Area Jokes
128 area jokes and hilarious area puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about area that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are your math lessons boring and you are looking for a way to make them interesting? Look no further! Check out this collection of hilarious and punny jokes about area, perimeter and area, grey area, area code, rural and vicinity, and wigs - perfect for adding a refreshing and humorous twist to your math class.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Area Short Jokes
Short area jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The area humour may include short region jokes also.
- Guys, don't install adblock I did, and now the hot singles in my area don't want to meet me any more.
- Counterfeit $1 bills reportedly found in circulation Be on the lookout for hot singles in your area.
- Pokemon GO is a blatant ripoff of another popular app... called Tinder, where you also swipe to find monsters in your area.
- Bilbo was surprised to hear of a Tesco Express opening up in the Shire... It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area
- Did you hear about the Mucinex truck that collided with a Nyquil truck on the highway? Amazingly, the entire area was congestion-free for over 8 hours.
- Ever since I got Pornhub Premium local women in my area haven't been interested in me. Help what do I do?
- I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area, Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app.
- My wife told me to grow up and stop believing everything I see on the internet But I don't need this. There are local singles in my area literally dying to meet me.
- A Kraft cheese factory recently burned down... No one reported the fire for hours, because no one believed that there actually were hot Singles in the area.
- Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest? Because it would be economically unsound to attempt to establish a pharmaceutical distribution network in such a sparsely populated area
Share These Area Jokes With Friends
Area One Liners
Which area one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with area? I can suggest the ones about boundary and location.
- Why are mountains so funny? Because they are hill areas.
I'll show myself out - Since I installed adblock, my popularity with hot girls in my area has plummeted
- There are hot dads in your area... And they want to know who touched the thermostat.
- I started teaching Maths to midgets in my area. I'm making little things count.
- Ohio is stealing my life story A series of train wrecks in an already depressed area
- The mountains aren't just funny, they're... Hill areas.
- hot older men in your area Want to know if you've been playing with the thermostat?
- What do single mothers in my area find to be the biggest turn off? Adblock
- Why do spiders hate Area 51? It's a no-fly zone.
- Why did the hikers laugh at the mountains? Because they were hill areas
- Hey girl, are you an integral? Because I'd like to find the area under your curves
- Why do mountain ranges make such good comedians? Because they're HILL-AREAS!
- What's the most dangerous, predominantly black area known to man? Space
- Punch lines are extremely one-dimensional Punch areas and punch volumes have more depth.
- "I don't like to call it the One Ring" "I prefer 'unexpected item in the Baggins area'"
Area Code Jokes
Here is a list of funny area code jokes and even better area code puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why is Atlanta hard to find on a map? Because it's area code is 404
- What is the area code for Dawson's Creek 90108
- Chicago is getting a new area code this year. 911
- What is the government hiding at Area 51? GTA cheat codes
Bay Area Jokes
Here is a list of funny bay area jokes and even better bay area puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Where are all the attractive girls in the Bay Area? At the airport waiting for their flight home
- What did the Asian from the Bay Area order from Jack N the Box? Curry Fries
- When you know it is too cold in Bay Area? When you see the programmer's hands are in their pockets.
- There was a prison break at Guantanomo Bay Authorities warned of "free radicals" in area.
- Why do Bay Area gamers like Pier 39 Modern wharf air
Surface Area Jokes
Here is a list of funny surface area jokes and even better surface area puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Gabriel's horn is a geometric figure which has infinite surface area but finite volume This is in contrast to a vuvuzela which has a finite surface area but infinite volume
- Surface area if a circle, that is ridiculous! My teacher insists that pi r squared is how to calculate. But everyone knows that Pie are round.
Happy pi day!
Math Area Jokes
Here is a list of funny math area jokes and even better math area puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- MATH JOKE: The ladies call me an integral ...because I fill the area under their curves
Rough Area Jokes
Here is a list of funny rough area jokes and even better rough area puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Growing up in a rough area I grew up in a rough area. When I was a kid people used to cover me in Chocolate and cream and put a Cherry on top of my head
Life was tough in the Gateau.
Delightful Fun Area Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about area you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean aspect jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make area pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican
We'll take the alien, you get the predators
Joke about how dangerous China is
An American tourist came to China and fell into a construction ditch, he came out, injured, and angrily told the tour guide, "In America, in a dangerous area, we always put up red flags to warn people! Why wasn't there one here?"
The Chinese tour guide very calmly replied, "Didn't you already see it when you entered the country?"
A large group of Russian soldiers...
A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russians."
Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The calm Finnish voice calls out again: "One Finn is better than one thousand Russians!"
The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought.... Then silence.
Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander,
"Don't send any more men......it's a trap. There are two of them."
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep...
but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."
A new doctor goes to work for a year in Cambodia, where people still get maimed from landmines left over from the Vietnam War era
In his very first day in the hospital, the doctor sees a young girl in the post-operation area. She is crying, and in a panic, she says to him, "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
He looks down at the young girl, and in his best bedside manner, tells her, "That's because the doctors had to amputate your arms."
The police finally catch a notorious criminal,
so the chief himself decides to interrogate him.
Chief: "Let me see here, you have quite the backstory. Theft, forgery, burglary, forgery, blackmail, theft, forgery, forgery, forgery, the list goes on and on. What do you have to say for yourself?"
Criminal: "Well, it took me a while to figure out my area of expertise."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My kinda Dr.
a woman goes to a new gynocologist for the first time, for her annual pap smear. as the dr.is getting everything ready, and the woman is in the usual position, the dr. explains that there will be some discomfort. he then asks if she would like to numb the area first so she is more comfortable. she tells the dr. *yes please* and he then proceeds to bury his face between her legs and says...num num numnum...
A man travels to New Guinea.
A man travels to New Guinea. He wants to see the natives, but is afraid of cannibals eating him. So he asks the guide: "Are there any cannibals left in this area?"
The guide answers: "No, the last cannibal was eaten just a week ago."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American woman is hiking through Germany...
She's enjoying taking in the sights and immersing herself in the culture. But one day, while hiking through a wooded area, she comes across an elderly German man taking a leak on the side of the path. He's hardly subtle about it; letting his sausage hang out for the world to see. Immediately the woman averts her eyes! "Oh, g**...!" she exclaims. The Old German man, just finishing up, winks suggestively at the woman before zipping up his fly and walking away. "Danke schön"
Mice
We've had a few mice in the house recently so I set a few traps.
The next day I went down to check and was very surprised with what I found.
I jumped back into bed and said to the wife, "There are some clever mice in this area."
"Why?" she asked, "Did they get the cheese without springing the traps?"
"They didn't go near them," I replied. "They're sitting in the living room playing Scrabble."
Mafia florists
Some Italian mafia members own a florist shop in a city. Theirs is the only florist is the area, and so they control most of the flower business in the area.
One day, however, another florist shop opens up across the street. Afraid for their business, the mafia send one of theirs to rustle the place up, maybe scare them off. But he comes back to report that the florists are all friars! Being devout Catholics, they can't mess with the good friars.
The mafia boss has a solution. He turns to a guy named Hugh.
"Hey Hugh, you're atheist, right?"
"Yes."
"You you'll have no qualms about shaking up that flower shop?"
"I don't see why I would, boss."
Then he puts his hand on Hugh's shoulder, turns to the rest of the group, and says,
"Only Hugh can prevent florist friars."
Three Engineers are having an argument...
The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."
The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."
The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline through a perfectly good recreational area?"
Mathematician joke.
A chemist and a physicist are lost in an unknown area. They see someone and decide to ask for help. "Excuse me, but can you tell us where we are?", asks the chemist. "Sure, you are here", replied the man and leaves. "That man is a mathematician", the chemist tells the physicist, "how do you know?", "What he told us is true and makes sense, but it is useless."
What do you do if you step on a landmine?
Well standard procedure is to jump 50 feet and spread over a wide area.
This just in!
A truckload of wigs has lost control and tipped over on the highway........Police are still combing the area.
Graveyard shortcut
A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.
He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.
Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"
The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ever since I've downloaded Adblock, all the single girls in my area seem to have lost interest...
Have you ever visited the area between Thailand and Vietnam?
Don't bother. It's pretty Laos-y.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest is walking through the woods at night
He is stopped by a policeman. The priest asks, "What seems to be the problem, officer?" The policeman replies, "A Boy Scout was abducted in the area, and we are looking for a potential child m**...." The priest thinks for a second, and says, "I'll do it."
You see that wall?
A group of vampire bats are hanging out in a cave. All the food in the area is gone and they are the brink of starving to death. One of the bats decides leave to look for food out of desperation. He comes back 30 minutes later and has blood on his face. The other bats are very curious and ask him repeatedly where he got the blood from. Each time, he tries to ignore them and says he doesn't want to talk about it. After 30 minutes of questioning, he breaks down and tells the others to follow him. He flies them to a huge mountainous wall 15 minutes away, and stops. He looks at the others and says,
'You see that wall?'
And they all exciteldy repeat, 'Yea yea, we see it!'
He says again, 'Do you really see that wall?'
They all say again in anticipation, 'Yea yea we see it!'
'Well I didn't!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy goes with his mother in a taxi,
In between taxi passes by a red light area.
The boy asks his mother after looking at the call girls,
Mom, who are they ?
Mother replied: They are waiting for their husbands.
Taxi driver: Why are you lying the kid ?
He says, son they are prostitutes. They sleep and earn money!
Child Asks: Then mom what happens to the kids these women give birth to?
MOM : THEY BECOME TAXI DRIVERS
Area Man Discovers New Dimension, Becomes Volume Man
What is the area at the Danish/German border called?
The DaneGer zone!
I'll show myself out.
What's the difference between Tinder and the PokemonGo app?
Nothing, it both requires swiping to find monsters in your area.
An airline employee makes the final boarding call for a flight.
After she finished the announcement, she spots a man running down the concourse towards the gate. He runs through the boarding area, hurdles a row of empty chairs, and stops at the podium, almost out of breath.
"You just made it!" she says. "Do you have your boarding pass?"
"Oh, this isn't my flight," the man says. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm vegan."
How we know that God is not an engineer
When designing the human body, an engineer would not run a sewer line through a recreational area.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ads can get you laid
Cuz when I turned on Ad blocker, all the women in my area who were interested in me suddenly disappeared.
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo...
To help him, he hired a Native American scout.
The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.
After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come."
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.
He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"
The scout replies, "Ear sticky".
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are each pregnant and at the doctor's office...
While sitting in the waiting area, they begin chatting.
The brunette says "I was on the bottom so I'm having a girl!"
The redhead says "I was on top so I'm having a boy!"
The blonde starts crying hysterically.
The brunette and redhead ask her what's wrong.
The blonde says "I'm going to have a puppy!"
Snowman puns to celebrate the snowstorm in my area
What do vampires get when they bite snowmen?
"Frostbite"
What is a snowman's favorite cereal?
"Snowflakes"
Why didn't the snowman answer the question?
"He didn't snow the answer"
What does a snowman like to ride?
"An icicle"
How can you tell a snowman is angry at you?
"You get the cold shoulder... or an icy stare"
Bill is sitting in the ladies beauty parlour waiting area....
A pretty woman came to him, pressed his shoulders gently & said: come let's go.
Bro Bill looked left & right, started sweating a bit & anticipating dire consequences said: I am married & waiting for my wife.
Lady: look carefully, it is me!
Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning, and find that a Tesco had been built right next to his house
It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area
A lawyer and a doctor area at a cocktail party
A person comes up to the doctor and asks about a symptom he's been having lately. The gives him some advice and turns to the lawyer.
It's always awkward when people ask me for my professional opinion in a casual setting. Do you think it's ok if I charge them?
Absolutely says the lawyer. I think it's perfectly fine.
The following week the doctor then gets a bill from the attorney.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was killed by an assassin
An Irishman was killed by an assassin in his own home Thursday. Sources say the assailant was armed only with 2 porcelain figures. After beating the man to death, the assassin threw the body to several mongrel dogs that lived in a nearby wooded area.
Police claim it's the first known case of a Knick-Knack p**... whack, give a dog a bone.
What's the difference between parking in a designated area and parking on the street?
A lot.
A truck full of toupees tipped over on my way to work this morning.
This police are still combing the area.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Adblock
Adblock has been so useful getting rid of advertisements, but for some reason all the single ladies in my area stopped wanting me
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A n**... lady enters the costume party behind the turtle
She has nothing but a monkey covering her p**... area.
The host takes one puzzled look.
"Alright, I give up. Judging by what I asked the turtle, I may regret asking this, but what are you supposed to be?"
"I'm an Italian boy!"
"What's with the monkey?"
"That'sa not a monkey! That's a macaque!"
Hello, Im here to subscribe to the gym
+Hello, I'm here to subscribe to the gym
-Are you here because of a New Year Resolution?
+Yes
-We have a one day plan, it includes 4 selfies in the weight lifting area
+Perfect
A woman walks into the dry cleaners...
Clerk: Hello ma'am, what can we do for you?
Woman: I would like to drop off my coat.
Clerk: Ok, what would you like us to do with it?
Woman: I would like you to get the stain out of the collar area.
Clerk: Come again?
Woman: No, it's mustard this time.
A fisherman is fishing by the river shore when a man rushes towards him, catches his breath and says:
Man: "Excuse me, have you seen a woman pass by this area?"
Fisherman: "One with a white dress with black stripes?"
Man: "Yes, exactly! She must not be very far away, right?"
Fisherman: "I don't think so, the current isn't very strong today."
I went deer hunting with my older brothers when I was a youngster
It was in a mountainous area and I got separated from the group. Hopeless and lost I remember them telling me what to do: fire 3 shots in the air and they would come rescue me. Every 20 minutes I did that until I was accidentally found by a group of hunters that just happened to be passing by. I told them I sure was glad to see them! I was down to my last 3 arrows!
Hey girl, are you a hot single from my area?
Because you look like you'll give me some form of virus
My Dad actually said this is a Denver area Pizza Hut.
A group of maybe 6\-8 of us were finishing up our meal when a rather large woman \(our waitress\) came over and asked my dad if "we wanna box for our left over pizza?" Without skipping a beat, my dad looks her right in the eye and says "no, but I'll wrestle ya for it!". The look on her face was priceless!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A beautiful p**... attended a high profile function..
When it was time for introductions you could hear, I am Dr this and that, professor this or that, Barristers, engineers this and that.
When it was the turn of the p**..., she calmly said she is a Civil Engineer.
Another curious engineer in the room got interested and asked her for area of specialization.
The lady calmly responded "I demolish erections"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ever since I installed AdBlock....
All the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest
I used to be that area where water meets land...
But now I'm not so shore.
Man arrested for selling eternal youth pills.
News has just come in about a man in the Dublin area has been arrested for selling pills that he claimed would give eternal youth.
Police records have shown that it is the fourth time this man has been arrested. The earlier arrests were made in 1799, 1852 and 1921.
My coworker Jim sits next to another coworker, Collin. One day, Jim replaced the nametag on his cubicle to also say Collin
I asked him, "Jim, your name isn't Collin. What's going on?"
He replied, "We're trying to Collin-ize the area."
(True story)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does h**... call the area around his tent?
Mein Kampf
Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"
Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.
Google really does spy on us
This is why I don't trust smartphones. My friend and I were talking about repairing his roof over the next week, because the recent storm took off a few portions. The next day I saw advertisements all over Facebook telling me there are hot shingles in my area looking to get nailed.
The gynecologist down the street is selling the upper floors of his practice...
...He only works in the downstairs area anyway...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Aliens arrive to earth, "Let's invade that area first, humans called it Poland"
"Why that area first?"
"It seems a habit around here..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Having some areas in pandemic lock down and others not in lock down is like...
trying to organize the p**... section in a swimming pool.
I made a list of all the prostitutes and criminals in my area
It's my pros and cons list
an old arabic joke my uncle told me
a dumb guy fell down and hurt his back badly, he had to go to the hospital
the doctor told him: "just take this cream and apply it to the area of injury"
he went home and rubbed the cream on the staircase.
Just came up with this, as far as I know
A man walks into a gastroenterologist's office and stops to stand just at the edge of the seating area. The receptionist waits for him to approach but he fidgets uncomfortably, staring at the wooden seats between himself and the counter. Sir, why don't you come over here so we can get you checked in? says the receptionist.
That's why I'm here, he says, I have difficulty passing stools.
Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.
The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and look at the civil engineer, "you've been awefully quiet?"
"Well it's pretty obvious that God isn't a civil engineer. No civil engineer would combine a recreational area with a sewage treatment plant."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whats the difference between Capitol and Area 51 raid?
People were not s**... enough to actually go inside of Area 51.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
During school lockdown drills there's always a designated area to d**....
Since in emergencies it's always important to keep your s**... together.
The Vatican decides to storm Area 51...
Alien V.S. Predator
I've been getting some odd pop up ads recently:
Hot older men in your area want to know if you've been messing with the thermostat
What do Grubhub and FetLife have in common?
Hot subs in your area
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I witnessed an actual m**... in real life and didn't tell anyone about it.
Crows are common in my area so it wasn't a big deal.
What's the worst part about Ad Blockers?
Suddenly, there's no more hot moms in my area who want to meet up anymore
Ever since I installed AdBlocker
There are no more hot singles in my area waiting to meet
