Following is our collection of Area jokes which are very funny. There are some area district jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these area scenic puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
We'll take the aliens, you get the predators
An American tourist came to China and fell into a construction ditch, he came out, injured, and angrily told the tour guide, "In America, in a dangerous area, we always put up red flags to warn people! Why wasn't there one here?"
The Chinese tour guide very calmly replied, "Didn't you already see it when you entered the country?"
A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russians."
Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The calm Finnish voice calls out again: "One Finn is better than one thousand Russians!"
The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought.... Then silence.
Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander,
"Don't send any more men......it's a trap. There are two of them."
but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."
As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"
The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."
so the chief himself decides to interrogate him.
Chief: "Let me see here, you have quite the backstory. Theft, forgery, burglary, forgery, blackmail, theft, forgery, forgery, forgery, the list goes on and on. What do you have to say for yourself?"
Criminal: "Well, it took me a while to figure out my area of expertise."
a woman goes to a new gynocologist for the first time, for her annual pap smear. as the dr.is getting everything ready, and the woman is in the usual position, the dr. explains that there will be some discomfort. he then asks if she would like to numb the area first so she is more comfortable. she tells the dr. *yes please* and he then proceeds to bury his face between her legs and says...num num numnum...
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
She's enjoying taking in the sights and immersing herself in the culture. But one day, while hiking through a wooded area, she comes across an elderly German man taking a leak on the side of the path. He's hardly subtle about it; letting his sausage hang out for the world to see. Immediately the woman averts her eyes! "Oh, gross!" she exclaims. The Old German man, just finishing up, winks suggestively at the woman before zipping up his fly and walking away. "Danke schön"
It's a no-fly zone.
Some Italian mafia members own a florist shop in a city. Theirs is the only florist is the area, and so they control most of the flower business in the area.
One day, however, another florist shop opens up across the street. Afraid for their business, the mafia send one of theirs to rustle the place up, maybe scare them off. But he comes back to report that the florists are all friars! Being devout Catholics, they can't mess with the good friars.
The mafia boss has a solution. He turns to a guy named Hugh.
"Hey Hugh, you're atheist, right?"
"Yes."
"You you'll have no qualms about shaking up that flower shop?"
"I don't see why I would, boss."
Then he puts his hand on Hugh's shoulder, turns to the rest of the group, and says,
"Only Hugh can prevent florist friars."
You can explore area wigs reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean area boars dad jokes. There are also area puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."
The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."
The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"
A chemist and a physicist are lost in an unknown area. They see someone and decide to ask for help. "Excuse me, but can you tell us where we are?", asks the chemist. "Sure, you are here", replied the man and leaves. "That man is a mathematician", the chemist tells the physicist, "how do you know?", "What he told us is true and makes sense, but it is useless."
No one reported the fire for hours, because no one believed that there actually were hot Singles in the area.
A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.
He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.
Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"
The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."
...they are pulled over by a police officer.
The officer says, "We are looking for two child molesters in the area."
The two priests calmly and quietly discuss something for a few moments.
Finally, one of the priests turns to the officer and says, "Okay, we'll do it."
He is stopped by a policeman. The priest asks, "What seems to be the problem, officer?" The policeman replies, "A Boy Scout was abducted in the area, and we are looking for a potential child molester." The priest thinks for a second, and says, "I'll do it."
They notice when they get near her lower area that her vital signs improve a little. They think oral sex may bring her out of her coma. They go in the waiting room and tell her husband their theory and assure him they will have complete privacy. The nurses leave and come back 15 minutes later and the woman is flat-lined. What happened?? Yelled the nurse. Her husband replies, I don't know...I think she choked.
A group of vampire bats are hanging out in a cave. All the food in the area is gone and they are the brink of starving to death. One of the bats decides leave to look for food out of desperation. He comes back 30 minutes later and has blood on his face. The other bats are very curious and ask him repeatedly where he got the blood from. Each time, he tries to ignore them and says he doesn't want to talk about it. After 30 minutes of questioning, he breaks down and tells the others to follow him. He flies them to a huge mountainous wall 15 minutes away, and stops. He looks at the others and says,
'You see that wall?'
And they all exciteldy repeat, 'Yea yea, we see it!'
He says again, 'Do you really see that wall?'
They all say again in anticipation, 'Yea yea we see it!'
'Well I didn't!'
In between taxi passes by a red light area.
The boy asks his mother after looking at the call girls,
Mom, who are they ?
Mother replied: They are waiting for their husbands.
Taxi driver: Why are you lying the kid ?
He says, son they are prostitutes. They sleep and earn money!
Child Asks: Then mom what happens to the kids these women give birth to?
MOM : THEY BECOME TAXI DRIVERS
Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app.
Local police are looking into it.
The DaneGer zone!
I'll show myself out.
called Tinder, where you also swipe to find monsters in your area.
After she finished the announcement, she spots a man running down the concourse towards the gate. He runs through the boarding area, hurdles a row of empty chairs, and stops at the podium, almost out of breath.
"You just made it!" she says. "Do you have your boarding pass?"
"Oh, this isn't my flight," the man says. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm vegan."
..at least they drive slowly in a school area.
All of a sudden chicks in my area are no longer interested in me.
Because I'd like to find the area under your curves
To help him, he hired a Native American scout.
The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.
After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come."
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.
He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
The scout replies, "Ear sticky".
Be on the lookout for hot singles in your area.
I'm making little things count.
And I didn't even know he was a barber.
It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area
Because it would be economically unsound to attempt to establish a pharmaceutical distribution network in such a sparsely populated area
Are all sitting in the waiting area of the ob/gyn. The brunette says, "I heard if he's on top you're going to have a boy." The red head says, "well I heard if she's on top you're going to have a girl."
The blonde bursts into tears. The other two rush to her asking what's wrong.
Through tears and sobs she says, "I'm going to have puppies".
The first said, "It definitely was a Mechanical Engineer, look at all the joints."
The second said, "Nah dude, it was an Electrical Engineer, look at all the electrical connections from the brain."
The third said, "Nope, only a Civil Engineer will run piping carrying sanitation waste right next to a recreational area."
Help what do I do?
She has nothing but a monkey covering her pubic area.
The host takes one puzzled look.
"Alright, I give up. Judging by what I asked the turtle, I may regret asking this, but what are you supposed to be?"
"I'm an Italian boy!"
"What's with the monkey?"
"That'sa not a monkey! That's a macaque!"
A barber got arrested in my area for dealing drugs and I'm totally shook. I've been his customer for years and never knew he was a barber.
The first says "god must be a mechanical engineer. Look at all these joints!"
The second says "nonsense! God must be an electrical engineer. The brain is made of millions of electrical connections!"
The third says "both of you are wrong! God must be a civic engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
This is in contrast to a vuvuzela which has a finite surface area but infinite volume
But I don't need this. There are local singles in my area literally dying to meet me.
09:51 Find murder victim.
09:51 Cordon off the area.
09:51 Start searching for murder weapon.
09:51 Realise watch has stopped.
The mechanical engineer said, God had to have been a mechanical engineer. Look at the skeleton and how it's designed.
The electrical engineer said, No, no, no. God was an electrical engineer. Look at the nervous system and the way it works.
The civil engineer said, God had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a great recreational area?
News has just come in about a man in the Dublin area has been arrested for selling pills that he claimed would give eternal youth.
Police records have shown that it is the fourth time this man has been arrested. The earlier arrests were made in 1799, 1852 and 1921.
I asked him, "Jim, your name isn't Collin. What's going on?"
He replied, "We're trying to Collin-ize the area."
(True story)
All the girls in my area suddenly lost their interest in me.
Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "it was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "no, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints!"
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through the recreational area?"
trying to organize the pissing section in a swimming pool.
a dumb guy fell down and hurt his back badly, he had to go to the hospital
the doctor told him: "just take this cream and apply it to the area of injury"
he went home and rubbed the cream on the staircase.
the bf then hurriedly stared taking off his pants.
then the girl ask, "do i start taking off my clothes too?"
the bf then replied.
"why? do you also need to take a shit?"
I did, and now the hot singles in my area don't want to meet me any more.
Look out for hot singles in your area.
A man walks into a gastroenterologist's office and stops to stand just at the edge of the seating area. The receptionist waits for him to approach but he fidgets uncomfortably, staring at the wooden seats between himself and the counter. Sir, why don't you come over here so we can get you checked in? says the receptionist.
That's why I'm here, he says, I have difficulty passing stools.
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The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and look at the civil engineer, "you've been awefully quiet?"
"Well it's pretty obvious that God isn't a civil engineer. No civil engineer would combine a recreational area with a sewage treatment plant."
Police are still combing the area for clues.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the area sector jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working area restricted fishing area piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.