Witty Applicants Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
Reality vs LinkedIn
Reality:
I got my driving license
Linkedin:
I am honored and thrilled to announce that I have been selected among the top 5 applicants who participated in professional and the most-respected exam which evaluates the skills and ability to operate fuel-based vehicles. I cannot wait to see what the next chapter holds, and I cannot express my appreciation to the ministry of transportation, Wendy's, Google, NASA, my neighbors who supported me during this difficult journey.
Husband Wanted
A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again.
She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day, she heard the doorbell.
Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair.
He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!
The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'
She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'
Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,
'Rang the doorbell, didn't I?'
I wanted to hire a marsupial butler...
but none of the applicants were koala-fied.
The Job Interview
Three equally qualified applicants apply for a job. The interviewer decides to test their powers of observation.
He asks all three of them the same question. Look at me closely and tell me what you notice.
Applicant 1: If you don't mind me saying, one of your ears is higher than the other.
Well done!
Applicant 2: Are your ears uneven?
Yes, well done!
Applicant 3: Are you wearing contact lenses?
How'd you know that?
Well, you'd never wear glasses with ears like that.
We had a job opening with 60 applicants. I threw the top half of the pile of resumes away without looking at them. My colleague asked why I did that.
I replied, "I do not want unlucky people working for me."
Store Applicant
One day a manager at a grocery store was interviewing applicants to take up a position in his store.
He asks one applicant, "Do you have any experience with stocking?"
The applicant replies, "Yes, actually, I have four convictions for that."
Surgeon's joke.
There used to be a rule that in order to get into anesthesia, applicants had to have an IQ greater than their body temp. For a while they couldn't get any new anesthesia trainees because nobody would pass.
Then they decided to switch from farenheit to celsius, and now there's a lot of them.
So I tried to apply for a job at the Department of Redundancy Department...
I got denied because they said all applicants needed to have a PhD in Philosophy.
The competitive seamstress guild is accepting applicants.
Despite all the race conditions since they went global, they do get a lot of stuff done concurrently.
How does Chinese people get to be space travelers?
They apply for the job, and after the tests, the fittest applicants get taikonaut to be on the team
APPLICANTS for a clerical post in a paint company were given a simple written test. They were asked to write a short note using the words GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK one candidate wrote:
Phone went 'GREEN, GREEN'. I PINKed up the phone and said, " YELLOW, YELLOW! BLUE's Speaking? WHITE did you say? Wrong number! Don't PURPLEly disturb people! And don't call BLACK!!!
You can explore applicants apply reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean applicants prospective dad jokes. There are also applicants puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
