Appreciated Jokes
58 appreciated jokes and hilarious appreciated puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about appreciated that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Appreciated Short Jokes
Short appreciated jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The appreciated humour may include short appreciates jokes also.
- Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.
- I tried to be an Uber driver... Trouble is, my passengers didn't appreciate when I went the extra mile.
- TodayI discovered that Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate halloween... I guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their doors
- Do you know why I don't make fat jokes? Because they wouldn't be appreciated by the wider audience.
- "Do you know why I don't make fat jokes?" "No. Why?"
"Because they wouldn't be appreciated by the wider audience." - Why do they call # hashtag and not pound Because feminists wouldn't appreciate PoundMeToo movement.
- I had posted this on Clean Jokes, just thought you guys would appreciate it. So, The Past, Present, and Future all walk into a bar
It was tense. - When my child tells me she's thirsty (firsty) I tell her cool I'm secondy. She does not appreciate the joke. Neither does anyone else.
- How do people lose their kids at the mall? Seriously, any tips would be greatly appreciated...
- What's the difference between your boss and your girlfriend? Your girlfriend appreciates when you come late.
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Appreciated One Liners
Which appreciated one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with appreciated? I can suggest the ones about thanked and grateful.
- What I want written on my tombstone: "Not appreciating puns was a grave mistake"
- I appreciate you guys for explaining the word "many" It means a lot
- I bought my wife a book on Mindfulness... ... but she didn't appreciate the present.
- I spotted an albino Dalmatian yesterday He was not very appreciative of it though
- my friends gave me dirt for my birthday I really appreciated the sediment
- Vegans don't appreciate my dad jokes Probably because they are so cheesy.
- Why do pirates like to watch boxing? Because they can all appreciate a strong right hook.
- Why do vaccinated people don't appreciate a Covid joke They usually just don't get it
- Women are like computers. You never really appreciate them until they go down on you.
- Appreciated This joke is under appreciated
- Ladies; if he can't appreciate your fruit puns It's time to let this mango.
- Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes… You need to let that mango.
- Why does the dog not appreciate being called fat? Because he's just a little Husky.
- I've just released my own fragrance Nobody else in the elevator appreciated it
- When I read haikus, I don't appreciate them.
I count syllables.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Appreciated Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about appreciated you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean welcomed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make appreciated pranks.
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies,
"No, just leave it in the carton! "
P. S. thanks for the 4 people who sort by new. appreciate it.
poor guy.
The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries...
Until I unpacked them all & said, "That's how I want you to do it."
The gift.
Knowing that the minister had a very sore t**..., an elderly woman presented him with a bottle of cherry brandy.
"This is quite soothing, the woman said, "but please don't tell anyone I gave you liquor. Everyone thinks I am teetotaler."
"I understand," replied the good man.
When the church magazine came out a few days later, the congregant skimmed the "With Appreciation" column. There she read: "The minister extends his thanks to Mrs. Alice Rodgers for her gift of fruit and the spirit in which it was given."
An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery.
But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".
Woman greets mailman at her mailbox, invites him in, they make passionate love, then she makes him a lunch fit for a king and then hands him a $1 bill.
Flabbergasted mailman says: "My goodness that was outstanding, wonderful, thank you, I really appreciate it. May I ask why you did all this for me?"
Woman says: "I told my husband you were retiring and suggested we do something for you and he said "screw the mailman, give him a dollar", the lunch was my idea."
Two cats are swimming across a river
One is called "One Two Three" the other is called "Un Deux t**...." Which cat survives?
"One Two Three"
because un deux t**... cat sank
Disclaimer; not original, just saw it online and thought you'd all appreciate
The Artist
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display. "Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news
is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The gentleman was your doctor."
I like my women how I like my coffee:
Diluted and festooned with so much sweet, pretty b**... I feel like a fraud for liking them at all, yet possessed of an underlying bitterness and complexity that I secretly fear I will never truly understand or appreciate.
What do the Special Olympics and a h**... have in common?
You appreciate the effort but you could do it better.
I got banned from donating clothes to the local orphanage
Apparently they don't appreciate Batman costumes......
I wanted to show appreciation to my new girlfriend's f**.... Little did I know the woman in the bed was her sister..
I got off on the wrong foot.
My wife sorted out some clothes she no longer wears, I said what are you going to do with them? she replied give them to charity, I said why don't you just throw them away, she replied, there are a lot of starving women out there that will appreciate them.
I replied, anyone that fits into your clothes are definitely not starving.
The doctor gave me a Rorschach test and asked, "what do you see?"
I answered, "I see an old, sad, overworked man, tired of doing the same thing over and over, only visited when others need something from him, and never being appreciated enough".
"I appreciate your honesty", said the doctor, "but I meant, what do you see *on the picture*?
Ever since my wife has been seeing a therapist, we're having s**... much more often.
My wife says it's because the therapist has helped her appreciate the little things in life.
Did you know there are tents surviving that Genghis Khan used to sleep in? I just scored one on eBay!
Thought you would appreciate my original Kahn tent.
I chose a glass coffin for my father's f**..., but I'm not sure the family will appreciate it.
Remains to be seen.
Sean Connery arrives at a grand hotel ready for filming the next day
The director meets him, and is delighted "great to see you, Sean, its an honour to have you join us for this project" he says.
"The pleasure is mine" Sean replies, "though it's been a long drive and I'm tired. Is my room ready?"
"Of course, of course, I have your key right here", he says handing over the key. "I appreciate its quite late so we'll have a bit of a later start tomorrow. Are you happy to meet us in the lobby for ten-ish?"
"Tennish?" asks Sean, "but I didn't even bring my racket!"
... An old joke in honor of the great man.
Sat down in a restaurant to eat dinner last night, and the waiter asked if I'd like to hear today's special.
I said yeah
He said, today is special.
I said, I can appreciate a good dad joke, but can you tell me about the menu please.
The waiter slams his notebook down on the table, and says, sir the men I please is my own private business.
**EDIT**
Thank you for the awards!!
Reality vs LinkedIn
Reality:
I got my driving license
Linkedin:
I am honored and thrilled to announce that I have been selected among the top 5 applicants who participated in professional and the most-respected exam which evaluates the skills and ability to operate fuel-based vehicles. I cannot wait to see what the next chapter holds, and I cannot express my appreciation to the ministry of transportation, Wendy's, Google, NASA, my neighbors who supported me during this difficult journey.
"Dad, are you planning on getting me a gift for my birthday?"
"Of course, but your mother and I would like to get you something you will enjoy, what is it you want?"
"Well, crypto is hot - how about a Bitcoin."
"A Bitcoin? Sheesh, those things cost $45,237! Do you know how long it takes me to earn $31,479? Some day you'll have a job yourself and have a better appreciation of how much $63,981 is on a pre-tax basis! I don't understand what you're going to do with a $26,109 bitcoin anyway.
Pick something else - $4,807 for a bitcoin is more than we were going spend."
I swapped the wrappers around on my wife's Halloween candy.
She didn't appreciate the joke at all. Now she's got her Snickers in a Twix over it.
What do libertarians and house cats have in common?
They both act like they are independent and self sufficient but in reality are utterly dependent on a system they can neither appreciate nor understand.
How is working the fry station at McDonald's like studying Plato and Aristotle?
You really learn to appreciate ancient grease.
Frank Sinatra was dining out one night when a high school lad came up to his table.
Mr. Sinatra," said the teen-age boy, my name is Bernie Rosenberg. Would you please do me a favor?
What kind of favor? Sinatra asked.
"Well, I'm here with my girl and I want to make a good impression on her. I certainly would appreciate it if you would drop by my table and say 'Hi, Bernie!'
OK, kid, I'll try, said the singer, smiling.
A little later he dropped by the boy's table, and said, Hi, Bernie!
The boy looked up at him and snapped, Don't bother me now, Frankie. Can't you see I'm busy?
What did Daddy Plane say to his Son when he refused to land?
I don't appreciate your altitude right now,
Hoping to find some appreciation for my impressive wit here, since I got zero when I offered it up earlier.
My kids were at the lake making movies on their iPad with their cousins. I saw they were all doing some silly dances, and I asked if they were making a scary movie. They said no, it's a family movie. I responded with, oh, I just thought since your dance moves were so killer. Crickets. No respect.
What is the Roman Empire?
In the heart of the bustling Roman Empire, there was a philosopher known for his wisdom, humor, and the ability to make light of the most complex issues. One day, a curious citizen confronted him, asking "What exactly is the Roman Empire?"
The philosopher paused for a moment before saying, "Imagine a man trying to wrestle a lion. The man is strong and well-prepared, but he is, after all, merely a man. The lion is wild, ferocious, and barely within his control. Yet, the man does not back down; he dives headfirst into the tangle, figuring out how to tackle it as he goes along. That, my friend, is the Roman Empire."
The citizen blinked and asked, "So, we're the man in this scenario, right? Struggling against the fierce lion that is the vast world?"
"No, not exactly," chuckled the philosopher. "You see, the man is the Roman Empire, always seeking to overcome, control, and rule, even when the odds seem overwhelming. The lion, rather, represents the infinite sea of cultures, lands, and people that the Empire constantly tangles with."
"But what if the lion eventually wins?" queried the citizen, now intrigued.
"Well," the philosopher answered with a mischievous glint in his eye, "Then the joke's on us, isn't it?"
The gathered crowd erupted into laughter, appreciating the wit and wisdom tied into the punchline. After all, understanding the Roman Empire didn't just involve historical facts and figures; sometimes, it was just about appreciating the irony!
