Following is our collection of Armed jokes which are very funny. There are some armed no arms and legs jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these armed disarm puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Did you hear about the mind reading midget that escaped from prison? The papers said small medium at large.
You wave at her.
They see a man walking casually on the other side of the street. The first guard raises his rifle and shoots the pedestrian, killing him instantly.
The second guard says to the first, "What was that for?"
"He was out past curfew." Replied the first guard.
"What do you mean?" Said the second guard, "It's not curfew for another hour."
"Yeah, but I knew the guy," Said the first guard, "He could never have made it home in time."
Submarines.
Police warn the thieves could be armed and PMSing.
Gloves!
Haha I'm joking. He hasn't opened it yet.
And says "Welcome! I want to give you all an opportunity to explore the capital of our great nation before we begin the tour of the White House. We'll meet here at 4:00...
For those of you in the Army, that'll be at sixteen hundred hours,
For those of you in the Navy, that'll be at eight bells,
And for those of you in the Marines, the little hand will be on the four and the big hand will be on the twelve."
At least she probably won't give you the clap
I asked if he had any luck. He said "yea caught one this big"
This joke works better in person.
Wave.
The octopus because it is well armed.
You can explore armed guns reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean armed firearm dad jokes. There are also armed puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
You are armed with a gun and two bullets. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
Well armed...
The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.
The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.
The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.
The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.
"Captain! There is a light ahead and we are receiving a transmission that we should veer to the left."
The Captain grabbed the radio and said, "This is a fully armed battleship. Veer right or be destroyed."
The voice on the radio responded, "This is a lighthouse. Your move."
Wave to him!
Paddy went to trial for armed robbery.
After a long drawn out trial, the jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty."
"That's grand!" shouted Paddy. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"
a force of habit
A Brazilian.
Ryan Lochte: Yeah, they had arms.
While she was held at gunpoint, a cop car shows up at the counter.
Cops : Can we have 2 burgers.
Lady : give the burgers casually and passes a note that says "we have two armed men inside"
Cops : *reads the note* ofcourse they are two armed, how can one armed men make burgers O__o
The chair was armed.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
I know he's a priest but he's not going to do anything out in public
It's shift work.
In the event of an armed attack, they will yell "Donald, duck!"
It was armed.
Customs agent: Do you have anything to declare today?
Me: *starts sweating* ummmmm no. *trips and falls. Hundred of Kinder eggs spill from my pockets, jacket and bag*
Customs agent: GET ON THE FLOOR NOW!
Me: But, I am -
*armed guards swarm around and pin me down*
Armed guards: WHAT'S IN THE EGGS!!!
Me: I don't know, it's a surprise!!
(Sorry if the formatting sucks. On mobile)
Wave
They're heavily armed.
I did, however, get six years in jail for armed robbery of a petrol station.
Apparently, they couldn't arrest him for armed robbery.
The lady seemed very frazzled and the note said "help there are two armed men inside."
I drove off laughing, thinking "well yeah it would take forever to make tacos with one arm"
I looked up the rules of chivalry. Only one part is about respecting women. The rest is medieval battle etiquette.
The other day I didn't open a door for a women behind me. "I guess chivlary is dead," she said. Enraged, I challenged her to armed combat
Turns out I'm the better jouster.
Chivalry is alive but that woman is dead.
Order Marines to secure a building and they'll attack it.
Order soldiers to secure a building and they'll post guards around it.
Order airmen to secure a building and they'll buy it.
Order sailors to secure a building and they'll turn off the lights, lock the doors, and go out drinking.
He went up to a customer and asked "did you see my face?" The customer said "yes", so the robber shot him.
He asked another customer "did you see my face?" The customer said "yes" so the robber shot him.
He asked me "did you see my face?"
"No, but the wife did"
An Irishman was killed by an assassin in his own home Thursday. Sources say the assailant was armed only with 2 porcelain figures. After beating the man to death, the assassin threw the body to several mongrel dogs that lived in a nearby wooded area.
Police claim it's the first known case of a Knick-Knack Paddy whack, give a dog a bone.
It's only shift work, though.
The neigh-vy
Police say he was heavily armed
"Let's avoid him", he tells his adjutant. "He's well armed."
A masked armed robber runs into a bank and up to the first teller. As he begins to tell her to give up the cash, his mask falls off. He puts it back on and then asks her if she saw his face. She replies yes, so he shoots her dead. Next teller is asked the same thing, replies yes and bang, dead. He then turns to a couple standing in line and asks the man if he saw his face. The man replies "No, but my wife did."
Could still have a better punchline than this.
Captain Smith threw himself on top of it to save his men from the inevitable explosion.
His medal for bravery was awarded post-hummusly
It's shift work
Librarians will be issued silencers.
He Wanted to be Armed.
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
I'm currently facing ten years in jail for armed burgerly.
The jury comes back with the verdict. The foreman stands, clear his throat and announces, Not guilty. The defendant leaps to his feet. Awesome! he shouts. Does that mean I get to keep the money?
"Is this a second hand shop?"
He used to be armed and hammered, but he really cleaned up his act.
He was armed.
Librarians will be issued silencers.
as I saw her emerge in arrivals I shouted, "Hi sis, " Never seen as many armed police appear as quickly in my life!
Because he was well armed
They said he was armed and dangerous
Now it's doing 10 years for armed robbery but swears that it's innocent
Armed.
But you've got to give it to them...
"Here are the 100 bucks I owe you."
A group of soldiers are making their way through thick grass when an explosion goes off.
One of the soldiers shouts Be careful it's an armed bush
The panda orders a sandwich, eats it, shoots the scientist, and walks out of the bar.
The scientist explains while dying: a panda bear eats chutes and leaves
fully armed and sit down at a table. The bartender comes over and asks, "Hey, why do you guys have your weapons ready?"
The party leader replies, "Mimics."
The bartender laughs.
The party laughs.
The table laughs.
"Nobody move!"
Militia Etheridge
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the armed amputee jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working armed duel piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.