April Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

What is Mr. T's favorite month?

April, fools

I don't care if Caitlin Jenner identifies as a woman,

but April identifying as January is crossing the line.

If April showers bring May flowers, then what do May Flowers bring?

Genocide

It's a healthy relationship

My wife told me that she wanted to give me a deepthroat blowjob today.

"Really!" I exclaimed.

"No," She said, "April Foogargagggrraggggle."

That'll teach her to try and be funny...

What's the name of Mr. T's girlfriend?

April, fools

Why do native Americans hate April?

Because April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring white people

I love my wife

My wife told me that she wanted to give me a deepthroat blowjob today.

"Really!" I exclaimed.

"No," She said, "April Foogargagggrraggggle."

That'll teach her to try and be funny...

Can February march?

No, but April may.

One of my favourite jokes

My wife told me that she wanted to give me a deepthroat blowjob today.

"Really!" I exclaimed.

"No," She said, "April Foogargagggrraggggle."

That'll teach her to try and be funny...

I cheated on you

She: "I cheated on you"

He: "Me too"

She: "April, 1"

He: "March, 20"

So it's April 2nd

And my wife's still pregnant...

Donald Trump said, "I declare April as Sexual Assault Awareness month."

His aide said, "So what do think are some good ways to prevent it?"

Trump replied, "Prevent it?"

I just ran over my dog.

April fools! I don't know whose dog it was.

Girlfriend said "I think I'm pregnant, I'm two weeks late..

..April fools!"

Billy's mom comes home to see him crying...

Billy, what's wrong son?

Dad hanged himself in the attic! replied Billy, "eyes in tears".

The mother rushes to the attic in a panic, quickly followed by her son.

As she gets up to the attic she notices that nothing is there and little Billy started giggling...

HaHaHa! April fool's mommy!!!

He hanged himself in the basement!

April showers bring may flowers What do may flowers bring?

Pilgrims.

What do Pilgrims bring?

Smallpox

I'm so happy and I don't want to die

^^April ^^fools

Why are soldiers always so tired on April 1st?

Because they have just finished a 31 day March.

I know April keeps going until May comes...(NSFW)

Because the wall I share with my lesbian neighbors is real thin.

An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage.

The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked:

Where were you on the night of October to April?

Mum, father hanged himself!

A little boy runs to his mum crying: "Mum, Mum", he screams, "Father hanged himself!"
"Where is he hanging?", his mum asks.
"In the attic!", the boy says.
So the mum and her son go to the attic but nobody's there.
"But he isn't there", says the mum in relief.
Then her son says: "April Fool! He's hanging in the basement!"

What did the first person to get "April Fooled" say?

Jesus! I thought you were dead!

Why don't Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?

April showers bring Mayflowers.

Why was the soldier tired on April 1st?

He had just come through a 31-day March.

'Knock knock'

'Who's there'

'Okay Google'

'Okay Google, who?'

'Sorry I didn't catch that'

'OKAY GOOGLE WHO?'

'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland.Β '

Can Feburary March?

No. But April May

TIFU by delivering a punch line in the wrong place at the wrong time

April Fools!

What's Mr T's favourite month?

April, Fools.

"Sir, I'm gonna' let you off with a warning..."

"THANK YOU SO MUCH OFFIC----"

"April Fools....sign here."

How many seconds are there in one year?

12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.

A twist on a Thanksgiving classic . . .

Written by my twelve-year-old brother:

Q: April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring?
A: Separatists and small pox.

My Dad being an asshole to an 8 year old

Best April Fools Day joke; i was like 7 or 8, my dad and I are talking trash all of March 31st about who is gonna prank who better. Morning of april 1st my dad wakes me up and rushes me into the shower, has me change my clothes, and eat breakfast. As I'm about to head out to the bus stop I noticed it was pretty dark, thats because it was 3 in the morning...

April Fools

It was April first when a young father went to the hospital to see his newly born son. Standing outside the glass partition, the nurse pointed to his baby son. The nurse smiled as she lifted the baby from its cot. She then strolled over to the table and bounced the baby's head on the timber. The father was horror-struck and his hands went up to the window. The nurse smiled at him and started to swing the baby by holding it by it's penis and scrotum. The father was pounding frantically at the glass partition by this time. The nurse let go of the baby and with a sickening thud the baby went careering into the wall. Blood and guts went everywhere. The father took a runing jump at the glass partition. The nurse picked up the baby and tore it's arms off as the father went hurtling through the glass. He was foaming at the mouth when he faced the nurse.

She said, "April fools! He was dead already!"

Little April in Sunday school...

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!"

April showers bring May flowers...

...but Mayflowers bring smallpox.

For April fools my girlfriend replaced my alphabits with Cheerios.

I have no words to say how angry I am.

April Fools!

girl: babe I'm pregnant you're the father

guy: can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!

girl: haha! got me! you're not the father

Little Billy had been blind since birth...

...and one night his mom tells him "If you pray extra hard tonight God will allow you see in the morning."

So little Billy prayed his heart out before going to sleep that night. The next morning he opened his eyes and to his surprise he screamed out.
"Mommy I still can't see!"
"I know son, April fools."

April Fools Day............

The day every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.

Little Johnny

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!"

Easter this year is April Fools Day

Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.

Why is World Autism Day after April Fools' Day?

Because it takes longer for them to get the joke.

April 1st, officially the worst day of the year to have a cardiac arrest.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims!

Credit to my 5yo daughter who just told me that one. She can't read so I'm relatively sure she didn't find it here.

Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?

The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!

(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)

The last time Easter fell on April Fool's Day...

...Jesus tricked everybody by making them think he was dead for two days.

Roses are red April is grey joke

Roses are red April is grey, but in a few days it's gonna be May.

Corny jokes!

Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?

A: Because it's two-tired.


Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?

A: It becomes daytrogen.


Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?

A: In the Ark Hives!


Q: Can February March?

A: No, but April May.


Q: What is it called when you kill a friend?

A: Homiecide


"Fish tanks are stupid!"

"Why?"

"Fish don't even have any militaries!"

In April of 1620, it rained. That same year, the Pilgrims arrived.

I suppose the saying is true. April showers bring Mayflowers.

Nobody pranked me on the 1st of April....

....but that's fine, my life is already a joke.

Sometimes I think I was actually born on April 1st

Because my life is a fucking joke

Easter is on April 1st this year.

Where we remember the original April fools joke performed by Jesus himself.

I hate all of you

April fools I love you all

What do you call a female clown?

April Fools

Old Native American joke

A young Indian boy was curious about how he got his name. He asked the chief, "Chief, how do we get our names?"

The Chief answers him, "We give names by what is outside of the teepee during ones birth.

"When your mom was born, it was a beautiful April day, so we named her BlueSky.

"After your dad's birth we were greeted by a majestic deer, so we named him WhiteTail."

The chief looked at the boy a little puzzled,

"Why do you ask BearFuckingBear?"

Series of Romanian Alinuta jokes.

Sup ya'll! I've translated some dark Romanian jokes about a girl named Alinuta. Any other Romanians who know more please share!

-Brother: Mom, Alinuta hung herself in the basement!
Mom goes and looks to find nothing.
Mom: She's not there.
Brother: April fools! She's in the attic!

-While Alinuta's brother is watching tv, she quickly moves passed the screen.
Brother: Hey! Get out of the way!
Alinuta again moves passed the screen, blocking her brothers view for a second.
Bother: Stop getting in the way!
Alinuta moves across the room again, blocking his screen.
Infuriated with his sister blocking his TV, Alinuta's brother calls their mom to resolve the problem.
Brother: I want to watch TV but Alinuta keeps moving in front of the screen.
Mom: oh it's cause she hung herself.

-"Alinuta stop playing with the scissors! You're going to spill your fingers on the floor again!"

April 1st Operation

(Doctor walks out of operation room. A man quickly reached the doctor.)

"How's my wife? How's my baby?"

"Well your wife is okay, but... Your baby... umm..."

(Man starts crying)

"APRIL FOOLS! HAHAHA! Jokes on you!" (laugh)

(Man starts laughing with the doctor.)

"The fact is your wife died as well."

I told my mom she had epilepsy for April fool's day...

She fell for it.

I just lost my virginity!!!!

April fools *sob*

Why do Native Americans hate it when it rains in April?

Because it brings Mayflowers.

April showers bring May flowers

Mayflowers bring Small Pox.

I'm at the gas station right now...

Just kidding. I am not at the gas station right now. April Fuels

Timmy's April Fool's joke

The day is April 1st, and Timmy wanted to play an April Fool's joke on his mom.
His mom comes home from work, and Timmy rushes to her.

"Mommy! Mommy!" He says, frantically.

"What is it, Timmy?" She asks.

"Dad hanged himself in the garage!"

The mom screams, then rushes to the garage, but nothing is there. She walks back in the house.

"Nothing is in the garage." She says to him.

"April fool's!"

"Oh than-"

"He hanged himself in the loft."

Mommy mommy! Daddy hanged himself in the living room!

*mom rushes to the living room*

Kid: Haha! April fools! He did it in the attic!

JUNE (to Yoda): Do you think April will march in the parade?

YODA: March April may, June.

Me: I have cheated once

Wife: me too

Me: first april...

Wife: 8th october

What are the funniest april jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about April? Well, here are the best April puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny April pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes