Unearthly Funniest Application Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
I wasn't able to apply for a job in the Endoscopy unit...
... it was internal application only.
What do you do in 5 minutes that you then suffer for for 9 months?
A school application.
Job Application
I was going through a stack of job applications on my desk when one caught my attention. While the applicant's employment history was stellar, and her education history was certainly above average, apparently she had a few personal problems. Under Marital Status she'd written, Not good and under Spouse's name, she'd written Plaintiff".
A man goes in for a job application...
...and the interviewer asks, "What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?"
"Well," he began, "my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality-telling what's real from what's not."
"Okay," said the interviewer, "and what about your strengths?"
"I'm Batman"
Job application
Boss at company was looking at job applications and took half of them and threw them at bin. Assistant looked at him and asked why would he do such thing and the boss said, we don't need employees with bad luck here.
My celebrity status application was denied
Because I marked "no" in the section saying "I support clobbering women"
News: Video of black Baltimore mother beating her rioting son goes viral.
She beat him so hard the police gave her a job application.
What did the banker say to the tongue when he rejected his loan application?
There's no accounting for taste.
I think Android application developers are magical.
They're like open sorcerers.
My cross fit application was was rejected
Bad form
I just submitted my application to be on the next season of Survivor...
Which apparently was not the answer my dad was looking for when he asked "How is the job search going?"
You can explore application petition reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean application verify dad jokes. There are also application puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Should I write prison or jail?
Want my application to be perfect
Why don't SJWs go to college?
Because you have to put Male or Female on the college application
How do apply for a job at the NSA?
You make a private phone call to anyone else, and submit your application.
Me: what do you think about the future of Microsoft's email application?
Magic 8 Ball: Outlook? Not so good.
I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.
Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"
What's a Lion's favourite application?
RAR
How do you starve a BLM member?
Hide their welfare check under a job application.
The HR takes the top 20 application folders from the pile and throw it in the trash.
Those people have bad luck. We don't want people with bad luck.
Sherlock and Watson are filling in their college application.
Watson: Sherlock? Why have you skipped writing this essay?
Sherlock: It's supplementary my dear Watson
Why did the Strip club manager reject a retired Fireman's job application?
Becuase he'd fire hoes.
Have you heard about Trumps revision of Obama phones?
You'll be able to trade them in for a alarm clock and job application.
My friend JB had to get a name tag...
See JB's name was JB. It didn't stand for anything. No, sir. It was simply JB. So he wrote on the application J only B only to ensure there was no mistake.
His name tag came back Jonly Bonly
A guy was nailing his interview and the employer said "well application looks great but there's a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened?"
The guy says "oh I went to yale",
The employer: Oh great your hired you start Monday.
Guy: "Yay I got a yob!"
On an application form I was filling out was the question, "Who should we notify in the event of an emergency?"
I wrote, "The 911 operator."
I was fired from my last job for having sex in a fitting room.
Marked it down on my application as "experience with customer relations."
Harvard University accepted my application!
I'm going to be their best janitor!
Last month, I applied for a zookeeper position in Australia. Today, I found out that the application was unsucessful.
Perhaps I don't have the right koalafications.
I was thrown out of school because my boyfriend filled out my application.
They said I didn't apply myself
A Chinaman walks into a brothel
He asks the Maître D for a job application. She asks him, "What is your name, and what makes you think you're qualified to be a male escort?"
The man responds, "I'm Hung, and I'm hung."
The daycare turned down my job application.
Probably because I described myself as "a touchy-feely kind of guy"
I applied to a citizen of Finland
In the online application there was an odd question. "Are you a nice guy", it said, I thought it was an odd question but I clicked yes. Immediately I was directed to a page saying I was directed to the back of the queue for citizenship, I was confused but I read later in the application and it said. "Nice guys, Finnish last".
On my job application. "Have you ever been convicted of a crime?" "No."
"Why?" "Good lawyers."
4 buddies put in together for a joint rental application
They just wanted to pass it around and take a few hits, then give it back.
A South African-born student was suspended for applying for an African-American student prize.
He didn't fill out his application form correctly.
A nun was fired from her job in heaven...
A nun was fired from her job in heaven, so she came down to earth and started looking for a job. One night, when she is filling out a job application, there is a question that asks her to check the boxes next to the jobs that she has previously worked at. She looks at the answers for a second, and then checks the box marked, "Nun of the above."
I got a job as an ice sculptor with zero experience
Weird right? I didn't even fill out an application.
I cold called them.
Being dyslexic has cost me several job application
Try transposing the first and last letters of the word 'this' every time you write something
I filled out an application to become a citizen of Finland and I must've been accepted almost instantly
The last button I had to click said Finish
The bank denied my Mortgage application
I don't know what the big deal is. I was just asking for a small loan of $1,000,000
My job application for the scissors company was declined after the hands-on interview
I just didn't make the cut.
I wrote an application that lets a computer simulate sexual interactions
6 GOTO 9
9 GOTO 6
A high school student submits his application to Harvard. He doesn't write anything, but instead just pees all over it. What did they say back?
Congratulations, urine!
An Apple employee is getting a job application
Employer: Try to think of a product that begins with "I"
Employee: I can't think of one.
Employer: Good name, you're hired!
Why don't physicists and Bingo players get along?
They disagree on the application and existence of a free space.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender. "What happened?" the bartender asks. "I got an instant reply thanking me for my submission."
Job ad: Position of a psychic at large international corporation open ($1M/annually)
Submit your application and cover letter you know where. The deadline is you know when.
A new sunscreen called Sun-Off has been causing skin rashes on people's bellies after application.
It's a real Sun-Off Ab Itch
A manager examined a job application, then turned to the applicant and said, "For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary."
*"Well, the work is much harder when you don't know what you are doing."*
I was surprised about the questions they asked on my online job application.
First they asked if want to have sex with male or female .
And now they want me to choose who i want to race with.
I think Jobs are too snoopy when it comes to our private sex lives
Whenever it has the spot on the application that says sex: , as a young man, I'm always just slightly caught off guard. I reluctantly put my number of times there.
Sometimes it provides me with the choice of M or F online. I always select the F for few. Hopefully one day I'll be able to put M for many
As an aside, for some reason, the people I meet during the interview always seem confused at first
What did the golden shower club tell me when the accepted my application?
Urine.
Obgyn Assistant
A guy is looking for a job and sees an application for an obstetrical assistant who has to trim patients "private parts" and rub oil there in preparation for the session. He tells the officer, "I'd like to apply for that one" and the officer says he has to go up to Sudbury. (Way the hell up north!)
What? The job's in Sudbury he asks?
No, it's here. That's just the end of the line.
Yo mama's so ugly
She went to a haunted house and came out with a job application
I applied to the police academy
The academy head approached me "I am afraid I have to decline your application".
"What's the problem?"
"Your family history. Specifically your mother and father."
"My parents are happily married."
"That's the problem. All cops are bastards."
Dear sir, On behalf of Channel Four may I thank you for your application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new reality show.
Also the charming photograph you enclosed. Whilst agreeing that she could make a worthy contribution to the program if selected, I would point out that the correct title of the series is actually "Fact Hunt". Kind regards Channel Four.
I just emailed off my application for Dominatrix Club.
They replied almost straight away, thanking me for my submission.
I tried to join a local butter of the month club here in our small rural community, but for some reason, they rejected my application.
I'll tell you, I've never felt so margarin-lized in my life!
Did you hear about our scarecrow's latest job application?
He was out-standing in his field!
Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday.
Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.
"It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application."
Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for "Name of your former bank."
After a slight hesitation, she put down: "Piggy."
A man walks into a restaurant
After some time, he says "This business is stupud and you only hires idiots!" , so the manager said "did you want an application?"
