Application Jokes

Following is our collection of petition humor and paddywhack one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Application puns for adults, dirty verify jokes or clean request gags for kids.

There is an abundance of whatsapp jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 49 funniest jokes on application. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any questionnaire witze you can hear about application.

The Best jokes about Application

A guy was nailing his interview and the employer said "well application looks great but there's a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened?"

The guy says "oh I went to yale",
The employer: Oh great your hired you start Monday.

Guy: "Yay I got a yob!"

A nun was fired from her job in heaven...

A nun was fired from her job in heaven, so she came down to earth and started looking for a job. One night, when she is filling out a job application, there is a question that asks her to check the boxes next to the jobs that she has previously worked at. She looks at the answers for a second, and then checks the box marked, "Nun of the above."

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.

Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"

A man goes in for a job application...

...and the interviewer asks, "What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?"
"Well," he began, "my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality-telling what's real from what's not."
"Okay," said the interviewer, "and what about your strengths?"
"I'm Batman"

I was thrown out of school because my boyfriend filled out my application.

They said I didn't apply myself


Mahatma Gandhi wanted to be a babysitter...

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

Nevertheless, in his final years he decided that he wanted to be a babysitter and sent an application to the Babysitter University. Unfortunately they rejected him, stating that they could not accept an applicant that was "A super calloused fragile mystic vexed with halitosis".

Salesman

A sales company has particular trouble selling bibles. One day, a man comes in with a job application and says, "l-l-l-l'd l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-t-t-t-to b-b-b-b- b-be a b-b-b-bible salesman, s-s-s-sir." lnititally, he doesn't want to give the job to this man, but decided to try him out.

After three weeks, the manager is looking at the charts and realizes that the newest guy is selling the most copies. Amazed, he calls him in to his office. "You've only worked here for three weeks and you've already sold more copies than anyone else here! How do you do it?"

"W-w-w-w-w-well, l g-g-g-go up t-t-t-t-to th-the d-d-d-door and-d-d l-l--l s-s-s-say, w-w-w-w-would y-y-y-y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-b-buy a b-b-b-bible, or w-w-w-would y-y-you l-l-l-like m-m-me t-t-t-to r-r-r-r-read it t-t-t-t-t-to y-y-y-you?"

How do you starve a BLM member?

Hide their welfare check under a job application.

So I was watching an interview of Ronald Regan...

...and apparently he heard this joke from Gorbachev.

A Russian man living in the Soviet Union wants to buy a car. He goes through the application process and scrapes together enough cash, and after a few weeks goes to the town hall to pay. He gives the money the clerk tells him to come back and pick up his new car in ten years.
The man replies, "Morning or evening?"
The clerk says, "What difference does it make, it's in ten years!"
The man frowns and says, "Well, the plumber is coming in the morning."

Apologies if this has already been posted.

The HR takes the top 20 application folders from the pile and throw it in the trash.

Those people have bad luck. We don't want people with bad luck.

Harvard University accepted my application!

I'm going to be their best janitor!


10 ants were applying for a joint rental application...

...They meet with the rental agent and are discussing details of the property. One of the ants says "so this ant next to me is Dave, we met in university - great guy. Sarah, Jack and Bobby over there I met through work at the ant hill two trees over, we used to go out leaf hunting together - so much fun. Jackson over here I met at my Cousin's birthday where he got up on a table and started dancing. Amanda here came from interstate to stay wi...."

"ENOUGH!" shouts the rental agent. "What has any of this got to do with your rental application??"

"Oh" the ant replied "I was just giving you our ten ant history"

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I just emailed in my application form for a dominatrix club..." he tells the bartender. "What happened?" the bartender asks. "I got an instant reply thanking me for my submission."

A Frog goes into a bank to get a loan

He approaches the woman at the loan application desk and notes that her name tag reads: Patty Whack. The Frog says, "Excuse me, I'd like to apply for a loan." The woman, very surprised that a talking frog was in her bank immediately refuses, saying, "We only work with humans, no animals can get loans here....besides, you don't have any collateral." The Frog hurriedly pulls a little troll doll out of his pocket. "Yes I do! Take my Troll. She means the world to me." At this point the woman is upset and goes to the bank's President. "Sir, there is a frog outside trying to get a loan from us. He won't leave and he says this troll doll is enough collateral!" The President takes the doll, looks it over very carefully and says, "IT'S A KNICK KNACK, PATTY WHACK! NOW GIVE THE FROG A LOAN!"

A new sunscreen called Sun-Off has been causing skin rashes on people's bellies after application.

It's a real Sun-Off Ab Itch

My friend JB had to get a name tag...

See JB's name was JB. It didn't stand for anything. No, sir. It was simply JB. So he wrote on the application J only B only to ensure there was no mistake.

His name tag came back Jonly Bonly

What do you do in 5 minutes that you then suffer for for 9 months?

A school application.

I filled out an application to become a citizen of Finland and I must've been accepted almost instantly

The last button I had to click said Finish

Last month, I applied for a zookeeper position in Australia. Today, I found out that the application was unsucessful.

Perhaps I don't have the right koalafications.


My job application for the scissors company was declined after the hands-on interview

I just didn't make the cut.

I just submitted my application to be on the next season of Survivor...

Which apparently was not the answer my dad was looking for when he asked "How is the job search going?"

Sherlock and Watson are filling in their college application.

Watson: Sherlock? Why have you skipped writing this essay?
Sherlock: It's supplementary my dear Watson

Have you heard about Trumps revision of Obama phones?

You'll be able to trade them in for a alarm clock and job application.

A Chinaman walks into a brothel

He asks the Maรฎtre D for a job application. She asks him, "What is your name, and what makes you think you're qualified to be a male escort?"
The man responds, "I'm Hung, and I'm hung."

An old man goes to apply for social security

An old man goes to apply for social security. The woman at the counter asks for his ID to confirm his age. The old man realizes that he has left it at home, so he takes off his shirt, revealing a chest full of silver hair and says "See this."
The woman replies "Well to have that much gray hair you must surely be old enough, application approved."
Elated the old man returns home and tells his wife what has occurred.
The wife looks at him and says "You should have dropped your pants, they would have given you disability also."

The daycare turned down my job application.

Probably because I described myself as "a touchy-feely kind of guy"

I applied to a citizen of Finland

In the online application there was an odd question. "Are you a nice guy", it said, I thought it was an odd question but I clicked yes. Immediately I was directed to a page saying I was directed to the back of the queue for citizenship, I was confused but I read later in the application and it said. "Nice guys, Finnish last".

My cross fit application was was rejected

Bad form

Job ad: Position of a psychic at large international corporation open ($1M/annually)

Submit your application and cover letter you know where. The deadline is you know when.

What's a Lion's favourite application?

RAR

I wrote an application that lets a computer simulate sexual interactions

6 GOTO 9
9 GOTO 6

Job application

Boss at company was looking at job applications and took half of them and threw them at bin. Assistant looked at him and asked why would he do such thing and the boss said, we don't need employees with bad luck here.

4 buddies put in together for a joint rental application

They just wanted to pass it around and take a few hits, then give it back.

Being dyslexic has cost me several job application

Try transposing the first and last letters of the word 'this' every time you write something

I was fired from my last job for having sex in a fitting room.

Marked it down on my application as "experience with customer relations."

Why did the Strip club manager reject a retired Fireman's job application?

Becuase he'd fire hoes.

News: Video of black Baltimore mother beating her rioting son goes viral.

She beat him so hard the police gave her a job application.

The bank denied my Mortgage application

I don't know what the big deal is. I was just asking for a small loan of $1,000,000

Job Application

I was going through a stack of job applications on my desk when one caught my attention. While the applicant's employment history was stellar, and her education history was certainly above average, apparently she had a few personal problems. Under Marital Status she'd written, Not good and under Spouse's name, she'd written Plaintiff".

On an application form I was filling out was the question, "Who should we notify in the event of an emergency?"

I wrote, "The 911 operator."

How do apply for a job at the NSA?

You make a private phone call to anyone else, and submit your application.

Life Before The Computer

Memory was something you lost with age

An application was for employment

A program was a TV show

A cursor used profanity

A keyboard was a piano

A web was a spider's home

A virus was the flu

A CD was a bank account

A hard drive was a long trip on the road

A mouse pad was where a mouse lived

And if you had a 3 inch floppy ..

... you just hoped nobody ever found out!!

A high school student submits his application to Harvard. He doesn't write anything, but instead just pees all over it. What did they say back?

Congratulations, urine!

Topical Jokes for 6/11

In California, a ten-year-old boy has graduated from high school. And in Florida, a ten-year-old girl has dropped out of school because she's pregnant.

โ€ฆthe boy has already sent out a college application, which was written in magic marker, on the back of a Fruit Roll Up.

Casey Kasem's family has decided to take him off of life support. They made the decision after Kasem's brain activity shot to the bottom of the charts.

Starbucks has announced their new tables will wirelessly charge phones placed on them. *Annnd* electrocute sleeping homeless people.

My celebrity status application was denied

Because I marked "no" in the section saying "I support clobbering women"

Google announced their plan to launch an application to challenge the popular ride sharing app, Uber. The new faction in Google's enterprise should be called, Goober.

An Apple employee is getting a job application

Employer: Try to think of a product that begins with "I"
Employee: I can't think of one.
Employer: Good name, you're hired!

Why don't physicists and Bingo players get along?

They disagree on the application and existence of a free space.

I wasn't able to apply for a job in the Endoscopy unit...

... it was internal application only.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes