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Argument Jokes

130 argument jokes and hilarious argument puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about argument that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laughter is always the best medicine, but sometimes humor can be used to diffuse a sticky situation. Read on to learn about the clever use of argument jokes to get your spouse to concede and a friend to intervene. Whether you are locked in a heated debate with your spouse or getting cold stares from your parents, you'll find out how to use Woomba jokes to your advantage.

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Popular Argument Short Jokes

Short argument jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The argument humour may include short arguing jokes also.

  1. "You're the bomb, no you're the bomb" A compliment in the United States, an argument in the Middle East.
  2. I got into an argument with my daughter and she shouted, "1, 3, 5, 7, 9!" I asked her, "What's that supposed to mean?"
    She said, "I'm so mad, I can't even!"
  3. You the bomb. No, you the bomb.
    A compliment in America.
    An argument in the Middle East.
  4. For those of you wondering what it's like to be married I just found out this morning I'm on day 3 of an argument I didn't know I was having.
  5. The other night my wife and I had an argument, and by the end of it I had that woman on her knees! She was saying, 'Come out from under the bed, you coward.'
  6. During an argument with my wife, she dropped the old "why did you even marry me?" line. Apparently "Your sister was already taken" was not the right answer.
  7. My wife and I had a huge argument last week. She called me gullible and financially irresponsible. I can't wait to see the look on her face when I tell her I just won the Nigerian lottery!
  8. Marital Argument A husband and wife had been arguing all day. They pass a herd of jackasses. The wife says "relatives of yours?" Husband says, "yep, in laws."
  9. I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you. They could have least waited until I got dressed and left.
  10. Today I started an argument with my wife while riding in an elevator. I was wrong on so many levels.

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Argument One Liners

Which argument one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with argument? I can suggest the ones about aspect and props.

  1. What's Obama say to Biden when he leaves the room after a argument? Good bi-den
  2. What's the most persuasive argument against democracy? "Have you ever worked in retail?"
  3. What did the debater say after getting stabbed during an argument? Good point
  4. "You da bomb." "No, you da bomb" America: compliments
    Syria: arguments
  5. I got into an argument with 1,3,5,7 and 9. The odds were against me.
  6. What is a misogynist? A misogynist is anyone winning an argument with a feminist.
  7. How to win an argument with a deaf girl? Turn off the lights.
  8. Wives are amazing magicians... They can turn anything into an argument.
  9. I win every argument I have with my chinese friend... He's wong, and I'm white.
  10. Why did the functions stop calling each other? Because they had constant arguments.
  11. Why can't programmers maintain good relationships? They have a lot of arguments.
  12. What is the flat earthers greatest fear? A well rounded argument.
  13. When I get into an argument with my wife, I always get the last word "Yes, dear"
  14. A laser and a microwave got into an argument I heard it got pretty heated.
  15. You can't win an argument with a chicken. It's logic is impeccable.

Husband Wife Argument Jokes

Here is a list of funny husband wife argument jokes and even better husband wife argument puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • During an argument with her husband, a wife was just about to calm down. But then her husband asked her to calm down...
  • Husband after losing another argument, tells his wife, "You must learn to learn to embrace your mistakes."
    Wife runs over and hugs him.
  • In a furious argument, the wife tells her husband... - I should have married the devil instead of you!
    - Well, that's impossible. Marriage between cousins is forbidden!
  • A man and his wife have an argument which ends in a fight Husband: So disappointing, it finished less than a minuet after it started
    Wife: Now you know how I feel.
Argument joke, A man and his wife have an argument which ends in a fight

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about argument can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of argument puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Entertaining Argument Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about argument you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean essay jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make argument prank.

A couple just had their first son , the husband is half irish and half Indian , the wife half chinese and half Italian both wishes to have their son name after their heritage ..

After much argument they decided on the name.
Ravi O'Lee

I can't stand my wife's ideas for our kitchen redesign

And I'm not convinced by her counterarguments.

My mom dropped this one on me

Mom and I, her 27-year-old son, had had an argument about my clothes. She pointed to a hole in my shirt and said, "There's a big hole in your shirt!"
I responded, "Yeah? Well there's a big hole in your face and dumb things keep coming out of it," pointing to her mouth.
Without a pause, she snaps back, "Not nearly as dumb as the thing that fell out of my other hole 27 years ago."

A dog and a cat were having an argument on who is the favorite of humans

The dog says, Humans like us more. They even named a tooth (canine) after us. Naming such an important body part after us shows that they like us more.
The cat smiles and says, You're not really going to win this one you know.

Where are we?

Not mine:
Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly? The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."

A jew and a Chinese man are in an argument...

The jew says, "I hate your people for what you did at pearl harbour". The Chinese man says, what do you mean? That was the Japanese!". The jew replies, "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same. So the Chinese man says, "Well I hate your people for sinking the titanic". The jew says, "That's ridiculous; an iceberg sunk the titanic!". The Chinese man responds, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Silverberg, you're all the same".

Two guys were in an English pub.

They called the publican over to settle an argument.
"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.
"There are two pints in a quart" confirmed the publican.
They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order.
"Two pints miss, and they are on the house."
The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the guys called out to the publican at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?"
"That's right," he called back, "two pints."

Three Engineers are having an argument...

The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."
The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."
The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"

Whilst driving through Wales with my pal, we stopped off at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch for lunch.

I asked the waitress, "Could you settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very slowly?" The waitress replied, "Burr gerr King!"

Two drunk people are sitting at a bar having an argument about Coronavirus.

The first one says "You're just trying to scare people. You don't know anything."
The second replies, clearly fed up with the first, "I'm a doctor! I'm paid to know these things, I have a PhD and everything!"
The first one slurs back, "Well ***I*** have a ***DhD.***"
The second says, exasperated, "What the h**... is a DhD??"
The first cackles, "You're some doc if you don't know what ADHD is!"

Mark and his wife were driving along a country road.

They weren't speaking to each other due to an earlier argument. As they passed a particularly rural stretch, they spotted a couple of monkeys in the treetops. "Relatives of yours?", asked Mark sarcastically.
"Yes," she replied. "My in-laws."

In an argument, a woman always has the last word.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

A boy and his father are in an argument

Father: "I've had enough of this! Go to your room and don't come back out until you've thought long and hard about what you've done"
Son: "Fine, I didn't want to be here anyways"
Son: *Stomps up stairs*
Son: *Walks into his room, gently closes the door*
Son: "Jim Morrison s**...!"
Father: "What did I tell you about slamming The Doors!?"

Plot Twist

A hotel receptionist gets a call*
Man: Hello, I'm in room 210, you need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument with my wife and she's saying that she's going to jump out of the window.
Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal problem. We cannnot help you with that.
Man: Listen you idiot. The window is not opening and that's a MAINTENANCE problem.

If I had the power of invisibility,

I would end every argument by disappearing and saying "have I made myself clear?"

It's never worth getting into an argument about creationist Adam & Eve versus evolution

You're just comparing apples and origins

My wife's locked herself in the kitchen after we had a furious argument over how cheap and pennypinching I've become since we got married…

She's in there now, ripping all the plates in half…

Two English tourists were driving through Wales.At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch they asked the waitress: Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument.Can you pronounce where we are,very,very,slowly?"

The girl leaned over and said:
Burrr… gurrr… King.

My wife and I had a huge argument today. By the time we were finished, she was on her knees begging...

for me to come out from under the bed and act like an adult.

A son and his Dad have an intense argument and the son storms off, furious.

Before he gets out of earshot of his father, he yells "Jim Morrison was a terrible singer and an uninspired artist who never did anything worthwhile".
His father cannot believe this insolence, and screams at the top of his lungs "As long as you live in this house, you will never, EVER SLAM THE DOORS"

The debates flipped gender roles.

Last night we saw an argument between a woman who wanted to talk facts, and a man who only wanted to talk about his feelings.

My wife and I had a huge argument because she accidentally flooded the kitchen

but we've sorted it now. It's all water under the fridge.

A man calls up his hotel's reception

He says, "Please send someone over, I'm having an argument with my wife and she's threatening to jump out the window."
The manager replies, "I'm sorry sir, but we cannot intervene, this seems to be a personal issue."
"d**... man, this is a maintenance issue; I can't get the window open!"

A Greek and an Italian are arguing over whose culture is superior.

he Greek says "We built the Parthenon." the Italian says "We build the Colosseum." The Greek says "We came up with advanced Mathematics" The Italian says "We made the Roman Empire." The Greek is getting frustrated finally realizes how he can win the argument. "We invented s**...." The Italian replies "True, true, I can't argue with that, but we thought of having it with women."

The Pope and an atheist are having an argument

After a few hours the pope turns to the atheist and says "You are like a man who is blindfolded, in a dark room who is looking for a black cat that isn't there."
"Well" replies the atheist "we are not so dissimilar then. As you are also like a man who is blindfolded, in a dark room who is looking for a black cat that isn't there but the only difference is you say you have found it."

What do you call a huge, angry, green man that cites all his arguments from peer reviewed journals?

The credible hulk

Doctors treating President Trump for COVID-19 at Walter Reed Army Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland,report that he is delusional, combative, argumentative, and seems to have lost touch with reality.

It's nice to see that Mr. Trump is feeling his old self.

A Hotel guest calls the front desk

and the clerk answers, "May I help you?"

The man says, "Yes, I'm in room 858.
You need to send someone to my room immediately.
I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window."

The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal matter."

The man replies, "Listen you idiot.

The window won't open and that's a maintenance matter."

My wife and I had this long argument about the appropriate thing to wear when gardening.

But..she kept digging in her heels.

A couple got into an argument...

A couple got into an argument while on a drive through the countryside. It got quite heated and neither of the two wanted to concede, so they sat in silence for several kilometers.
As they passed a farm full of pigs bathing in mud, the wife spoke up and said:
"Relatives of yours?"
The man replied:
"In-laws."

A dad and his daughter are having an argument...

The daughter gets really frustrated with the situation, and goes to leave the room. When she reaches the doorway, she turns around and blurts out "AND BY THE WAY, JIM MORRISON WAS OVERRATED!".
Her dad yells back "HEY, WHAT'D I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS".

Husband and wife having an argument

Husband and wife are having an argument and the wife says "It would have been better if I married to the devil instead of you!". The husband looks at his wife and goes "That's inbreeding."

My wife and I are going with Granite countertops for our new kitchen.

I don't even like the look of Granite all that much but honestly I just couldn't think of a counter-argument.

A maintenance matter

A husband frantically calls hotel management from his hotel room, "Please come fast I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she will jump out the window of your hotel."

The manager responded, "Sir that's a personal matter."

The husband responded, "Idiot, the window won't open! That's a maintenance matter!"

A dad and his son get into a big argument one day

DAD: Go to your room right now
SON: *storms off* JIM MORRISON WASN'T EVEN A GOOD VOCALIST
DAD: What have I told you about slamming The Doors!

A daughter is in a fierce argument with her father

The dad is yelling, she's inconsolable and crying. She finally gets sick and tired of it, and storms up to her bedroom.
Before entering, she lashes out at her father "Oh, and more thing: Jim Morrison is a terrible artist!"
The father, filled with rage yells back "Young lady, there will be NO slamming of The Doors in this house!"

What do you call a family member who doesn't support their arguments with evidence?

Just cuz.
(I came up with this just now and I'm so proud of it and I haven't slept in 3 days)

Mutual Agreement

In the middle of an argument a man said to his wife, "I don't know how you can be so s**... and so beautiful all at the same time!"
The wife responded calmly, "Allow me to explain...the good Lord made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; and he made me s**... so I would be attracted to you!"

An insolent teenager is having an argument with her father

And as she storms off she shouts, "Oh and by the way, Jim Morrison s**...!"
The father looks back and responds, "Hey, there will be no slamming of The Doors in my house."

So a man and woman are getting a divorce and are in court fighting for custody of their child.

So a man and woman are getting a divorce and are in court fighting for custody of their child. The judge ask the woman why should you get the the kid and she is saying how she was in labor and held the child in her w**..... The judge says good argument now Mr. Jones your argument.. He sits there and thinks for a moment and says if you put a dollar in a coke machine is the coke yours or the machines?

I almost didn't post this joke, but I decided you deserve it.

The doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast. As he stormed out of the house, the man angrily yelled to his wife, You aren't that good in bed either!
By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answered the phone. What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?
I was in bed.
What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?
Getting a second opinion

What's the difference between a knife, and an argument with a female?

A knife has a point...

What's 8 feet tall, covered in fur, and walks around the Himalayas undermining your arguments by attacking your character?

The Adhomineminal snowman

Whenever I have an argument with my wife, she always comes to me crawling

And then she says: "Get out from under the couch, you coward!"

After an extremely tense argument with my girlfriend, the house was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

Things got a lot worse when I saw the grenade fly towards me.

Smart waitress

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

What's a Racist, Homophobe, Sexist, Bigot, or Hater?

Anyone winning an argument with a liberal.

Some Muslims were having an argument on my street the other day...

I wanted to step in, but I was afraid it would blow up in my face.

My wife walked in on an argument between our son and I. When he ran out of the room crying, I turned to the wife and said, "I wish I'd used a c**... now." Horrified, she said, "What!? You wish our son had never been born!?"

"No." I replied. "I got his girlfriend pregnant."

My wife said we would have less arguments if I wasn't so pedantic..

I said, 'I think you mean fewer arguments'

Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia.

Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia.
As they were approaching Shubenacadde (shoe-been-ack-id-dee), they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?
Would you please pronounce where we are... ver-r-ry slo-o-owly?"
The waitress leaned over the counter and says, "Tiiimmmmm Hoorrrrttooonnns"

An order of monks are selling flowers...

...illegally on the lawn of the p**... Mansion, Hugh Hefner's property. Instead of calling the police, however, Hugh decides to spring into action and stop them himself. After an intense argument, the monks agree to leave peacefully. If it had been anybody else they would have gotten away with it; unfortunately for them, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

A doctor and his wife were having a huge argument at breakfast...

"Yeah?, well you aren't so good in bed either!" The doctor shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and call home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
"What took you so long to answer?" He said
"I was in bed." came the reply.
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning....

The wife claims, "You should do it, because you get up first and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband says, "You are in charge of cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
The wife replied, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should make the coffee."
The husband replied, "I can't believe that; show me!"
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........
"HEBREWS"

What's the difference between an argument in kindergarten and the presidential debate?

About 70 years

A city bus driver is doing his route.

After picking up some passengers, an argument about race broke out. Most of the passengers on the bus are getting involved and after twenty minutes of bickering the driver, tired of the argument, slams on the brakes and stops in the middle of the street. Everyone shuts up. He stands up and shouts at them, "I'm TIRED of this. I'm an old man and I can't bear to listen to this arguing anymore. From now on, there's no black, there's no white, got it? We're all the same color. We're all green. Now everyone sit down, dark green in back, light green in front."

I got into a big argument with my girlfriend and she screamed, "You're just using me for s**...!"

I replied, "Well what you expect?"
"Love and support!" She shouted in response.
"You're just using me for love and support!" I yelled.

The Argument

A woman has had a huge argument with her husband and is on the phone having a long chat with her friend when she sees her husband returning home with a huge bouquet of flowers.
"Oh no," says the woman. "My husband's home and he's brought a huge bunch of flowers for me."
Her friend is a little surprised. "But that's so sweet of him!"
"Ugh," says the woman. "It means I have to spend all night on my back with my legs in the air."
The friend pauses for a moment. "Don't you have a vase?"

God and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.

Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys."Very well," said God . "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches.""I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires."

Gentlemen, there are two strategies for winning an argument with your wife.

Neither of them work.

How do you like your steak

Waiter: How do you like your steak, sir?
Sir: Like winning an argument with my wife.
Waiter: Rare it is.

Argument joke, How do you like your steak

jokes about argument

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these argument jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.