Charming Humor Arizona Jokes with Loads of Fun
Two Mexican men have just crossed the border into the U.S.
They are now wandering through the Arizona desert. In short time, they become lost amongst the sand, praying for any sign of civilization. They spend days out there, and are on the verge of death from heat and starvation.
When suddenly, a shining oasis appears before them. The water is crystal clear and it is surrounded with lush foliage. And in the center is one specific tree. It is a majestic plant and from it's branches hang the most unexpected of things.
Bacon. Delicious, crispy bacon. Enough to feed a man for days. Without even thinking, one of the men bolts for the oasis, desperate for food and water. As he reaches the half way point, from behind the tree springs forth a man wielding a machine gun. The poor immigrant is gunned down and lays in the sand, dieing. His friend runs to him and says
> Miguel, are you alright? What happened to you?
To which the man responds, looking up at his friend with his dieing breath
> Pedro, it is not a bacon tree...it is a hambush.
A penguin has some car trouble...
A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."
My dad used to tell the ultimate dad joke passed on by his Native American father from Arizona.
"You boys know how all these cacti got their name?"
*sigh* "No dad how did they decide on a name?"
"Well, when the first Native American tried the water from them, he exclaimed 'Yucca!'"
(Yucca is the name of an abundant species of cacti found in Arizona)
(I cringed when I heard this and I loved my grandfather very much so I understand any negative reaction)
Did you hear about that new wax museum in Arizona.
And... it's gone.
Hurricane Joaquin
This Category 3 Storm is likely to hit the Eastern US this week.
Good news for Arizona residents: you will not be affected by Joaquin, Phoenix.
Two Native Americans walk into a restaurant...
The concierge asks, "Do you have reservations?" One of the guys replies, "Yes; mine is in Oklahoma and his is in Arizona."
What do you call it when a mother has twin boys in Arizona?
Tucson.
Where did Timmy go during the e**...?
**EVERYWHERE**.
He had a newfound respect for life after being spared from such a life-changing event. He went to Arizona, Colorado, New York, England, then settled down in Paris with his now-engaged girlfriend.
I like options, so I'm looking through universities in Arizona.
They have more degrees.
The only constants in life are taxes, death, and...
99c+tax AriZona Iced Tea
Jack and his wife lived in Arizona where the summers are very hot.
Jack and his wife lived in Arizona where the summers are very hot.
He woke up one day when they were having a heat wave.
As he stepped out of the shower he complained to his wife saying, it's just too hot to wear any clothes on a day like this. What would the neighbors think if I mowed the lawn with no clothes.
That I married you only for your money.
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A man travelling through Arizona stops at a small town and goes into a bar
He stands at the end of the bar and lights up a cigar. As he sips his drink, he stands there quietly blowing smoke rings.
After he's blown nine or ten smoke rings, an angry Indian comes up to him and says, "Listen buddy, if you don't stop calling me names, I'll smash your face in!"
I tried a fragrance called "Arizona Feeling"
Smelled like sweat.
What do you call someone from Arizona who has two male offspring?
Tucson.
The Arizona Cardinals are like a t**...
They don't have a second string and they only last for one period.
Have you heard about Sting's new business?
He now reposesesses cars in Arizona and lines them up in desert rows.
The Arizona Wildlife World Zoo refused to euthanize the panther that killed a woman who jumped into its enclosure to take a selfie...
...making it the first black entity to ever successfully invoke the Castle Doctrine/Stand Your Ground against a white entity.
My son was moving to a city in Arizona. On the day before he left he told me, "I love you, Dad."
I love you Tucson.
I just got fired from my cartography job in Arizona.
They said I had no sense of Yuma.
Arizona may be a COVID 19 hot spot...
...but at least its a dry cough.
The Felony laws are rediculous...
Three guys were talking about how they ended up in an Arizona prison.
Guy 1: what are you in for?
Guy 2: selling w**... to my 23 year old cousin with anxiety.
Guy 1: I can beat that, I was playing bioshock and the radio in game played some 1950s s**.... I got a copy right strike and here I am.
Guy 3: I got you both beat. I'm in here because my a**... fall asleep in the bathtub.
According to the Big Bang Theory the universe began in Arizona
Our whole universe was in a hot dense state
My wife and I recently went on a trip to Arizona, but we got into a fight about whether we should go to Meteor Crater or the Grand Canyon.
It was a whole thing.
50 Jokes for 50 US States Part III
# Arizona
Its so hot in Arizona, cows are giving evaporated milk and the trees are whistling for dogs.
Disclaimer: This is not my joke. And I sure hope that its not a repost from any of the subs. I am sure that there will be numerous variations out there. So just wanted to let you know that I read it on Reader's Digest Issue 1/09, finding it funny, I wanted to share with the jokers here.
