbery, but the gun was never located. Three months in jail he is talking with his father on the phone. His father recently had a hip replacement and can't move like he used and wishes Johnny was able to help with the gardening. After the conversation Johnny feels so bad that he calls the DA and arranges a meeting.
The next morning, Johnny's father hear's a b**... at his front door. He opens up and sees two detectives and a dozen uniformed officers with a search warrant. They brush the old man aside and make a beeline for the back yard.
Furious, he calls the prison and demands to talk to his son. He asked Johnny how dare he bring his criminal activities home and worry his mother and how ashamed he was of his scumbag son.
Johnny listened to the berating and replied, 'I felt bad that I couldn't help you with the garden this year, so I lied and told them I buried a gun back there.'
Two men sit in a bar when a guy with a bunch of knives comes in..
.. one of the guys turned to the other and said:
"See that guy with all those knives? He's *Knife Bill*"
Some time later a man with 8 guns on his belt comes in and again the guy turned to the other and said:
"See that guy with all those guns? He's *Gun Bill*"
An hour later a guy with 5 arms and 3 legs comes in and the other guy asks:
"Who is that??"
"That's *Cherno Bill*"
What has 3 arms, 1 hat, 2 shirts, 1 jacket, 1 scarf, 1 gun, and 4 ears?
The Tchernobyl cowboy.
A man is stopped by a traffic cop...
'Did you know you were three miles over the speed limit, sir? The officer asks.
The man begins to explain 'I'm really sorry officer I'm late for my a**... stretching appointment'
Seeing the perplexed look on the officers face he continues, 'what they do is, put one finger in and work it around until they can fit two in, then keep going until they can get four in, then a hand, then both hands, then both arms to the elbow and it keeps going until my a**... is six foot wide'
The officer, still perplexed, says 'what can you do with a six foot a**...?
To which the man replies 'Stand him by the side of the road with a radar gun.'
A guy is getting arrested...
... When the cop asks him "Sir, do you have any weapons on you?"
The guy flexes his biceps and says "Not unless you count these guns."
The cop rolls his eyes and said "No sir, we don't count your arms as weapons."
The guy replied "Good, I wouldn't want you to disarm me."
I came up with that one a couple of weeks back. Hope you guys don't think it's too lame.
Trump just lifted the ban on hunting hibernating bears
In other words, this gun law says "You have the right to bear" arms.
I went to the bank with my wife when an armed robber walked in, pulled on a balaclava and pulled out a gun.
He went up to a customer and asked "did you see my face?" The customer said "yes", so the robber shot him.
He asked another customer "did you see my face?" The customer said "yes" so the robber shot him.
He asked me "did you see my face?"
"No, but the wife did"
The gym teacher gets a handgun, the janitor gets a shot gun, and the principal gets an u**.... What do they arm the lunch lady with?
A salt rifle
The president of the Greek football club PAOK invaded the pitch with a gun yesterday, what a fool..
Only the goalkeeper is allowed to use his arms..
I live in a country with gun control
I don't understand why people in Tshirts think they have the right to bare arms
Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."
An armed masked man bursts into a bank yelling "EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS UP, THIS IS A ROBBERY!"
The patrons and staff, terrified, comply.
He's loading up his sack with cash when his mask slips off. He quickly pulls it back up and sees two guys who may have seen his face. He points his gun at the first.
"Did you see my face?"
"Yes"
BANG, he shoots him.
He then points it at the second guy.
"Did you see my face?"
The second guy points at a woman sitting far off in the reception area.
"No, but my wife did!"
Next!
A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand.
Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment.
Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head.
Her boyfriend screams, Honey, don't do it… The blonde yells back, Shut up! You're next!
An old Russian WW2 joke
This is an old Russian WW2 joke that my grandfather loved to tell.
During high-casualty battles between Germans and Russians, the Russian general gets surprised by the commander of a tiny platoon who wants to hand over hundreds of German prisoners. When investigating the prisoners closer, he realizes that all of them are injured, most of them at their hands and arms.
The general interrogates the commander:
"Very impressive! But how did you manage to take all these hostages?"
"Ha, very simple! Just build up a machine gun next to the German trench and yell >>HEIL!! <<"
An armed masked man bursts into a bank yelling "EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS UP, THIS IS A ROBBERY!"
The patrons and staff, terrified, comply.
He's loading up his sack with cash when his mask slips off. He quickly pulls it back up and sees two guys who may have seen his face. He points his gun at the first.
"Did you see my face?"
"Yes"
BANG, he shoots him.
He then points it at the second guy.
"Did you see my face?"
The second guy points at a woman sitting far off in the reception area.
"No, but my mother in law did!"