arm Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious arm puns

I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said

"I want you to try to sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.

Eventually he called me and said "Bring my laptop back here right now!"

I said "$200 and it's yours."

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If We're Going to Arm the Teachers

All I ask is that the librarians get silencers

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I was sexually active at 12

It's now 12:15 and my arm is killing me

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So God creates Adam...

...and soon after he notices that Adam is lonely.

God says "Do not fear, my child. For I will create a partner to accompany you and man from this time forth. She will be known, as a woman."

God continues "She will be obedient, loyal, passionate and nurturing."

Adam hesitates..

"What is this gonna cost me?" Adam asks.

God responds "An arm and a leg."

Adam retorts "What can I get for a rib?"

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A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting.

"Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.

The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.

"Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"

"Aha!'' says the doctor. ''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"

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Funniest thing my gf has ever said

We were at a a red light and i noticed a woman in the car behind me making a lot of arm and hand motions. No one was in the car with her (probably on bluetooth).

Me: Hey babe look at this woman behind us. What is she doing? She's just flailing her arms around but there isn't any one with her.

GF: Maybe she's deaf and she's singing to herself.

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A husband sends a text to his wife.

Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the hospital. They have been taking tests and doing x-rays. The blow to my head is very strong, may be serious. Also, I have 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture on my left leg and they may have to amputate the right foot.

Wife's Response:
Who is Tina?

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How did Matthew McConaughey masturbate after breaking his left arm?

All right all right all right.

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A redneck sees another carrying a sheep under each arm.

So he asks him, "you shearing?" The other answers "nope, gonna fuck 'em both m'self."

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What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A Pitbull coming from the childrens play ground

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Three prostitutes are sitting in a bar. . .

and they're drunkenly arguing over who has the loosest pussy.

The first one says: "Last night I had a John put his whole fist up me and open up his fingers.

The second one laughs and says: "That's nothing! Last week I had a guy who stuck his arm up me to the elbow and could wriggle it all around, barely touching the sides!"

The third one laughed at the other two and slid down the bar stool.

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God said to Adam "I'm going to make you a woman"

God: "She's going to clean for you, cook anything you want whenever you want it, always look beautiful, never be bad tempered, give you children, always obedient, and she'll never argue with you."
Adam: "That sounds great, but what'll it cost me?"
God: "Oh, an arm and a leg."
Adam: "That's a bit steep. What can I get for a rib?"

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My 6 year old son caught me masturbating this
morning...

He said, "What are you doing daddy?"
"It's called wanking," I replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why, daddy?" he asked.
"Because my arm is fucking killing me."

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Did you hear what happened to the guy whose left arm and left leg got chopped off?

He's dead.

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I told my doctor that I recently broke my arm in two places.

He told me to stop going to those places.

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Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris

Loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.

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Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.

The first lady had a stroke, the second lady had a stroke, but the third lady's arm was too short to reach.

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Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia.

Can you spare just $2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia. He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video - its hilarious.

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A man walks into his kitchen with a sheep under his arm when he looks at his wife and says...

"This is the pig I've been fucking when you're not around."

His wife rolls her eyes and replies "that's a sheep, not a pig, idiot."

"I wasn't taking to you."

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A man went to visit the doctor because his arm was hurting.

Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please? the man pleads.

The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.

Hello, Doctor, says the arm. Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!

Aha! says the doctor. I see the problem. Your arm is broke!

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What do you call an Italian with a broken arm?

Speech impaired.

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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and asks for a beer

The bartender nods,
"and how about one for the road?"

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Son walks in on his dad masturbating

Dad tells him "son... you'll be doing this soon".

The son asks "why... because I'm about to hit puberty?"

To which the dad replies "no... because my arm is getting sore"

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What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a banjo player?

A tattoo.

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I was in a job interview today. The interviewing manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me." ...

So I put the laptop under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.
Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!"

I said, "$200 and it's yours."

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I got a strange note in my bag at the Taco Bell drive-thru last night...

The lady seemed very frazzled and the note said "help there are two armed men inside."

I drove off laughing, thinking "well yeah it would take forever to make tacos with one arm"

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A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

His wife is laying in bed.
The man exclaims This is the pig I fuck when you don't put out
His wife says Are you drunk? That's not a pig that's a sheep
The man replies Shut up, I was talking to the sheep

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If you watch 127 Hours backwards

It's the uplifting story of an amputee finding an arm in the desert.

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Job Interview

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me".

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.

Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!"

I said, "$200 and it's yours".

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Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn

He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"

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Vader has a pretty sweet suit.

It must have cost at least an arm and a leg.

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I was in a job interview when the manager handed me his laptop and says I want you to try to sell this to me

So I closed it, put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home. Eventually he called me and said, You bring it back here right now I said, $100 and it's yours .

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What do you call a pretty lady on the arm of a drummer?

A Tattoo.

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I told my doctor I broke my arm in 2 places today

He told me not to go back to those places

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Guy walks into his bedroom with a goat under his arm...

He says, "This is the pig I fuck when you're not around.

His wife says, "You dumb asshole, that's a goat, not a pig."

He shoots back, "Who the hell did you think I was talking to?"

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What are the most funny Arm jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Arm? Well, here are the best Arm dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Arm pick up lines to share with friends.

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