Appointment Jokes
132 appointment jokes and hilarious appointment puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about appointment that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From the dentist office to the ob-gyn, make some time for laughs with these hilarious appointment jokes! Whether you are waiting for your 9am dental appointment or just looking for a good chuckle, these jokes about eye appointments, hair appointments and more will surely brighten your day.
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Funniest Appointment Short Jokes
Short appointment jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The appointment humour may include short reservation jokes also.
- My friend and I had arranged a meeting to insult each other but he didn't show up It was a diss appointment
- Amazing joke i came up with Sadness walked into the doctors office.
the doctor asked: Whats your appointment?
Sadness anwsered: Dis apoointment. - I was so excited about how well my psychiatry appointment went But when I got home, I couldn't find any of my roommates to tell them
- Holy Cow! I just found out I've been appointed to be communications director at the white house... it's not that I'm qualified or anything, it's just my turn...
- Was always of the opinion that bad posture didn't pose a threat to my physical well-being. But after an appointment with my physiotherapist, I stand corrected.
- A few minutes ago while I was lifeguarding, an old lady told me that I looked like a lion pacing back and forth. Now I'm nervous for my dentist appointment on Thursday.
- I told my wife I have a dentist appointment. She asked me what time and I said… Tooth hurty
- A blonde calls the doctor to cancel her appointment. "Im going to have to cancel my appointment", says the blonde.
"Why?", asks the doctor.
"I'm not feeling well...", responds the blonde. - Patient: I need a doctors appointment please. Receptionist: Ok, how about 10 tomorrow? Patient: No, I don't need that many.
- Doctor's appointment. Janet: I have a doctor's appointment today but I really don't want to go…
Adam: Just call in sick then.
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Appointment One Liners
Which appointment one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with appointment? I can suggest the ones about invitation and attendance.
- I made an appointment but it was cancelled. It was ... disappointing.
- What's the most popular time to schedule a dentist appointment? Tooth hurty.
- I tried to schedule an appointment at the library. They were overbooked.
- Why did the fetishist come so quickly? He had an appointment and was in a furry.
- You miss 100% of the shots If you forget your doctor's appointment.
- Told my husband I want to be cremated. He made me an appointment for Tuesday.
- What kind of appointment lowers your self- esteem? Disappointment
- Why did the dolphin go to the dentist? He had an appointment.
- Had a colonoscopy the other day, Worst dentist appointment I've ever had.
- Why did Al Gore have to schedule a dentist appointment? Because of an inconvenient tooth.
- What time is your dentist appointment? 2:30, like tooth hurty!!!! 🤣😂🤣😂
- I had an appointment with a microbiologist today But I couldn't find him
- I booked a session with a professional insulter. It was a dis appointment.
- I have a Dentist appointment tomorrow ... Its at 2.30 ...
- When you miss or cancel an appointment, that is a disappointment.
Dentist Appointment Jokes
Here is a list of funny dentist appointment jokes and even better dentist appointment puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I called the dentist office to set up an appointment for next Wednesday. The clerk asked, "2:30?"
I replied, "Yes very much." - I showed up to my dentist appointment at 2:21 but my dentist wouldn't see me yet... He said I needed to wait until tooth hurty.
- The Royal Wedding is like my upcoming dentist appointment. I'll be happier when it's over.
- My last dentist appointment was expensive. It cost me more than tooth-ow-sand dollars.
- I had an appointment with my dentist this... ...morning and she's agreed to go on a date with me tonight. My turn to give her a filling followed by a messy extraction.
- If a TSA agent became a dentist, what would you call an appointment? A cavity search.
- My dentist appointment was so great... It was jaw-dropping
- I scheduled an appointment with the dentist Today, 2:30
- I have a Dentist appointment today. at Tooth Hurty.
- My dental hygienist is cute.
Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.
Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
Hair Appointment Jokes
Here is a list of funny hair appointment jokes and even better hair appointment puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Who do you go to to get your hair and makeup done during this pandemic? A mortician
Do you want an appointment? Keep going outside ! - There's a new hair salon opening in Mordor! Appointment only, no walk-ins.
Eye Appointment Jokes
Here is a list of funny eye appointment jokes and even better eye appointment puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I had an appointment with my eye doctor cause I thought I was going blind. Something came up so I couldn't see him today.
Gather Around for Heartwarming Appointment Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about appointment you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean applicant jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make appointment pranks.
Me: I have a 1:30 appointment with my doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just a regular doctor.
A man walks into a doctor's office...
A man walks into a doctor's office.
He walks up to the registration desk and says, I have a 1:30 appointment.
Awesome! says the secretary. Which doctor?
No, the man goes. The regular one.
A fantastic joke from local English comedian Tony Wallace
A man rings his gran and asks how her doctor's appointment went.
"He hit on you? No Gran, I'm sure he was just being nice."
A few seconds pause.
"No Gran, he said you had acute angina."
Bruce Willis, arnold schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party
and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".
A particularly dirty shabby looking woman asks for couple of dollars
A woman was walking down the street when she was
accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking
homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars
and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy
some wine with it instead of dinner?"
"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless
woman replied.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying
food?" the woman asked.
"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman
said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay
alive."
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of
food?" the woman asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't
had my hair done in 20 years!"
"Well," said the woman, I'm not going to give you the
money. Instead, I'm going t o take you out for dinner
with my husband and myself
tonight.
The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband
be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty,
and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for
him to see what a woman looks like after she has given
up shopping, hair appointments and wine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man had an appointment at the s**... bank.
He never came.
A young woman is at her doctor's appointment...
...When the doctor returns, after having run some tests.
"Ma'am," He says, "I've got your results, and it appears that you are pregnant." The woman appears shocked.
"What!? You've got to be..."
She pauses for a moment.
"...Kid-in-me."
----
After a a few moments of her giggling turn into silence, the doctor replies "Did you seriously get pregnant just to say that joke?"
The woman says "It was totally birth it."
The appointment.
Jack wakes up one morning next to Jill. He's feeling amorous and starts caressing her and tugging at her pyjama bottoms. She groans and says, "oh... not now, honey. You know I have a gynecologist appointment this morning...." Jack rolls over resignedly. After a few minutes he turns back toward her and says, "umm... you don't have a dentist appointment, do you?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Rorschach Test
A man walks into a psychiatrist's office for his first appointment. After the initial interview, the shrink decides to ease the man into the process with a simple inkblot test. After a few minutes, however, the shrink calls a halt.
"I think its fairly clear at this point that we're dealing with an Oedipus Complex." says the shrink.
"*I'VE* got an Oedipus Complex?!?" the man bursts out, "*You're* the one with all these pictures of my parents having s**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I called the urologist's office for an appointment for erectile dysfunction. The g**... the phone checked the calendar and said, "alright, let's see if we can get you in.."
I said, "exactly."
A man rushes into a psychiatrist's office and shouts "Doctor, you have to help me! I think I'm invisible."
The shrink looks at his appointment schedule and says "I'm sorry, I can't see you right now."
As a couple gets into bed, the husband starts to rub and kiss his wife.
She turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey. I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow, and I want to stay fresh." The husband sadly turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife. "Do you have a dentist appointment, too?"
My dad was negotiating with a car salesman who was also a patient of his
They're sitting at the salesman's desk negotiating the price on a car, when my dad looks at him and says, "You know, if you get me the right price, my finger can be a lot smaller when your next appointment comes around".
I went for a job interview
I went for a job interview last Tuesday and was asked to describe myself in three words.
"Violent when disappointed," I replied.
I hope to get the appointment letter on Monday.
Trump should appoint sarah palin as the Administrator of NASA.
I know, I know, I could've stopped it there, but here's the punchline:
I mean, we must be fair and give her some consideration, because she does make a good argument: she can see the moon from her house.
Trump has named bernie madoff as Head of Treasury Department
Madoffs response when he learned of the appointment:
"Pardon Me?"
USA elected a billionaire that is appointing other billionaires to fix the system that made them billionaires
I laughed so hard thinking about this on the dinner table
Finally scheduled a therapy appointment to talk about my procrastination
But I rescheduled it for next week
The Mexican drug lord El Chapo has been extradited to the United States...
It's still unclear which cabinet post he'll be appointed to.
My psychiatrist says I have an unhelathy preoccupation with revenge.
He's sooooo gonna regret saying that at my next appointment.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man gets excited at his doctors appointment...
The doctor askes why he's excited
The man says he just got diagnosed with daily s**...
The doctor said no... It says dyslexia
Husband and wife get into bed for sleeping
And the husband turns to wife and starts making out.
Wife says "don't start now, I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow morning so I need to keep it clean".
Husband disappointed, rolls around and tries to go to sleep.
In a few minutes, he rolls back and asks "do you have a dentist's appointment tomorrow too?"
I was an hour late for work
I told them that Russia hacked my alarm clock and now I still have a job for the next two years while my boss
appoints a special investigation to look into it :)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Teacher: What do you do after school?
1st Student: I go and buy w**... from Yakobo
2nd Student: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.
3rd Student: I go and buy c**... from Yakobo.
4th Student: I always stay at home and do my homework.
Teacher: You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What's your name?
4th Student: Yakobo
A doctor's appointment
A man goes to the doctor complaining about back pain and the doctor notices the man's terrible posture.
"Do you have any ideas as to why you have such awful posture?" asks the doctor.
"Well", replies the man, "I've got a hunch."
I have a noon appointment with the horse doctor
How that horse became a doctor I do not know
You can never get an appointment at a library
They are always fully booked
How many Apple Geniuses does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, *but you need to make an appointment in advance*
Why did it took so long to investigate Flint water crisis?
They never appointed a lead detective
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my therapist that I've been having suicidal tendencies.
He made me start paying in advanced after that appointment...
Two men are waiting for appointments with their insurance claims adjuster.
They chat and learn they have a common bond. The first one says "My restaurant was wiped out by a fire, everything inside was wrecked."
The second one says "Mine was taken out by a flood, total loss too."
The first one thinks a bit then asks "How do you start a flood?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Donald Trump want to appoint Ivanka the Secretary of State?
Because in his line of work, you always get to bang the secretary.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to see a p**... yesterday. I didn't have an appointment...
...but fortunately she was able to fit me in.
A very overweight man walks into a hospital and asks to book an appointment for lipo suction
The doctor replied: 'I'll see if I can squeeze you in.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you cancel an appointment with a s**... bank?
Tell them you can't come.
I went to the most nonchalent doctor for an MRI scan...
...after all the trouble of going in the machine he randomly decided to cancel the appointment before even turning the machine on.
Zero flux given.
My wife suggested to spice things up with roleplaying.
I asked her what she had in mind.
Doctor and patient roleplaying she said. I'll be the doctor.
Sounds good to me! I said.
So she went to the bedroom and I waited in the hall.
I knocked on the door and hear her say: Do you have an appointment?
Well, no...
Then please wait in the waiting room
She was building up tension.
I hope my neighbor is okay tho, he had the 1 pm appointment and has been in there for hours now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A WWII veteran goes to a doctor's appointment
An old veteran sits down in the doctor's office for his check up. As usual, the doctor goes through the necessary questions.
"Okay," says the doc, "when's the last time you were s**... active?"
"1946," says the veteran.
"Oh. It's been a while, huh?"
The veteran shrugs and checks his watch. "Not really. It's only 2135."
I was at the eye doctor with my 92 year old dad and they were asking people if they'd mind answering a few questions while they waited for their appointments. My dad said sure and we sat down in a corner with this lady.
She went through her survey and, at the end, asked him for his greatest strengths and weaknesses.
Well, weaknesses... he said I guess I sometimes have trouble distinguishing fantasy from reality
"And your greatest strength? She asked.
Oh, I'm the Batman
My local neighbourhood committee leader lost his position recently
Needless to say he was dis-appointed
I think my optometrist is evil. When I went for an appointment he came out to the waiting room and shouted:
You'll see! You'll all see!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I searched Reddit and this joke hasn't been posted.
USPS came out with a Donald Trump stamp. They were Yugely popular at first, but suddenly went out of circulation, because they wont stick to the envelopes.
This enraged the president, and he demanded a full investigation, blamed the democrats and JINA and the lame-stream media.
After months of testing, costing $2.65 billion in congressional spending and firing of 25+ people, the special prosecutor appointed by Trump presented the following findings.
* The stamps have no manufacturing defects.
* There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
* People are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.
What do a doctor's appointment and Reddit video have in common?
You wait 2 hours to see them for 2 minutes.
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, but I don't want to go.
I am thinking to just call there and say i am sick.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to my doctor's office for an appointment.
I'm talking to my doctor and he tells me that I'm going to have to stop m**.... I say, Doctor, what's the matter what is wrong?!
And he says to me "Well, I'm trying to examine you."
Not sure who came up with this joke but I've always enjoyed it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Husband comes home from his doctor's appointment telling his wife that he has a prescription for daily s**....
She grabs the script and says 'Nice try, this for dyslexia' !!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I really s**... up asking my doctor to get tested for Alzheimer's.
I forgot my appointment. Doctor said I failed the test.
I've got an appointment with my psychic next week....
but she's just phoned me to say that I can't make it.
Hack for when you don't what to go to the doctor
She: I have a doctor's appointment today but I really don't want to go ….
He: Just call in sick then.
A doctor has an appointment
A doctor has an appointment with 3 of his crazy patient to see if they are doing any better.
He asks the first one: "3 times 4 ?"
"1484"
Wrong. Disappointed, he asks the second one the same thing: "3 times 4 ?"
"Wednesday"
Wrong again, he asks the same thing to the third one: "3 times 4?"
The third one immediately answers "12".
The doctor is surprised that the last one got it right: "Wow, how did you get to that answer?"
"It was easy", says the last one. "I divided 1484 by wednesday".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today at my appointment the doctor grabbed my b**..., and told me to cough.
I should probably find another dentist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Those Zoom doctor appointments are not very good.
Especially when your doctor has you stick your finger up your own a**... and then you find out that he isn't really a doctor and you are in the wrong meeting.
A rabbi and a Catholic priest seat together in a bus and start talking about ranks in the Catholic church...
- "So after becoming bishop and maybe archbishop, they can be appointed as cardinals?", asked the Rabbi.
- "That's right.", replied the priest.
- "And only cardinals can become pope?", continued the Rabbi.
- "Not necessarily, but usually yes.", said the priest.
- "And what's next? Can someone become God?", inquired the rabbi.
- "No! Never!"
- "Well, one of ours did."
A secretary tells the therapist "you have a new patient here"
Secretary: He wants you to help him because he believes he's invisible. He doesn't have an appointment, though.
Therapist: "No appointment?! Tell him I can't see him."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Death
Told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for next Tuesday.
A stationery store was broken into. Box files, wall calendars and appointment diaries were stolen.
Police suspect highly organised crime.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into his psychiatrist appointment wearing nothing but cellophane
The shrink takes one look at him and says Well, I can clearly see your nuts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The newly appointed army captain, while inspecting the soldiers' barracks, saw a female horse.
**Captain**: What's that horse for?
**Soldier**: Our men use her if they can no longer control the urge, sir.
**Captain**: Ah, that's fine then.
One lonely night, the captain felt the urge, so he asked the soldier to bring the horse to his tent. When the captain was done with the horse, he said to the soldier waiting outside his tent.
**Captain**: It's so d**... hard! How the h**... do you guys do it?
**Soldier**: We ride on the horse to the next town where the girls are, sir.
A member of the family in a London medical college was appointed an honorary physician to the king.
He proudly wrote a notice on the blackboard in his class-room room : " Professor Jennings informs his students that he has been appointed honorary physician to His Majesty, King George."
When he returned to the class-room in the afternoon he found written below his notice this line :
" God save the King."
A man and his wife are having troubles in the bed room.
He can't get the engine started and when he does she doesn't want to drive it home. One day the call and schedule a meeting with a specialist. They spare no expense and get the best guy money can buy. On the day of their appointment the husband and wife each get pulled into meetings right before they are supposed to leave. They call each other and the husband says "we should call and tell them about how we won't make it" and the wife says.
"Why bother, he already knows we're not coming".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was late to my urology appointment today
When I walked in, the receptionist said u**... trouble
