Following is our collection of squire humor and merlin one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Armor puns for adults, dirty lancelot jokes or clean combat gags for kids.
There is an abundance of guinevere jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 42 funniest jokes on armor. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any samurai witze you can hear about armor.
Because it's made of hide.
It's made of hide.
...a night in, shining armor.
Its literally made of hide.
The Smiths would hammer away creating armor and weapons as blacksmiths. The Fishers would navigate the seas in search as fishermen. And The Dickinsons, well no one really knew what they did.
Actually, it may be more of a knight mare.
The Czech's in the mail.
It's made of hide.
There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all. The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knght with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight's armor.
The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.
And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
You know: body armor, pepper spray, concealed carry-hand gun, first-aid kit, maybe a flare gun too.
You've got mail
They all have chinks in their armor.
Make sure to use leather armor, because it's made of hide.
Pretty sure it was a knightmare.
If you tell the Army "Secure that building!"
They will surround it with armor and heavy infantry and not let anyone out of it until told to
If you tell the Marines "Secure that building!"
They will storm the building, eliminate any resistance, and allow no one to enter it until told to.
If you tell the Navy "Secure that building!"
They will turn out the lights, close and lock all doors and windows and post a fire watch
If you tell the Air Force "Secure that building!"
They will take out a 30 year lease with an option to buy.
Her last words were: "I'm smeltinggg"
I said, " Excuse me sir, but I think it's amazing what you're doing there! Do you mind telling me how you lost all your limbs?"
He said, "Oh, I lost them in the war. I was a Sergeant and I jumped on an IED to save my squad. My body armor saved my life but it didn't cover everything."
I said, "Oh wow, you're a true hero Sergeant...."
He said, "Thanks, but you don't have to call me Sergeant anymore, now it's just Bob."
The plot.
The giraffe: God why do I have this long neck?
God: to be able to get the finest leaves.
The rihno: why is my skin so heavy and thick?
God: because your skin is your armor and its role is to protect you from your enemies.
The chicken: I don't care, so please don't even try explain! You make the hole bigger or the egg smaller.
and one day she painted this magnificent painting inspired by medieval times of a ball. It was filled with lords and ladies dancing with each other, a table filled with food for the feast, fools entertaining, and men in armor standing guard. She was so proud of this picture she called her friend over to show it to her.
The friend saw it and said, "Wow this is really great! But I have just one question, why was this painted mostly in red?"
"Well I used my menstrual blood to paint most of it." The painter replied. Her friend just stared at her in horror. She continued to explain, "Its a period piece you see."
There are only chinks in the armor
Because it's made of hide.
Stark naked.
The recruitment official turned him away, however, stating that there can not be any chinks in their knights' armor.
Have chinks in their armor
A knight in Charmin armor.
a knight in armor comes around the first cannibal says to the other "dude canned food again?"
and called them the PHAT-ATs
At first they each had some difficulties getting prepared.
The Scot was detained by police because of mistaken identity. The Australian got lost on the tournament grounds. And the Czech was having some trouble finding armor that would fit.
But it all worked out, and a mutual friend of all three inquired about their situations with a tournament official.
"Oh, yes, I've seen them. Their problems have been sorted out. The Scot is free, the Australian is out back, and the Czech is in the mail."
A fruit of armor.
Because it's made of hide
Maybe he went out for the knight.
A knight on the town
The weapon smith was a bit rapier
Their armor is full of chinks.
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Thats why they call it plate armor.
For the same reason: Batman doesn't like getting shot.
RUST IN PEACE
Fill 'er up, full tank.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.