Following is our collection of million humor and thirty one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Approximately puns for adults, dirty forty jokes or clean average gags for kids.
There is an abundance of per jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 29 funniest jokes on approximately. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any kilometres witze you can hear about approximately.
Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each
month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20
years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have
been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for
compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
No
Man:
Where's your Ferrari?
Brezhnev: "Comrade, how many Jews do we have in the Soviet Union?"
Andropov: "Approximately five million, Comrade."
Brezhnev: "And how many Jews do you think would leave if we allowed them to?"
Andropov: "Approximately 20 million, Comrade."
Approximately 2 days of sobriety.
Following World War II, a general and his lieutenant boarded a British train. They sat across from an attractive young lady and her grandmother. As the train departed, it entered a long tunnel. Total darkness encompassed the train for approximately thirty seconds. In the darkness of those moments, the passengers heard two things - a kiss and a slap. Everyone on board had his or her own outlook of what happened. For example . . .
The young lady assumed to herself, "While I'm flattered that the handsome lieutenant kissed me, I'm embarrassed that my grandmother slapped him."
The grandmother supposed, "I'm disappointed with the lieutenant, but I'm proud that my granddaughter had the courage to hit him."
The general thought, "What in the world . . . why did my lieutenant kiss that civilian young lady and why did she slap me by mistake?"
The lieutenant was the only person on that train who really knew what happened. In that brief period of total darkness, he had the opportunity to kiss an attractive young lady, as well as slap a general.
Sir Cumference.
He at too much Pi.
He ate approximately 3.142 slices
The took the approximately 2 tons of weed to a landfill and had it incinerated. However, the EPA stepped in and showed concern for the multitude of seagulls flying overhead. You know what their study discovered? That there was no tern left unstoned.
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am".
The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".
"You must be a technician." said the balloonist.
"I am" replied the man "how did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."
The man below responded "You must be in management".
"I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fuc#ing fault
An English, a Pakistani, and an Irish couple all simultaneously arrive at a hospital, all of the wives in the couple going into labour at approximately the same time. All of the babies were delivered healthily after fairly routine births but unfortunately, after placing the babies in their cradles, the nurse realized that she had forgotten to place tags on the different sheets. She informed the doctor of her mistake and that she was unable to recall which baby was which. The doctor was something of a scientist and believed that there was a parenting instinct which would allow them to identify the babies. He said they would let the couples go in, look at the babies, and take whichever one they identified as their own through this inherent, natural drive.
The English couple went first, returning almost immediately carrying the darkest skinned child. The nurse, recognizing this, approached the English couple to inform them;.
"Sir, no offence, but I believe that this child belongs to that Pakistani couple over there"
"Yeah, I know mate, but I heard that the other couple over there is Irish and I'm not taking any chances"
A Οthon
But those are just round figures.
MALE LOGIC
Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3
Woman: How much do you pay per
beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman: And how long have you been
drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3
beers a day,
which puts your spending each
month at $450.
In one year, it would be
approximately $5400 β¦correct?
Man: Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400,
the past 20 years puts your spending
at $108,000, correct?
Man: Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink
so much beer,
you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No
Man: Where's your Ferrari ?
Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending
each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400
β¦correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could
have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after
accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought
a Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
No
Man:
What color is your Ferrari?
Approximately -0.8959441702
Approximately 0.3583.
Or cos(789)
Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: Rs. 300 which includes a tip
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs Rs. 300 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at Rs. 27,000. In one year, it would be approximately Rs. 3,24,000 β¦correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend Rs. 3,24,00 , not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at Rs. 64,80,000 correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
..
Woman:
No
Man: Then where's your Ferrari?
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour
ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of you, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"
Not sure you are prepared to be a parent, here are some tips to get you started.
Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a bathrobe and stick a giant beanbag chair down the front and leave it for 9 months. After the 9 months, empty out approximately 10-20% of the beans.
Men: to prepare for paternity, go to your local drug store, dump the contents of your wallet on the counter and give it the pharmacist. Then, go to the supermarket and arrange to have your salary direct-deposit to their headquarters. Go home, pick up the paper and read it for the very last time.
It has been shown that the moon is moving away from us at a tiny (but measurable) distance each year. Therefore, if you do the maths, you will find that eighty-five million years ago it would've killed many, if not all the dinosaurs, by orbiting at an elevation of approximately thirty-five feet.
He called the police. After 10 minutes, a policeman arrived.
He asked: "Can you describe the person?"
The guy answered: " Yeah. It was a man, he had a beard, was really big, approximately 1.95m."
The policeman looked confused and said: "Wow, that's a pretty long beard. can't be too hard to find him!"
Cause you can distribute your sample over me
Or approximately 8 CVS receipts
For those who aren't, Herbert von Karajan was an acclaimed symphony conductor in the 20th century. You need to know that his name is pronounced approximately "KAHRY-on."
Not many people know it, but the maestro actually had a second career outside of music, he was a successful luggage designer.
I mean, surely you've heard of...Karajan Luggage?
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450.
In one year, it would be approximately $5400 β¦correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up
Interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years,
You could have now bought a new Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
No
Man:
Where's your Ferrari?
when the mother-in-law unexpectedly passes away. Unsure of how to handle funeral proceedings so far from home, he asks a local funeral parlor in Jerusalem for advice.
"Well sir, if you bury her here in Jerusalem, it will cost you about $150".
"What about if I want to ship her body back to the U.S.?" - the guy asks
"Well sir, that would cost approximately $20,000".
The guy thinks about it for a little bit and says "you know what, better prepare the body and have her shipped back to New York".
"But sir, you would save almost $20,000 if you just bury her right here in Jerusalem!" - the funeral guy responds
The husband responds: "yeah I know, but there was once a guy who was buried in Jerusalem and rose from the dead on the third day, and I'm not willing to risk that with her".
Most of them won't even show up to work, but if you can get them there, two should be able to handle the job.
A large CLT
...Einstein was counting, Pascal found a pretty good place to hide but Newton didn't have any luck. Einstein had almost finished and since Newton didn't had a hiding place gets a piece of chuck and draws around him an one meter square. Einstein turns around and saw Newton.
Einstein: "Ha! You're Newton, I found you!".
Newton: "I'm not Newton,you're wrong".
E: "Yes, you are. I know you pretty well. I see Newton!"
N: "Yes, you see Newton but what else do you see?"
E: "That you are standing on a square with approximately one meter side"
N: "OK, so what's newton over meter squared?"
E: "Pascal?!"
N: "There you go! You found Pascal!"
Fine then. Keep your sea crits.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.