Following is our collection of Approach jokes which are very funny. There are some approach townspeople jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these approach attitude puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.
"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"
"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."
As they approach the border checkpoint the wife panics..."what do I do with these?!" she exclaims while frantically fumbling the skunks
"Quick now Mary Ann, hide them under your skirt!" said the red-neck husband in between his beer chug.
"Now, now whattabout the gadaym stink?!" says Mary Ann...
"If they die, they die hunnycakes"
5th birthday of Jacob who wants to be a doctor as his parents.
His mom is a 'Ear Nose And Throat' doctor. His father is gynecologist. Guests approach Jacob with gifts asking if he want to be a 'Ear Nose And Throat' doctor as his mom or a gynecologist as his dad. Jacob thought about it a little then said: I want to be gynecologist. Why would you, they asked in astonishment. Cause I have no idea about ears and noses. Jacob replied.
...security.
....
....
....
I know because that is what they shout whenever I try and approach.
Bahdumtish
(Joke courtesy of my bf's father)
From across the room, a beautiful prostitute saw this man and began to approach him. "Hey honey, are you looking to get lucky?", she asked. To which the depressed man replied "Yes". She then announced that for $300 she would do anything he wanted, provided he could say it in three words. The depressed man agreed to this and slapped three $100 notes on the counter and with each slap he said "Paint. My. House".
A mathematician and an engineer are standing about 20 feet away from an absolutely gorgeous blonde woman who is eyeing them both seductively.
She says to them, "Every time you approach me, you may only travel half the distance between us. Will you ever reach me?"
The mathematicitian says, "No, I'd never be able to reach her."
The engineer smiles and says, "Close enough."
When the police come, they look around to see if there are any witnesses, they only see a snail on the sidewalk. The police approach the snail and ask him if he could tell them what he saw. To which the snail replied, "well, it happened so fast..."
Because sometimes I just don't want anyone to approach me for any reason at all.
You are armed with a gun and two bullets. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
I approach her and ask if she will have sex with me for a million dollars. She smiles and says "sure thing handsome" I return the smile and ask if she would have sex with me for a hundred dollars. She looks offended and says "what kind of woman do you think I am?" I say "we have already established that, I'm just negotiating the price".
"Tell me my dear, what were his final words?"
She sniffled and feebly replied.
"You don't scare me with that gun Martha, you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn!"
You can explore approach approximation reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean approach spots dad jokes. There are also approach puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
....and they see a boy approach. The priest nudges the rabbi and says, "Hey lets screw this kid." The rabbi scratches his beard and replies "out of what?"
Cuz' I could go back in time to approach you with a better pickup line than this one
A strange disk appeared in the sky. It would hover over groups of women and whistle. Whenever a man would approach it would fly away and hover over another group of women and whistle. The headline in a feminist paper read: Object Defying Women.
Girls always approach saying things like, "Hey, this is the women's locker room."
Whenever I saw a group of kids doing drugs and I asked if I could try some, they just said No!
The stranger says "That's an unusual looking dog."
You reply with "It's interbred."
Suddenly, a duck waddles up and says "Guess who else is into bread?"
To the first mother he says, "You have an addiction to sweets, as you named your daughter Candy."
To the second mother he says, "You have an addiction to gambling and money, hence your daughter is named Penny."
And before the psychologist could approach the final mother, she grabs her son by the arm and says "Come on, Richard, we're leaving."
Two French legionnaires are walking through the desert, lost, when they happen across an oasis. One turns to the other and say "look! Zat tree 'as back on eet!" In excitement they run towards the tree but as they approach bullets start striking the ground around them. As they are running off the second turns to the first and says "zat was no bacon tree, zat was an 'am bush"
So one day at a coin mint, an engineer who works there is taking a trainee for a tour and shows him how everything works. They approach the dollar-making machine. After explaining it, the Engineer says:
"Well, what do you think? Complicated?"
And the Trainee says:
"No, I completely understand it; it makes sense."
To which the Engineer replies:
"No, it makes dollars."
A Russian couple is walking in Moscow when the man feels a drop hit his nose. "It's raining," he says. "No," says his wife, "It's snowing." And they begin to argue. Finally, the man says, " Let's ask comrade Rudolph what the *official* weather is." They approach and they ask him. "It is officially raining." he says. The woman cries, "But it felt just like snow!" To which her husband says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!
Two Irish pilots, Murphy and Seamus, are flying a Ryanair Ltd. jet on its final approach at Cork Airport.
Murphy says: BuayJesus! Maury an' Josefff! Look how short this runway is.
Seamus replies: Yes, but look how fookin' wide it is!
He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
Try-Angle.
Feeling adventurous, they approach her and ask "Hey baby, can we interest you in a waterway?"
As they walk Watson keeps asking Sherlock to identify the trees they are seeing. After some time they approach a clearing and in the centre is a lone tree.
Watson asks "Sherlock what is that tree with yellow skinned fruit?"
Sherlock smiles and replies "That's a lemon tree, my dear Watson"
Upon entering my house, I was relieved to see that mine was at home polishing my shoes.
The Semi colon. They're good at separating independent clauses.
A guy is approached by a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I've got a special for you. I'll do absolutely anything you say for $400, as long as you can say it in four words." The guy pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays four one hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Do anything I say."
The TRYangle.
They see a man start to approach them in a long trench coat. Suddenly, he rips it open to reveal he is naked and flashes them.
The first lady had a stroke.
The second lady had a stroke.
The third one couldn't quite reach.
He goes to approach, when suddenly it gets physical. The first man throws a packet of sodium chloride at the second, and the second responds by throwing a bunch of 9 volts at the first.
The officer arrests them for a salt and battery.
They always ask for it when I approach them.
1) Approach intersection
2) Check if there is another tank coming
3) Proceed
*this is an old one but I'll give it a try*
...so he sees a nice looking cowgirl sitting on a bar stool. He doesn't know how to approach her so he just takes a seat somewhere else. After a while he gets an idea. He gets up, pulls out his gun, and shoots and kills everyone in the room, but her. He goes to her and says: "Now what is a nice-looking lady like yourself doing here all alone?"
gingerly
There were two women ahead of us playing very slowly.
After 5 holes, I'd had enough, and went ahead to ask if we could play through.
I soon came back with a look of terror on my face, and said it was my wife and my mistress and there was no way I could approach them and ask to play through, would he do it instead?
He went ahead, then returned and said "it's a small world, isn't it?"
I wasn't aware she was a lesbian at the time, so I asked if she would like to go home with me.
"How rude!" she responded. "Did you just assume my sexuality? I'll have you know that I'm not interested in men!"
I'm a fairly progressive man, so I wasn't going to let her beat me at my own game.
"How rude!" I shouted, catching her attention as she walked away. "Did you just assume my gender?"
A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.
He has two in his boat when the police approach him.
The man claims he's not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he's just taking them for a swim.
"I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they come back to me."
So the police let him place the lobsters in the water and command the man to call them back.
"Call who back?"
I told her **we use names** around hereο»Ώ
They approach the bartender and the first says "WAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOHHHHOOAAAAAUAUUUAUAAAAUAAUUUUAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU."
The second whale turns to him and says, "Frank, you're drunk."
She sees that the woman is not bothered by this and assumes the worst...
Thinking how to approach the situation, she slowly gets to the table and quietly tells the woman:
"Ma'am, I think your husband just slid under the table for no apparent reason"
The woman turns her head and whispers:
"You're wrong my dear, my husband just entered the restaurant..."
"Excuse me, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
"It's Wales, you idiot!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"
Two priests approach the guy that was thrown out. He looks at the first priest and says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest shakes his head.
The guy looks at the second priest and says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The second priest also shakes his head.
"Okay, let me prove it to you." The guy walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back already?"
Guess who just got their car washed?
As he waits to pass on, he sees the reaper approach his bedside.
"I am the angel of deaf!" Says the reaper.
The man, confused, asks "Don't you mean the angel of death?"
"...Could you repeat that?"
What would you like? The bartender asked.
And so the nail ordered many drinks. After a great many drinks the bartender went to approach the nail again and advice him to go home. To his surprise the nail was nowhere to be seen. Naturally, the bartender leaned over the counter to see the nail buried within the floorboards.
My, what's happened here? The bartender asked.
I'm hammered, the nail replied.
Anytime I approach one of them, they usually yell, Security!
I go in hard and pull out when I realise I have no clue what I'm doing
As he made the approach, he saw a smattering of crow feces on it and said,
*"There's been a murder..."*
Don't be scared to approach them. They're **all bark but no bite**.
Personally I play a lawful good approach, trying to stay out of trouble, but when I invite Jacob Yu over he goes full-on thief! Always breaking into homes, stealing things, getting fined and thrown in jail. I ask him on occasion if he'd prefer a different playstyle, but he simply prefers this one. So every time he comes over, I know...
It's a fine day with Yu around.
While walking down the beach a rich guy sees a gorgeous girl sunbathing and decides to approach her.
Guy: Hi, I'm Michael. I think you are absolutely stunning. Do you want to get a drink?
Girl: Oh, sorry, but I have a boyfriend.
Guy: I have a Lamborghini Veneno, few million in the bank and houses around the world.
[Girl starts crying]
Guy: Why are you crying?!
Girl: I just broke up
Although he had a different approach to painting ceilings.
Look out, bae! A wolf!
I liked a girl very much but I was afraid to approach her.One day my friend suggested to write my cellphone number on dollar bill and give it to her. I did likewise and told her it was dropped from her wallet.
The girl took it and went straight to the college cafe. She bought a burger and gave that money to the guy in the burger shop.
Now that guy from the burger shop texted me for a year asking how was the burger and when I'm coming next to the cafe.
They approach the bartender to ask for drinks and he says I'm going to need to see some ID, however, I'm an expert at detecting fake ID's, and if you have one I'm kicking you out. So he checks all 10 of their ID's, which are fake, and kicks all of them out.
Another bartender approaches and says What happened, why did you kick out all of those jokes? To which the original replies I checked to see if they had real ID's, and no pun in ten did.
A man walks into a gastroenterologist's office and stops to stand just at the edge of the seating area. The receptionist waits for him to approach but he fidgets uncomfortably, staring at the wooden seats between himself and the counter. Sir, why don't you come over here so we can get you checked in? says the receptionist.
That's why I'm here, he says, I have difficulty passing stools.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the approach technique jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working approach encounter piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.