The Best 21 Armed Forces Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Armed Forces jokes. There are some armed forces guerillas jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these armed forces ambushed puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Armed Forces Jokes and Puns

UGH I was just forced to watch a stupid commercial about something called a Snuggie...

I wanted to change the channel so bad, but I was under a blanket and didn't want my arms to get cold.

The President meets with 50 top recruits from each branch of the armed forces...

And says "Welcome! I want to give you all an opportunity to explore the capital of our great nation before we begin the tour of the White House. We'll meet here at 4:00...

For those of you in the Army, that'll be at sixteen hundred hours,

For those of you in the Navy, that'll be at eight bells,

And for those of you in the Marines, the little hand will be on the four and the big hand will be on the twelve."

Which armed forces do horses join?

The neigh-vy

What do you call a group of armed nuns enforcing the status quo?

a force of habit

Nice pigs sir

A Secret Service agent is standing at the bottom of the stairs as President Clinton is leaving Air Force One, and can't help but notice that the President has a pig under each arm.

The Agent salutes and says, "Welcome back, Mr. President. Nice pigs, sir."

Clinton smiles and says, "These aren't pigs. These are genuine Arkansas Razorbacks. I got this one for Hillary, and I got this one for Chelsea."

The Agent says, "Good trade, sir."


Where does the Navy rank amongst the armed forces?

Submarines.

President Trump's greatest accomplishment was making us give the Coast Guard the respect that it deserves as a branch of the Armed Forces.

He accomplished this by creating the Space Force.

Old Clinton joke

President Clinton is visiting his home state of Arkansas and picks up two razorback pigs from a local breeder.

As he's walking onto Air Force one with a pig under each arm he asks to the marine saluting him, "you ever see such beautiful creatures in your whole life?" ... "No sir, I have not. If I may ask, sir, why did you get the pigs?" Clinton responds, "well I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." ... "Excellent trade sir!!"

A man gets woken up by intruders in his house.

He phones the police and says "There's people robbing my house, please send help".

They dispatcher says there's no cars or police available.

The man hangs up and phones back 2 minutes later.

"I just shot the guys. They're both here with bullets in them"

2 minutes later, police cars, helicopters, armed forces, counter-terror police turn up and raid the house, catching the burglars in the act.

The police looked confused and asked "You said you shot them!"

The man replied "You said there were no police available."

President Clinton shows up to Air Force One

President Clinton shows up to Air Force One with a pig under each arm.

The Marine sergeant, salutes him and shouts: "Nice pigs, sir"

Clinton looks at him and says: "I'll have you know these are genuine Arkansas razorbacks! I got one for Chelsea and one for Hillary. What do you think about that?"

The sergeant salutes again and shouts: "Nice trade, sir."

My dog forcefully jumped into my arms. He left me no choice...

I had to put him down.

You can explore armed forces soldiers reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean armed forces force dad jokes. There are also armed forces puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


French president Emmanuel Macron is bringing back national service for their armed forces.

French teenagers aren't too worried though. How hard can waving a little white flag actually be?

What do you call a member of the armed forces in the north sea?

A navy seal.

Couldn't sleep

So I couldn't sleep last night, and in an effort to wind my brain down, I ended up looking up obscure European military facts.

Did you know there was once a unit in the Scottish armed forces that's only job was to watch over furniture?

Yep, they were called the Scotch Guard.

Two Canadians leave for Iraq, one with the Canadian Armed Forced, the other to join ISIS

The Liberals cut support for the soldier and created a new program to welcome the terrorist.

Why did gravity get a gun?

So it could join the armed forces.

Seasick jokes

What do armed forces at sea feel when depressed?
The Navy blues

What part of the Mac's desktop would seafarers miss when at sea for a loooong time?
The Dock

Why do volleyball player want to join the armed forces? For the chance to gain some experience in the service.

America's army is the most powerful army in the world, French Armed Forces is No. 5 in the world, Lebanese Armed Forces is...

Lebanese Armed Forces is the most powerful army in Lebanon.


Apparently the Israeli armed forces are trained in Krav Maga for CQC

I always assumed they were taught Jew Jitsu

What's the difference between the armed forces and Comcast?

Nobody ever says "Thank you for your service" to the latter.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the armed forces military jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working armed forces commandos piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes