The Best 76 Appointment Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Appointment jokes. There are some appointment confirmation jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these appointment doctor puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Appointment Jokes and Puns

A fantastic joke from local English comedian Tony Wallace

A man rings his gran and asks how her doctor's appointment went.

"He hit on you? No Gran, I'm sure he was just being nice."

A few seconds pause.

"No Gran, he said you had acute angina."

Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party

and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".

A man had an appointment at the sperm bank.

He never came.

A man and wife are lying in bed...

The man says "hey honey, do you want to make love?"

She says "normally I would, but I have an appointment with my gynecologist in the morning, and that seems like it would be gross."

The man says "I understand" and rolls over.

After a few moments, the man rolls back over and asks "when's your next dentist appointment?"

jokes about appointment

A young woman is at her doctor's appointment...

...When the doctor returns, after having run some tests.

"Ma'am," He says, "I've got your results, and it appears that you are pregnant." The woman appears shocked.

"What!? You've got to be..."

She pauses for a moment.

"...Kid-in-me."

----

After a a few moments of her giggling turn into silence, the doctor replies "Did you seriously get pregnant just to say that joke?"

The woman says "It was totally birth it."


Why did Al Gore have to schedule a dentist appointment?

Because of an inconvenient tooth.

A man has an appointment with a urologist.

The man is sitting on the examination table when the Urologist walks in. The urologist glances at the man's medical history, makes a few notes and then says: "Look, I hate to break it to you, but you have to stop masturbating."

The man frowns and says, "Why, Doc?"

The urologist responds: "So I can examine you."

Appointment joke, A man has an appointment with a urologist.

A few minutes ago while I was lifeguarding, an old lady told me that I looked like a lion pacing back and forth.

Now I'm nervous for my dentist appointment on Thursday.

My wife came back really upset from her doctor's appointment

-What did he say my love?
-He said we cannot have sex for at least a month...
-How that?
-He is on vacation in Barbados for a month...

A man rushes into a psychiatrist's office and shouts "Doctor, you have to help me! I think I'm invisible."

The shrink looks at his appointment schedule and says "I'm sorry, I can't see you right now."

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife.

She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

You can explore appointment 9am reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean appointment checkup dad jokes. There are also appointment puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


So my friend had some issue with his hearing....

My friend was having some issues with his hearing, so he booked a doctor's appointment. The doctor checked him over and had a look in his ears. The doctor said "okay. So, describe the symptoms". My friend said "well, there's homer. He's the dad. And there's Marge, she's got big blue hair..."

I made an appointment but it was cancelled.

It was ... disappointing.

One Night, as a couple lay down to bed,

the husband gently starts rubbing his wife on the arm. The wife turned over and said "Sorry honey, I have an OBGYN appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

Dejected and rejected, the hubby tries to sleep. After a while he turns over to his wife and says "Do you have a dentist's appointment too?"

I went for a job interview

I went for a job interview last Tuesday and was asked to describe myself in three words.

"Violent when disappointed," I replied.

I hope to get the appointment letter on Monday.

So a man went to a doctor's appointment...

The doctor said, "I have bad news and worse news."

The man asked, "Oh, what is it?"

The doctor frowned, " You have only 24 hours to live."

The man was in shock. "And what's the worse news? Surely it can't get any worse!"

The doctor frowned again. "I was supposed to tell you yesterday."

Appointment joke, So a man went to a doctor's appointment...

If a mentally challenged midget is late to an appointment...

... can you justifiably call them "a little tardy"?

Doctor's appointment.

Janet: I have a doctor's appointment today but I really don't want to go… 

Adam: Just call in sick then.

My doctor checked my prostate last week

It was the worst dentist appointment of my life.


My psychiatrist says I have an unhelathy preoccupation with revenge.

He's sooooo gonna regret saying that at my next appointment.

I tried to schedule an appointment at the library.

They were overbooked.

What's the most popular time to schedule a dentist appointment?

Tooth hurty.

Husband and wife get into bed for sleeping

And the husband turns to wife and starts making out.

Wife says "don't start now, I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow morning so I need to keep it clean".

Husband disappointed, rolls around and tries to go to sleep.

In a few minutes, he rolls back and asks "do you have a dentist's appointment tomorrow too?"

A blonde calls the doctor to cancel her appointment.

"Im going to have to cancel my appointment", says the blonde.
"Why?", asks the doctor.
"I'm not feeling well...", responds the blonde.

I called the Doctors to schedule an appointment...

Me: I need a doctor's appointment...

Receptionist: Ok [checks bookings] how about 10 tomorrow?...

Me: No, I don't need that many

A doctor's appointment

A man goes to the doctor complaining about back pain and the doctor notices the man's terrible posture.

"Do you have any ideas as to why you have such awful posture?" asks the doctor.

"Well", replies the man, "I've got a hunch."

Appointment joke, A doctor's appointment

I couldn't schedule an appointment today at my local library

Apparently they're fully booked

"Alright, I need a doctors appointment tommorow."

The receptionist asks, "Ok, how about 10 tommorow?"

To which I reply, "I don't need that many."

I told my therapist that I've been having suicidal tendencies.

He made me start paying in advanced after that appointment...


How do you cancel an appointment with a sperm bank?

Tell them you can't come.

A wife has a gynecologist appointment tomorrow

A husband and wife were lying in bed. Getting in the mood, he started caressing her to turn her on.

"Sorry," she said, "I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to make sure I'm fresh and undisturbed before she inspects me."

He rolled over, feeling a little disappointed.

A moment later, he rolls back over and says, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow?"

A man walks in to a medical clinic and asks to see a doctor. The receptionist makes him an appointment. How about 10 tomorrow?

Man: I don't need that many .

I cancelled my doctor's appointment recently

I was disappointed

My wife suggested to spice things up with roleplaying.

I asked her what she had in mind.

Doctor and patient roleplaying she said. I'll be the doctor.

Sounds good to me! I said.

So she went to the bedroom and I waited in the hall.
I knocked on the door and hear her say: Do you have an appointment?

Well, no...

Then please wait in the waiting room

She was building up tension.

I hope my neighbor is okay tho, he had the 1 pm appointment and has been in there for hours now.


Why did the fetishist come so quickly?

He had an appointment and was in a furry.

Had a colonoscopy the other day,

Worst dentist appointment I've ever had.

A man walks into the doctors office...

Man: Hi, I'd like to make an appointment.

Receptionist: How about 10 tomorrow?

Man: No thanks, I don't need that many

A WWII veteran goes to a doctor's appointment

An old veteran sits down in the doctor's office for his check up. As usual, the doctor goes through the necessary questions.

"Okay," says the doc, "when's the last time you were sexually active?"

"1946," says the veteran.

"Oh. It's been a while, huh?"

The veteran shrugs and checks his watch. "Not really. It's only 2135."

A man is at the doctor

A man is at a follow up appointment at the doctor. The doctor walks in and says I'm sorry, but I've got bad news and worse news.

Start with the worse news, says the man.

You've got cancer, the doctor starts.

Caught off guard, the man replies okay, what's the bad news?

You also have Alzheimer's, says the doctor.

Well at least I don't have cancer, says the man.

Why did the dolphin go to the dentist?

He had an appointment.

I walked into my doctors appointment and he said pick a star sign. I said Capricorn

He said no you've got Cancer

I think my optometrist is evil. When I went for an appointment he came out to the waiting room and shouted:

You'll see! You'll all see!

My friend and I had arranged a meeting to insult each other but he didn't show up

It was a diss appointment

I called for a doctor's appointment today...

The receptionist said, "Alright, how about 10 tomorrow?

I replied, "No thanks, I don't need that many

A man went to the doctor

"I have some bad news and some very bad news," the doctor said.

"Let me know the bad news first," said the man.

"You have 24 hours to live," replied the doctor.

"Oh no! What is the very bad news then?"

"I forgot to tell you that on yesterday's appointment."

Husband comes home from his doctor's appointment telling his wife that he has a prescription for daily sex.

She grabs the script and says 'Nice try, this for dyslexia' !!!

Was always of the opinion that bad posture didn't pose a threat to my physical well-being.

But after an appointment with my physiotherapist, I stand corrected.

I really screwed up asking my doctor to get tested for Alzheimer's.

I forgot my appointment. Doctor said I failed the test.

I've got an appointment with my psychic next week....

but she's just phoned me to say that I can't make it.

Hack for when you don't what to go to the doctor

She: I have a doctor's appointment today but I really don't want to go ….

He: Just call in sick then.

A doctor has an appointment

A doctor has an appointment with 3 of his crazy patient to see if they are doing any better.

He asks the first one: "3 times 4 ?"

"1484"

Wrong. Disappointed, he asks the second one the same thing: "3 times 4 ?"

"Wednesday"

Wrong again, he asks the same thing to the third one: "3 times 4?"

The third one immediately answers "12".

The doctor is surprised that the last one got it right: "Wow, how did you get to that answer?"

"It was easy", says the last one. "I divided 1484 by wednesday".

Today at my appointment the doctor grabbed my balls, and told me to cough.

I should probably find another dentist.

A Joke

A guy goes to the doctors office for an appointment...

The doctors starts off with bad news,

Doctor: (to the patient) Ok, I have two bits of bad news.

Patient: Ok what is it?

Doctor: One, you have Cancer.

Patient: Oh god no that's pretty bad! What's number two?

Doctor: Two is, you have Alzheimer's.

Patient: Well good God, at least I don't have cancer.

A secretary tells the therapist "you have a new patient here"

Secretary: He wants you to help him because he believes he's invisible. He doesn't have an appointment, though.

Therapist: "No appointment?! Tell him I can't see him."

You miss 100% of the shots

If you forget your doctor's appointment.

Death

Told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for next Tuesday.

A stationery store was broken into. Box files, wall calendars and appointment diaries were stolen.

Police suspect highly organised crime.

What kind of appointment lowers your self- esteem?

Disappointment

A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?"

The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five-year-old woman, I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five-year-old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

Patient: I need a doctors appointment please. Receptionist: Ok, how about 10 tomorrow?

Patient: No, I don't need that many.

A man and his wife are having troubles in the bed room.

He can't get the engine started and when he does she doesn't want to drive it home. One day the call and schedule a meeting with a specialist. They spare no expense and get the best guy money can buy. On the day of their appointment the husband and wife each get pulled into meetings right before they are supposed to leave. They call each other and the husband says "we should call and tell them about how we won't make it" and the wife says.

"Why bother, he already knows we're not coming".

I was so excited about how well my psychiatry appointment went

But when I got home, I couldn't find any of my roommates to tell them

I was late to my urology appointment today

When I walked in, the receptionist said urine trouble

Told my husband I want to be cremated.

He made me an appointment for Tuesday.

The new Joker went to see a doctor for his mental health, but didn't make an appointment.

It was a Joaquin.

A man goes to a doctor because he always sees bugs that playing soccer through his eyes

Doctor: "So we need an MRI scan. We couid make you an appointment next sunday".
The patient seems surprised: "Are you nuts? Sunday is the finals".

Husband and wife are in bed and the husband starts in on the foreplay.

She stops him and says even though she wants to, she can't tonight. Why not asks the husband. Cause I have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow and I want to be nice and fresh.

Alright says the husband. He sits there for a moment and then says.

Well you ain't going to the dentist tomorrow are ya?

I'm a 21-year-old multimillionaire. Here's how I did it.

1. I get up at 5:00 AM every day
2. I run for an hour before breakfast
3. Afterward, I take a cold shower to wake me up.
4. Journaling is key. You never know when you might need to remember something.
5. Always write down an appointment as soon as you get it.
6. My dad owns a Fortune 500 company.
7. I meditate every day

What's the best time for a dentist appointment?

Tooth hurty

Superman has to make a doctor appointment...

The doctor is baffled when he walks into the patient room and finds THE Superman sitting on the bench.

"Erm... hello Superman, what seems to be the problem? I'm going to be honest I didn't realize that the man of steel needed to go to the doctor.."

Clearly uncomfortable Superman lowers his gaze and sighs..
"Doc, this is a little embarrassing but it burns when I see..."

What time is your dentist appointment?

2:30, like tooth hurty!!!! 🤣😂🤣😂

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated.

She made an appointment for Tuesday.

I told my gf I want to be cremated

she made an appointment *next* **Thursday**.

I told my wife I have a dentist appointment. She asked me what time and I said…

Tooth hurty

I called the dentist office to set up an appointment for next Wednesday.

The clerk asked, "2:30?"

I replied, "Yes very much."

Maurice is 70 years old and makes an appointment to see his doctor. His doctor asks him a few questions.

His doctor asks him a few questions: "Do you have any problems urinating?"

Maurice replies "No, Doctor. It's very regular, every morning at 7am."

"And what about your bowel movements?"

Maurice replies "They're fine also, Doctor. Every morning at 8am."

"So then why did you come to see me?"

"I don't wake up until 9am"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the appointment nominate jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working appointment resignation piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes