April, fools
but April identifying as January is crossing the line.
Genocide
My wife told me that she wanted to give me a deepthroat blowjob today.
"Really!" I exclaimed.
"No," She said, "April Foogargagggrraggggle."
That'll teach her to try and be funny...
April, fools
Because April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring white people
My wife told me that she wanted to give me a deepthroat blowjob today.
"Really!" I exclaimed.
"No," She said, "April Foogargagggrraggggle."
That'll teach her to try and be funny...
No, but April may.
My wife told me that she wanted to give me a deepthroat blowjob today.
"Really!" I exclaimed.
"No," She said, "April Foogargagggrraggggle."
That'll teach her to try and be funny...
She: "I cheated on you"
He: "Me too"
She: "April, 1"
He: "March, 20"
And my wife's still pregnant...
His aide said, "So what do think are some good ways to prevent it?"
Trump replied, "Prevent it?"
April fools! I don't know whose dog it was.
..April fools!"
Billy, what's wrong son?
Dad hanged himself in the attic! replied Billy, "eyes in tears".
The mother rushes to the attic in a panic, quickly followed by her son.
As she gets up to the attic she notices that nothing is there and little Billy started giggling...
HaHaHa! April fool's mommy!!!
He hanged himself in the basement!
Pilgrims.
What do Pilgrims bring?
Smallpox
^^April ^^fools
Because they have just finished a 31 day March.
Because the wall I share with my lesbian neighbors is real thin.
The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked:
Where were you on the night of October to April?
A little boy runs to his mum crying: "Mum, Mum", he screams, "Father hanged himself!"
"Where is he hanging?", his mum asks.
"In the attic!", the boy says.
So the mum and her son go to the attic but nobody's there.
"But he isn't there", says the mum in relief.
Then her son says: "April Fool! He's hanging in the basement!"
Jesus! I thought you were dead!
April showers bring Mayflowers.
He had just come through a 31-day March.
'Who's there'
'Okay Google'
'Okay Google, who?'
'Sorry I didn't catch that'
'OKAY GOOGLE WHO?'
'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland. '
No. But April May
April Fools!
April, Fools.
"THANK YOU SO MUCH OFFIC----"
"April Fools....sign here."
12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
Written by my twelve-year-old brother:
Q: April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring?
A: Separatists and small pox.
Best April Fools Day joke; i was like 7 or 8, my dad and I are talking trash all of March 31st about who is gonna prank who better. Morning of april 1st my dad wakes me up and rushes me into the shower, has me change my clothes, and eat breakfast. As I'm about to head out to the bus stop I noticed it was pretty dark, thats because it was 3 in the morning...
It was April first when a young father went to the hospital to see his newly born son. Standing outside the glass partition, the nurse pointed to his baby son. The nurse smiled as she lifted the baby from its cot. She then strolled over to the table and bounced the baby's head on the timber. The father was horror-struck and his hands went up to the window. The nurse smiled at him and started to swing the baby by holding it by it's penis and scrotum. The father was pounding frantically at the glass partition by this time. The nurse let go of the baby and with a sickening thud the baby went careering into the wall. Blood and guts went everywhere. The father took a runing jump at the glass partition. The nurse picked up the baby and tore it's arms off as the father went hurtling through the glass. He was foaming at the mouth when he faced the nurse.
She said, "April fools! He was dead already!"
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!"
...but Mayflowers bring smallpox.
I have no words to say how angry I am.
girl: babe I'm pregnant you're the father
guy: can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!
girl: haha! got me! you're not the father
...and one night his mom tells him "If you pray extra hard tonight God will allow you see in the morning."
So little Billy prayed his heart out before going to sleep that night. The next morning he opened his eyes and to his surprise he screamed out.
"Mommy I still can't see!"
"I know son, April fools."
The day every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!"
Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.
Because it takes longer for them to get the joke.
Pilgrims!
Credit to my 5yo daughter who just told me that one. She can't read so I'm relatively sure she didn't find it here.
The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!
(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)
...Jesus tricked everybody by making them think he was dead for two days.
Roses are red April is grey, but in a few days it's gonna be May.
Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired.
Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
A: It becomes daytrogen.
Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?
A: In the Ark Hives!
Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May.
Q: What is it called when you kill a friend?
A: Homiecide
"Fish tanks are stupid!"
"Why?"
"Fish don't even have any militaries!"
I suppose the saying is true. April showers bring Mayflowers.
....but that's fine, my life is already a joke.
Because my life is a fucking joke
Where we remember the original April fools joke performed by Jesus himself.
April fools I love you all
April Fools
A young Indian boy was curious about how he got his name. He asked the chief, "Chief, how do we get our names?"
The Chief answers him, "We give names by what is outside of the teepee during ones birth.
"When your mom was born, it was a beautiful April day, so we named her BlueSky.
"After your dad's birth we were greeted by a majestic deer, so we named him WhiteTail."
The chief looked at the boy a little puzzled,
"Why do you ask BearFuckingBear?"
Sup ya'll! I've translated some dark Romanian jokes about a girl named Alinuta. Any other Romanians who know more please share!
-Brother: Mom, Alinuta hung herself in the basement!
Mom goes and looks to find nothing.
Mom: She's not there.
Brother: April fools! She's in the attic!
-While Alinuta's brother is watching tv, she quickly moves passed the screen.
Brother: Hey! Get out of the way!
Alinuta again moves passed the screen, blocking her brothers view for a second.
Bother: Stop getting in the way!
Alinuta moves across the room again, blocking his screen.
Infuriated with his sister blocking his TV, Alinuta's brother calls their mom to resolve the problem.
Brother: I want to watch TV but Alinuta keeps moving in front of the screen.
Mom: oh it's cause she hung herself.
-"Alinuta stop playing with the scissors! You're going to spill your fingers on the floor again!"
(Doctor walks out of operation room. A man quickly reached the doctor.)
"How's my wife? How's my baby?"
"Well your wife is okay, but... Your baby... umm..."
(Man starts crying)
"APRIL FOOLS! HAHAHA! Jokes on you!" (laugh)
(Man starts laughing with the doctor.)
"The fact is your wife died as well."
She fell for it.
April fools *sob*
Because it brings Mayflowers.
Mayflowers bring Small Pox.
Just kidding. I am not at the gas station right now. April Fuels
The day is April 1st, and Timmy wanted to play an April Fool's joke on his mom.
His mom comes home from work, and Timmy rushes to her.
"Mommy! Mommy!" He says, frantically.
"What is it, Timmy?" She asks.
"Dad hanged himself in the garage!"
The mom screams, then rushes to the garage, but nothing is there. She walks back in the house.
"Nothing is in the garage." She says to him.
"April fool's!"
"Oh than-"
"He hanged himself in the loft."
*mom rushes to the living room*
Kid: Haha! April fools! He did it in the attic!
YODA: March April may, June.
Wife: me too
Me: first april...
Wife: 8th october
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about April? Well, here are the best April puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny April pick up lines to share with friends.