Armor Jokes

60 armor jokes and hilarious armor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about armor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

If you need a break from the battle, enjoy some comic relief with these hilarious armor jokes! Take a break from the crusade, and have a laugh about the good ol' days of medieval times. Discover the lighter side of suit of armor and the armor of god, from knights and squires. Find out why you need to beware of helmet hair and more!

Quick Jump To

Funniest Armor Short Jokes

Short armor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The armor humour may include short armed jokes also.

  1. Last night, I gave my girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish while I went to the bar. I mean, she always said she wanted... ...a night in, shining armor.
  2. Doctor: describe your average night Patient: they wear suit of armor
    Doctor: no, i mean at bed time
    Patient: they probably take it off
  3. I keep having this recurring dream about a horse wearing a suit of armor Actually, it may be more of a knight mare.
  4. Gay men make sure you're using protection You know: body armor, pepper spray, concealed carry-hand gun, first-aid kit, maybe a flare gun too.
  5. What did the blacksmith say to the knight when he delivered the knight's new armor? You've got mail
  6. If you're starting a stealth build in skyrim Make sure to use leather armor, because it's made of hide.
  7. Why is leather the best armor to wear if you're trying to be stealthy? Because it's made of hide
  8. Did you hear about the witch that died while melting down armor? Her last words were: "I'm smeltinggg"
  9. I've put the money attracting talisman my gf gave me on the dashboard of my car I had a head-on with an armored bank truck the next day.
  10. What did the cannibal say when he met a fully armored knight? Argh... Canned food again?

Share These Armor Jokes With Friends

Armor One Liners

Which armor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with armor? I can suggest the ones about arms and armour.

  1. Leather armor is the best for sneaking because it's literally made of hide.
  2. Why does leather armor make you better at sneaking? Because it's made of hide.
  3. Why is leather armor the best for being stealthy? It's made of hide.
  4. I had a dream last night about an armored horse. It was a Knight mare.
  5. Leather armor is perfect for sneaking Its literally made of hide.
  6. What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress? Magnets
  7. Did you hear about the guy from Prague wearing armor? The Czech's in the mail.
  8. Why is leather armor great for sneaking? It's made of hide.
  9. I had a dream about a horse in a suit of armor. Pretty sure it was a knightmare.
  10. What is a Knight in Shining Armors greatest enemy? An itch.
  11. What do you call a cat wearing an iron armor? (Fe)line
  12. At first I couldn't figure out my automatic armor but then it donned on me.
  13. What is the strongest part of Batman's armor? The plot.
  14. Why do thieves and rogues use leather armor? Because it's made of hide.
  15. What do you call William the Conqueror's armorer? Norman Mailer.

Suit Of Armor Jokes

Here is a list of funny suit of armor jokes and even better suit of armor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's an empty old suit of armor doing in a driver seat of an empty car? Maybe he went out for the knight.
  • What do you get when you put a suit of armor on a city map? A knight on the town
  • How do you call a robber in a suit of armor? A thief in the knight
Armor joke, How do you call a robber in a suit of armor?

Laughable Armor Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about armor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ammo jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make armor pranks.

A Japanese man wished to join the knights of England.

The recruitment official turned him away, however, stating that there can not be any c**... in their knights' armor.

Why did the female warrior prefer the armor smith over the weapon smith?

The weapon smith was a bit rapier

Why do Chinese knights have a low rate of survival?

They all have c**... in their armor.

What do you call a mummy on a horse?

A knight in Charmin armor.

Even the best men in the Chinese military

Have c**... in their armor

Why are Samurai so easy to kill?

There are only c**... in the armor

Realizing that the AT-AT doesn't have enough armor around the back, the Empire released a new batch with increased armor...

and called them the PHAT-ATs

God allows animals to ask him one question...

The giraffe: God why do I have this long neck?
God: to be able to get the finest leaves.
The rihno: why is my skin so heavy and thick?
God: because your skin is your armor and its role is to protect you from your enemies.
The chicken: I don't care, so please don't even try explain! You make the hole bigger or the egg smaller.

there's two cannibals in a tree

a knight in armor comes around the first cannibal says to the other "dude canned food again?"

What does a gay knight wear?

A fruit of armor.

Why are the Terracotta Warriors so ineffective?

Their armor is full of c**....

What do you call Iron Man without his armor?

Stark n**....

What would you write on the grave of a knight in shining armor?


Back in the day last name said something about your profession...

The Smiths would hammer away creating armor and weapons as blacksmiths. The Fishers would navigate the seas in search as fishermen. And The Dickinsons, well no one really knew what they did.

A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings

"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said

Do you know why leather armor is the best for stealth?

Because it's made of hide

The Mandalorian visited the Dr

The Mandalorian visited the Dr and they got into an argument because Mando wouldn't take his armor off when he got on the scale. He pointed to the scale and said, "this is the weight." The know it all doctor pointed to the armor and said, "no this is the weight." The nurse was called to show Mando the way to the room so he could cool off. Mando asked how long it would take, she said they were behind today and if could be a while, and before he got angry again she looked him dead in the mask, and pointedly said, "this is the wait! I have spoken."

The court jester decided to play a prank

So he got a bucket of coal dust from the blacksmith and rigged it over a doorway.
Soon enough Sir Lancelot walks up in his shiniest silver armor. He'd spent the entire morning polishing it to a mirror finish. As soon as he walks through the doorway, a trip wire dumps the bucket of coal dust over him turning his polished armor a dingy black. Needless to say he was storming mad, covered in filthy black dust.
It was a dark and stormy knight.

A knight

A guy walks into his usual bar and orders a beer. He notices a full suit of armor standing on display by the bar. "Where did you get that?" the guy asks the bartender. "I picked it up at an antique store downtown," the bartender says. "It only cost $2,500." "Geez, all that money for a knight?" the guy exclaims. "Oh, no," the bartender hastens to reassure him. "You get to keep it forever."

Who was first in Transylvania?

Thousands of years ago, the ancestor of the Hungarians Attila the Hun came to Transylvania.
He saw a beautiful lake, left his gilded armor, his Damascus sword and his white stallion on the shore and went for a swim.
When he got out of the lake - armor was gone, sword was gone and the horse was nowhere to be found.

Now you tell me - who were the first in Transylvania, Romanians or Hungarians?
(Romanian joke :-) )

Armor joke, Who was first in Transylvania?

jokes about armor