Following is our collection of equally humor and arg one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Arguments puns for adults, dirty evidence jokes or clean convince gags for kids.
There is an abundance of dispute jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 44 funniest jokes on arguments. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any arguement witze you can hear about arguments.
Just cuz.
(I came up with this just now and I'm so proud of it and I haven't slept in 3 days)
America: compliments
Syria: arguments
The Adhomineminal Snowman
Because they had constant arguments.
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He didn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with His meals.
3. He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead; He had to get up because there was still work to do.
They have a lot of arguments.
Why did the functions stop calling each other?
Ans: Because they had too many arguments.
Why did I invest all of my money into the coin factory?
Because it made cents.
Did you hear about the swiss cheese debate?
The arguments are full of holes.
Did you hear about the flutist who got hit in the face with a banana cream pie?
He is now called the pie'd piper.
So, a pun sprints into a bar, and the bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve puns here", so the pun dashes out. The bartender then remarks "Huh, must've been a running joke."
So a pun, a play on words, and an anecdote walk into a bar. No joke.
(found on my FB newsfeed)
**There were three good arguments that Jesus was Black:**
* He called everyone brother;
* He liked Gospel;
* He didn't get a fair trial.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:**
* He went into His Father's business;
* He lived at home until he was 33;
* He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:**
* He talked with His hands;
* He had wine with His meals;
* He used olive oil.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:**
* He never cut His hair;
* He walked around barefoot all the time;
* He started a new religion.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:**
* He was at peace with nature;
* He ate a lot of fish;
* He talked about the Great Spirit.
**But then there were three equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:**
* He never got married;
* He was always telling stories;
* He loved green pastures.
**But the most compelling evidence of all - three proofs that Jesus was a woman:**
* He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food;
* He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it;
* And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do.
Can I get an AMEN!!
But their arguments don't seem to carry much weight.
AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES : THESE REALLY WORK!!
1. TO AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES, GET SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2 TO AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT- USE THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. [REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.]
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES - YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE – OIL AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE OIL. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS.
She said it was very childish of me to count that. She was right about that, but that still leaves her at 676.
Because they know how to pass arguments.
I told her 'I think you mean fewer'.
They're divisive.
Because 1 or more arguments were invalid!
The following are all signs that you are a drunk. They include, but are not limited to...
- You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
- You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
- Your job interferes with your drinking.
- Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
- You sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive fifth food group.
- Twenty-four hours in a day, twenty-four beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not!
- You consider that having two hands and only one mouth is a drinking problem.
- You can normally focus better with one eye closed.
- The parking lot seems to have moved since you entered the bar.
- You fall off the floor sometimes.
- Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
- Mosquitoes stumble about after attacking you.
- At weekly AA meetings, you forget your own name.
- Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
- The whole bar greets you when you come in.
- You don't recognise your wife unless you see her through the bottom of your glass.
- That damned pink elephant followed you home again!
He kept making strong counter arguments, though.
I just say "Yes ma'am"
and they're really just grasping at straws.
A math debater.
I thought wow, someone should read that. It would probably solve a lot of arguments.
It's a mellow drama.
I can't be friends with someone who makes straw-ban arguments.
So I changed my name to Darnell and started curling my hair
Long and drawn out
They don't have a say in anything!
Well, at least the arguments are getting heated
My record is 0-0-1498
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Albert Einstein, John F Kennedy and God are on holiday
at the Kennedy compound on Cape Cod.
One a rainy afternoon Einstein suggests they play a game.
So they get out the card table and setup. God suggests Poker, Einstein 500 and Kennedy Blackjack.
After a ten minutes of arguments, Schwarzenegger says "Why don't we just play Yahtzee?"
At that God gets up and storms out.
Kennedy turns to Einstein and ask "What was that about?"
Einstein says "God does not play dice with Mr Universe"
...Aunty Semitic
...he put up well-rounded arguments
After all, they don't have one leg to stand on
An American, a Frenchman and an Italian go hiking together in the Alps.
On the hike the three keep trying to find similarities between them, but always end getting into arguments.
After a ways, the Frenchman and the Italian decide to take a quick break to take a leak. As they both leave the trail, the American calls after them Hey, I know something you both have in common!
Cos'è quello, what's that..?! Replies the Italian over his shoulder.
C'est Quoi? Replies the Frenchman from the other side of the trail.
The American shouts out European!
They storm off.
(I remembered this one when I saw the "from when I was seven" post)
because they take arguments and return values.
... they still make me sick.
An InclusiveOr.
And the ventriloquist kept making blonde jokes. As the evening progressed the blonde got madder and madder until she couldn't take it any more.
She stood up and yelled at the ventriloquist.
Listen, I am sick and tired of the blonde jokes. I am an attorney in a successful law firm. I have had arguments in the top courts and am a well regarded member of the society.
The ventriloquist felt bad and began to apologize but before he could the blonde interrupted him.
Saying, Hey! You stay out of this. This is between me and the guy on your knee!
They are just pointless
He could never WinThose
They are all heated arguments.
Which causes arguments between gay couples every year.
A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about whose profession was the oldest.
In the course of their arguments, they went all the way back to the Garden of Eden. The doctor said, "The medical profession is clearly the oldest because Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that was an incredible surgical feat."
The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that, the Garden and the world were created. So God must have been an architect."
The computer scientist, who had listened to all of this said, "Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.