Apprehension Jokes
23 apprehension jokes and hilarious apprehension puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about apprehension that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Apprehension Short Jokes
Short apprehension jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The apprehension humour may include short jokes also.
- I'm very apprehensive about getting my hair cut by a Jamaican barber. In fact, I'm dreading it.
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Apprehension One Liners
Which apprehension one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with apprehension? I can suggest the ones about and .
- What do you give an apprehensive person with bad breath? An encourage mint.
- My girlfriend screamed at me and said I'm too apprehensive. Should I leave her?
- What do you call an apprehensive cannibal? Hannibble.
- What do you call an apprehensive squash? *Butternut.....*
Apprehension Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about apprehension you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make apprehension pranks.
Getting Married!
A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form.....
The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease...
When they came to the question, "Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?".....
There was a long pause. Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said, "Put down 'Yes.'"
Education
As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night time exercises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation. "Scared, Lieutenant? ", I asked. He replied, "No, just a bit apprehensive. "I asked, "What's the difference? "He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education. "
A guy and a girl are set up on a blind date…
… despite some apprehension they both hit it off and agree to a second date.
Date two comes and there's even more fireworks, ending with a kiss goodnight.
Finally, a third date comes and at the end she invites him inside to spend the night.
As they're fooling around, she says If we're going to go to bed together, theres probably something you should know. When I was a little girl I was in an accident and I lost both my feet, so both my feet are prosthetic .
Slightly taken aback, the guy says I'm really sorry, I like you a lot. But if that's the case we can't be together .
Obviously very upset, she asks Why?! Are you a bigot or something?!
No he replies I'm lack-toes intolerant .
It's isn't rocket science
A patient on the dentist's chair was scared and quite apprehensive about the procedure he was going to undergo.
He asks a lot of questions and details from the dentist.
The dentist says, reassuringly:
"Relax, it's not brain surgery....Unless I slip."
The ladder to success
One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before.
Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying there on a cloud.
She spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing. He came upon another level of clouds, and found a thinner, cuter woman than before.
She also spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry saw that his luck was changing and so continued his climb. On another level of clouds, he found a rather attractive woman with not so bad of a figure.
She stated, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry really liked his advantage now! He climbed quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level, he found a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud.
"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she huskily whispered. Harry couldn't believe his eyes, but his greed caught the best of him. He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar.
Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him. He looks over to see a 400-pound, 6'8" hairy biker looking guy with tattoos. The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward Harry.
Apprehensively, Harry whispers, "Who are you?"
The biker answers, "I'm Cess".
From Sickipedia
My girlfriend showed me the positive pregnancy test with an apprehensive look in her eyes. "We are keeping it, aren't we?"
"Why?" I asked, surprised. "I thought you can use them only once"
Ladies and gentlemen, if there's anybody here this afternoon who's feeling nervous, apprehensive and queasy at the thought of what lies ahead, it's probably because you have just got married to (NAME).
A woman just had twins, a boy and a girl, and she hasn't decided yet what to name them.
Coincidentally her long lost uncle from Russia has just come into town. The mother decides, because it's such a special occasion she should let her uncle name them. After hearing the news, the uncle stating 'what a special honor it is,' decides he needs some time to think of the perfect names. Finally he comes back with the 'perfect names'. First he says 'the girl will be called Denise'. 'Wow that's a great name' the new mother says, feeling at first a little apprehensive about what he might name them. 'What's the boys name?' 'Obviously' says the uncle 'he will be called Denephew.'
Automated robot car
A man ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.
He got the car and started sending it on errands. He became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.
One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school as she was very tired.
The man agreed and said to the car; Car, go and bring my children from school.
The car went and didn't return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong.
Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive.
He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station. As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children.
The car parked right in front of them and said; "These are your children sir". In the car were their Landlady's two daughters, their choir mistress's two sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their pastor's son and their neighbours two sons.
The Wife said; Don't tell me all these are your children ?.
The man asked her calmly; Can you first tell me why our children are not in the car?. ...
Missing
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. 'Hello?'
'Is your daddy home?' He asked.
'Yes,' whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?'
The child whispered, 'No.'
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mummy there?' 'Yes'
'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, 'No'
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'
'Yes,' whispered the child, 'a policeman.'
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'
'No, he's busy,' whispered the child.
'Busy doing what?'
'Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman,' came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'
'A helicopter' answered the whispering voice.
'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered,
'The search team just landed a helicopter'
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...
'ME.'
A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator...
...and the bartender says, "Hey! Get that thing outta here!"
The guy says, "Wait, wait, he's totally harmless. I've had this alligator since he was a baby and I've trained him to be completely under my control."
Dubious, the bartender says, "I don't know if I believe you, and I think it will still scare my customers, so please just leave."
"Listen," the man says. "If I can prove it to you and everyone in here that this alligator is completely harmless, will you let me stay and have a drink?"
So the bartender agrees, albeit a bit apprehensively, not sure what the man has in mind. The man then commands the alligator to open its mouth and the beast does. The man then sticks his head inside the alligator's gaping maw, and the crowd gasps, but the alligator doesn't bite down. Finally, the man pounds his fist on the top of the alligator's head three times and still the animal's jaws remain open.
The man removes his head from the alligator's mouth and says, "See, he's completely harmless. In fact, I can do this trick with anyone! Who here wants to give this a try?"
A blonde stands up in the back of the bar and says, "Okay, I'll give it a shot, but please don't hit me on the head that hard."
A Wife goes to her husband for help
She asks him what she needs to do to inform her very sensitive niece that she is getting fat without hurting her feelings. So the husband says we should go to the store and get a talking scale so that it can inform her on how big she is getting without out it coming from her. So they go to the store and find the perfect one and takes it home to try it out, first the wife gets on the scale says "129, 129". Then the husband gets on and its says 239, 239. They agree that its perfect so they take it to her niece and tells her to try it out, she is apprehensive but agrees, once she gets on the scale says "One at a time, One at a time"
A employee didn't show up for work
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers,he dialled the employee's cell phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman"
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," the whisper answered.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter." answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the helicopter."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle. "ME.!!:)
Blonde Research Study
An American research firm is tasked with conducting a study to determine if blonde women truly are less intelligent than everyone else. To do this, they host a convention for blonde women at an airport Hilton. At the orientation meeting, the chief researcher greets the crowd in a large banquet room. "Thank you all so very much for coming", the researcher remarks. "We'll have a number of seminars and activities in which you will all participate this weekend, but to get things started, I'd like to select one of you to come up on stage and answer a few math questions as a bit of an icebreaker".
A voluptuous young blonde woman is selected to come on stage, and so begins the researcher's questions. "What is 30 + 40?", asks the researcher. "Ummmmm....80?", responds the blonde. Upon hearing the answer, the crowd shouts "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE".
The researcher, playing along, replies "Alright alright. What is 15 + 15?". The blonde, a bit hesitant now to embarrass herself again, replies, albeit a bit apprehensively "Uhhhhhh...40??". The crowd, eager to support this poor woman, shouts once again "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE".
The researcher, now chuckling at the apparent ineptitude of the woman onstage with him, replies "Ok ok ok one last shot. What is 2 + 2?". The woman's demeanor immediately picks up, as she's certain she knows the answer this time. Confidently, she responds "Four!". Immediately, the crowd again shouts "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE".