Arctic Jokes

Following is our collection of greenland humor and artic one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Arctic puns for adults, dirty bipolar jokes or clean antarctica gags for kids.

There is an abundance of inuit jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 44 funniest jokes on arctic. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any pacific witze you can hear about arctic.

The Best jokes about Arctic

A polar bear and a black bear are taking a stroll in the arctic...

When suddenly, the polar bear falls in some water he starts to panic and says, "Help, I'm dissolving!" the black bear replies with, "No you aren't bears are insoluble!" the polar bear says, "That's easy for you to say, you're non-polar!".

Some people think the Arctic and the Antarctic are the same...

...but in reality, they are polar opposites.

What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?

"Where were you on the night of September to March?"

How do you bid farewell to a sexually open Arctic animal with a mental disorder.

"Bye bye bi bipolar polar bear!"

What does an arctic wildlife photographer get from sitting around too long?

Polaroids.

^I ^know, ^that ^was ^god ^awful.


Who split the arctic sea?

Eskimoses

Scientists are studying the effects of marijuana on the arctic tern, a species of bird.

The studies are so intense they have stated "We are leaving no tern unstoned."

Two explorers are exploring the Arctic

After some walking, they come across an igloo.

The first explorer turns to his colleague and says, An ice house!

The second replies, A nice house, indeed!

How do you catch a polar bear?

Go to the arctic, take a can of peas.
When you get there, cut a hole in the ice and place peas all around the edge of it.
When the polar bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

2 whales

Two Whales, Bob & Brenda, are swimming in the cold arctic waters when Bob spies a boat. "It can't be!" exclaims Bob. "What" asks Brenda. "You see that boat in the distance, Brenda? Well that's the whaler that murdered my parents!" "Oh Bob, that's awful" replies Brenda. "Quick, Brenda, I have a plan! you go port side & I'll go starboard & we'll blow as hard we can out of our blow-holes & sink the boat!" so Bob & Brenda position themselves either side of the boat & blow with all their might. Sure enough, the sea turns to foam & the boat capsises throwing the sailers into the sea. Brenda turns to leave. "Where do yu think you're going?" asks bob. "We're not done yet! Now we're going to eat the sailors!" "Look" replies Brenda "I don't mind doing the blow job but there's no way I'm swallowing Seamen!!"

Have you ever been to an arctic graveyard?

It's chilling...


Linkin Park fought among themselves in choosing which ocean to take a cruise on.

The Pacific ocean was favored by Chester. The Atlantic was desired by Mike. The Arctic was appealing to Rob and Brad because it is an ocean they've never been to before. The Antarctic was chosen by Dave and Joe because they've heard tales of great sea creatures to see in that area. With great argument, they decided against them all.
Indian, it didn't even matter.

what do you cal 50 penguins in the arctic

Lost

Where do Arctic Monkeys store their food to keep it cool.

Indie fridge.

What do you call fifty penguins in the Arctic?

LOST!

Have you heard about the place way up North where birds stop flying North and start flying south?

It's where they make Arctic Terns.

A special group of polar bears that live in the Arctic and Antarctic have been seen with dual personalities and sexual attraction to both sexes..

I guess you could say they're Bi-polar bipolar bi polar bears.

What do you call a Sailor's hitch in the arctic?

Knot cool

How To Catch a Polar Bear

First, go to the grocery store, and buy some peas. Doesn't matter if they're frozen, or canned, or whatever, just get some peas. Bring those peas to the Arctic, where the polar bears live. Then find a large-ish hole in the ice. It should be big enough to fit a couple people in. Put some peas in front of the hole, and hide. Now when the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!


So a penguin and a seal are in a car...

The penguin is driving. It's 105 degrees outside, and, being from the arctic, they want to get something to cool off. The seal suggests they get ice cream, so they find a nearby ice cream parlor. They're getting out of the car and the seal says, "Hey, something's wrong with the engine!" the penguin looks underneath the car, and sure enough there is a puddle of oil forming under the hot engine. Fortunately, they see a service station across the street. So, fighting the heat, they push the car to the shop and ask the mechanic to look at it while they go eat. By this time, the penguin and the seal are about ready to melt, so the penguin orders a huge bowl of ice cream. Unfortunately, he realizes that he cannot use a spoon. Abandoning all composure, the penguin buries his face in the ice cream, getting it all over himself. Meanwhile, the seal enjoys a shrimp basket. Finally, the two finish and go back to the mechanic. "Well," he says from under the hood, "it looks like you just blew a seal."
"Nope," replied the penguin, still wiping his face. "Just ice cream."

Where did Noah put the penguins on the ark?

In the arctic section.

Note: my 7 yr old grand daughter made this up on the spot, after I told her this joke:
Where did Noah put the bees on the ark?
In the archives.

I think she's pretty clever.

Why did the bear beat his wife, eat their children and leave for the arctic?

Because he was bipolar.

I met a guy with a girlfriend in the arctic and a boyfriend in Antarctica...

Bipolar

I've had some pain in my stomach ever since I ate those Radiohead and Arctic Monkeys CDs.

I think I've got indiegestion.

Job Opportunity for Flat Earthers

Because of the recent Arctic cold snap. Delta Airlines has been hiring de-icers in their Atlanta hub for the expected crowds at SuperBowl. Most of the jobs have been going to Flat Earthers, because by definition, they don't believe in *Global* Warming but are fine with Plane Warming.

You know I've always liked the arctic

There has always been something cool about it

Married in the arctic circle

After 30 years of unfulfilling matrimony a crotchety old Alaskan couple finally decide to seek marriage counseling.

Upon the first meeting with their therapist they both sit down awkwardly on the couch, and pull back their Anorak hoods only to realize that they've been married to the WRONG person for the past 30 years.

The wife sighs, looks at the doctor and exclaims "It's like I've been trying to tell him doctor, I'm just not that Inuit."

The KKK is a great supporter of environmentalism.

They are all about keeping the arctic white.

Vera Lynn used to work at an Arctic research station. She wrote a protest song about the lack of variety in the staff canteen.

Whale meat again?

Whats the best profession to have for dating?

Arctic sailing, since its always handy for icebreakers.

Which alligator lives in the arctic?

The refridgegator.

While on location for weeks in arctic Siberia, writing a piece for National Geographic, my brother randomly showed up to keep me company.

It really helped having a cool story bro.

What do you call a group of penguins in the arctic?

LOST! SUPER LOST!

Friend: I'm going to spend the whole fall and winter up on the Arctic Tundra.

Me: Wow, that's dark, dude.

What do you call a bear in the Arctic?

Starving.

Why do celebrities want to be Arctic sea-ice?

Because it's getting younger, thinner and more media attention year after year.

Why is that psychiatrists don't want to visit Arctic areas?

They can't handle bipolar bears.

Getting a job in the Arctic in the winter is great!

When the days get short, you only have to work a 30 minute work week.

What's the most important thing for having sex in the Arctic Ocean?

Make sure you have a tight seal.

What do you call an arctic bear that goes both ways?

Bipolar.

What is an arctic animal's favorite drink?

A polar beer

What do you call a town in the middle of the Arctic Ocean?

An Iceburgh.

I hate to admit it but my views on life in the arctic

are very polarised.

What do you call a gender-fluid arctic mammal with anger issues?

A bi-polar bear!

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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