Armor Jokes

If you need a break from the battle, enjoy some comic relief with these hilarious armor jokes! Take a break from the crusade, and have a laugh about the good ol' days of medieval times. Discover the lighter side of suit of armor and the armor of god, from knights and squires. Find out why you need to beware of helmet hair and more!

Laughable Armor Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

A Japanese man wished to join the knights of England.

The recruitment official turned him away, however, stating that there can not be any c**... in their knights' armor.

Did you hear about the guy from Prague wearing armor?

The Czech's in the mail.

Why did the female warrior prefer the armor smith over the weapon smith?

The weapon smith was a bit rapier

Leather armor is the best for sneaking because it's literally made of hide.

jokes about armor

Why do Chinese knights have a low rate of survival?

They all have c**... in their armor.

What do you call a mummy on a horse?

A knight in Charmin armor.

Gay men make sure you're using protection

You know: body armor, pepper spray, concealed carry-hand gun, first-aid kit, maybe a flare gun too.

Armor joke, Gay men make sure you're using protection

Even the best men in the Chinese military

Have c**... in their armor

Did you hear about the witch that died while melting down armor?

Her last words were: "I'm smeltinggg"

I had a dream about a horse in a suit of armor.

Pretty sure it was a knightmare.

How do you call a robber in a suit of armor?

A thief in the knight

You can explore armor squire reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean armor lancelot dad jokes. There are also armor puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why are Samurai so easy to kill?

There are only c**... in the armor

Realizing that the AT-AT doesn't have enough armor around the back, the Empire released a new batch with increased armor...

and called them the PHAT-ATs

God allows animals to ask him one question...

The giraffe: God why do I have this long neck?
God: to be able to get the finest leaves.

The rihno: why is my skin so heavy and thick?
God: because your skin is your armor and its role is to protect you from your enemies.

The chicken: I don't care, so please don't even try explain! You make the hole bigger or the egg smaller.

Why is leather armor the best for being stealthy?

It's made of hide.

Why is leather armor great for sneaking?

It's made of hide.

Armor joke, Why is leather armor great for sneaking?

If you're starting a stealth build in skyrim

Make sure to use leather armor, because it's made of hide.

there's two cannibals in a tree

a knight in armor comes around the first cannibal says to the other "dude canned food again?"

Why does leather armor make you better at sneaking?

Because it's made of hide.

What do you get when you put a suit of armor on a city map?

A knight on the town

What does a gay knight wear?

A fruit of armor.

What is the strongest part of Batman's armor?

The plot.

Last night, I gave my girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish while I went to the bar. I mean, she always said she wanted...

...a night in, shining armor.

Why are the Terracotta Warriors so ineffective?

Their armor is full of c**....

I keep having this recurring dream about a horse wearing a suit of armor

Actually, it may be more of a knight mare.

What did the blacksmith say to the knight when he delivered the knight's new armor?

You've got mail

Armor joke, What did the blacksmith say to the knight when he delivered the knight's new armor?

What do you call Iron Man without his armor?

Stark n**....

What would you write on the grave of a knight in shining armor?


What did the armored personnel carrier (APC) driver say to the attendant at the gas station?

Fill 'er up, full tank.

If Batman wears kevlar armor and a bulletproof cape, why does Robin have to wear a bright-colored spandex outfit?

For the same reason: Batman doesn't like getting shot.

Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?

Thats why they call it plate armor.

It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.

They often had to wear mail armor.

Leather armor is perfect for sneaking

Its literally made of hide.

Back in the day last name said something about your profession...

The Smiths would hammer away creating armor and weapons as blacksmiths. The Fishers would navigate the seas in search as fishermen. And The Dickinsons, well no one really knew what they did.

A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings

"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."

A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said


What's an empty old suit of armor doing in a driver seat of an empty car?

Maybe he went out for the knight.

Do you know why leather armor is the best for stealth?

Because it's made of hide

Why do thieves and rogues use leather armor?

Because it's made of hide.

Why is leather the best armor to wear if you're trying to be stealthy?

Because it's made of hide

Doctor: describe your average night

Patient: they wear suits of armor

Doctor: no, i mean at bed time

Patient: they probably take it off

The Mandalorian visited the Dr

The Mandalorian visited the Dr and they got into an argument because Mando wouldn't take his armor off when he got on the scale. He pointed to the scale and said, "this is the weight." The know it all doctor pointed to the armor and said, "no this is the weight." The nurse was called to show Mando the way to the room so he could cool off. Mando asked how long it would take, she said they were behind today and if could be a while, and before he got angry again she looked him dead in the mask, and pointedly said, "this is the wait! I have spoken."

What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?


The court jester decided to play a prank

So he got a bucket of coal dust from the blacksmith and rigged it over a doorway.

Soon enough Sir Lancelot walks up in his shiniest silver armor. He'd spent the entire morning polishing it to a mirror finish. As soon as he walks through the doorway, a trip wire dumps the bucket of coal dust over him turning his polished armor a dingy black. Needless to say he was storming mad, covered in filthy black dust.

It was a dark and stormy knight.

What do you call a cat wearing an iron armor?


A knight

A guy walks into his usual bar and orders a beer. He notices a full suit of armor standing on display by the bar. "Where did you get that?" the guy asks the bartender. "I picked it up at an antique store downtown," the bartender says. "It only cost $2,500." "Geez, all that money for a knight?" the guy exclaims. "Oh, no," the bartender hastens to reassure him. "You get to keep it forever."

At first I couldn't figure out my automatic armor

but then it donned on me.

Who was first in Transylvania?

Thousands of years ago, the ancestor of the Hungarians Attila the Hun came to Transylvania.

He saw a beautiful lake, left his gilded armor, his Damascus sword and his white stallion on the shore and went for a swim.

When he got out of the lake - armor was gone, sword was gone and the horse was nowhere to be found.

Now you tell me - who were the first in Transylvania, Romanians or Hungarians?

(Romanian joke :-) )

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the armor samurai puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working armor suit of armor piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes