Apprentice Jokes

Following is our collection of cadet humor and mentor one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Apprentice puns for adults, dirty apprenticeship jokes or clean anvil gags for kids.

There is an abundance of internship jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 38 funniest jokes on apprentice. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any goldman witze you can hear about apprentice.

The Best jokes about Apprentice

The blacksmith hires an apprentice

He instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.

The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith

The village blacksmith hired an enthusiastic new apprentice

His new apprentice was willing to work long, hard hours.

One day he instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.

The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith.

Three apprentice vampire bats

Three apprentice vampire bats are taken out to a farm and told to get as much blood as they can find by their teacher. 15 minutes go by and the first vampire bay returns with a little bit of blood on his teeth.
'Where did you get that blood' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? That's where I got it.' the bat replied.

Shortly after the second vampire bat returns with blood dripping from his snout.
Where did you get that blood' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? Do you see that cow beyond the chicken? That's where I got it.' the second bat replied.

Some time later the third bat returns with his whole face caked in blood.
Where did you get that blood!' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? Do you see that cow beyond the chicken? Do you see that wall beyond the cow? I didn't.'

I couldn't figure out why the season of The Apprentice I was watching was going on for so long. Each week someone gets fired, but we never seem to get down to the final winner!

Then I realized, I was just watching CNN.

Old sailors know best

The young seaman apprentice was assigned to work in the galley; he had to come in early and was tasked with all the drudge work. But the Chief cook always came in with a grin and a twinkle in his eye. The young seaman finally got the nerve to ask him how he could be so happy every day. The Chief said," Look son, you have to go out and get yourself a blow job. I do every day and I'm enjoying life".
The young seaman came in the galley the next morning and looked as glum as ever. The Chief asked him if had gotten a blow job and did he like it. The seaman replied "It was okay I guess, but I didn't like the taste."


Dang squirrels

There once was a town that was infested with squirrels. They were everywhere and got into everything. The people of the town hated it especially the miller, the blacksmith, and the priest.

One day the miller decides that enough is enough and lays out some poisoned four to kill the stupid things off. Well his apprentice mixed up the flours and he ended up having to throw out his whole stock of flour and the squirrels remained

Seeing how badly his friend had blundered with his antics, the blacksmith thinks he has a better idea. "I'll roast'm out" he says to himself and proceeds to make his forge extremely hot.... and ends up burning his shop to the ground. the squirrels remained.

The priest being fed up with the squirrels running around and ruining mass gathers up all the squirrels in one place and baptizes every one of them. Now they only come to the church on Christmas and Easter.

Once upon a time, there was a computer

Once upon a time, there was a village idiot. He excelled at doing precisely what he was told to do. However, being an idiot, he never questioned his orders.

His parents convinced the village blacksmith to apprentice the idiot.

The blacksmith explains to the idiot, "Grab a rod with these tongs, and put it on the anvil, and I'll hit it with this hammer." The idiot puts the rod on the anvil OK, but it's at the wrong angle. The blacksmith realizes his instructions were a little vague on that point, and he tries giving clearer directions. But it's no use -- he can't explain it precisely enough for the idiot to hold the rod just right.

So the blacksmith says, "Let's change jobs -- **I'll** position the rod and **you** hit it with the hammer." The instant the blacksmith touches the rod to the anvil, before even he has a chance to position it properly, the idiot starts hammering away at the rod.

Frustrated, the blacksmith thinks to himself -- how can he phrase this so there's NO POSSIBLE WAY the idiot can screw up? Aha!

The blacksmith says: "I am going to put the rod on the anvil -- **do not** hit it. When I nod my head, you hit it."

An old blacksmith ...

... realised that soon he would not be able to work so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard."
Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.

So a novice monk is copying texts...

So a novice monk is copying texts in a monastery. As he diligently works, get get's to thinking, "Hmm, if I just copy my master's work, and he just copied his master's work, and his master just copied them from his master, and so on, then what if there was a mistake? Wouldn't the mistake just be propagated with each new apprentice?" Finally, this thought gets to be too much, so he goes to the Abbot of the monastery. After tell the Abbot what he thinks, the Abbot says, "Wow, that's quite a weight on your mind. Let me go check the archives so I can prove that there is no mistake." The monk doesn't see the abbot again for several hours, but when he does, the Abbot rushes up and shouts, "Ahhh! We've made a horrible mistake!" "What is it?!" replied the monk. "There is a word changed," said the Abbot, "it's supposed to say 'celebrate!'"

A Blacksmith in Ancient Palestine asks his Apprentice, "where are the nails?"

Once in Ancient Palestine a Blacksmith walks into his shop one morning to find his apprentice sharpening blades and kindling the forge. As the Blacksmith searched the shelves he couldn't find the nails. He asked his apprentice, "I've been searching for them all morning. Where are the nails?"



The Apprentice looked up solemnly and replied, "They're in God's hands now."

What did the Sewage Worker say to his apprentice?

Urine for a surprise.
^^^^^sorry


What to watch on TV tonight

A few days ago, I was watching George Michael videos. A couple of days ago, it was a Star Wars marathon. Tonight? The Apprentice.

What do you call a cold apprentice?

A Wintern

A man walks into a barber shop every day and asks the barber what time he closes shop.

He never gets a cut. Only asks. The barber grows frustrated and asks his apprentice to follow the man after he asks to see who he is and why he might be asking. The apprentice returns shortly after. The barber asks "well, where did he go?" The apprentice replies "your house."

A man goes to a barbershop...

Asks the barber, what time do you close today? Barber says 4:30 and the man walks off. Man comes in the next day asks what time the barber closes shop, barber says 5 o'clock and the man walks off. This goes on for some time and one day the barber sends an apprentice to follow the man. The apprentice gets back. Barber asks "well who is this guy where does he walk off to every time" apprentice says "your place"

Instruction

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad: When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil, and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.

The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he's the village blacksmith.

Everybody knows about Trumps reality show, "the Apprentice." But, did you know about Hillary's show?

"the Biggest Loser."

How will Trump select his cabinet?

The Apprentice: the White House

Contestants will compete in a series of challenges aspiring to positions in Trump's cabinet all televised for your viewing pleasure on NBC.

What did the cancerous contractor say to his apprentice?

Avoid the insulation asbestos you can.


A cook's apprentice is throwing copious amounts of herbs into the dish

When the cook walks in and says "STOP WASTING MY THYME"

Psychic Apprentice is ready!

Psychic Apprentice: I'm ready to open my own shop. I quit.

Psychic: I knew this day would come.

What did the alphabet master say when his apprentice dropped his vowels?

I've got my I on U.

What did the chef say to her apprentice after he cut the apples perfectly?

Knife Job! :D

Hit it on the head

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.

The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he's the village blacksmith.

What did the electrician say to reassure his apprentice?

You conduit!

Based on Trump's History, if elected, he is likely to get divorced and remarried while in the White House

It will be "Marriage Apprentice" White House Edition

I went to see Rogue One the day Carrie Fisher died

I think I'm going to go watch The Apprentice

A guitarist traveled back in time to the Medieval Ages and became an apprentice to a noble knight

He was a squier.

A gardener looks at his petunias & says to his foxy French apprentice...

WATER THOSE!!!!!!!

I want Trump to win the presidential election

We would be able to see a celebrity apprentice with only congressmen and women. It would be nice to see them work for a change.

The Apprentice

I wish that "The Apprentice" version of Donald Trump still existed;
he'd be like:

"America,

you're fired."

At my first job as an apprentice baker...

...my boss was constantly rushing me, and I thought it negatively affected the quality of the bread we were putting on the shelves. I always suspected that if we just had a little bit of time between shaping the dough and putting it into the oven, the resulting loaf would be so much better.

But I could never prove it.

I sent the apprentice out to get some tea bags..

The kid asked, "What type?"

To which I said, "Get some C. U. N. Tea."

He was gone for quite a while and came back with a black eye but no tea.

What did the dumb Electrical Apprentice say to the journeyman?

I conduit

Why did Darth Sidious choose Vader for Anakin's Sith name?

So when he got an apprentice he would be called MasterVader.

What did the giant prostitution say to their apprentice?

You will always live in my shadow, literally and metawhorically

A blacksmith is stressed

So he goes into his shop and starts holding a sword straight against the grindstone. His apprentice comes in and asks
"What are you doing?"

"Oh just taking the edge off"

Do you smell gas?

A plumber and his apprentice are working on a house when the plumber turns and says

"do you smell gas?"

The apprentice replies - "no, I can't even smell my own name"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes