The Best 58 Application Jokes

I wasn't able to apply for a job in the Endoscopy unit...

... it was internal application only.

What do you do in 5 minutes that you then suffer for for 9 months?

A school application.

Job Application

I was going through a stack of job applications on my desk when one caught my attention. While the applicant's employment history was stellar, and her education history was certainly above average, apparently she had a few personal problems. Under Marital Status she'd written, Not good and under Spouse's name, she'd written Plaintiff".

A man goes in for a job application...

...and the interviewer asks, "What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?"
"Well," he began, "my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality-telling what's real from what's not."
"Okay," said the interviewer, "and what about your strengths?"
"I'm Batman"

Job application

Boss at company was looking at job applications and took half of them and threw them at bin. Assistant looked at him and asked why would he do such thing and the boss said, we don't need employees with bad luck here.

Google announced their plan to launch an application to challenge the popular ride sharing app, Uber. The new faction in Google's enterprise should be called, Goober.

My celebrity status application was denied

Because I marked "no" in the section saying "I support clobbering women"

News: Video of black Baltimore mother beating her rioting son goes viral.

She beat him so hard the police gave her a job application.

What's the difference between Greece and a good software application?

Greece doesn't have default settings!

What did the banker say to the tongue when he rejected his loan application?

There's no accounting for taste.

I think Android application developers are magical.

They're like open sorcerers.

My cross fit application was was rejected

Bad form

I just submitted my application to be on the next season of Survivor...

Which apparently was not the answer my dad was looking for when he asked "How is the job search going?"

Should I write prison or jail?

Want my application to be perfect

Why don't SJWs go to college?

Because you have to put Male or Female on the college application

How do apply for a job at the NSA?

You make a private phone call to anyone else, and submit your application.

Me: what do you think about the future of Microsoft's email application?

Magic 8 Ball: Outlook? Not so good.

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.

Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"

What's a Lion's favourite application?

RAR

How do you starve a BLM member?

Hide their welfare check under a job application.

The HR takes the top 20 application folders from the pile and throw it in the trash.

Those people have bad luck. We don't want people with bad luck.

Why was The Joker's US Passport application denied?

Passports require proof of US citizenship and The Joker is a fictional character.

Sherlock and Watson are filling in their college application.

Watson: Sherlock? Why have you skipped writing this essay?
Sherlock: It's supplementary my dear Watson

Why did the Strip club manager reject a retired Fireman's job application?

Becuase he'd fire hoes.

Have you heard about Trumps revision of Obama phones?

You'll be able to trade them in for a alarm clock and job application.

My friend JB had to get a name tag...

See JB's name was JB. It didn't stand for anything. No, sir. It was simply JB. So he wrote on the application J only B only to ensure there was no mistake.

His name tag came back Jonly Bonly

A guy was nailing his interview and the employer said "well application looks great but there's a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened?"

The guy says "oh I went to yale",
The employer: Oh great your hired you start Monday.

Guy: "Yay I got a yob!"

On an application form I was filling out was the question, "Who should we notify in the event of an emergency?"

I wrote, "The 911 operator."

I was fired from my last job for having sex in a fitting room.

Marked it down on my application as "experience with customer relations."

Harvard University accepted my application!

I'm going to be their best janitor!

Last month, I applied for a zookeeper position in Australia. Today, I found out that the application was unsucessful.

Perhaps I don't have the right koalafications.

I was thrown out of school because my boyfriend filled out my application.

They said I didn't apply myself

A Chinaman walks into a brothel

He asks the Maître D for a job application. She asks him, "What is your name, and what makes you think you're qualified to be a male escort?"
The man responds, "I'm Hung, and I'm hung."

The daycare turned down my job application.

Probably because I described myself as "a touchy-feely kind of guy"

I applied to a citizen of Finland

In the online application there was an odd question. "Are you a nice guy", it said, I thought it was an odd question but I clicked yes. Immediately I was directed to a page saying I was directed to the back of the queue for citizenship, I was confused but I read later in the application and it said. "Nice guys, Finnish last".

On my job application. "Have you ever been convicted of a crime?" "No."

"Why?" "Good lawyers."

4 buddies put in together for a joint rental application

They just wanted to pass it around and take a few hits, then give it back.

A South African-born student was suspended for applying for an African-American student prize.

He didn't fill out his application form correctly.

As the recruitment manager for a large firm, I don't like to hire unlucky people

So I throw every second job application I receive into the rubbish bin

A nun was fired from her job in heaven...

A nun was fired from her job in heaven, so she came down to earth and started looking for a job. One night, when she is filling out a job application, there is a question that asks her to check the boxes next to the jobs that she has previously worked at. She looks at the answers for a second, and then checks the box marked, "Nun of the above."

Being dyslexic has cost me several job application

Try transposing the first and last letters of the word 'this' every time you write something

I filled out an application to become a citizen of Finland and I must've been accepted almost instantly

The last button I had to click said Finish

The bank denied my Mortgage application

I don't know what the big deal is. I was just asking for a small loan of $1,000,000

My job application for the scissors company was declined after the hands-on interview

I just didn't make the cut.

I wrote an application that lets a computer simulate sexual interactions

6 GOTO 9
9 GOTO 6

A high school student submits his application to Harvard. He doesn't write anything, but instead just pees all over it. What did they say back?

Congratulations, urine!

An Apple employee is getting a job application

Employer: Try to think of a product that begins with "I"
Employee: I can't think of one.
Employer: Good name, you're hired!

Why don't physicists and Bingo players get along?

They disagree on the application and existence of a free space.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender. "What happened?" the bartender asks. "I got an instant reply thanking me for my submission."

Job ad: Position of a psychic at large international corporation open ($1M/annually)

Submit your application and cover letter you know where. The deadline is you know when.

A new sunscreen called Sun-Off has been causing skin rashes on people's bellies after application.

It's a real Sun-Off Ab Itch

A manager examined a job application, then turned to the applicant and said, "For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary."

*"Well, the work is much harder when you don't know what you are doing."*

I was surprised about the questions they asked on my online job application.

First they asked if want to have sex with male or female .

And now they want me to choose who i want to race with.

I think Jobs are too snoopy when it comes to our private sex lives

Whenever it has the spot on the application that says sex: , as a young man, I'm always just slightly caught off guard. I reluctantly put my number of times there.

Sometimes it provides me with the choice of M or F online. I always select the F for few. Hopefully one day I'll be able to put M for many

As an aside, for some reason, the people I meet during the interview always seem confused at first

What did the golden shower club tell me when the accepted my application?

Urine.

Obgyn Assistant

A guy is looking for a job and sees an application for an obstetrical assistant who has to trim patients "private parts" and rub oil there in preparation for the session. He tells the officer, "I'd like to apply for that one" and the officer says he has to go up to Sudbury. (Way the hell up north!)

What? The job's in Sudbury he asks?

No, it's here. That's just the end of the line.

Yo mama's so ugly

She went to a haunted house and came out with a job application