Argh Jokes

Following is our collection of helm humor and whew one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Argh puns for adults, dirty ouch jokes or clean yikes gags for kids.

There is an abundance of eyepatch jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 16 funniest jokes on argh. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any whee witze you can hear about argh.

The Best jokes about Argh

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of the front of his pants.

The bartender looks up and says "Hey Pirate, you've a got a steering wheel coming out of the front of your pants!"

The pirate says "Argh, it's driving me nuts."

A pirate walks into the bar with a steering wheel in his pants...

The bartender says "hey, you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?" the pirate responds "ARGH! it drives me nuts!"


A drunk lurches out of a pub at lunchtime.

After getting his alcohol-induced double vision together, he notices a car parked by the kerb with its bonnet up and a man leaning against the car with his arms folded and looking very grumpy.

He staggers over and manages to slur, "What's the matter, mate?"

The grumpy guy scowls at the drunk and says, "Argh - piston broke!"

"Yeah - so am I!" replies the drunk and lurches off...

Things you don't want to hear while undergoing an operation

* Did he say the right or left leg?

* I'd feel a lot better about this if the dotted lines were pre-drawn like back at school.

* Buddy! Buddy! Come back with that! Bad dog!

* Hand me that...uh...that uh...thingie.

* Oh no! I just lost my watch.

* Argh! There go the lights again...

* That's so cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

* I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.

* FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

* What do you mean you want a divorce?

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Not, not "Argh." Too obvious.

Not the "C" either. Everyone has heard that one.

"Without a P he's irate hahahahaha!" Blah blah blah. Nope.

Give up?

A letter of marque. It makes his profession semi legitimate, provides for a legal way to store his wealth in his homeland, and allows him to attain social prestige far above his station if successful enough.

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.


The FBI seize a collection of pirated movies.

The movies were Footloose, dirty dancing, ferris bueller's day off, ghost busters and the breakfast club.

As the pirate sees his beloved movies taken away from him, he cries

"ARGH! Me eighties!"

How do you save a pirate's life?

Sea pee ARGH!

What did the pirate say to the hot blonde?

Argh, I come to plunder your booty!

Captain Blackbeard's new recruits

Three men are new recruits on captain Blackbeard's ship. They each get to ask 1 question before they start work. The first two ask about sleeping arrangements and food, only to have captain Blackbeard yell back at them out of frustration. The third man asks "Why is the steering wheel attached to your pants?"

"Argh, it drives me nuts!"

People are always mistaken thinking there is only 1 letter in the pirate dictionary, in actual fact there is 10

Eye eye, argh and the 7 seas

A pirate walks into a bar...

So a little pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pant and orders a drink. The bartender give him the drink but first asks, "Doesn't that steering wheel bother you? It looks uncomfortable."
The pirate replies "Argh!! Its driving me nuts!!"

What did the cannibal say when he met a fully armored knight?

Argh... Canned food again?

One day the fence around a man's backyard broke down, so he searched for someone to help him fix his fence.

As he was at the hardware store looking to ask someone for help, a Buddhist monk came up to him and asked him what he needed.

My backyard fence broke down, so I'm looking for someone to help me fix it, the man replied.

The monk offered to help him for free. What an offer! The man couldn't turn him down.

So they went to the man's house to fix his fence. After they were done, the man asked him why he wanted to fix people's fences for free.
As the monk was about to answer, the whole fence came crashing down. The monk then exclaimed,

Argh! This is a shitpost!

A pirate walks into a bar.

He has driving wheel sticking out his nether regions.

The bartender asks him "Doesn't that make you go crazy?"

The pirate replies "Argh. It's driving me nuts!"

What did the pirate say when he got a steering wheel stuck in his pants

Argh! Yer driven me nuts.

What did the Indian pirate say to the boat Captain?

"Argh, gimmie me alla yer Buddha!"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes