Aquarium Jokes

Following is our collection of aquatic funnies and dolphin chistes working better than reddit jokes. They include Aquarium puns for adults, dirty carp jokes or clean porpoise gags for kids.

There is an abundance of krill jokes out there, and you're fortunate because we've a collection of favorite ones. Check out the funniest 46 jokes on the internet, even funnier than any piranha witze you can hear about aquarium.

The Best jokes about Aquarium

TIL that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute...


On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...

Did you know that a piranha can devour a human child to the bone in 30 seconds?

Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)

An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked the guide, "So is this tank for the more serious dolphins?" The guide said, "Yes, for all intensive porpoises."

Society is full of double standards

For example, when Ariel from The Little Mermaid swims around half naked, singing with her underwater friends, people say that she is "sweet" and "beautiful"

But when I do it, people say that I'm "drunk" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium".

I took my kids to the aquarium.

"If you get really close to the glass maybe the whale will talk to you!" I suggested to my son.

"Grow up," said the woman behind the ticket booth.


Today I learnt a school of piranhas will rip

every inch of flesh of a child's body in under a minute.
Today I also lost my job at the aquarium.

You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince

But apparently only seven before you're banned from that stuck-up aquarium

Hopefully this translates well into English..

A man is sitting on a park bench reading a book called "Logic" and another man walking past sits down beside him and asks what logic means..
The man reading the book asks, "Well, do you have an aquarium at home?"
"Yes! I do!"
"So I'm guessing you have fish in your aquarium?"
"I do!"
"And if you have fish in your aquarium, I'm guessing you like animals..?"
"Yes, I like animals!"
"And if you like animals, I would say you like people as well?"
"Yes, I like I people.."
"And if you like people, I guess you like women too?"
"Oh yes, I LOVE women!"
"Well there you go, that's what logic is!"
The man contemplates the answer he received and is satisfied with it and is about to get up to leave, when he asks: "What would've happened if I said that I didn't have an aquarium at home?"
The man on the bench thinks to himself for a minute and answers, "Well, you would've obviously been gay then".

So this guy buys a centipede from the pet store...

he takes it home and sets it up in its aquarium, and lets it get settled in for a while. After a few hours the guy gets bored and goes up to the centipede and asks, "hey, centipede, you wanna go out and get a drink? check out the ladies? you know, just hang out?" But the centipede doesn't say anything. The guy thinks, "it must be getting used to its new environment or whatever," and he goes to bed.

The next day after work, the guy's watching TV and he gets bored, so he goes up to the centipede again and taps on the aquarium glass, and says "HEY, centipede, you wanna go out, get a drink, maybe check out the ladies? Just hang out or whatever?" and the centipede doesn't say anything. The guys thinks, "that's weird, i wonder if it's sick or something. i'm not sure how centipedes are supposed to act i guess." and he shrugs it off and goes to bed.

The third day, after work, the guy gets bored watching TV and goes to the centipede again, this time getting a little exasperated. "HEY! CENTIPEDE! Do you wanna go out and get a DRINK, check out the LADIES or something?" and the centipede yells back, "I heard you the first time man, I'm getting my shoes on!"

I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?"

The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

Have you ever had the feeling to push someone into a shark tank at an aquarium?

Anyways, I lost my job as a shark trainer today.


I'm really glad I finally got a saltwater aquarium

It really tide the room together

I went in to a pet shop.

I said, Can I buy a goldfish?

The guy said, Do you want an aquarium?

I said, "I don't care what astrological sign it is."

I went to a pet shop to buy a goldfish today...

The worker asked if I'd like an aquarium, but I told him "I don't care what starsign it is."

I went to the pet shop the other day.

I'd like to buy a goldfish, I said.

Do you want an aquarium? they asked.

I said, I don't care what star sign he is.

TIL that a school of piranhas are able to strip all the flesh off of a child in under two minutes.

Sadly, I was also fired from the aquarium.

What do you call an aquarium filled with liquid nitrogen?

Oxygen defishent.

Did you know that a school of piranha can devour a whole 3-year old child in under 30 seconds?

On another subject, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

What's the difference...

What's the difference between a chef and a perverted aquarium owner?
One fixes dishes and the other dicks his fishes.


So if a place to view birds is an Aviary, and a place to view fish is a aquarium, where do you view pigs?

Congress

Did you know a piranha can devour a small child down to the bone is less than 30 seconds?

So anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today...

Did you hear about the guy who fell into the endangered Mollusk exhibit?

An aquarium employee ran up to the railing and shouted "I'll go get help, don't move a mussel!

Aquarium

Dude I: How do know if a fish is male or female?

Dude II: I don't know. How?

Dude I: Well, you take some bread and feed the fishes a little bit... and if she ate it, then it's a female, and if he ate it, then it's a male.

It only costs 1 penny to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping or dressed as a dolphin...

So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!

What is Rick Grimes' favorite exhibit at the aquarium?

Coraaaaaaaal

Your mom is so ugly...

she was walking through the Aquarium and a Walrus unlocked her iPhone X.

Why did the aquarium have an existential crisis when the dolphins were released to the wild?

It lost its porpoise.

Me: The place with more tanks?

My GF: IDK, a war?

Me: An aquarium

Did you hear about the guy who got arrested for indecent exposure at the aquarium?

The sicko likes to cuttlefish.

"This sushi is terrible."

"Sir, this is an aquarium."

"I can see the glass ceiling! DOWN WITH THE GLASS CEILING!"

"Megan, we're in an aquarium! NO!"

My son kept begging me to take him to an aquarium...

So I brought him to a McDonald's. There's tons of big whales and it's much cheaper!

A power plant blows up near a aquarium...

and I had to be the one to tell my boss about the mutated eels. After I gathered all my courage, I said to him

Sir, the eels have fur all over them and are humanoid too!

My boss looked so surprised and asked

Fur-eel man?

I went in to a pet shop. I said, Can I buy a goldfish?

The guy said, Do you want an aquarium?

I don't care what star sign it is!

I bought some plastic plants for my aquarium. I was going to get the real ones...

but I knew I would forget to water them.

My aquarium is missing quite a few parts

#nofilter

Why did the philosopher go to the aquarium?

To find his porpoise...

I never get bored at my aquarium job...

It keeps me octopi-ed

Philip Glass spent the night at the aquarium, but his bed was a little fishy.

There was a koi on his cot, see.

I used to work at an aquarium...

It was destroyed in a flood, and I feel like I've lost my porpoise

My girlfriend's unique selling point...

Is the back of the local aquarium, if anyone's interested.

I got arrested for shooting up a school.

Apparently, I failed to notice signs prohibiting photography in the aquarium.

Crusifixion vs drowning...

Hey did the Romans crusify Jesus and not drown him, wich was common too....






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Churches would really Sully with and aquarium on top....

The star attraction at my local aquarium has been repossessed.

Turns out it was a loan shark .

What do you call an aquarium that has only one kind of fish?

The Aquarium of the Specific

What do you call aquarium with two male betta fish?

Betta royale.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes