Applicant Jokes
48 applicant jokes and hilarious applicant puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about applicant that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Applicant Short Jokes
Short applicant jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The applicant humour may include short candidate jokes also.
- a guy got an interview for a job with EA Boss: the second part of your resume is missing
Applicant: for the second part you have to pay 20$
Boss: welcome on board - Interviewer: Can you explain these 4 jobless years in your resume? Applicant: That's when I went to Yale. Interviewer: Impressive! You are hired!
Applicant: Thanks, I really need this yob. - Interviewer: Is the glass half empty or half full? Applicant: It's completely full.
Interviewer: We'd be glad to hire you. Welcome to the Lays factory. - Interview Employer: This is an important job, we need someone who is responsible.
Applicant: I'm the one you want!
At my last job, every time there was a problem, they said I was responsible. - I was thrown out of school because my boyfriend filled out my application. They said I didn't apply myself
- Did you hear about our scarecrow's latest job application? He was out-standing in his field!
- The recruiter was shocked to see the applicant was a spider. Wait, what position are you applying for? A web designer, the spider replied
- I tried to join a local butter of the month club here in our small rural community, but for some reason, they rejected my application. I'll tell you, I've never felt so margarin-lized in my life!
- Why can't Chuck Norris complete forms and applications on the internet? Because he can't bring himself to click the "submit" button.
- Greatest Strength Interviewer: What would you say is your greatest strength?
Applicant: Yes.
Interviewer: What?
Applicant: Sorry, I thought you asked if I was listening.
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Applicant One Liners
Which applicant one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with applicant? I can suggest the ones about application and patient.
- Finland has just joined NATO. It's good to know their application is Finnish.
- I wanted to hire a marsupial butler... but none of the applicants were koala-fied.
- Harvard University accepted my application! I'm going to be their best janitor!
- What did the insurance company say to the applicant? THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!
- Some people love abbreviations, such as: "n/a". But that's not applicable to me.
- What do you call a software wizard that installs applications? The Wizard of OS
- Police hunting a man for indecent assault. Applications close next week.
- What do you do in 5 minutes that you then suffer for for 9 months? A school application.
- My math teacher Staples Burger King applications on failed tests.
- My cross fit application was was rejected Bad form
- What's a Lion's favourite application? RAR
- I was 30min late for an interview today Thank god the applicant is still there
- Should I write prison or jail? Want my application to be perfect
- I think Android application developers are magical. They're like open sorcerers.
- What do the latest Iphone 6 applications do?
Whiten teeth and perform laser eye surgery!
Fun-Filled Applicant Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about applicant you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean student jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make applicant pranks.
Another interview joke
During a job interview, the interviewer asks, I noticed a 6 year gap in your resume. How do you account for this period of time?
The applicant responds, I went to Yale.
Excited, the interviewer says, Yale?!? You're hired!
The applicant replies, Yay! I got a yob!
A guy was nailing his interview and the employer said "well application looks great but there's a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened?"
The guy says "oh I went to yale",
The employer: Oh great your hired you start Monday.
Guy: "Yay I got a yob!"
A nun was fired from her job in heaven...
A nun was fired from her job in heaven, so she came down to earth and started looking for a job. One night, when she is filling out a job application, there is a question that asks her to check the boxes next to the jobs that she has previously worked at. She looks at the answers for a second, and then checks the box marked, "Nun of the above."
During an interview the potential employer asked the young man What you consider to be your greatest weakness"?
The job applicant replied Honesty.
The interviewer commented "Honesty? I don't think honesty is a weakness.
The young man replied I don't care what you think!
A manager examined a job application, then turned to the applicant and said, "For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary."
*"Well, the work is much harder when you don't know what you are doing."*
Interviewer: Do you have any question about the job that you are applying for?
Applicant: How much is the salary?
Interviewer: Initially $40,000. Later it could go up to $80,000
Applicant: I will start later then.
Dear sir, On behalf of Channel Four may I thank you for your application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new reality show.
Also the charming photograph you enclosed. Whilst agreeing that she could make a worthy contribution to the program if selected, I would point out that the correct title of the series is actually "Fact Hunt". Kind regards Channel Four.
A guy applies for a job and gets called in for an interview.
The interviewer says, I see on your application that you left your last job due to illness. What kind of illness was it?
He replies: They didn't say; they just said they were sick of me!
Clever guy applying for a job, ended up talking about the wages...
Manager: '' So you will start at $15 a hour and later you could earn at least $20 a hour. ''
Applicant: ''Alright then I'll be back later! ''
A man goes in for a job application...
...and the interviewer asks, "What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?"
"Well," he began, "my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality-telling what's real from what's not."
"Okay," said the interviewer, "and what about your strengths?"
"I'm Batman"
Reality vs LinkedIn
Reality:
I got my driving license
Linkedin:
I am honored and thrilled to announce that I have been selected among the top 5 applicants who participated in professional and the most-respected exam which evaluates the skills and ability to operate fuel-based vehicles. I cannot wait to see what the next chapter holds, and I cannot express my appreciation to the ministry of transportation, Wendy's, Google, NASA, my neighbors who supported me during this difficult journey.
Husband Wanted
A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again.
She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day, she heard the doorbell.
Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair.
He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!
The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'
She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'
Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,
'Rang the doorbell, didn't I?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A monastery's bell ringer died and the monks put an ad in the paper for a new one.
The next day a man comes to the door to apply and he has no arms. The head monk says:
"Sir, how can you ring our bell if you have no arms?"
The applicant replied, "Just give me a chance, take me to the bell tower and I'll show you."
The all get to the bell tower and ask him to show them how he plans to do it. The applicant gets a running start and slams his face into the bell "RINNNNNNGGGGGGGG"
Before anyone could stop him, he backs up and runs s**... into the bell again and falls to the ground dead.
The head monk spoke up, "Did anyone catch his name?"
Another monk said, "No, but his face sure rings a bell."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just emailed off my application for d**... Club.
They replied almost straight away, thanking me for my submission.
Math in the real world
Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community college in western North Carolina. I call one part of the curriculum Practical Applications for Living in the Real World. The day after I presented a lesson on simple and compound interest, one of my older students approached me in the hallway. "You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday," he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of interest, compounded daily, for thirty years."
Interviewer: Name one of your accomplishments
Applicant:Well I discovered aliens, outside my house and managed to learn their language.
Interviewer:That seems rather complicated...
Applicant:Well Spanish isn't hard to learn sir.
The Ferguson riots were really unsettling guys.
I heard today that the only way they could disperse the crowd is by handing out job applications.
A CEO, his American employee, and an immigrant applicant are sitting at a table with a box of 20 cookies...
A CEO, his American employee, and an immigrant applicant are sitting at a table with a box of 20 cookies.
The CEO takes 19 cookies, then whispers to the American employee, "Watch out, I think that Mexican is going to try and take your cookie!"
The new Russian AI application
ChatKGB - it's asking all the questions, and you are obligated to answer them
Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday.
Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.
"It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application."
Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for "Name of your former bank."
After a slight hesitation, she put down: "Piggy."
Today's Horoscope:
"You are easily influenced by what you read and have the ability to make vague sentences somehow applicable to your own existence."
