Rib-Tickling Arctic Jokes that Bring Friends Together
Whats the best profession to have for dating?
Arctic sailing, since its always handy for icebreakers.
What do you call a Sailor's hitch in the arctic?
Knot cool
How do you bid farewell to a s**... open Arctic animal with a mental disorder.
"Bye bye bi bipolar polar bear!"
What does an arctic wildlife photographer get from sitting around too long?
Polaroids.
^I ^know, ^that ^was ^god ^awful.
How To Catch a Polar Bear
First, go to the grocery store, and buy some peas. Doesn't matter if they're frozen, or canned, or whatever, just get some peas. Bring those peas to the Arctic, where the polar bears live. Then find a large-ish hole in the ice. It should be big enough to fit a couple people in. Put some peas in front of the hole, and hide. Now when the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!
Married in the arctic circle
After 30 years of unfulfilling matrimony a crotchety old Alaskan couple finally decide to seek marriage counseling.
Upon the first meeting with their therapist they both sit down awkwardly on the couch, and pull back their Anorak hoods only to realize that they've been married to the WRONG person for the past 30 years.
The wife sighs, looks at the doctor and exclaims "It's like I've been trying to tell him doctor, I'm just not that Inuit."
What do you call an arctic bear that goes both ways?
Bipolar.
Which alligator lives in the arctic?
The refridgegator.
What's the most important thing for having s**... in the Arctic Ocean?
Make sure you have a tight seal.
What do you call a town in the middle of the Arctic Ocean?
An Iceburgh.
Why do celebrities want to be Arctic sea-ice?
Because it's getting younger, thinner and more media attention year after year.
You can explore arctic greenland reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean arctic bipolar dad jokes. There are also arctic puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What do you call a bear in the Arctic?
Starving.
A polar bear and a black bear are taking a stroll in the arctic...
When suddenly, the polar bear falls in some water he starts to panic and says, "Help, I'm dissolving!" the black bear replies with, "No you aren't bears are insoluble!" the polar bear says, "That's easy for you to say, you're non-polar!".
Some people think the Arctic and the Antarctic are the same...
...but in reality, they are polar opposites.
Why did the bear beat his wife, eat their children and leave for the arctic?
Because he was bipolar.
What do you call an arctic gypsy?
A Snomad!
Who split the arctic sea?
Eskimoses
I've had some pain in my stomach ever since I ate those Radiohead and Arctic Monkeys CDs.
I think I've got indiegestion.
Have you heard about the hippie ornithologist who went to the arctic?
He left no tern unstoned.
What do you call a gender-fluid arctic mammal with anger issues?
A bi-polar bear!
The k**... is a great supporter of environmentalism.
They are all about keeping the arctic white.
Linkin Park fought among themselves in choosing which ocean to take a cruise on.
The Pacific ocean was favored by Chester. The Atlantic was desired by Mike. The Arctic was appealing to Rob and Brad because it is an ocean they've never been to before. The Antarctic was chosen by Dave and Joe because they've heard tales of great sea creatures to see in that area. With great argument, they decided against them all.
Indian, it didn't even matter.
How do you catch a polar bear?
Go to the arctic, take a can of peas.
When you get there, cut a hole in the ice and place peas all around the edge of it.
When the polar bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.
Two explorers are exploring the Arctic
After some walking, they come across an igloo.
The first explorer turns to his colleague and says, An ice house!
The second replies, A nice house, indeed!
I met a guy with a girlfriend in the arctic and a boyfriend in Antarctica...
Bipolar
Have you ever been to an arctic graveyard?
It's chilling...
Scientists are studying the effects of m**... on the arctic tern, a species of bird.
The studies are so intense they have stated "We are leaving no tern unstoned."
You know I've always liked the arctic
There has always been something cool about it
While on location for weeks in arctic Siberia, writing a piece for National Geographic, my brother randomly showed up to keep me company.
It really helped having a cool story bro.
What is an arctic animal's favorite drink?
A polar beer
A special group of polar bears that live in the Arctic and Antarctic have been seen with dual personalities and s**... attraction to both sexes..
I guess you could say they're Bi-polar bipolar bi polar bears.
Where do Arctic Monkeys store their food to keep it cool.
Indie fridge.
Can't decide which song is better at the minute...
Arctic Monkeys "Four Out Of Five", or Drake "8 out of 10"...
What do you call a group of penguins in the arctic?
LOST! SUPER LOST!
Why is that psychiatrists don't want to visit Arctic areas?
They can't handle bipolar bears.
what do you cal 50 penguins in the arctic
Lost
Friend: I'm going to spend the whole fall and winter up on the Arctic Tundra.
Me: Wow, that's dark, dude.
Job Opportunity for Flat Earthers
Because of the recent Arctic cold snap. Delta Airlines has been hiring de-icers in their Atlanta hub for the expected crowds at SuperBowl. Most of the jobs have been going to Flat Earthers, because by definition, they don't believe in *Global* Warming but are fine with Plane Warming.
Getting a job in the Arctic in the winter is great!
When the days get short, you only have to work a 30 minute work week.
What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?
"Where were you on the night of September to March?"
What do you call fifty penguins in the Arctic?
LOST!
Have you heard about the place way up North where birds stop flying North and start flying south?
It's where they make Arctic Terns.
Where did Noah put the penguins on the ark?
In the arctic section.
Note: my 7 yr old grand daughter made this up on the spot, after I told her this joke:
Where did Noah put the bees on the ark?
In the archives.
I think she's pretty clever.
Vera Lynn used to work at an Arctic research station. She wrote a protest song about the lack of variety in the staff canteen.
Whale meat again?
I told my parents that I'm planning to move to the Arctic circle for work, and they seemed really upset.
My dad said, I don't like your latitude.
How to catch a polar bear
First, go to the Arctic and dig a large hole in the ice.
Next, open a can of peas and place the peas around the edge of the hole.
When the bear steps up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.
Sorry. I'll see myself out
Why do scientists knew that the frozen prehistoric man they found in the Arctic was friendly ?
Because he's a n iceman
