Apps For Jokes

The guy who invented the Apple maps app walks into a bar ...

... and says, "Wait a second, this isn't Subway."

So Apple made a spinoff of the iPod Touch...

...where you design all its features yourself. The color, storage, apps that come with it, basically everything.
However, it got banned from all Apple stores because of its name, the iTouchMyself.

I just picked up the Germanwings iPhone app...

When I switched on airplane mode, it locked me out of the phone and then crashed.

Apple Watch now comes with a new app...

It estimates how long you will have to wait in line for the Apple Watch 2.0.

I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area,

Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app.

I just got a bunch of cool apps and games for my Windows Phone

Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app this morning...

...and it sent an ambulance to my house

What's Spider-Mans favorite online music app?

Spotafly.

The NSA created a dating app to identify potential terrorists.

They called it "j**... me at Hello."

Girlfriends are like phone apps

They come with in-app purchases, and need the reassurance of updates to function well.

What do you call a seagull that lives by the Bay?

I don't know, but it won't shut up about the app it's developing.

What's the difference between Tinder and the PokemonGo app?

Nothing, it both requires swiping to find monsters in your area.

Girls on dating apps get bombarded with too many lame and boring messages

For them, finding the good ones is like finding a needle in a hey-stack.

I made a new app for Muslim wrestlers.

iSlam

I made an app that tells you were people with dwarfism are at all times.

I can't be the only one thinking of the imp-locations.

I installed a pedometer app on my phone

But whichever direction I walk, I seem to be moving away from the kids.

I'm launching an app that reads out nihilist quotes.

It's aimed at a Nietzsche market

Have you heard of the new dating app for Catholic priests?

It's called "Kinder".

I feel like I only meet people now using hookup apps

the last time I met a guy in real life
I was out drinking
He told me he was a cop
I found that out when he pulled me over

My doctor told me to remove trans fats...

Who knew removing my tumblr app would get me back to proper health?

I think I finally understand these dating apps

They all include they want something serious and long-term, so I went on a date last week, and gave her h**....

I'm building an app to help people fall asleep at night. It'll be recordings of straight white men talking about gender identity, cultural appropriation and modern racism...

Name of the app is White Noise.

I'm thinking about an app to let people rate strippers

I want to name it "s**... Advisor"

I downloaded an app that I thought would help me find great sandwiches...

Turns out that's not what Grinder is for. I still got a footlong, though.

What's a trees favorite dating app?

Timber

My friends say that too much of today's news can be discouraging--they say my habit of constantly reloading the CNN app will make me depressed.

but I think it's refreshing.

Apple is reportedly buying Shazam for some $400m.

Couldn't they just download it from the App Store for free?

I want to start a paranormal hookup app.

The tagline would be: for things that want to go bump in the night.
(Finally a place where ghosting would be totally acceptable.)

LinkedIn is the worst dating app

All people want to talk about is work and what I plan on doing after graduation

Why did my app lose its previously large female following?

Because it went into beta. :(

I'm thinking about starting a dating app for low IQ people.

I'm calling it OK s**....

My 6 year old son told me this one. "What do you call a snowman that's having a t**... with two hot princesses?"

I slapped my son and abruptly deleted his youtube kids app.

Facebook will reveal what information about you was leaked in recent years.

Just log in and fill out this quiz on our new app.

Have you heard of the new titanic app?

I was excited to use it, but as soon as I plugged it into my computer it started syncing!
- My professor. No one laughed.

What do you call a dating app for paedophiles

Kinder tinder

In germany after the succes of Uber and Ubereats a new app is rising under elderly folk for finding people to help in your household

They're calling it Ubermensch

Which app does Thanos use to communicate with half of the universe? (Infinity War Spoilers)

Snapchat

What is Harry Potter's favorite new app?

Spellcheck

After installing a personal budget control app, I saw how much money I spend on beer every month. This opened my eyes. Clearly, I shouldn't do this anymore.

I deleted the app.

Which dating apps do priests prefer to use?

Kinder

My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.

What is Thanos' favorite app?

Snapchat

What was the Russian doing on his new computer?

InStalin the apps.

Every good camper knows that to start a fire you need tinder.

So I installed the Tinder app. Still no fire, though. I can't seem to get any matches.

Did you hear about the new Lesbian only dating app?

Scissr

I heard they are making a "Tinder" app for midgets...

...it's called "Kindling"

There's a new dating app out there for pirates.

It's called Shiver Me Tindrs.

After recently getting into dating apps I came to the conclusion that Tinder is a lot like Little Caesars...

if you want it hot and ready, you're gonna have to take a hit on quality

What app do you get, when you download instagram a thousand times?

Instakilo

I'm developing an app that lets you customize the look and feel of 4chan when browsing.

It's called 4skin

If Rolex had an app on PC what would be Its file name?

Rol.exe
Sorry for the trash pun, thought about it while walking in front of rolex

What do you call an app for an online b**... party?

Facetime.

This Corona app is like Tinder in reverse...

...first you meet, then you find out you have a match and suddenly you feel rather lonely.

First we discovered TikTok was a Chinese spying app, then we discovered China was putting spyware in the electronics they sell us...

And today the fortune cookie in my Chinese food reminded me I needed to buy milk.

What do you call it when a male app meets a female app?

An update.

I found this amazing app that let's you find out which of your friends are racists, which ones are sexists and even which ones are just crazy.

It's called 'Facebook'.

We are launching a Food App that will help you lose your weight

You'll order but we won't deliver.

cats

There's a new dating app for cats in Prague...
it's called Czech Meowt

Are there any iOS developers reading this that can help me with something?

Just kidding, I know they're all too busy for Reddit after today's announcement, and are struggling to update their apps for tomorrows iOS 14 release.

iPhones map app has major problems

iPhone map app has a major problem. The voice directed me to "turn left then bear right" .... but it was really just a cat sitting there.

I developed a successful chicken social network app to make more money.

I didn't do it for the glory I did it to make hens meet.

I keep meeting bi women on the apps

Every time I say hello they say Byeee

What do you call a stable female?

A mare.
(This was a clue on the Daily Crossword app today which I couldn't figure out. I thought it was cute.)

My son made up this joke. Knock knock

-Who's there?
-Alexa
-Alexa who?
-Sorry I don't know that one. You can always leave feedback on the Alexa app.

Tik Tok is mostly just millions of users imitating each other.

They should change the name of the app to Kpy Kat.

What's he difference between Robin Hood and Robinhood?

Robin Hood is apt to steal while Robinhood is app to steal.