Following is our collection of petition humor and paddywhack one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Application puns for adults, dirty verify jokes or clean request gags for kids.
There is an abundance of whatsapp jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 49 funniest jokes on application. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any questionnaire witze you can hear about application.
The guy says "oh I went to yale",
The employer: Oh great your hired you start Monday.
Guy: "Yay I got a yob!"
A nun was fired from her job in heaven, so she came down to earth and started looking for a job. One night, when she is filling out a job application, there is a question that asks her to check the boxes next to the jobs that she has previously worked at. She looks at the answers for a second, and then checks the box marked, "Nun of the above."
Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"
...and the interviewer asks, "What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?"
"Well," he began, "my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality-telling what's real from what's not."
"Okay," said the interviewer, "and what about your strengths?"
"I'm Batman"
They said I didn't apply myself
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
Nevertheless, in his final years he decided that he wanted to be a babysitter and sent an application to the Babysitter University. Unfortunately they rejected him, stating that they could not accept an applicant that was "A super calloused fragile mystic vexed with halitosis".
A sales company has particular trouble selling bibles. One day, a man comes in with a job application and says, "l-l-l-l'd l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-t-t-t-to b-b-b-b- b-be a b-b-b-bible salesman, s-s-s-sir." lnititally, he doesn't want to give the job to this man, but decided to try him out.
After three weeks, the manager is looking at the charts and realizes that the newest guy is selling the most copies. Amazed, he calls him in to his office. "You've only worked here for three weeks and you've already sold more copies than anyone else here! How do you do it?"
"W-w-w-w-w-well, l g-g-g-go up t-t-t-t-to th-the d-d-d-door and-d-d l-l--l s-s-s-say, w-w-w-w-would y-y-y-y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-b-buy a b-b-b-bible, or w-w-w-would y-y-you l-l-l-like m-m-me t-t-t-to r-r-r-r-read it t-t-t-t-t-to y-y-y-you?"
Hide their welfare check under a job application.
...and apparently he heard this joke from Gorbachev.
A Russian man living in the Soviet Union wants to buy a car. He goes through the application process and scrapes together enough cash, and after a few weeks goes to the town hall to pay. He gives the money the clerk tells him to come back and pick up his new car in ten years.
The man replies, "Morning or evening?"
The clerk says, "What difference does it make, it's in ten years!"
The man frowns and says, "Well, the plumber is coming in the morning."
Apologies if this has already been posted.
Those people have bad luck. We don't want people with bad luck.
I'm going to be their best janitor!
...They meet with the rental agent and are discussing details of the property. One of the ants says "so this ant next to me is Dave, we met in university - great guy. Sarah, Jack and Bobby over there I met through work at the ant hill two trees over, we used to go out leaf hunting together - so much fun. Jackson over here I met at my Cousin's birthday where he got up on a table and started dancing. Amanda here came from interstate to stay wi...."
"ENOUGH!" shouts the rental agent. "What has any of this got to do with your rental application??"
"Oh" the ant replied "I was just giving you our ten ant history"
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender. "What happened?" the bartender asks. "I got an instant reply thanking me for my submission."
He approaches the woman at the loan application desk and notes that her name tag reads: Patty Whack. The Frog says, "Excuse me, I'd like to apply for a loan." The woman, very surprised that a talking frog was in her bank immediately refuses, saying, "We only work with humans, no animals can get loans here....besides, you don't have any collateral." The Frog hurriedly pulls a little troll doll out of his pocket. "Yes I do! Take my Troll. She means the world to me." At this point the woman is upset and goes to the bank's President. "Sir, there is a frog outside trying to get a loan from us. He won't leave and he says this troll doll is enough collateral!" The President takes the doll, looks it over very carefully and says, "IT'S A KNICK KNACK, PATTY WHACK! NOW GIVE THE FROG A LOAN!"
It's a real Sun-Off Ab Itch
See JB's name was JB. It didn't stand for anything. No, sir. It was simply JB. So he wrote on the application J only B only to ensure there was no mistake.
His name tag came back Jonly Bonly
A school application.
The last button I had to click said Finish
Perhaps I don't have the right koalafications.
I just didn't make the cut.
Which apparently was not the answer my dad was looking for when he asked "How is the job search going?"
Watson: Sherlock? Why have you skipped writing this essay?
Sherlock: It's supplementary my dear Watson
You'll be able to trade them in for a alarm clock and job application.
He asks the Maître D for a job application. She asks him, "What is your name, and what makes you think you're qualified to be a male escort?"
The man responds, "I'm Hung, and I'm hung."
An old man goes to apply for social security. The woman at the counter asks for his ID to confirm his age. The old man realizes that he has left it at home, so he takes off his shirt, revealing a chest full of silver hair and says "See this."
The woman replies "Well to have that much gray hair you must surely be old enough, application approved."
Elated the old man returns home and tells his wife what has occurred.
The wife looks at him and says "You should have dropped your pants, they would have given you disability also."
Probably because I described myself as "a touchy-feely kind of guy"
In the online application there was an odd question. "Are you a nice guy", it said, I thought it was an odd question but I clicked yes. Immediately I was directed to a page saying I was directed to the back of the queue for citizenship, I was confused but I read later in the application and it said. "Nice guys, Finnish last".
Bad form
Submit your application and cover letter you know where. The deadline is you know when.
RAR
6 GOTO 9
9 GOTO 6
Boss at company was looking at job applications and took half of them and threw them at bin. Assistant looked at him and asked why would he do such thing and the boss said, we don't need employees with bad luck here.
They just wanted to pass it around and take a few hits, then give it back.
Try transposing the first and last letters of the word 'this' every time you write something
Marked it down on my application as "experience with customer relations."
Becuase he'd fire hoes.
She beat him so hard the police gave her a job application.
I don't know what the big deal is. I was just asking for a small loan of $1,000,000
I was going through a stack of job applications on my desk when one caught my attention. While the applicant's employment history was stellar, and her education history was certainly above average, apparently she had a few personal problems. Under Marital Status she'd written, Not good and under Spouse's name, she'd written Plaintiff".
I wrote, "The 911 operator."
You make a private phone call to anyone else, and submit your application.
Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And if you had a 3 inch floppy ..
... you just hoped nobody ever found out!!
Congratulations, urine!
In California, a ten-year-old boy has graduated from high school. And in Florida, a ten-year-old girl has dropped out of school because she's pregnant.
…the boy has already sent out a college application, which was written in magic marker, on the back of a Fruit Roll Up.
Casey Kasem's family has decided to take him off of life support. They made the decision after Kasem's brain activity shot to the bottom of the charts.
Starbucks has announced their new tables will wirelessly charge phones placed on them. *Annnd* electrocute sleeping homeless people.
Because I marked "no" in the section saying "I support clobbering women"
Employer: Try to think of a product that begins with "I"
Employee: I can't think of one.
Employer: Good name, you're hired!
They disagree on the application and existence of a free space.
... it was internal application only.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.