The Best 75 Appointment Jokes

Following is our collection of Appointment jokes which are very funny. There are some appointment confirmation jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these appointment doctor puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Appointment Jokes and Puns

Me: I have a 1:30 appointment with my doctor.

Nurse: which doctor?

Me: No, just a regular doctor.

A fantastic joke from local English comedian Tony Wallace

A man rings his gran and asks how her doctor's appointment went.

"He hit on you? No Gran, I'm sure he was just being nice."

A few seconds pause.

"No Gran, he said you had acute angina."

Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party

and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".

A man had an appointment at the sperm bank.

He never came.

A man and wife are lying in bed...

The man says "hey honey, do you want to make love?"

She says "normally I would, but I have an appointment with my gynecologist in the morning, and that seems like it would be gross."

The man says "I understand" and rolls over.

After a few moments, the man rolls back over and asks "when's your next dentist appointment?"

A young woman is at her doctor's appointment...

...When the doctor returns, after having run some tests.

"Ma'am," He says, "I've got your results, and it appears that you are pregnant." The woman appears shocked.

"What!? You've got to be..."

She pauses for a moment.



After a a few moments of her giggling turn into silence, the doctor replies "Did you seriously get pregnant just to say that joke?"

The woman says "It was totally birth it."

The appointment.

Jack wakes up one morning next to Jill. He's feeling amorous and starts caressing her and tugging at her pyjama bottoms. She groans and says, "oh... not now, honey. You know I have a gynecologist appointment this morning...." Jack rolls over resignedly. After a few minutes he turns back toward her and says, "umm... you don't have a dentist appointment, do you?"

Rorschach Test

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office for his first appointment. After the initial interview, the shrink decides to ease the man into the process with a simple inkblot test. After a few minutes, however, the shrink calls a halt.

"I think its fairly clear at this point that we're dealing with an Oedipus Complex." says the shrink.

"*I'VE* got an Oedipus Complex?!?" the man bursts out, "*You're* the one with all these pictures of my parents having sex!"

Why did Al Gore have to schedule a dentist appointment?

Because of an inconvenient tooth.

A man has an appointment with a urologist.

The man is sitting on the examination table when the Urologist walks in. The urologist glances at the man's medical history, makes a few notes and then says: "Look, I hate to break it to you, but you have to stop masturbating."

The man frowns and says, "Why, Doc?"

The urologist responds: "So I can examine you."

I called the urologist's office for an appointment for erectile dysfunction. The girl on the phone checked the calendar and said, "alright, let's see if we can get you in.."

I said, "exactly."

You can explore appointment 9am reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean appointment checkup dad jokes. There are also appointment puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A few minutes ago while I was lifeguarding, an old lady told me that I looked like a lion pacing back and forth.

Now I'm nervous for my dentist appointment on Thursday.

My wife came back really upset from her doctor's appointment

-What did he say my love?
-He said we cannot have sex for at least a month...
-How that?
-He is on vacation in Barbados for a month...

A man rushes into a psychiatrist's office and shouts "Doctor, you have to help me! I think I'm invisible."

The shrink looks at his appointment schedule and says "I'm sorry, I can't see you right now."

As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife.

She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"

My dad was negotiating with a car salesman who was also a patient of his

They're sitting at the salesman's desk negotiating the price on a car, when my dad looks at him and says, "You know, if you get me the right price, my finger can be a lot smaller when your next appointment comes around".

So my friend had some issue with his hearing....

My friend was having some issues with his hearing, so he booked a doctor's appointment. The doctor checked him over and had a look in his ears. The doctor said "okay. So, describe the symptoms". My friend said "well, there's homer. He's the dad. And there's Marge, she's got big blue hair..."

I made an appointment but it was cancelled.

It was ... disappointing.

Doctor Appointment

**Doctor**: I have bad news and worse news; the bad news, you only have 24 hours left to live.

**Guy**: Oh no, how can the other news possibly be worse?

**Doctor**: Well, I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.

One Night, as a couple lay down to bed,

the husband gently starts rubbing his wife on the arm. The wife turned over and said "Sorry honey, I have an OBGYN appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

Dejected and rejected, the hubby tries to sleep. After a while he turns over to his wife and says "Do you have a dentist's appointment too?"

I went for a job interview

I went for a job interview last Tuesday and was asked to describe myself in three words.

"Violent when disappointed," I replied.

I hope to get the appointment letter on Monday.

So a man went to a doctor's appointment...

The doctor said, "I have bad news and worse news."

The man asked, "Oh, what is it?"

The doctor frowned, " You have only 24 hours to live."

The man was in shock. "And what's the worse news? Surely it can't get any worse!"

The doctor frowned again. "I was supposed to tell you yesterday."

If a mentally challenged midget is late to an appointment...

... can you justifiably call them "a little tardy"?

Doctor's appointment.

Janet: I have a doctor's appointment today but I really don't want to go… 

Adam: Just call in sick then.

Finally scheduled a therapy appointment to talk about my procrastination

But I rescheduled it for next week

My doctor checked my prostate last week

It was the worst dentist appointment of my life.

I tried to schedule an appointment at the Library

... but I couldn't because they were fully booked.

My psychiatrist says I have an unhelathy preoccupation with revenge.

He's sooooo gonna regret saying that at my next appointment.

I tried to schedule an appointment at the library.

They were overbooked.

What's the most popular time to schedule a dentist appointment?

Tooth hurty.

Man gets excited at his doctors appointment...

The doctor askes why he's excited

The man says he just got diagnosed with daily sex

The doctor said no... It says dyslexia

Husband and wife get into bed for sleeping

And the husband turns to wife and starts making out.

Wife says "don't start now, I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow morning so I need to keep it clean".

Husband disappointed, rolls around and tries to go to sleep.

In a few minutes, he rolls back and asks "do you have a dentist's appointment tomorrow too?"

A blonde calls the doctor to cancel her appointment.

"Im going to have to cancel my appointment", says the blonde.
"Why?", asks the doctor.
"I'm not feeling well...", responds the blonde.

I called the Doctors to schedule an appointment...

Me: I need a doctor's appointment...

Receptionist: Ok [checks bookings] how about 10 tomorrow?...

Me: No, I don't need that many

A doctor's appointment

A man goes to the doctor complaining about back pain and the doctor notices the man's terrible posture.

"Do you have any ideas as to why you have such awful posture?" asks the doctor.

"Well", replies the man, "I've got a hunch."

I have a noon appointment with the horse doctor

How that horse became a doctor I do not know

How many Apple Geniuses does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, *but you need to make an appointment in advance*

I booked a session with a professional insulter.

It was a dis appointment.

I couldn't schedule an appointment today at my local library

Apparently they're fully booked

"Alright, I need a doctors appointment tommorow."

The receptionist asks, "Ok, how about 10 tommorow?"

To which I reply, "I don't need that many."

I told my therapist that I've been having suicidal tendencies.

He made me start paying in advanced after that appointment...

So a man had an appointment with a psychologist...

The man couldn't find any clean clothes to wear, so he decided to cover himself with saran wrap. As the man approaches the office, the psychologist says to him,

"I decided to cancel our appointment together."

"What? Why?" asked the man

"Because I can clearly see your nuts."

I went to see a prostitute yesterday. I didn't have an appointment...

...but fortunately she was able to fit me in.

A very overweight man walks into a hospital and asks to book an appointment for lipo suction

The doctor replied: 'I'll see if I can squeeze you in.'

My wife suggested we play doctor

She made me sit in front of the bedroom for 2 hours and then told me I got an appointment in 6 months.

How do you cancel an appointment with a sperm bank?

Tell them you can't come.

A wife has a gynecologist appointment tomorrow

A husband and wife were lying in bed. Getting in the mood, he started caressing her to turn her on.

"Sorry," she said, "I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to make sure I'm fresh and undisturbed before she inspects me."

He rolled over, feeling a little disappointed.

A moment later, he rolls back over and says, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow?"

A man walks in to a medical clinic and asks to see a doctor. The receptionist makes him an appointment. How about 10 tomorrow?

Man: I don't need that many .

I went to the most nonchalent doctor for an MRI scan...

...after all the trouble of going in the machine he randomly decided to cancel the appointment before even turning the machine on.

Zero flux given.

I cancelled my doctor's appointment recently

I was disappointed

My wife suggested to spice things up with roleplaying.

I asked her what she had in mind.

Doctor and patient roleplaying she said. I'll be the doctor.

Sounds good to me! I said.

So she went to the bedroom and I waited in the hall.
I knocked on the door and hear her say: Do you have an appointment?

Well, no...

Then please wait in the waiting room

She was building up tension.

I hope my neighbor is okay tho, he had the 1 pm appointment and has been in there for hours now.

So a terminally ill man arrives after calling an appointment with his doctor....

Man:How much time do I have left

Doctor: Ten

Man: Ten what I don't understand

Doctor: Eight

Why did the fetishist come so quickly?

He had an appointment and was in a furry.

Had a colonoscopy the other day,

Worst dentist appointment I've ever had.

A man walks into the doctors office...

Man: Hi, I'd like to make an appointment.

Receptionist: How about 10 tomorrow?

Man: No thanks, I don't need that many

When you miss or cancel an appointment,

that is a disappointment.

I have a Dentist appointment tomorrow ...

Its at 2.30 ...

A WWII veteran goes to a doctor's appointment

An old veteran sits down in the doctor's office for his check up. As usual, the doctor goes through the necessary questions.

"Okay," says the doc, "when's the last time you were sexually active?"

"1946," says the veteran.

"Oh. It's been a while, huh?"

The veteran shrugs and checks his watch. "Not really. It's only 2135."

A man is at the doctor

A man is at a follow up appointment at the doctor. The doctor walks in and says I'm sorry, but I've got bad news and worse news.

Start with the worse news, says the man.

You've got cancer, the doctor starts.

Caught off guard, the man replies okay, what's the bad news?

You also have Alzheimer's, says the doctor.

Well at least I don't have cancer, says the man.

Why did the dolphin go to the dentist?

He had an appointment.

I walked into my doctors appointment and he said pick a star sign. I said Capricorn

He said no you've got Cancer

I think my optometrist is evil. When I went for an appointment he came out to the waiting room and shouted:

You'll see! You'll all see!

What do a doctor's appointment and Reddit video have in common?

You wait 2 hours to see them for 2 minutes.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, but I don't want to go.

I am thinking to just call there and say i am sick.

My friend and I had arranged a meeting to insult each other but he didn't show up

It was a diss appointment

I went to my doctor's office for an appointment.

I'm talking to my doctor and he tells me that I'm going to have to stop masturbating. I say, Doctor, what's the matter what is wrong?!
And he says to me "Well, I'm trying to examine you."

Not sure who came up with this joke but I've always enjoyed it.

I called for a doctor's appointment today...

The receptionist said, "Alright, how about 10 tomorrow?

I replied, "No thanks, I don't need that many

A man went to the doctor

"I have some bad news and some very bad news," the doctor said.

"Let me know the bad news first," said the man.

"You have 24 hours to live," replied the doctor.

"Oh no! What is the very bad news then?"

"I forgot to tell you that on yesterday's appointment."

Husband comes home from his doctor's appointment telling his wife that he has a prescription for daily sex.

She grabs the script and says 'Nice try, this for dyslexia' !!!

Was always of the opinion that bad posture didn't pose a threat to my physical well-being.

But after an appointment with my physiotherapist, I stand corrected.

I really screwed up asking my doctor to get tested for Alzheimer's.

I forgot my appointment. Doctor said I failed the test.

I've got an appointment with my psychic next week....

but she's just phoned me to say that I can't make it.

Hack for when you don't what to go to the doctor

She: I have a doctor's appointment today but I really don't want to go ….

He: Just call in sick then.

A doctor has an appointment

A doctor has an appointment with 3 of his crazy patient to see if they are doing any better.

He asks the first one: "3 times 4 ?"


Wrong. Disappointed, he asks the second one the same thing: "3 times 4 ?"


Wrong again, he asks the same thing to the third one: "3 times 4?"

The third one immediately answers "12".

The doctor is surprised that the last one got it right: "Wow, how did you get to that answer?"

"It was easy", says the last one. "I divided 1484 by wednesday".

Today at my appointment the doctor grabbed my balls, and told me to cough.

I should probably find another dentist.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the appointment nominate jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working appointment resignation piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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