Arabs Jokes

Following is our collection of boyscouts humor and xenophobic one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Arabs puns for adults, dirty allah jokes or clean oman gags for kids.

There is an abundance of pacifism jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 49 funniest jokes on arabs. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any buddhists witze you can hear about arabs.

The Best jokes about Arabs

Without the Arabs we wouldn't have 9/11.

We would have IX/XI instead

If it weren't for Arabs, we would never have 9/11

Instead it would be IX / XI

In the 15th century the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

In the 18th century the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

Two Arabs sit in the Gaza Strip (NSFW)

Two Arabs sit in the Gaza Strip, enjoying a quiet pint of goat milk. One takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures.

"This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. This here is my second son. He's also a martyr!"

The second Arab nods, They blow up so fast, don't they?

Two Arabs sit in the Gaza Strip, enjoying a quiet pint of goat milk.

One takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures.


"This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. This here is my second son. He's also a martyr!"


The second Arab nods, They blow up so fast, don't they?"


Why do Arabs carry sandpaper everywhere?

Because they need a map.

If you know an Arab, you don't have to steal...

A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery.

The Arab steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.
He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see anything."

The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typical of you dishonest Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one.

The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?"

The Jew replies, "Look in the Arab's pocket....."

Two Arabs are on a plane.

One orders a bottle of Champagne and asks the other "do you want some?".

The other replies "No thanks, I'll have to drive soon".

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3 day pass.

The CO says, "Are you crazy? You just joined the Israeli army, and you already want a 3 day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked, "How did you do it?"

"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, 'Do you want to get a 3 day pass?' So we exchanged tanks!"

β€”Henny Youngman

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech

and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Obama. They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America."

President Obama says "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help you, I will do."

The Saudi whispers "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians, and Blacks, and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek."

President Obama laughs and leans toward the Saudi. "It's because it takes place in the future..."

A Jew and Arab walk into a bakery...

The Arab immediately steals 3 pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see a thing." The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typical of you Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew swallows that one and asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "So what did you do with the pastries?"

The Jew replies, "Look in the Arab's back pocket....."


Without the Arabs, we wouldn't have 911

We'd have CMXI

How many Arabs does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just sit in the dark and blame the Jews.

A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery...

The Arab immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see a thing."
The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typical of you Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one.
The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew swallows that one and asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "So what did you do with the pastries?"

The Jew replies, "Look in the Arab's back pocket....."

The Arabs invented a time machine.

It's called Islam. It can take any civilization back to the 7th century.

First they came for the communists

And I did not speak out because I was not a communist.

Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out because I was not a socialist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out because I am not a Jew.

Then they came for the blacks, but I did not speak out because I was not black.

Then they came for the Arabs, but I did not speak out because I am not Arab.

Then they came for the transgendered, but I did not speak out because I am not transgender.

Then they came for the feminists, but I did not speak out because I am not a feminist.

Then they stopped coming for anyone because all the problems were pretty much gone at that point.

A Coca Cola salesman returns from his Middle East assignment...

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters... First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and fainting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"

"That should have worked," said the friend.

The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left..."

A coke seller

The disappointed salesman of coke returns from middle east assignment. A friend asked," why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

The salesman explained," when I got posted in the middle east, I was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as cola is unknown there. But I had a problem I didn't know Arabic.

So I planned to convey this message through 3 posters. The first poster is a man crawling through the hot desert. Second the man drinker cola and third man is totally refreshed. Then these posters were hanged everywhere there."

"That should have worked."said the friend.

He replied," well I didn't know Arabic neither realized that Arabs read from right to left...."

Government

The federal government is sending most Americans a $1200 rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China.
If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs.
If we buy a computer it will go to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras
and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany.
If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it
will help the American economy.

The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on
prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced
in US.
I've been doing my part, and I thank you for your help,


When do Arabs return their library books?

the day they're Dubai.

Without the Arabs we wouldn't have 9/11

It'd be IX/XI

What do you call 9/11 without the arabs?

IXXI

The best soccer team in the world

We will put gays as defenders, since they pressure well from the back.

Arabs, Chinese and Caucasians in mid because they bring color to the field.

Jews will be attackers because it's frowned upon to chase them.

And a 50 year old nun as our goalkeeper.
Because she hasn't let anyone in for three decades straight.

Why do Arabs wear buttoned clothes?

Because goats can hear zippers.

Why do Arabs wear thawbs?

Goats can hear a zipper from a mile away.

God offers the ten commandments

God went to the Arabs and said: "I have Commandments that'll make your lives better."

The Arabs asked: "What are they, can you give us an example?"

God said: "Thou shall not kill."

The Arab were shocked and refused Gods offering

So he went to the Mexicans and said: "I have commandments that'll make your lives better."

When asked for an example God said: "Thou shall not steal."

The Mexicans were insulted and refused.

Lastly, God went to the Jews: "I have Co..."

Before he could finish the Jews blasted out: "HOW MUCH DO THEY COST??"

God replied: "Nothing, they're free."

The Jews answered: "Good, we shall take ten!"

How do you know that Arabs make the best rappers ?

They're always blowing up.

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.

The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"


So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?"



"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"

For the arabs

An arab walks into a bar and holds up 2 fingers

Arab: I would like 7 beers please

Why do arabs love skim milk?

Because they are moo-slim.

A racist man finds a genie who gives him three wishes.

"For my first wish," he says, "I want all the Arabs to disappear." The genie grants his wish, then he disappears.

Why are the best bellydancers all Arabs?

Because they can sheik it.

Why cant Arabs have Sex Ed and Drivers Ed on the same day?

They need to give the camel a break

How many Arabs does it take to form a Soccer team?

11, you racist...

5 Arabs are sitting around looking at pictures of thier kids

One says to the others they blow up so fast!!

What is an Arabs favorite fighting technique?

Hijab

Why do Arabs only buy Chevy Trucks?

Because they're like Iraq.

What does the arabs put in their Mexican food??

Allah-peΓ±os

Camels really dont mind carrying Arabs around

They just think they smell like Shiite.

What did the arabs say when blowing up the WTCs? *Politically incorrect warning*

You know which cars arabs love the most

The 911 porshe GTR.

How many arabs does it take to change a light bulb ?

5

4
3
2
1
*EXPLOSION*

Why do arabs use Colgate before going to the airport?

because it provides cavity protection

Why can't Arabs drink milk?

Because they would get Sikh

What do Arabs do on weekends?

They sit under palm trees and eat their dates.

I just put up my Republican nativity scene.

Of course I had to remove the Arabs, the Jews, the anchor baby, and the refugees, so all that's left is one jackass and a bunch of sheep.

Why is Ash always walking into Jews but not Arabs?

Well, Ash can see Arabs, but Ashkenazi Jews

Why do Arabs eat dried fruit?

Because they don't like Jews

Why is KFC regarded as a valuable restaurant chain?

Their chicken has so much oil it's got the Arabs jealous.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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