Armless Jokes

Following is our collection of stool humor and leppard one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Armless puns for adults, dirty jovial jokes or clean leg gags for kids.

There is an abundance of armchair jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 25 funniest jokes on armless. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any legged witze you can hear about armless.

The Best jokes about Armless

Did you hear the one about the armless man and the tuna sandwich?

**He didn't make it.**

How are an armless man at a buffet and a kleptomaniac the same?

They just can't help themselves.

A Classic

A woman puts a love wanted ad in the local paper: She says she is looking for 3 things. First, a man who will treat her nicely. Second, a man who won't leave her, and finally a man who is a great lover. Some time goes by and the woman begins to give up hope.  A few more days go by when the doorbell rings and she opens it to find an armless, legless man in a wheelchair. He says, I am here about your love wanted ad. He explains. I don't have any arms so I will never be able to hurt you. I don't have any legs so it will be very hard to leave you. She looks at him, and how are you as a lover? He answers, how do you think I rang the doorbell?

Why did the armless man fall off his bike?

Because someone threw a washing machine at him

A hitchhiker with 3 eyes, no arms and one leg was standing on the side of the road

An Irish man pulls up and says " eye,eye eye you look armless, why don't you hop on in?"


What kind of present did the armless boy get for Christmas?

Gloves.

Jk he hasn't opened it yet!!

The armless bell ringer.

A church was looking for a new bell ringer and so had posted fliers for anyone wanting the job to come speak to the priest. The next day a man with no arms showed up wanting the job.
"I don't want to offend you, sir," said the priest," but how exactly do you plan on ringing the bell with no arms?"
"Have a little faith, father!" said the man, "just take me up the tower and I'll show you."
The priest led the man up to the bell, and the man proceeded to walk to one end of the room and sprint full speed toward the bell. He crashed headlong into the bell which rung with a resounding BONNNNNNNNG and the man bounced off, fell out of the tower and hit the ground dead.
A crowd gathered to see what had happened and one man exclaimed "My God! Does anyone know this poor soul?"
A man in the back of the crowed said "No, but his face sure rings a bell."

There was once a man born with no arms...

So his family gave him to the local church. At first they had a hard time figuring out what to do with an armless guy, so they just had him teach choir. But one day, It was time for mass, and no one was there except the armless man. He knew the bell had to be rung to summon the people, so he walked up the stairs to the bell tower. After contemplating for a bit, he ran straight up to the bell and rung it with his face. When the minister and everyone else returned, they were so amazed with his performance that they designated him the official bell ringer. So he went on like that every day, slamming his face into the bell to ring it. One day, however, he slipped and fell off the bell tower to his death. Citizens crowded around him in horror. "does anyone know this armless guy?" a man called out. " I'm not sure," said another guy, " but his face sure rings a bell."

My armless uncle was a bank robber for 40 years and th e police couldn't ever capture him...

Apparently, they couldn't arrest him for armed robbery.

What do you call an armless, legless man at your front door?

Mat

Have you guys ever tried Krokodil?

It's a pretty armless drug.


What do you call a armless, legless man in water?

Bob.

What do you call a legless, armless amputee wiggling around in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

What did the armless math teacher have to do in order for his students to understand geometry?

Toe the line....

The church was looking for a new bell ringer...

..and they put out an advertisment to find someone. After weeks of waiting, a man with no arms shows to apply. The clergy decided to let him try, given that no one else has shown up. They ascend up to the top of the bell tower and the priest tells the armless man to just have at it. The armless man steps up to bell, and just savagely bangs his head against the side of it until he falls over, dead. The clergy, clearly shocked, run down to the congregation gathered and ask,

"Did any of you know that man?"

And some else shouts, "No, but I think his face rings a bell!"

What do you call a mute italian?

Armless!

What did the armless warrior say to his opponent before battle?

You're about to meet da-feet!

In high school I got sent to the principal for making fun of the paraplegic kid.

He asked if I would like to explain why I would do such a thing. I replied "It was just some armless teasing."

How do you call an armless assbowl with a hunchback ?

A madeleine


Zookeepers lie about their exhibits

Woman: Sir, are these geese harmless? I would like to go in and pet one of them

Zookeeper: yes, they are armless, but I strongly recommend you shouldn't go in.

Woman: nonsense, if you say that they are harmless, they must be.

Zookeeper: okaaaaay

The Zookeeper proceeds to open the gate to allow the woman to enter. She walks up to 1 of the geese to pet them, but they attack her.

Woman: YOU SAID THEY WERE HARMLESS!

Zookeeper: I NEVER SAID THAT THEY WERE HARMLESS, I SAID THEY WERE ARMLESS!

Bus stop

A man with three eyes, no arms and one leg is waiting at a bus stop. A bus pulls up. The driver opens the door and says, "Eye eye eye, you look armless enough, hop on!"

What do you call a group of amputated soldiers?

An armless.

At what point do you go from being "handless" to being "armless"?

What's the cut-off point?

What do you give an armless child for Christmas?

Nothing, he wouldn't be able to open it anyways

Did you hear about the southern armless guy?

He couldn't wait for arm-a-getten'

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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