Approval Jokes

Following is our collection of consent humor and president one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Approval puns for adults, dirty outrage jokes or clean acceptance gags for kids.

There is an abundance of victory jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 20 funniest jokes on approval. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any congressional witze you can hear about approval.

The Best jokes about Approval

Vladimir Putin's approval rate is 80%...

The other 20% are missing.

Memory wipe

"We've divided the population as you requested, Mr. President" announced the assistant "we just need your approval for the memory wipe".

"Wipe the memories from the groups 1 to 8" replied the president, "leave group 9 alone but wipe group 10 too"

"Sir, you want us to wipe groups 1 through 8 and then 10, but not 9? Group 9 refers to... children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?"

The president looked out at the world from the window.

"Only 90's kids will remember this"

What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?

The seal of approval.

A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator...

He puts the gator up on the bar, and faces the patrons. "If I open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside, leave them there for five minutes, then remove my unit unscathed, will each of you buy me a drink?" The crowd mumurs its approval, so he gets up on the bar, drops his pants, and places his privates in the alligators open mouth. The gator then closes its mouth as the crowd gasps.
After five minutes, the man grabs a beer bottle and raps the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opens its mouth and the man removes his genitals unscathed, as promised. The crowd cheers, and the first of his free drinks is delivered. "Anyone else have the guts to give it a try?" the man dares the crowd. After a few seconds a blonde woman timidly speaks up. "I'll do it, but no hitting me on the head with the bottle."

We've divided the population as you've requested, Mr. President, announced the assistant from the doorway, so we're just waiting on your final approval for the memory wipe.

Wipe the memory of groups 1-8, replied the president, leave group 9 alone but wipe group 10 too.

Sir? You want us to wipe groups 1 through 8 and then 10, but not 9? Group 9 refers to... children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?

The president stood from his chair and looked out at the world from his window.

Only 90s kids will remember this.


There are two kinds of people I hate the most...

1. People who want other people's approval for their opinions


2. Karma whores


Upvote if you agree

A priest was giving a sermon about temperance.

With great enthusiasm, he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river!"

The congregation nodded their approval and shouted "Amen!"

He continued, "If I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd throw it in the river!"

"Amen!" the congregation replied again.

The priest sat down and the music minister announced, "For our closing song, let's sing Hymn 362, 'We Shall Gather At the River'."

"AMEN!" The congregation replied.

A southern minister decides to give a temperance sermon one day

Toward the end of the sermon, he says: "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river!" And most of the congregation nodded their heads in approval.

Even louder, he shouts: "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river, too!" The people clapped and said "Amen.

And then finally, he concludes, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river!" After which the congregation cheered loudly in agreement.

Then, the minister sits down, and it's the song leader's turn to speak. He had been quiet during most of the minister's sermon, but he stands up with a big grin, and says: "There's been a last minute change in today's musical selection. Please turn your hymnal to #318: Let Us Drink from the River."

Regarding the SCOTUS approval of gay marriage, Iowa representative Steve King has just said (and this is a real quote) "you could marry your your lawnmower with this decision".

Marrying your lawnmower is fine, but when it comes time to leave, writing that John Deere letter is the toughest part.

If I had to define the word "controlling"...

I'd make sure I got my boyfriend's approval of the definition first.

A Jew, Chinaman, American and a Indian are sitting around a table

... and they're all sipping on their bourbon. They're all very rich and they chinaman says " I think I will buy Apple. " And they all nod in approval save the jew.
Then the Indian says " I want to buy Google. " And they all nod in approval save the jew.
Then the American says " I want to buy Samsung " And they all nod in approval save the jew.

Then the jew shudders and says " sorry, not selling. "


Did you hear about the animal that pulled the girl into the water?

It was given the seal of approval.

"We divided the population as you requested Mr. President", announced the assistant at the door,"so we're just waiting for your approval on the memory wipe"

"Wipe the memories of groups 1-8, leave 9 and wipe 10 too." "Why leave 9 sir? 9 refers to children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?"
The president looked out of the window
"Only 90s kids will remember this."

Putin has an 87% approval in Canada!

Whoops, I meant to say Poutine.

What haw two wings and an arrow?

A Chinese telephone.

(I'm Chinese and I give this joke the Chinese stamp of approval)

Who authorizes all U.S. naval special operations?

The SEAL of approval.

How do Marine Animals pass new Legislation?

They ask the Seal of Approval.

Have you ever noticed that cigars and scotch taste the same?

They both taste like my dad's approval.

Fox News is reporting President Trump's polling at an all-time low....

...with only a 108% approval rating.


Two dudes were masturbating in my living room.

I told them to beat it but they didn't leave! They even thanked me for my approval! I don't approve and I'm appalled and offended.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes