Quirky and Hilarious Arab Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
Without the Arabs we wouldn't have 9/11.
We would have IX/XI instead
If it weren't for Arabs, we would never have 9/11
Instead it would be IX / XI
An Arab is shaking a carpet on the window.A guy sees from below and asks:
What's wrong with it? Doesn't start?
Interviewing Arab for US visa
Interviewing an arab for a visa
Consul : What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz
Consul: s**...?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : Both male and female and sometimes even camels.
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul: Man,........isn't it hostile?
Arab : Horse style, d**..., any style
Consul: Oh..........dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast
Why Do They Call Camels The Ships Of The Desert?
Because of Arab s**... inside of them.
An Arab man slapped his wife, and she was insulted.
She went to her father and told him, "An eye for an eye. My husband has slapped me, and you must avenge me"
So her father asked, "On which cheek did did he slap you?"
"He slapped my left cheek."
So the father s**... his daughter on the right and said, "Be happy, I have avenged you. You can tell your husband that he has slapped my daughter, but I have slapped his wife"
*Joke borrowed from Les Miserables, written in 1862.*
100 camels
A man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you for your woman."
After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale."
The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?"
The husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get back home.
An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery.
But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".
Why do Arabs carry sandpaper everywhere?
Because they need a map.
A Mexican, an Arab, and a r**... girl......
A Mexican, an Arab, and a r**... girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his p**..., and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The r**... girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says:
'In America we have so many i**... aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
An Arab national is interviewed at the Embassy for a visa:
Consul: Your name please?
Arab: Abu Zina.
Consul: s**...?
Arab: Every day.
Consul: Er, I mean, male or female?
Arab: Don't matter, sometimes even Camel.
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab: Yes, cows and donkey too.
Consul: Isn't that hostile?
Arab: Hosstyle, Dogstyle, any style!.
Consul: Oh dear!
Arab: No deer! run too fast.
You can explore arab mideast reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean arab oil dad jokes. There are also arab puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
There is an Arab boy lost in the grocery store...
The manager of the store walks up to the boy and asks "what does your mother look like?" The boy replies " I don't know".
What do you call an Arab who has many cows?
milk sheikh
A little Arab boy
Anything that makes people who aren't white Americans embarrassed or angry, is racist.
What do you call an Arab who owns 5,000 cows
A Milk Sheikh.
A white man, an arab and an asian walk n**... into a bar...
...the bartender yells "Is this some kind of a joke?"
An Arab student e-mails his dad
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.
The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:
My dear loving son,
Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad
If you know an Arab, you don't have to steal...
A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery.
The Arab steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.
He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see anything."
The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typical of you dishonest Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."
He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."
Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one.
The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.
The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?"
The Jew replies, "Look in the Arab's pocket....."
If I had to rate racist jokes...
I would rate black jokes a 3/5 and arab jokes a 9/11
How many Arabs does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just sit in the dark and blame the Jews.
Two arab brothers open a hotel
Their names are Amil and Abed.
What do you call a white Arab prince?
A milk sheikh
A dyslexic arab walks into a bar
ouch, says the other arab
Condoms
1272AD - Arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats.
1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat.
How is an American teen girl different from an Arab teen girl.
An American teen girl gets s**... *before* she has s**....
So the Jamaican said to the Arab..
"Aye where you from? You from tha beach mon?" The Arab replied "Yemen!'
They say of rich Arab oil families that the first generation rides in limosines, the second generation drives SUVs, and the third is poor again.
Well that's what happens when you don't keep any Jews around to manage your money.
I once saw an Arab on a flight....
I was kinda shocked when I saw him and looked on him with suspicion. Then he understood what I was thinking and approaching me, he said, "Not all Muslims are terrorists" and we laughed so hard that his grenades fell out of his pocket.
How does an Arab farmer find his goat in the sand dunes?
Very satisfying.
What do you call a drunk Arab?
What do you call a drunk Arab?
Hammad.
What do you call a really drunk Arab?
Mohammad.
I went to an Arab-American comedy night
there was a Muslim guy making a joke about being in high school football. " I was hit so hard, I saw Jesus.. Do you know how hard you have to be hit to see someone else's god? "
Two Arabs are on a plane.
One orders a bottle of Champagne and asks the other "do you want some?".
The other replies "No thanks, I'll have to drive soon".
In 1839 an Arab man made the first c**...
The c**... was made of goat intestines. In 1844, a British scientist revolutionized the c**... by removing the intestines from the goat first
What do you call an Arab riding a camel with a goat on a leash?
Bisexual.
(nsfw) An arab man goes to the airport to take a flight
- Name?
- Abdul Al Razhib.
- s**...?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no, I mean: male or female?
- Yes... male, female, sometimes camel.
When do Arabs return their library books?
the day they're Dubai.
In a hotel room in London, the room service boy knocks on the door,
And says "here are your Pringles sir" The Arab guest looks at the box of potato chips for a few minutes appearing confused. Finally he says, "Wallah Habibi, I said bring girls"
The Arabs invented a time machine.
It's called Islam. It can take any civilization back to the 7th century.
An Arabian guy at the airport
- name?
- ahmed al-rhazib.
- s**...?
- three to five times a week.
- no, no… i mean male or female?
- male, female, sometimes camel.
- holy cow!
- yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- but isn't that hostile?
- horse style, d**..., any style!
- oh dear!
- no, no! deer run too fast
Why don't Arab women need Insurance?
Because they are already covered.
Two Arabs sit in the Gaza s**..., enjoying a quiet pint of goat milk.
One takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures.
"This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. This here is my second son. He's also a martyr!"
The second Arab nods, They blow up so fast, don't they?"
English, American and Arab guy bragging in a bar about their large family.
The American says: "I have 4 kids. One more, and I can make a basketball team!"
The English says: "I have 10 kids. One more, and I can make a football ("soccer") team!"
The Arab guy says: "I have 17 wifes. One more, and I can make a golf course!"
Pakistan launches a rocket to Moon.
Pakistani News channel reports: "Water and fishes found on Moon."
BBC reports: "Pakistani satellite found in Arab sea."
I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?
In an e**....
What would you call a Muscular Arab?
A Protein Sheikh
Arab work ethic vs Chinese Work ethic...
(in their respective accents...)
Chinese Work Ethic:
If one man can do it,
Then I can do it.
If no man can do it,
Then I MUST do it.
Arab work ethic:
If one man can do it,
Then, let him do it!
If no man can do it,
Then, habibi, how do you expect me to do it?!
What do you call an Arab rapper?
Someone who drops allahu akbars.
Without Arabians, 9/11 wouldn't exist.
It would be IX/XI instead.
Match the middle eastern country to its sworn enemy...
- Bahrain
- Lebanon
- Qatar
- United Arab Emirates
- Egypt
- Syria
- Jordan
- Iran
- Iraq
- Saudi Arabia
- Algeria
- Morocco
- Yemen
- Oman
- Kuwait
1. Israel
Without the Arabs we wouldn't have 9/11
It'd be IX/XI
We need to start giving hurricanes Arab names
Nobody is going to leave for Irma but if Muhammad was coming the whole country would evacuate
An Englishman, a Welshman and an Arab met over coffee..
...at a convention.
''I am happily married,'' said the Englishman, ''and have 10 children. One more and I shall have my own football team."
''I am happily married,'' said the Welshman ''and have 14 children. One more and I shall have my own Rugby team."
''I am also happily married,'' said the Arab ''and have 17 wives. One more and I shall have my own Golf course.''
An Arab and a Jew stand in front of a h**... statue.
The Jew spits on the statue.
Arab: why did you do that?
Jew: because he killed half my people.
The Arab spits on the statue as well.
Jew: why did you do that?
Arab: because he didn't kill the other half.
Without the Arabs, we wouldn't have 911
We'd have CMXI
What do you call an Arab man who drinks protein supplements?
A Protein Sheikh....
What did the Arab Nations say when Iran blockaded the Strait of Hormuz?
OMAN...
An Arab girl asked me if I wanted a hijab..
I said, Sure. But I don't think that's how it's pronounced .
What does an Arab eat in Mexico?
Inshalladas
I was walking down the street, when I glanced up and saw this arab guy on the balcony furiously shaking a rug..
So I yelled out to him, "what's the matter, Omar? Won't it start?"
An arab at airport
An arab at airport:
\- Name?
\- Abdul Al Razhib.
\- s**...?
\- Three to five times a week.
\- No, no, I mean: male or female?
\- Yes... male, female, sometimes camel.
\- Holly cow!
\- Yes... cow, dog, even sheep.
\- But isn't that hostile?
\- Horse style, d**..., any style!
\- Oh, dear!
\- No, no... deer run to fast!
What do you call an Arab that's never had s**...?
Hassan Bin Laid
What did the Arab say when he got home from the gym?
Iran
Without arab we wouldn't have 9/11
We would have IX/XI
An Arab student emails his dad:
*An Arab student emails his dad:*
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.
*The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:*
My dear loving son,
Twenty million USD have just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad
Just saw a couple of Arab princes having a fight.
They were having a Sheik up
Snow isnt aproblem in arab countries
But isis
Two Arabic women are in a car, who is driving?
Their husband
an old arabic joke my uncle told me
a dumb guy fell down and hurt his back badly, he had to go to the hospital
the doctor told him: "just take this cream and apply it to the area of injury"
he went home and rubbed the cream on the staircase.
It's the arabs fault that 9/11-
Isn't called IX/XI
An Arabic man goes to visit his friend in Canada.
First they go out to lunch and the Arabic man orders a Bebsi and a bizza . His friend corrected him and said it was Pepsi and pizza.
The next day, they went to camp in the woods. The Arab goes to pee and comes running back.
What happened?! exclaimed his friend.
I saw a pear!
[Classic Old Joke] The son of an Arab oil tycoon joined a university in Berlin, after a month he sent an email to his dad.
'Dear Dad,
Germany is fine and the college is great. But I feel embarrassed to drive my gold plated Lamborghini to college when most of the students and even professors arrive by train'
Few hours later, he gets an email from his dad.
'Dear son ,
I just transferred $200 million to your bank account. Stop embarassing our family and buy a train for yourself'.
An elderly Jewish man is sitting on a park bench reading the Tehran Times
A friend sees him and says, "Oy, Moishe! How can you read that rag? Don't you know the things they say about us?"
To which the man replies, "Well, I used to read to read the Jewish papers, but they're so depressing. Every headline is 'Jews Being Persecuted!' 'Jews Living in Poverty!' 'Jews Being Oppressed!'. But now I read these Arab papers and the headlines are all 'Jews Own All the Banks!' 'Jews Control the Media!' 'Jews Run the World!'. It's much more uplifting!"
An Arab Sheikh sends his son to France for his studies. A year later the son comes back but the Sheikh realises that something is bothering his son. After some questioning, the son tells his father that he goes to college in his Porsche but the other students come by train. It's not right.
The Sheikh feels terrible, hugs his son and says, 'Don't worry son... I'll buy you a train today!'
If it weren't for Arabs, it wouldn't have been 9/11
It would be IX/XI
How do you sing the national anthem of the United Arab Emirates?
I'm Blue, Abu Dhabi, Dubai
Abu Dhabi and Dubai
Abu Dhabi, Dubai...
what is an Arabic ruler's favorite flavor of potato chips?
Sultan vinegar.
What do you call a suspicious Arab rapper?
Salim Shady
Who is the strongest Arab in the world?
The Protein Sheikh
A rich Arab kid goes to Portugal to study
A rich Arab kid goes to Portugal to study so his old man buys him a sports car to drive around. A few days pass and the father calls the son.
\- Hows it going son? Having fun with your car?
\- No father. I am ashamed, everyone here gets around by train.
\- Dont embarrass me son. Buy yourself a train too.
Arabic Joke: What do you call a bee that is really nice around you?
A Habi-bee
What did they call the arab dairy farmer who became the chief?
A milk sheikh
Figured I had 6 min for my cake day, and for some reason that was the joke that popped in my head
