Area Jokes
136 area jokes and hilarious area puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about area that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are your math lessons boring and you are looking for a way to make them interesting? Look no further! Check out this collection of hilarious and punny jokes about area, perimeter and area, grey area, area code, rural and vicinity, and wigs - perfect for adding a refreshing and humorous twist to your math class.
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Funniest Area Short Jokes
Short area jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The area humour may include short region jokes also.
- If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican We'll take the alien, you get the predators
- Guys, don't install adblock I did, and now the hot singles in my area don't want to meet me any more.
- Ever since I installed Adblocker Plus things haven't been going so well.. All of a sudden chicks in my area are no longer interested in me.
- Ever since I've downloaded Adblock, all the single girls in my area seem to have lost interest...
- Counterfeit $1 bills reportedly found in circulation Be on the lookout for hot singles in your area.
- Since I've installed Adblock Plus All the girls in my area suddenly lost their interest in me.
- Pokemon GO is a blatant ripoff of another popular app... called Tinder, where you also swipe to find monsters in your area.
- A barber got arrested.. A barber got arrested in my area for dealing drugs and I'm totally shook. I've been his customer for years and never knew he was a barber.
- Bilbo was surprised to hear of a Tesco Express opening up in the Shire... It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area
- Did you hear about the Mucinex truck that collided with a Nyquil truck on the highway? Amazingly, the entire area was congestion-free for over 8 hours.
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Area One Liners
Which area one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with area? I can suggest the ones about boundary and zones.
- Why are mountains so funny? Because they are hill areas.
I'll show myself out - Bikinis reveal 95% of a woman's body. Men are so polite they only look at covered areas.
- Since I installed adblock, my popularity with hot girls in my area has plummeted
- There are hot dads in your area... And they want to know who touched the thermostat.
- I started teaching Maths to midgets in my area. I'm making little things count.
- Ohio is stealing my life story A series of train wrecks in an already depressed area
- What do you call an area with a large amount of poor Italians? The Spaghetto
- The mountains aren't just funny, they're... Hill areas.
- hot older men in your area Want to know if you've been playing with the thermostat?
- What do single mothers in my area find to be the biggest turn off? Adblock
- Why do spiders hate Area 51? It's a no-fly zone.
- Why did the hikers laugh at the mountains? Because they were hill areas
- Hey girl, are you an integral? Because I'd like to find the area under your curves
- A mysterious hole was found in my area recently. Local police are looking into it.
- Why do mountain ranges make such good comedians? Because they're HILL-AREAS!
Area Code Jokes
Here is a list of funny area code jokes and even better area code puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why is Atlanta hard to find on a map? Because it's area code is 404
- What is the area code for Dawson's Creek 90108
- Chicago is getting a new area code this year. 911
- Yo Momma so fat she has her own area code.
- What is the government hiding at Area 51? GTA cheat codes
- My rapper friend has started a really successful gardening tool delivery business. He's got h**... in different area codes.
- What do Ludacris and Home Depot have in common? They both have h**... in different area codes.
- What does a successful farmer and Ludacris have in common? They both have h**... in different area codes.
Bay Area Jokes
Here is a list of funny bay area jokes and even better bay area puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Where are all the attractive girls in the Bay Area? At the airport waiting for their flight home
- What did the Asian from the Bay Area order from Jack N the Box? Curry Fries
- When you know it is too cold in Bay Area? When you see the programmer's hands are in their pockets.
- There was a prison break at Guantanomo Bay Authorities warned of "free radicals" in area.
- Why do Bay Area gamers like Pier 39 Modern wharf air
Math Area Jokes
Here is a list of funny math area jokes and even better math area puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- MATH JOKE: The ladies call me an integral ...because I fill the area under their curves
- Jihadi math university question: Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes. He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the area it will cover after the e**....
Surface Area Jokes
Here is a list of funny surface area jokes and even better surface area puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Gabriel's horn is a geometric figure which has infinite surface area but finite volume This is in contrast to a vuvuzela which has a finite surface area but infinite volume
- Surface area if a circle, that is ridiculous! My teacher insists that pi r squared is how to calculate. But everyone knows that Pie are round.
Happy pi day! - My n**... are about 5' tall... That's off the ground, not surface area!
Rough Area Jokes
Here is a list of funny rough area jokes and even better rough area puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Growing up in a rough area I grew up in a rough area. When I was a kid people used to cover me in Chocolate and cream and put a Cherry on top of my head
Life was tough in the Gateau. - I live in a pretty rough area. The priest at our church had to leave because of a child a**... scandal. He was r**... by three kids.
Delightful Fun Area Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about area you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean location jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make area pranks.
Joke about how dangerous China is
An American tourist came to China and fell into a construction ditch, he came out, injured, and angrily told the tour guide, "In America, in a dangerous area, we always put up red flags to warn people! Why wasn't there one here?"
The Chinese tour guide very calmly replied, "Didn't you already see it when you entered the country?"
A large group of Russian soldiers...
A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russians."
Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The calm Finnish voice calls out again: "One Finn is better than one thousand Russians!"
The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought.... Then silence.
Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander,
"Don't send any more men......it's a trap. There are two of them."
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep...
but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."
A new doctor goes to work for a year in Cambodia, where people still get maimed from landmines left over from the Vietnam War era
In his very first day in the hospital, the doctor sees a young girl in the post-operation area. She is crying, and in a panic, she says to him, "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
He looks down at the young girl, and in his best bedside manner, tells her, "That's because the doctors had to amputate your arms."
A lawyer undergoes heart surgury, and is in bed in the recovery area
As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"
The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."
The police finally catch a notorious criminal,
so the chief himself decides to interrogate him.
Chief: "Let me see here, you have quite the backstory. Theft, forgery, burglary, forgery, blackmail, theft, forgery, forgery, forgery, the list goes on and on. What do you have to say for yourself?"
Criminal: "Well, it took me a while to figure out my area of expertise."
My kinda Dr.
a woman goes to a new gynocologist for the first time, for her annual pap smear. as the dr.is getting everything ready, and the woman is in the usual position, the dr. explains that there will be some discomfort. he then asks if she would like to numb the area first so she is more comfortable. she tells the dr. *yes please* and he then proceeds to bury his face between her legs and says...num num numnum...
Three engineering students.
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
An American woman is hiking through Germany...
She's enjoying taking in the sights and immersing herself in the culture. But one day, while hiking through a wooded area, she comes across an elderly German man taking a leak on the side of the path. He's hardly subtle about it; letting his sausage hang out for the world to see. Immediately the woman averts her eyes! "Oh, g**...!" she exclaims. The Old German man, just finishing up, winks suggestively at the woman before zipping up his fly and walking away. "Danke schön"
Mice
We've had a few mice in the house recently so I set a few traps.
The next day I went down to check and was very surprised with what I found.
I jumped back into bed and said to the wife, "There are some clever mice in this area."
"Why?" she asked, "Did they get the cheese without springing the traps?"
"They didn't go near them," I replied. "They're sitting in the living room playing Scrabble."
Mafia florists
Some Italian mafia members own a florist shop in a city. Theirs is the only florist is the area, and so they control most of the flower business in the area.
One day, however, another florist shop opens up across the street. Afraid for their business, the mafia send one of theirs to rustle the place up, maybe scare them off. But he comes back to report that the florists are all friars! Being devout Catholics, they can't mess with the good friars.
The mafia boss has a solution. He turns to a guy named Hugh.
"Hey Hugh, you're atheist, right?"
"Yes."
"You you'll have no qualms about shaking up that flower shop?"
"I don't see why I would, boss."
Then he puts his hand on Hugh's shoulder, turns to the rest of the group, and says,
"Only Hugh can prevent florist friars."
Three Engineers are having an argument...
The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."
The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."
The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"
Mathematician joke.
A chemist and a physicist are lost in an unknown area. They see someone and decide to ask for help. "Excuse me, but can you tell us where we are?", asks the chemist. "Sure, you are here", replied the man and leaves. "That man is a mathematician", the chemist tells the physicist, "how do you know?", "What he told us is true and makes sense, but it is useless."
A Kraft cheese factory recently burned down...
No one reported the fire for hours, because no one believed that there actually were hot Singles in the area.
What's the most dangerous, predominantly black area known to man?
Space
This just in!
A truckload of wigs has lost control and tipped over on the highway........Police are still combing the area.
Three engineers are debating what kind of engineer designed the human body
The first says "It has to be an electric engineer! The nervous system resembles some fantastic electrical work!"
The second says "It was obviously a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints throughout the human body."
The third says "It was a civil engineer! Who else would put a waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Graveyard shortcut
A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.
He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.
Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"
The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."
Have you ever visited the area between Thailand and Vietnam?
Don't bother. It's pretty Laos-y.
Two preists are out for a drive when suddenly...
...they are pulled over by a police officer.
The officer says, "We are looking for two child molesters in the area."
The two priests calmly and quietly discuss something for a few moments.
Finally, one of the priests turns to the officer and says, "Okay, we'll do it."
A priest is walking through the woods at night
He is stopped by a policeman. The priest asks, "What seems to be the problem, officer?" The policeman replies, "A Boy Scout was abducted in the area, and we are looking for a potential child m**...." The priest thinks for a second, and says, "I'll do it."
Dr: "Mr Smith, your wife is comfortable."
Husband: "I thought she was in a coma and critical condition."
Dr: "She is, the nurses are using her as a beanbag."
You see that wall?
A group of vampire bats are hanging out in a cave. All the food in the area is gone and they are the brink of starving to death. One of the bats decides leave to look for food out of desperation. He comes back 30 minutes later and has blood on his face. The other bats are very curious and ask him repeatedly where he got the blood from. Each time, he tries to ignore them and says he doesn't want to talk about it. After 30 minutes of questioning, he breaks down and tells the others to follow him. He flies them to a huge mountainous wall 15 minutes away, and stops. He looks at the others and says,
'You see that wall?'
And they all exciteldy repeat, 'Yea yea, we see it!'
He says again, 'Do you really see that wall?'
They all say again in anticipation, 'Yea yea we see it!'
'Well I didn't!'
A boy goes with his mother in a taxi,
In between taxi passes by a red light area.
The boy asks his mother after looking at the call girls,
Mom, who are they ?
Mother replied: They are waiting for their husbands.
Taxi driver: Why are you lying the kid ?
He says, son they are prostitutes. They sleep and earn money!
Child Asks: Then mom what happens to the kids these women give birth to?
MOM : THEY BECOME TAXI DRIVERS
I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area,
Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app.
What is the area at the Danish/German border called?
The DaneGer zone!
I'll show myself out.
What's the difference between Tinder and the PokemonGo app?
Nothing, it both requires swiping to find monsters in your area.
An airline employee makes the final boarding call for a flight.
After she finished the announcement, she spots a man running down the concourse towards the gate. He runs through the boarding area, hurdles a row of empty chairs, and stops at the podium, almost out of breath.
"You just made it!" she says. "Do you have your boarding pass?"
"Oh, this isn't my flight," the man says. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm vegan."
You can say what you like about Paedophiles...
..at least they drive slowly in a school area.
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo...
To help him, he hired a Native American scout.
The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.
After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come."
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.
He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
The scout replies, "Ear sticky".
Traffic wardens are so nice in my area...
they always leave notes on my car like 'Parking fine'.
Bill is sitting in the ladies beauty parlour waiting area....
A pretty woman came to him, pressed his shoulders gently & said: come let's go.
Bro Bill looked left & right, started sweating a bit & anticipating dire consequences said: I am married & waiting for my wife.
Lady: look carefully, it is me!
Yesterday a barber in my area was arrested for selling drugs. I've been his customer for years
And I didn't even know he was a barber.
Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning, and find that a Tesco had been built right next to his house
It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area
What do you call a bad area in an italian city?
The spaghetto
A large city in the yorkshire area has gone missing,
Police are looking for Leeds.
(friend told me that one)
A local barber in my area just got arrested for selling drugs...
I'm still baffled, I've been his customer for years and never knew he was a barber.
Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest?
Because it would be economically unsound to attempt to establish a pharmaceutical distribution network in such a sparsely populated area
A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time
All of a sudden, he hears a voice. There are no fish under the ice! He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: There are no fish under
the ice!
He nervously looks up and asks, Lord? Is that you?
No, this is the rink manager!
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head
Are all sitting in the waiting area of the ob/gyn. The brunette says, "I heard if he's on top you're going to have a boy." The red head says, "well I heard if she's on top you're going to have a girl."
The blonde bursts into tears. The other two rush to her asking what's wrong.
Through tears and sobs she says, "I'm going to have puppies".
Three engineers were discussing who could have been the architect of the human body.
The first said, "It definitely was a Mechanical Engineer, look at all the joints."
The second said, "Nah dude, it was an Electrical Engineer, look at all the electrical connections from the brain."
The third said, "Nope, only a Civil Engineer will run piping carrying sanitation waste right next to a recreational area."
Ever since I got Pornhub Premium local women in my area haven't been interested in me.
Help what do I do?
A man was killed by an assassin
An Irishman was killed by an assassin in his own home Thursday. Sources say the assailant was armed only with 2 porcelain figures. After beating the man to death, the assassin threw the body to several mongrel dogs that lived in a nearby wooded area.
Police claim it's the first known case of a Knick-Knack p**... whack, give a dog a bone.
What's the difference between parking in a designated area and parking on the street?
A lot.
Adblock
Adblock has been so useful getting rid of advertisements, but for some reason all the single ladies in my area stopped wanting me
A n**... lady enters the costume party behind the turtle
She has nothing but a monkey covering her p**... area.
The host takes one puzzled look.
"Alright, I give up. Judging by what I asked the turtle, I may regret asking this, but what are you supposed to be?"
"I'm an Italian boy!"
"What's with the monkey?"
"That'sa not a monkey! That's a macaque!"
Three engineers are discussing what sort of god designed the human body.
The first says "god must be a mechanical engineer. Look at all these joints!"
The second says "nonsense! God must be an electrical engineer. The brain is made of millions of electrical connections!"
The third says "both of you are wrong! God must be a civic engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
My wife told me to grow up and stop believing everything I see on the internet
But I don't need this. There are local singles in my area literally dying to meet me.
Hello, Im here to subscribe to the gym
+Hello, I'm here to subscribe to the gym
-Are you here because of a New Year Resolution?
+Yes
-We have a one day plan, it includes 4 selfies in the weight lifting area
+Perfect
A woman walks into the dry cleaners...
Clerk: Hello ma'am, what can we do for you?
Woman: I would like to drop off my coat.
Clerk: Ok, what would you like us to do with it?
Woman: I would like you to get the stain out of the collar area.
Clerk: Come again?
Woman: No, it's mustard this time.
A fisherman is fishing by the river shore when a man rushes towards him, catches his breath and says:
Man: "Excuse me, have you seen a woman pass by this area?"
Fisherman: "One with a white dress with black stripes?"
Man: "Yes, exactly! She must not be very far away, right?"
Fisherman: "I don't think so, the current isn't very strong today."
Two priests drive around at night.
Going through a wooded area, they are stopped by the police. Seeing he just has stopped two men of the cloth, the officer mutters: "Excuse me, but we are looking for a child m**......" The priests stick their heads together, and after a short whispered discussion, exclaim: "OK, we'll do it!"
A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician are given the task to contain the largest amount of area with a limited amount of fence.
The physicist designs a square fence, showing that a square contains the most area.
The Engineer then designs a circular fence, showing that the area to circumference ratio is better than a square.
The mathematician think for a moment, then starts building a tiny fence around himself. When he's done, he says "I define myself to be the outside.
Ever since I installed AdBlock....
All the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest
09:51 Arrive at the crime scene.
09:51 Find m**... victim.
09:51 Cordon off the area.
09:51 Start searching for m**... weapon.
09:51 Realise watch has stopped.
This mechanic in my area went to jail for dealing drugs
I've been his customer for over 5 years...I had no clue he was a mechanic.
A mechanical, electrical, and civil engineer were discussing God.
The mechanical engineer said, God had to have been a mechanical engineer. Look at the skeleton and how it's designed.
The electrical engineer said, No, no, no. God was an electrical engineer. Look at the nervous system and the way it works.
The civil engineer said, God had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a great recreational area?
Man arrested for selling eternal youth pills.
News has just come in about a man in the Dublin area has been arrested for selling pills that he claimed would give eternal youth.
Police records have shown that it is the fourth time this man has been arrested. The earlier arrests were made in 1799, 1852 and 1921.
My coworker Jim sits next to another coworker, Collin. One day, Jim replaced the nametag on his cubicle to also say Collin
I asked him, "Jim, your name isn't Collin. What's going on?"
He replied, "We're trying to Collin-ize the area."
(True story)
Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"
Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.
The growth of coronavirus in a given area is dependent on 2 primary factors:
1. How dense the population is
2. How dense the population is
An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and a civil engineer are discussing the nature of God
"God is an electrical engineer" says the EE. "Look at the nervous system! It's all electrical impulses."
"Nonsense," says the ME. "God's a mechanical engineer. Look at the muscles and bones. That's mechnical engineering."
The civil engineer demurs.
"God is a civil engineer. Who else would put a waste disposal pipe through the middle of a recreational area?"
Poor planning?
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "it was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "no, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Three engineers argue about who designed the human body
"Look at all the supports and joints... " said the first engineer, "... it must have been a structural engineer."
"No, no, it was an electrical engineer; just look at the nervous system and all its connections and wiring." said the second engineer.
"Both of you are wrong" exclaimed the third engineer. "It was a civil engineer, because only a civil engineer would run a toxic pipeline through the middle of a recreational area."
Who designed the human body?
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints!"
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through the recreational area?"
Having some areas in pandemic lock down and others not in lock down is like...
trying to organize the p**... section in a swimming pool.
Just came up with this, as far as I know
A man walks into a gastroenterologist's office and stops to stand just at the edge of the seating area. The receptionist waits for him to approach but he fidgets uncomfortably, staring at the wooden seats between himself and the counter. Sir, why don't you come over here so we can get you checked in? says the receptionist.
That's why I'm here, he says, I have difficulty passing stools.
Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.
The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and look at the civil engineer, "you've been awefully quiet?"
"Well it's pretty obvious that God isn't a civil engineer. No civil engineer would combine a recreational area with a sewage treatment plant."
