The Best 54 Approach Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Approach jokes. There are some approach townspeople jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these approach attitude puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Approach Jokes and Puns
A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.
A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.
"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"
"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."
Redneck husband and wife are smuggling a couple skunks across the border.
As they approach the border checkpoint the wife panics..."what do I do with these?!" she exclaims while frantically fumbling the skunks
"Quick now Mary Ann, hide them under your skirt!" said the red-neck husband in between his beer chug.
"Now, now whattabout the gadaym stink?!" says Mary Ann...
"If they die, they die hunnycakes"
I finally know what women want...
...security.
....
....
....
I know because that is what they shout whenever I try and approach.
Bahdumtish
(Joke courtesy of my bf's father)
A depressed man was sitting at a bar.
From across the room, a beautiful prostitute saw this man and began to approach him. "Hey honey, are you looking to get lucky?", she asked. To which the depressed man replied "Yes". She then announced that for $300 she would do anything he wanted, provided he could say it in three words. The depressed man agreed to this and slapped three $100 notes on the counter and with each slap he said "Paint. My. House".
Two turtles collide in an intersection.
When the police come, they look around to see if there are any witnesses, they only see a snail on the sidewalk. The police approach the snail and ask him if he could tell them what he saw. To which the snail replied, "well, it happened so fast..."
I bought a My Little Pony T-shirt the other day.
Because sometimes I just don't want anyone to approach me for any reason at all.
You are being approached by a lawyer, a lion and a gang member.
You are armed with a gun and two bullets. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
I spot a beautiful woman in a night club,
I approach her and ask if she will have sex with me for a million dollars. She smiles and says "sure thing handsome" I return the smile and ask if she would have sex with me for a hundred dollars. She looks offended and says "what kind of woman do you think I am?" I say "we have already established that, I'm just negotiating the price".
I approached the grieving widow at the funeral.
"Tell me my dear, what were his final words?"
She sniffled and feebly replied.
"You don't scare me with that gun Martha, you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn!"
A Rabbi and a Priest are walking along the road....
....and they see a boy approach. The priest nudges the rabbi and says, "Hey lets screw this kid." The rabbi scratches his beard and replies "out of what?"
Hey baby, have you got a time machine?
Cuz' I could go back in time to approach you with a better pickup line than this one
You can explore approach approximation reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean approach spots dad jokes. There are also approach puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A psychologist addresses three mothers, telling them that he brought each of them there to reflect their life addictions.
To the first mother he says, "You have an addiction to sweets, as you named your daughter Candy."
To the second mother he says, "You have an addiction to gambling and money, hence your daughter is named Penny."
And before the psychologist could approach the final mother, she grabs her son by the arm and says "Come on, Richard, we're leaving."
The legionnaires
Two French legionnaires are walking through the desert, lost, when they happen across an oasis. One turns to the other and say "look! Zat tree 'as back on eet!" In excitement they run towards the tree but as they approach bullets start striking the ground around them. As they are running off the second turns to the first and says "zat was no bacon tree, zat was an 'am bush"
A Russian Couple
A Russian couple is walking in Moscow when the man feels a drop hit his nose. "It's raining," he says. "No," says his wife, "It's snowing." And they begin to argue. Finally, the man says, " Let's ask comrade Rudolph what the *official* weather is." They approach and they ask him. "It is officially raining." he says. The woman cries, "But it felt just like snow!" To which her husband says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!
Murphy and Seamus
Two Irish pilots, Murphy and Seamus, are flying a Ryanair Ltd. jet on its final approach at Cork Airport.
Murphy says: BuayJesus! Maury an' Josefff! Look how short this runway is.
Seamus replies: Yes, but look how fookin' wide it is!
Why didn't the approaching black hole concern the astronaut?
He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
What's the best angle to approach any challenge?
Try-Angle.
Two Hydrogens walk into a bar and spot an Oxygen
Feeling adventurous, they approach her and ask "Hey baby, can we interest you in a waterway?"
As I was approaching my driveway, I saw a big black man running away with a TV in his hands and I wondered if it was mine.
Upon entering my house, I was relieved to see that mine was at home polishing my shoes.
Who did Santa approach when he wanted to get a divorce?
The Semi colon. They're good at separating independent clauses.
3 Old ladies are sitting on a bench down at a park..
They see a man start to approach them in a long trench coat. Suddenly, he rips it open to reveal he is naked and flashes them.
The first lady had a stroke.
The second lady had a stroke.
The third one couldn't quite reach.
A police officer is doing his patrol when he sees two men arguing.
He goes to approach, when suddenly it gets physical. The first man throws a packet of sodium chloride at the second, and the second responds by throwing a bunch of 9 volts at the first.
The officer arrests them for a salt and battery.
All women want is security
They always ask for it when I approach them.
How to go through intersection in a tank
1) Approach intersection
2) Check if there is another tank coming
3) Proceed
A shy cowboy goes into a bar
*this is an old one but I'll give it a try*
...so he sees a nice looking cowgirl sitting on a bar stool. He doesn't know how to approach her so he just takes a seat somewhere else. After a while he gets an idea. He gets up, pulls out his gun, and shoots and kills everyone in the room, but her. He goes to her and says: "Now what is a nice-looking lady like yourself doing here all alone?"
How should one approach an easily startled red head?
gingerly
I approached a lesbian at a bar.
I wasn't aware she was a lesbian at the time, so I asked if she would like to go home with me.
"How rude!" she responded. "Did you just assume my sexuality? I'll have you know that I'm not interested in men!"
I'm a fairly progressive man, so I wasn't going to let her beat me at my own game.
"How rude!" I shouted, catching her attention as she walked away. "Did you just assume my gender?"
A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.
A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.
He has two in his boat when the police approach him.
The man claims he's not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he's just taking them for a swim.
"I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they come back to me."
So the police let him place the lobsters in the water and command the man to call them back.
"Call who back?"
Had a Jewish girl approach me and ask for my number...
I told her **we use names** around hereο»Ώ
Two whales walk into a bar.
They approach the bartender and the first says "WAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOHHHHOOAAAAAUAUUUAUAAAAUAAUUUUAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU."
The second whale turns to him and says, "Frank, you're drunk."
A couple is dining in a restaurant when suddenly the waitress catches the man slowly sliding under the table
She sees that the woman is not bothered by this and assumes the worst...
Thinking how to approach the situation, she slowly gets to the table and quietly tells the woman:
"Ma'am, I think your husband just slid under the table for no apparent reason"
The woman turns her head and whispers:
"You're wrong my dear, my husband just entered the restaurant..."
I approach two fat ladies in england, asking them a question
"Excuse me, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
"It's Wales, you idiot!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"
A guy gets thrown out of a bar.
Two priests approach the guy that was thrown out. He looks at the first priest and says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest shakes his head.
The guy looks at the second priest and says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The second priest also shakes his head.
"Okay, let me prove it to you." The guy walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back already?"
Got approached by a prostitute today who said she would do anything for $10
Guess who just got their car washed?
A man is resting on his death bed...
As he waits to pass on, he sees the reaper approach his bedside.
"I am the angel of deaf!" Says the reaper.
The man, confused, asks "Don't you mean the angel of death?"
"...Could you repeat that?"
A nail walks into a bar...
What would you like? The bartender asked.
And so the nail ordered many drinks. After a great many drinks the bartender went to approach the nail again and advice him to go home. To his surprise the nail was nowhere to be seen. Naturally, the bartender leaned over the counter to see the nail buried within the floorboards.
My, what's happened here? The bartender asked.
I'm hammered, the nail replied.
I learned from experience that the thing girls want most from life is security.
Anytime I approach one of them, they usually yell, Security!
My approach to sex is like the government's approach to Brexit
I go in hard and pull out when I realise I have no clue what I'm doing
A detective walked over to his car
As he made the approach, he saw a smattering of crow feces on it and said,
*"There's been a murder..."*
I like to think of Kurt Cobain as the 'Michelangelo' of Rock
Although he had a different approach to painting ceilings.
What did Grendel's girlfriend say when a dangerous canine started to approach them?
Look out, bae! A wolf!
Just came up with this, as far as I know
A man walks into a gastroenterologist's office and stops to stand just at the edge of the seating area. The receptionist waits for him to approach but he fidgets uncomfortably, staring at the wooden seats between himself and the counter. Sir, why don't you come over here so we can get you checked in? says the receptionist.
That's why I'm here, he says, I have difficulty passing stools.
The CDC is now recommending wearing TWO masks as a way to get a better seal around your nose and mouth.
It's also a good statistical approach to get the average American to wear ONE mask. (Sorry, that was a mean joke.)
A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk in a bar. As they approach the bar, they see a blood donation booth. The rabbit hops to the nurse to be the first to donate. The nurse looks at him and ask: What's your blood group?
The rabbit says: "I dunno, I think I might be a Type-O."
A flock of seagulls approach you. What do you do?
You run. You run so far away.
A rich man brings a prostitute to a fancy party
The two enter the ballroom with arms in grasp.
The man, with a new suit, clean shave, and an outrageously expensive watch, was clearly dressed to the nines.
The prostitute, barely covered and well worked, had been payed handsomely for her time.
The two approach the bar and both order a whiskey, neat; the prim proper elderly waitress responds with a putrid gasp,
I'm sorry, I cannot serve you, as this is the punch line.
What is 5 feet tall, has 22 legs and feigns death if you approach it up to two meters?
The Italy national football team.
Three men are walking in the desert.
Three men are walking in the desert, all dehydrated.
They approach a slide with an empty paddling pool beneath it with a wizard standing nearby.
Wizard: This slide is magical. When you slide down it, you can say a drink of your choosing and the paddling pool will fill up with that drink.
The first guy slides down and says "Water!" and the pool is full of water.
The second guy slides down and says "Apple Juice!" and the pool is full of apple juice.
The third guy slides down and says "Wee!"
Two polish Pilots are trying to land a plane
They approach the ground, but they really struggle with the runway. The plane nearly crashes, but they finally are able to land it.
Jesus, one pilot says. That was the shortest runway ever.
Yeah, and did you see how wide it was?
What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner?
When driving, a drunk will approach a stop sign and may speed right through it.
A stoner will actually stop... and wait for it to turn green.
Set up by a 4 year old
True story. This morning my 4 year old granddaughter asked if I new what a baby jumper was. I told told her I didn't know. So she grinned, began jumping up and down, and told me it's a baby that jumps.
Bear with me. I didn't realize her literal answer was just a set up.
She then asked me if I knew what had brown spots and ate leaves. I followed her earlier approach and said a brown spotted leaf eater?
She then really laughed and said in a gotcha voice: No silly! A giraffe!
This is Moscow Radio:
Our listeners asked us: We are told by the president that the Great Russian World is already seen at the horizon. Then, what is a horizon?
We're answering: Horizon is an imaginary line which moves away each time you approach it.
What's the best angle to approach a problem from?
A try-angle
Santa Claus, a blind guy, and an honest corporate executive approach a dollar on the sidewalk. Who picks it up first?
None of them, because the blind guy wouldn't see it, and the other two don't exist.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the approach technique jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working approach encounter piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.