Hilarious Ark Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
Where did Noah keep his bees?
In the ark hives
When Noah reached land, he threw open the ark doors and said, "Go forth and multiply".
When all the animals cleared out, only a pair of confused looking snakes remained.
"Didn't you hear me? Go forth and multiply!" Said Noah, annoyed.
"We can't" replied one of the snakes. "We're adders".
How do we know Noah kept bees
All the evidence was in the ark hives
Why do hipsters love Raiders of the Lost Ark?
Because it's the first Indy movie.
Why did Noah have so much difficulty fishing on the ark?
He only brought two worms.
Noah and the snakes
According to the Bible, Noah built an ark and brought a pair of each animals on board to survive a flood. When the ark ran aground Noah told the animals to go forth and multiply.
The snakes told Noah We can't multiply, we're adders.
Noah gathered some driftwood tree trunks and built a platform for the snakes. Even adders can multiply when given a log table.
You might have to be older than me to understand this. People on reddit who are older than me are rare, but they exist.
When Noah's Ark settled safely after the flood, he opened the doors and commanded the animals, Go forth and multiply."
All the animals departed from the Ark, except for two snakes in the back. Noah proclaimed again, Go forth and multiply, but the snakes stayed put. Perturbed, Noah asked them, Why have you not followed my command?
* We can't multiply. We're Adders. *
If anyone of you here needs an ark..
I noah guy
After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply!"...
The ark quickly emptied, except for two small snakes, who stayed behind.
When Noah asked them why, they replied, "We can't multiply. We're adders."
Noah, being the resourceful man he was, immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber therefrom.
And he saw that it was good.
The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and the snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table.
Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects?
They were looking for the ark tick.
As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply. After some time, he came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves...
So Noah asked them, Why aren't you multiplying?
The snakes replied, We can't, we're adders.
You can explore ark covenant reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ark arc dad jokes. There are also ark puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A man is doing a crossword and asks his wife for help.
Husband: Body of water, three letters.
Wife: Bay.
Husband: Flying insect with stinger, three letters.
Wife: Bee.
Husband: To hush someone, four letters.
Wife: shhh.
Husband: Boat Noah built, three letters.
Wife: Ark.
Husband: DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO
After The Flood...
After the flood, satisfied his work was done, Noah was inspecting the Ark one last time when he came across a pair of snakes.
"Why are you still here?" he asked in surprise. "It's safe now. Go forth! And multiply!"
The snakes stared at him in confusion.
"But....we're adders."
What type of lights were on Noah's Ark?
You'd think it would be floodlights, but in reality it was the Israelites!
Noah had just landed the ark.
After all the animals had disembarked he went back in to look around and there were two snakes in the corner crying. He said what's going on? I told you to go fourth and multiply.
They replied but we're adders!
Do you need an Ark?
I Noah guy.
Two dinosaurs standing on a cliff
As they're looking out to sea an ark floats past. One dinosaur turns to the other one and says,
'Oh, was that today?'
Corny jokes!
Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired.
Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
A: It becomes daytrogen.
Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?
A: In the Ark Hives!
Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May.
Q: What is it called when you kill a friend?
A: Homiecide
"Fish tanks are stupid!"
"Why?"
"Fish don't even have any militaries!"
An English teacher asked their students: "Of all the characters in the Old Testament, who do you think is the most developed?"
A student responded, "Noah, because he has the largest story Ark."
Noah was fishing one day off the side of the ark.
Suddenly he looked around and yelled out, "Can someone bring me the *other* worm?"
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark?
Flood lights
Need to build an Ark?
I Noah man...
Noah was feeling bored on the Ark
His wife said, "Why don't you go outside and fish for a little?"
Noah agreed, grabbed his fishing pole and went out on the deck to fish.
He comes back in 10 minutes later, sits down, and pouts.
His wife asks him, "Why did you stop fishing?" and he says,
"I ran out of worms."
I went on a blind date with a fellow movie buff
Talk soon started about our love of the silver screen. She asked if I was in to Indie films and I said" of course they are some of the best!". "ok", she replied, "what's your favourite then?"
"I don't think you can look past Raiders of the Lost Ark personally, but the Last crusade is a close 2nd"
It's the second day on Noah's Ark and all the animals are meeting up with their counterparts.
The unicorns find each other, and the first unicorn introduces himself, saying "Hi, my name's Frank." The second unicorn says "Hi Frank, I'm Jerry!" The unicorns in unison say "Oh shit..."
What's the difference between Noah's Ark and Joan of Arc?
One was made of wood, the other was Maid of Orleans.
A theological one for the computer scientists
After the animals exited the ark, the Lord came to the animals and the Lord spoke "Go forth and multiply".
The snakes came to him and said "Oh Lord, we cannot fulfil the commandment, for we are adders"
Thus spoke the Lord "Go and cut down the trees, and out of the trees you shall fashion furniture. For adders can multiply with the aid of log tables"
What did Noah say after he let the dinosaurs in?
Welcome to Jurassic Ark
Yo mama's so old,
Her first cruise was on the Ark.
Why hasn't Noah's Ark been found?
Because it's Noah to be found.
Where did Noah keep his bee keeping manual.
In his Ark Hives.
Does anyone need an Ark?
If so contact me, I Noah guy.
Noah and the Two Snakes.
Noah, after settling his ship down and letting loose the animals aboard his Ark unto the world, noticed a pair of snakes that were left behind.
"Well, what are you guys still doing here?" Asked Noah.
"Remember how you said 'go forth and multiply' ?" One of the snakes replied.
"Yes..." Noah responded, looking deeply confused.
"We can't, we're adders."
Need an ark to save two of every animal?
I noah guy.
Don't be afraid to do something new
Remember, the Noah's ark was built by an amateur and the Titanic by professionals.
Why didn't Noah do any fishing while he was on the ark?
He only had two worms.
Need to build an Ark?
I Noah guy…
Which bird did Noah regret taking on the ark?
The woodpeckers.
God: Noah, it's time to build another boat.
Noah: Oh, so soon! But hey, you are the boss. So the same, animals, two by two?
God: Actually no. We forgot the fish last time so this time this will be just for the fish.
God (again): Also, build it with more than one deck.
Noah: Big boat, only fish and several levels. Got it boss!
God: And another thing. Not just any fish. I want only Carp on the new boat.
Noah: So, let me get this right God.
You want a "Multi Storey
Carp Ark!"....
Snakes can't multiply!
After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply".
The ark quickly emptied except for two small snakes, who stayed behind.
When Noah why, they replied - we can't multiply, we are adders.
Noah immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber therefrom.
The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table.
Anyone know someone who owns an ark?
I think I Noah guy...
Where did Noah put the penguins on the ark?
In the arctic section.
Note: my 7 yr old grand daughter made this up on the spot, after I told her this joke:
Where did Noah put the bees on the ark?
In the archives.
I think she's pretty clever.
If the Genesis flood happened in prehistoric times...
...It'd be Jurassic Ark
What did Noah use to see at night on the Ark?
Flood lights.
Chuck Norris opened the Ark of the Covenant and kept his eyes open. The Ark melted.
Who's the best character in the Bible?
Noah, he has the best ark.
The only indie movie I like is Raiders of the Lost Ark
Why didn't they ever play cards on the Ark?
Because Noah was standing on the deck
You want an ark?
I Noah guy!
Why was Noah such a compelling character?
He had a good ark.
Uber Ark Driver Needed in Florida Panhandle area
Just got a call from a friend on the Florida coast where a lot of rain is falling. He told me an Uber Ark driver position is available.
How did Noah figure out that his son isn't very smart ?
He built an aquariam on the Ark to save the fish.
God: Earth is going to be flooded. Someone should build an ark.
Jesus: I Noah guy who can do it
What did God say to Joan of Ark when she went to heaven?
Well done, Joan, well done
