Argh Jokes

Make the high seas roar with laughter with this collection of pirate-inspired argh jokes. Featuring a range of classic gags, puns and witty one-liners, this article has something for everyone. Put on your best pirate hat and crack a yay or two from the helm - yarrrr!

Cheerful Fun Argh Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

If a tree falls.....

A tree falls in the forest but doesn't make a sound.

Hunter in camouflage gear: "WHAT THE HECK???!"

Tree: "I mean, AAAAAARGH, I fell!"

Two friends are arguing...

"Look, I have a colony of ants!"

"Well, I have taller ants than you"

"Oh, well I have a tube of glue"

"Hah, I have an entire tin"

"I got bread!"

"Argh, you win! I can't handle that bread with my glue tin 'n' taller ants"

There were two sisters

There were two sisters named Petal and Fridge.

One day Petal was curious and asked her father, "Why was I named Petal?"

His response was, "Well, when you were a baby a flower petal fell on you."

Then Fridge says, "BLARGHHHALHGLAHG".

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of the front of his pants.

The bartender looks up and says "Hey Pirate, you've a got a steering wheel coming out of the front of your pants!"

The pirate says "Argh, it's driving me nuts."

Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

Because the captain was standing on the deck! Aargh

Person 1:Do you want to hear my Batman impression ?

Person 2: Sure!

Person 1: AARGH NO! Not the Kryptonite!

Person 2: That's Super Man!

Person 1: Thanks, I've been practicing it

A pirate walks into a bar

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants. The bartender looks at him for a moment, before asking, "Hey, what's up with the steering wheel?"

The pirate goes "Arghhh, it be driving me nuts."

Argh joke, A pirate walks into a bar

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself?

You would too if your name was "ARGHAGHRRAH!"

A pirate walks into the bar with a steering wheel in his pants...

The bartender says "hey, you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?" the pirate responds "ARGH! it drives me nuts!"

What did the pirate CEO say to his crew?

Argh you have to work harder! Our **sails** are down!

Three Daughters

One day a girl comes up to her mom and asks her, "Mother, why did you name me Rose?"

"Because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head."

Her second daughter comes up to her and asks, "Mother, why did you name me Daisy?"

"Because when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head."

The third daughter comes up to her and asks, "GHLSARGHLARGHLARG."

"What did you say Brick?"

You can explore argh whew reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean argh pirate argh dad jokes. There are also argh puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Two eggs in a frying pan

One says to the other; wow! It's warm in here!
The other replies Argh!!! A talking egg!

Pirate jokes I've heard throughout my life

What did the pirate say when the steering wheel was shoved down his pants?
ARGHHHHH your driven me nuts!
Why was the pirate dissatisfied with his blind date?
She had a sunken chest and no booty.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
They can spend years stuck at sea!
And of course: Why couldn't the teenagers watch the pirate movie?


A drunk lurches out of a pub at lunchtime.

After getting his alcohol-induced double vision together, he notices a car parked by the kerb with its bonnet up and a man leaning against the car with his arms folded and looking very grumpy.

He staggers over and manages to slur, "What's the matter, mate?"

The grumpy guy scowls at the drunk and says, "Argh - piston broke!"

"Yeah - so am I!" replies the drunk and lurches off...

Why did the pirate go on vacation?

He felt like he needed some argh and argh

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Not, not "Argh." Too obvious.

Not the "C" either. Everyone has heard that one.

"Without a P he's irate hahahahaha!" Blah blah blah. Nope.

Give up?

A letter of marque. It makes his profession semi legitimate, provides for a legal way to store his wealth in his homeland, and allows him to attain social prestige far above his station if successful enough.

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

Argh joke, What's a pirate's favorite letter?

What do you call the soul of a snail?

An escarghost.


The FBI seize a collection of pirated movies.

The movies were Footloose, dirty dancing, ferris bueller's day off, ghost busters and the breakfast club.

As the pirate sees his beloved movies taken away from him, he cries

"ARGH! Me eighties!"

It's strange isn't it

It's strange isn't it, you stand in a library and go "Aaaaaargh" and everyone stares at you. Do the same thing on an aeroplane and everyone joins in.

What tax filing service does a pirate use?

H&ARGH Block

I just found out that Aarghh is not a real word.

I can't even tell you how frustrated I am at this.

This pirate

So a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender asks him 'Why in the world do you have a steering wheel in your pants?' The pirate responds 'Argh I don't know but it's been driving me nuts all day.'

Dad joked my 5 year old to annoyance

I: Did Mom tie your hair up like that to show you how your hair would be if cut short?

She: No, Mom just put my hair in a bun.

I: Is it a burger bun?

She: You know it's not!

I: It's a knot?

She: Aaargh. Stop joking!

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship wheel on his crotch.

The bartender asks: Hey, what's with the wheel?

The pirate answers: Yaaargh! It's drivin' me nuts!

A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel on his croch.....

i asked him "why do you have a wheel on your croch?"

he replies "arghhhh its driving me nuts!"

What did the pirate say to the hot blonde?

Argh, I come to plunder your booty!

Argh joke, What did the pirate say to the hot blonde?

Captain Blackbeard's new recruits

Three men are new recruits on captain Blackbeard's ship. They each get to ask 1 question before they start work. The first two ask about sleeping arrangements and food, only to have captain Blackbeard yell back at them out of frustration. The third man asks "Why is the steering wheel attached to your pants?"

"Argh, it drives me nuts!"

How do you save a pirate's life?

Sea pee ARGH!

What's the shortest death sentence?


People are always mistaken thinking there is only 1 letter in the pirate dictionary, in actual fact there is 10

Eye eye, argh and the 7 seas

How do scientists celebrate Pirate Day?

They get their Aaargh-On!

A pirate walks into a bar...

So a little pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pant and orders a drink. The bartender give him the drink but first asks, "Doesn't that steering wheel bother you? It looks uncomfortable."
The pirate replies "Argh!! Its driving me nuts!!"

Where do the bad music terms live?

In the larghetto!

^I'll ^show ^myself ^the ^door... ^its ^over ^here...

What did the cannibal say when he met a fully armored knight?

Argh... Canned food again?

The creator of Arby's was a pirate.

He was walking one day thinking of a name for his new restaurant, until he got stung by a bee and shouted "Argh-bees!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the argh eyepatch puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working argh whee piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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