Following is our collection of funniest Argue jokes. There are some argue discuss jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these argue opportunist puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
So I found out there'r female hormones in beer, cause when you drink beer you argue over trivial things, you don't make any sense, you start to cry and you can't drive anymore.
but that would be faint praise indeed.
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson..
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
' Ryan , you be Jesus !'
Remind them that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
he Greek says "We built the Parthenon." the Italian says "We build the Colosseum." The Greek says "We came up with advanced Mathematics" The Italian says "We made the Roman Empire." The Greek is getting frustrated finally realizes how he can win the argument. "We invented sex." The Italian replies "True, true, I can't argue with that, but we thought of having it with women."
It's always right.
The first sighs heavily, and says, "Looks like rain."
After an hour, the second says, "Hmmm, not sure."
After another hour the third gets up painfully and says, "If you two are going to argue, then I'm off."
How to walk, how to talk, how to feed herself and how to not argue with me at the top of the stairs again.
So she expects me to pay her 125 an hour to argue with me in the middle of an Applebee's!?
... do they have beef?
Dad pulled this one out of nowhere while watching a married couple argue on tv last night...
'Ahh marriage - it's like a new deck of cards.
At first, it's all diamonds and hearts.
After a while, you'll be looking for a club and a spade!'
You can explore argue comparison reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean argue beliefs dad jokes. There are also argue puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A reporter asks him how he managed to live to be so old.
The man replies, "I just don't argue with stupid people."
The reporter tells him, "That's ridiculous."
The old man replies with, "Yes, you're right."
I told him NO, I don't want avocado on my footlong!
...in the woods in December. They spend long hours there, seemingly looking at the trees. As time goes by, they argue more and more. Finally, at sunset, one tells the other:
"Look, I don't care if the next one doesn't have any decorations, we're taking it for Christmas!"
I mean, it's got a point.
But the jury preferred the term "rapist."
Wife : Don't forget to pick up kids from school.
Me : It's Saturday, they're both upstairs.
Wife : It's Wednesday and we've three kids.
Theyll just keep digging up the past
She ask him "how have you manged to live so long?"
The man replies "it's simple, I never argue with people."
The reporter says "surely there's something more to it? Diet? Exercise? Something?"
The man thinks for a moment and then says "if you say so..."
They keep going in circles.
And I sit through both things with the same hope: If I wait long enough, maybe they will crash and burn.
A Russian couple is walking in Moscow when the man feels a drop hit his nose. "It's raining," he says. "No," says his wife, "It's snowing." And they begin to argue. Finally, the man says, " Let's ask comrade Rudolph what the *official* weather is." They approach and they ask him. "It is officially raining." he says. The woman cries, "But it felt just like snow!" To which her husband says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!
The reporter asked him what was his secret to such longevity, and he answered with a simple, "I never argue." "It cannot be as simple as that" replied the reporter. To which retorted the Elder, "You know, you must be right."
Because decimals always have a point.
And buried him in it.
Then men concede they are are, because they just don't want to argue this anymore.
The first boy says, "My dad's better than your dad."
The other boy says, "Well, my mom is better than your mom."
The first boy pauses, "I guess you're right. My dad says the same thing."
Because Ο is purely irrational.
they can hardly see your point.
Who am i to argue? Thanked him and came straight back home
... And asks him his secret to longevity. "It's simple," the man replies, "I never argue with anyone, so I have no stress in my life."
The reporter laughs it off: "That's ridiculous. That can't possibly be the reason."
The man shrugs and says, "Yeah, you're probably right."
The barkeeper asks him: "Why are you crying?"
He answers:"My wife and I had an argue and she said she won't talk to me again for a whole year."
"That's terrible", the barkeeper replied.
The Man:"Worse, the year is over today!"
"No you won't."
"Yeah I will"
When I greeted my boss in the morning, he told me to have a good day.
Who am I to argue? So I thanked him and went back home.
God: "She's going to clean for you, cook anything you want whenever you want it, always look beautiful, never be bad tempered, give you children, always obedient, and she'll never argue with you."
Adam: "That sounds great, but what'll it cost me?"
God: "Oh, an arm and a leg."
Adam: "That's a bit steep. What can I get for a rib?"
how a woman can argue nonstop for 3 hours
but 2 minutes into a blowjob,and her jaw hurts
Because you can't have beef with them.
Cause they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sidesβ¦
He said to consider the following.
I can't believe baguettry exists in today's times.
When they see an older gentleman limping in front of them. Every time he took a step his right foot would shake.
"I bet it is a degenerative nerve damage issue" says the first one.
"It looks more like a hip joint issue" says the second.
They argue for a while and then decide to ask the man what his problem is.
The gentleman listens to them and then he says:
"I thought it was only a fart"
The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"
The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"
Since the operation they've done nothing but argue.
Having once been so close, they no longer see eye to eye.
I replied "no it can't."
And argue who has the best submarines.
The french says: Our submarines can las a whole week under water.
The english man says: Our submarines can last two weeks under water.
The american says: Well our submarines can last a whole month under water.
Near them a submarin emerges from the water and a man comes out of it and asks: Heil, is the war over?
Ian is a barber and one day after servicing a haircut, a customer instead of money, gives him a crystal sphere and Ian, not wanting to argue and especially liking the sphere, accepts it.
He presses the Sphere and suddenly he's transported to ancient Egypt with all the scissor and blades in hand.
The Greeks spot him and yell 'BarberIan'.
The Cops suspended her licence, and slapped her with a fine. She tried to argue that the guy was drinking and speaking on the phone. The Cops didn't care, they said he has a full right to do what he wants on his own front porch.
Dev 1: Did you see that? I think the simulation just broke for a second.
Dev 2: I think it's more accurate to say it glitched.
Dev 1: Dude, I'm not about to argue over sim antics.
It's a terrible reason to fallout for.
She never sees the end of it.
Two blondes want to forge banknotes. They can't decide whether to forge $50 or $100 banknotes - they argue a little and then they settle to a compromise: to forge $60 banknotes. They want to first test it on their blonde neighbour: so one of them goes to the neighbour - after a while she returns, smiling: "Everything went well: I have two $30 banknotes."
We argue all the time
It's like trying to teach a pigeon chess.
Because they can't have beef
And I was really getting tired of the argument.
So I wrote my name on a page in my notebook and wrote his beside mine.
I then showed it to him. With confusion clearly written on his face he asks:
"Why did you write my name beside yours. How does that relate to our argument"
And then I replied: "we don't have to argue anymore since we're already on the same page".
And I'm all out of children...
I can I show you that they are not.
I have a gender but I have never had sex.
The wise Guru answered: "To not argue with fools."
The man says: "I disagree."
The wise Guru replied: "Yes, you are right."
But it's impossible to argue with a dumb person.
Three kids showing off whos dad is tallest,
Kid 1 : my dad is as tall as empire state building.
Kid 2 : oh yeah? Well my dad is taller than the sky, even higher than the moon.
Kid 3: oh yeah? Does your dad reach and touch the planets up there?
Kid 2 : yeah of course
Kid 3: those are my dads balls.
It's because they always have a point.
They'll always argue over the male agenda.
2 squares were in an argument and 2 circles were in an argument.
The squares were arguing over who was hotter, even though they were both 90 degrees.
The 2 circles argue all the time so the argument was pretty pointless.
Last time i called shotgun, he drew one
I don't agree but I can see where he's coming from.
They don't want any beef.
He was very anti-semantic
They are still chewing
Because they're not thinking straight.
"Look at all the supports and joints... " said the first engineer, "... it must have been a structural engineer."
"No, no, it was an electrical engineer; just look at the nervous system and all its connections and wiring." said the second engineer.
"Both of you are wrong" exclaimed the third engineer. "It was a civil engineer, because only a civil engineer would run a toxic pipeline through the middle of a recreational area."
Of course, they are going to need roles for each other, but none of them can decide what they want to do. They argue over this for hours, until Leonardo finally decides he wants to direct, since he is the best with cameras. Eventually, Brad Pitt decides he wants to produce, since he's the one with the most money. Now there's only one left; McConaughey. DiCaprio turns to him and says,
Well what does that leave you with?
Matthew thinks about this for a while, until he finally turns to the two of them.
I'll write, I'll write, I'll write.
As they are walking, the husband feels a drop of water fall on his face. He turns to his wife and says I think it's raining. No, it is definitely snowing. Replies his wife. They started to argue, and the husband says let's not bicker, let's ask our tour guide Rudolph whether it is officially snowing or raining. They walked up to their tour guide, and ask Comrade Rudolph, would you kindly tell us if it is snowing or raining? It is raining of course! He replies. The husband turns to the wife and says See? Rudolph the red knows rain, dear!
they found common ground
It's called a dictionary.
I said there's no reason to argue about this, we're both on the same side.
I don't listen to his ramblings because they're pointless.
So now I'm APPARENTLY banned from the Witches Gatherings from now on.
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