Apples And Oranges Jokes
95 apples and oranges jokes and hilarious apples and oranges puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about apples and oranges that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Apples And Oranges Short Jokes
Short apples and oranges jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The apples and oranges humour may include short apples pears jokes also.
- Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump. But I guess comparing apples to orange is unfair.
- Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump. But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.
- Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump... But that's comparing apples to oranges.
- What do apple and Donald Trump have in common? I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.
- I always thought that Steve Jobs would make a better president than Donald Trump but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges
- Steve Jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump... But i shouldn't compare apples and oranges.
- What does the MacBook have in common with Donald Trump? I would tell you....
But I don't compare apples to oranges. - Steve Jobs would've been a better POTUS than Trump Well...
Maybe not?
It's hard to compare apples and oranges. - An apple a day keeps the doctor away... An orange a day keeps the plumber away...
Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away. - Why doesn't Donald Trump compare his leadership to Steve Jobs? Even *he* knows not to compare Apples and oranges.
Share These Apples And Oranges Jokes With Friends
Apples And Oranges One Liners
Which apples and oranges one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with apples and oranges? I can suggest the ones about apple and pear and apple.
- Why can't you compare millionaires Tim Cook and donald trump? Apples and oranges.
- Why couldn't the apple speak to the orange ? because he didn't know Mandarin
- You cannot compare Steve Jobs with Donald Trump. Apples vs. oranges.
- I know you can't compare apples to oranges... ...but two apples do make a pear.
- Why did the apple break up with the orange? Because the banana was more appealing.
- Comparing Steve Jobs and Donald Trump is like.. Comparing apples and oranges.
- What did the apple say to the orange? Sorry, I don't speak mandarin.
- Orange, apple, strawberry... April foods!
- Why can't fruit be compared? Apples and oranges cannot be peared.
- You know what my favorite kinds of jews are? Orange jews, apple jews, tomato jews...
- What's an apple and an orange got in common? Neither of em can drive a tractor
- What do apples and oranges have in common? Neither can scream when you bite them
- Why did the apple and the orange have a traditional wedding? Because they cantaloupe
- Why did the apple get bruised by the orange Pear pressure
- How do apples move their furniture They re-orange it
Apples And Oranges Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about apples and oranges you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fruits and vegetables jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make apples and oranges pranks.
A German asks a Mexican if they have any Jews in Mexico.
The Mexican says, “Sí, we have orange jews, apple jews, and grape jews!”
A blonde, a red head, and a brunette were on a plane.
The red head takes a bite of an apple doesn't like it she throws it out the window.
The brunette takes a bite out of an orange doesn't like it she throws it out the window.
The blonde takes a bit of a bomb doesn't like it she throws it out the window.
They get out of the plane.
They come up to a little boy asks why he is crying! he says "An apple fell on my dog and killed my dog."
They keep walking and come up to a little girl and asks why she is crying. She says" An orange fell on my cat and killed my cat."
They keep walking.
They come up to a blonde laughing her head off.
"Why are you laughing so hard?" they said.
"When I f**... the building blew up!"
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
2 jews walk into a mexican restaurant in mexico...
And order some mexican food. While they're waiting they begin to talk about how judaism is the biggest religion in the world & that even jesus was a jew.
Then one of them thinks "since we're in mexico I wouldn't doubt it if there's mexican jews around here somewhere" they wave down their waitress & ask her if she can ask around and see if there's any mexican jews... The waitress giving them an odd look agrees.
About 5 minutes pass and the waitress comes back and says she asked everybody at her tables & no mexican jews. Still convinced he asks her waitress to ask the manager & the head chef if there's any mexican jews. Again... Odd look but agrees.
After another 5 minutes the waitress comes back & says "sorry sir, I asked my manager & all the cooks in the back and there's no mexican jews... But we have apple jews, orange jews, carrot jews.....
A jew and a mexican are talking...
The jew says, "lemme ask you something, are theres jews in mexico?"
The mexican replies "oh yes my friend, plenty of jews...apple jews, orange jews, and tomato jews."
A group of men are flying in a plane.......
they get bored and decide to drop an orange out the window. They land the plane and overhear someone crying. They find a young girl crying so they ask her what is wrong. The young girl said "My mother was just hit in the head with an orange and died!". The men shrugged it off and got back on the plane. Once in the air they got bored again so they decided to drop an apple out of the plane. The plane lands and they overhear someone crying. They find a young boy in tears. They ask him what's wrong. The boy replies "My father was hit in the head with an apple and died!". Once again the men shrugged it off and got back on the plane. They get bored once again but this time they decide to drop a bomb out of the window. The plane lands and they hear someone laughing. They find a man rolling on the ground in laughter. Confused the men ask him what's so funny. He responds "I f**... and this building behind me blew up!"
Women
If a girl has 5 oranges in one hand, and 5 apples in the other, what does she have?
No chance of stopping an uppercut.
What do Oranges and Apples have in common?
They're both orange except for the Apple.
What's the difference between apples and oranges?
You don't get apple b**...!
Up the RA!
3 men board a plane.
As the plane was flying over their destination, one of the men threw a apple out of the plane. The second man threw an orange out of the plane and the third man threw a bomb out of the plane. When the plane landed, the men got out of the plane and went their separate ways. The man who threw the apple sees a girl crying and asked her what was wrong. She replied with "an apple fell from the sky and hit my head." The second man sees a small boy crying. He asks him what happened and he replied with "an orange fell from the sky and hit my head." The third man sees an old man laughing as hard as he can. He asks him what was so funny and the old man replied with "I f**... and that building over there blew up!"
Not sure if repost. It's one of my favourite jokes.
Did you hear about the man who was using apples and oranges for flooring?
He started to lay them down when he realized it was fruit-tile.
What did the apple tell the annoying orange?
Citrus down.
Why did h**... prefer apples to oranges?
He didn't like the juice.
Why were the racist oranges upset when they checked out the small phonebook of their new city?
Because it was mini apple list.
If my girlfriend has six oranges in one hand and seven apples in the other, what has she got?
No chance of blocking an uppercut.
People say you can't compare apples to oranges...
... always seemed like a fruitful comparison to me though.
A Priest a Rabbi and a Scientologist walk into a bar...
The Priest orders an orange juice, the Rabbi orders an apple juice and the Scientologist orders a lawsuit for libel, slander and defamation.
Classic.
Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A: Big hands.
A man walks into a fruit shop and goes to the apple section
Then he buys an orange.
What Did The Orange Say To The Apple
Are you really that s**...? Oranges can't talk.
What does Donald Trump have if he has 8 apples in one hand and 6 oranges in the other?
Really big hands.... or so as he claims.
Jimmy has 7 apples, 4 oranges and no watermelons. What does Jimmy have?
Brain Damage.
What's the similarity between an apple and an orange beside that both are fruits?
Both are not a banana.
If my wife has 6 oranges in one hand and then adds 4 apples to the other hand, then what does she have?
No shot of blocking an uppercut.
What's the difference between Steve Jobs and Donald Trump?
A good many things, but it's a little unfair to compare Apples to oranges.
A Jewish couple visit China
A Jewish couple is visiting China, and as they sit down to dinner they begin to wonder about whether there are any ancient synagogues to visit.
The waiter comes to take their order, and the couple asks if there are any Chinese jews, the waiter asks them to wait a minute and comes right back.
"We have apple Jews, orange Jews, grape Jews, but no Chinese Jews."
Cr
A major detergent manufacturer is to release a new range of fruit scents, including apple, tomato, orange, banana and mango
They're going to call it "Tide Pods - Natural Selection"
Tim Cook could be a way better president than Trump.
But really, comparing apples to oranges just seems so unfair.
Don't be foolish, the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden was obviously not an apple.
It was an orange. Haven't you heard of oranginal sin?
The teacher: jimmy if in this hand I have 10 oranges and in the other 7 apples what do I have?
Very big hands
Why couldn't the orange marry his apple girlfriend?
Because her father said she cantaloupe.
A farmer has 3 oranges in one crate and 2 apples in another crate, what does he have?
An unsuccessful business
What did the apple say to the orange?
Apples cant talk you idiot.
A Lot Of People Are Saying Steve Jobs Would Make A Better President than Trump.
But that's just ridiculous, it's like comparing apples and oranges.
Why can't you compare Washington State and Florida?
Because it'd be like comparing apples and oranges.
When ever I'm given the chance between apple juice or orange juice, I always pick apple. My friends ask me why and I say
Cause oj will kill ya
Comparing subjects that are apples to oranges isn't useless
It can lead to a fruitful discussion
How did the orange know the peach was cheating on him?
He saw Apple cider.
AAPLs market cap off $1T is equivalent to Florida's GDP
Of course, that's comparing apples to oranges.
Thank God only an apple fell on Newton's head, instead if an orange fell
He'd be dead.
Case of water - $3.99
Case of Apples - $20.99
Case of Oranges - $25.99
Bag of chips - $2.50
Cigarettes - $8.99
Box of candles - $4.50
Frozen pizzas - $6.50
Asking for a quote of these items - Price List
h**... worm in your stomach
Eat apples for 6 straight days and on the 7th day eat an orange instead , then the worm will come out of your stomach and ask " dude where's my apple???" then you take a baseball bat and beat him to death.
If Steve Jobs was still alive and a presidential candidate, he would have won the 2016 Election...
But let's not compare Apples to Oranges.
I had a dream, Tim Cook was America's president.
But you just can't compare Apples to Oranges.
I went to the shops to buy some apples, oranges and bananas... I came back empty handed.
It was a fruitless endeavour.
Tim Cook joked about Trump getting his name wrong. Trump claimed it was fake news. Shows a lot about their character...
But that's comparing apples and oranges
3 guys are on a plane
First guy throws out an apple and the other two ask him why he threw it out and he said to see where it would land.
Second guy throws out an orange and the other two ask him why he threw it out and he said to see where it would land.
Third guy throws out a grenade and the other two ask why and he says to see where it would land
So they go to find their stuff they first see a boy crying and ask why he is crying and he says an apple hit his head so they move on.
They then come across a girl crying and ask why she is crying and she says an orange hit her head so they move on.
They come across a boy laughing and ask what's so funny and he says grandpa f**... and the house exploded.
Why did the customer drink the apple juice?
Although she had ordered orange juice, she noticed that the restaurant was busy, and wasn't Karen about it.
I have more oranges than I have apples
And you thought that I can't compare apples and oranges...
I feel that Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Donald Trump
Then again, that's like comparing apples to oranges...
Even Tim Cook would have been a better president than Donald Trump
But that is comparing apples to orange
A new supermarket opened near me a few weeks ago.
They're trying a new thing: immersion! For example, when you stop by the deli you can smell fresh grass and hear cows mooing, at the fish section you smell sea salt and feel a small bit of spray on your face, and at the fruit stall you can see mist on the apples, and smell fields of oranges and pears.
I don't get toilet roll there anymore.
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
**Big hands.**
Apples are a lot like oranges
They're both fruit, they both grow on trees and you can't compare them to each other.
I wish orange was a common color option for android phones
Would make it easier to compare them to Apples.